Disclaimer- I don't own Soul Reaver or any of the characters places or
objects you see in the game. I don't own Harry Potter ether. Everything
else is mine, so lay off! Now, on with the story….
(Blank space, Guardian of Tears (GoT), walks out and smiles nervously at the camera.)
GoT: Um, hi everyone, 'tis I. You may be wondering why there's something called Harry Potter out takes on the Lok section. Well it's because lack of funds meant that Soul Reaver had to be filmed on the same set as Harry Potter. This one I have just um, rescued, is called 'Hats, Dogs & Fan Girls! Insanity and Chaos Within!' Just to let you know that this situation has nothing to do with a certain author deciding that she needed a break and taking all the money and going on holiday with a certain vampire lieutenant.
Cameraman: *Cough* Raziel *Cough*
GoT: (Ignores him.) Anyway. This is the out take roll that the makers never wanted you to see. The one they locked deep in an underground vault. The one where I had to kill several demon guards to get at it.
Now roll the clips!
(Guardian of Tears, obviously thinking that the clips have started to roll. Scratches her arse and begins to flirt with someone her mobile/cell phone.
GoT: No Razzy, baby, I think your eyes are better the way the abyss made them. If they didn't glow like that, then I would be able to find you in the dark. What? No, your room is better....
(Notices that the camera is still rolling on her.)
Steve! You pervert!
(Guardian of Tears attacks Steve the cameraman with her axe and the camera goes to static.)
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
Intro
(Raziel walks into Kain's throne room. Instead of looking bored, Kain looks rather puzzled.)
Kain: (As Raziel kneels down.) I think I'm sitting on something.
(Kain pulls a squashed hat out from under him. Yep you guessed it. It's the Hogwarts sorting hat.)
Kain: What the hell?
Sorting hat: Oh my God! Did you have to fart on me!
(The cast and crew all start to laugh. A Harry Potter Stagehand wearing a Hedwig T-shirt runs in.)
HP Stagehand: Sorry! So sorry! We were filming the sorting scene and we left the hat behind.
Sorting hat: The hat? The hat? I happen to be standing, er, being held, right here. Even props have feelings.
(Everyone except the hat starts to laugh. Kain hands the hat to the stagehand and he runs off.)
Director: Cut! Let's try that again people!
(A loud bang is heard. Melchiah leaned against one of the pillars, sending it crashing through the scenery.)
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
First confrontation with Kain
(Raziel comes through the door, but, instead of Kain and the pillars, the place is set up as Hogwarts main hall. The HP crew are filming the scene when Harry and Ron are playing Chess and Hermione is talking to them.)
Raziel: Erm, I think we have a double booking. (The kids spot him.)
Hermione: Ooh look! It's Raziel! (They pounce on Raziel and he gives them his autograph.)
Kain: (Bursts through the door.) Not late am I? (Notices the set is all wrong.) Um, is this the right studio?
Ron: Wow! It's Kain! (Ron and Harry run to get Kain's autograph. Hermione is busy trying to flirt with Raziel)
Raziel: It's not that I don't like you or anything. It's just that I would be breaking several laws by dating you. Besides, I already have a girlfriend. (Guardian of Tears teleports behind Hermione.)
GoT: Hands of my man, Bitch!
(Guardian of Tears hits Hermione on the head with her axe. Knocking her out.)
Raziel: I had no idea Hermione was a fan girl.
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
Confrontation with Melchiah
(Raziel walks into Melchiah chamber. He sees a large shape in the shadows.)
Raziel: Show yourself creature!
(The shape lumbers out of the shadows, but it's not Melchiah.)
Fluffy: Grrrrrrrr
Raziel: Oh! Shit!
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
I've run out of ideas. Anyone got anymore. I need ideas people to keep this going!
Reviews for the nice Guardian please!
(Blank space, Guardian of Tears (GoT), walks out and smiles nervously at the camera.)
GoT: Um, hi everyone, 'tis I. You may be wondering why there's something called Harry Potter out takes on the Lok section. Well it's because lack of funds meant that Soul Reaver had to be filmed on the same set as Harry Potter. This one I have just um, rescued, is called 'Hats, Dogs & Fan Girls! Insanity and Chaos Within!' Just to let you know that this situation has nothing to do with a certain author deciding that she needed a break and taking all the money and going on holiday with a certain vampire lieutenant.
Cameraman: *Cough* Raziel *Cough*
GoT: (Ignores him.) Anyway. This is the out take roll that the makers never wanted you to see. The one they locked deep in an underground vault. The one where I had to kill several demon guards to get at it.
Now roll the clips!
(Guardian of Tears, obviously thinking that the clips have started to roll. Scratches her arse and begins to flirt with someone her mobile/cell phone.
GoT: No Razzy, baby, I think your eyes are better the way the abyss made them. If they didn't glow like that, then I would be able to find you in the dark. What? No, your room is better....
(Notices that the camera is still rolling on her.)
Steve! You pervert!
(Guardian of Tears attacks Steve the cameraman with her axe and the camera goes to static.)
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
Intro
(Raziel walks into Kain's throne room. Instead of looking bored, Kain looks rather puzzled.)
Kain: (As Raziel kneels down.) I think I'm sitting on something.
(Kain pulls a squashed hat out from under him. Yep you guessed it. It's the Hogwarts sorting hat.)
Kain: What the hell?
Sorting hat: Oh my God! Did you have to fart on me!
(The cast and crew all start to laugh. A Harry Potter Stagehand wearing a Hedwig T-shirt runs in.)
HP Stagehand: Sorry! So sorry! We were filming the sorting scene and we left the hat behind.
Sorting hat: The hat? The hat? I happen to be standing, er, being held, right here. Even props have feelings.
(Everyone except the hat starts to laugh. Kain hands the hat to the stagehand and he runs off.)
Director: Cut! Let's try that again people!
(A loud bang is heard. Melchiah leaned against one of the pillars, sending it crashing through the scenery.)
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
First confrontation with Kain
(Raziel comes through the door, but, instead of Kain and the pillars, the place is set up as Hogwarts main hall. The HP crew are filming the scene when Harry and Ron are playing Chess and Hermione is talking to them.)
Raziel: Erm, I think we have a double booking. (The kids spot him.)
Hermione: Ooh look! It's Raziel! (They pounce on Raziel and he gives them his autograph.)
Kain: (Bursts through the door.) Not late am I? (Notices the set is all wrong.) Um, is this the right studio?
Ron: Wow! It's Kain! (Ron and Harry run to get Kain's autograph. Hermione is busy trying to flirt with Raziel)
Raziel: It's not that I don't like you or anything. It's just that I would be breaking several laws by dating you. Besides, I already have a girlfriend. (Guardian of Tears teleports behind Hermione.)
GoT: Hands of my man, Bitch!
(Guardian of Tears hits Hermione on the head with her axe. Knocking her out.)
Raziel: I had no idea Hermione was a fan girl.
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
Confrontation with Melchiah
(Raziel walks into Melchiah chamber. He sees a large shape in the shadows.)
Raziel: Show yourself creature!
(The shape lumbers out of the shadows, but it's not Melchiah.)
Fluffy: Grrrrrrrr
Raziel: Oh! Shit!
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
I've run out of ideas. Anyone got anymore. I need ideas people to keep this going!
Reviews for the nice Guardian please!