Originally, this had a line in it to the effect of, "if any of them do anything awkward to Raven, he swears that they will have words," but then I remembered that Raven wouldn't be hanging around the Xavier mansion at his point. Ah, well. I wrote this as a parody that has no real bearing on the original 'fic, but which might be a gentle reprieve for people who bawled at said original (as I was told they did). So uh, sorry again?

Charles is busy reading something like War and Peace, something so irrevocably stuffy and Charles that it would propel anyone else head-first into boredom cancer, when he hears a sound. His mansion is large, and there are a lot of awkward teenagers in it now doing awkward teenage things, but for some reason, this sound seems particularly ... suspicious.

On nothing but a hunch, he maneuvers his wheelchair carefully towards the window near the expansive desk in his study, and cranes his neck to peer outside. What he sees aggravates him, but is utterly unsurprising.

He cracks open the window and cups his hands over his mouth, since he knows he won't reach the intruder by telepathy, spotting the tell-tale helmet. "Erik, so help me, if you break that gate -!"

Erik, aka Magneto, glowers at him from where he is perched atop the wrought-iron fence. The rebuke seems to startle him; suddenly, he topples from the top of the gate, letting out a stream of curses as he hits the ground. "Ow," Charles can faintly hear him say, and he rolls his eyes.

"I'm coming up there, Charles."

"That's fine," Charles calls back. "In fact, it would have been fine if you had just used the God-damned door."

"That's just what a human sympathizer would say," Erik sneered.

"Well, at least I didn't ruin a perfectly good cape with such a silly charade," Charles retorts back. He watches Erik stalk towards the door, ripped cape and all, and closes the window smugly.