What happens when you have a horror/killing authoress/mangaka that's a yaoi/zombie/blood-lusting/horror-insane/sugar-insane/insomniac with a 100 popsicles, a phone playing random music, and who just finished read about a dozen Zombieland yaoi stories? This is what happens…Beware, may cause mental scar if you don't know or don't like yaoi and for all you yaoi fans, enjoy!

I do not own Zombieland. Also this happens before they find Little Rock and Wichita, not in the real movie though…-_-'' also I believe this will be a shota cuz Columbus is only a minor(not 18 yet) and Tallahassee isn't a minor(21 or something) and language no duh. You have been warn! (I think it PWP but u tell me!)(I FINALLY FINISHED MY BOOK! 8DD….I stayed up until 3 in the morning finishing it :'3 but it's done! XD)

~~V^V ^v^ ~ - XD~~

A black hummer zoomed down the road at horrific speeds and leaving black screeching trails on the graveling, poor excuse for a road. There was a shrill screech as the hummer came to a stop, the sickening 'sleech' of the tires running over wet blood and bodies hummed as it stopped. The doors clicked opened almost too fastly and a blur of green and blue went dashing out of the hummer. The sickening gurgle sound of something brought the person whom ever jumped out to look up. Once human now dead and decade stood there, blood slimily dripping down its split jaw. One of its eyes were mashed outwards from the skull while the nose was missing only the skull's pale-ish green surface there.

A boy whom was about sixteen or so let out a girl-ish scream at the zombie and fumbled backwards, his forest green orbs wide in horror. The zombie let out a shrilled shriek and lunged at the boy, its arms with the flesh slipping off of it forward. The boy closed his eyes tightly and waited. The echoing 'BANG' shot threw the air and the zombie flailed backwards, its head cleanly shot off and blood spurted on the floor as its body heavily fell to the floor. The boy looked up to the male inside the hummer that shot the living dead. His short blond hair covered by a cowboy hat while his shotgun barrel was out the opened window.

" Damn spit-fuck," the cowboy muttered under his breath as he opened the door. The forest green eye boy ran his fingers threw his hair with a shaky breath, his eyes still wide in shock. " Get up now and get in the hummer," the elder ordered the boy who didn't move.

With a growl the male grabbed the boy from the floor and slammed him on the hummer door. The boy's eyes widened in pure fear at the impact. The cowboy gave a deep huff and pushed the younger into the hummer. " Stay here spit-fuck, don't get out of the fucking hummer," the elder growled and slammed the door causing the younger to flinch.

It was several minutes later when the cowboy came back to find the younger asleep with his head on his arms that were ever-so carefully placed on his knees. The cowboy smirk slightly as he closed the door softly, blood splattered on his hands and jacket, the cowboy sighed and took off the bloodied garment and wiped his hands on it.

" Tallahassee," the breathy name was uttered and the redneck named Tallahassee looked at the boy. Noting that the boy was still asleep Tallahassee tossed the garment to the back.

" Spit-fuck," there was no answer. " Columbus wake you ass up," Tallahassee growled the boy's dubbed name.

Said boy's eyelashes fluttered but he made no indication of waking up. With a mischievous smirk the redneck lend into the boy and not so gently pressed his lips against the younger's. His eyes shot opened and he saw the alpha near his. With an unmanly squeak he jumped backwards with a cherry red hue stained on his cheeks. The elder smirked and turned to the wheel.

" Finally awake eh spick-fuck," Tallahassee snickered and started the hummer.

Columbus sat back down from his position on the window and onto the seat. The cherry red hue still staining his cheeks as he fiddled with his hood strings. " We're going to be stopping soon, found an empty hotel while scouting," the alpha informed and the boy nodded.

~~V^V ^v^ ~ - XD~~

It had gotten dark when they came to the said hotel, it was still in good condition despite the couple of broken windows. The pair where in the waiting room, after checking every room in the hotel. After the two dubbed the hotel cleared they started to eat, none of the two talking. Columbus looked at Tallahassee with curious green orbs.

" Why did you kiss me?" the question was asked before the boy could stop it.

The redneck raised an eyebrow at Columbus as another cherry red hue covered his cheeks. Putting down his finished plate down on the floor and slowly walked over to the boy who was sputtering a million a minute. Tallahassee uttered the phobia-ridden boy's name who didn't hear him. With an aggravated growled he grabbed Columbus's chin and crashed their lips together. Columbus's eyes widen as Tallahassee pulled away from him.

( and let the yaoi/lemon start to begin! X3)

" W-why d-d-di-" Columbus was cut off by another aggravated kiss from the alpha. Trying to push Tallahassee away but with little success and the boy gasped as Tallahassee kneed his crouch steadily. Using the gasp as an advantage, Tallahassee savored the moist cavern as he gripped Columbus's chocolate colored curls. Columbus's blush grew hotter and he tried to squirm from the elder who's lips dissented his own and where slowly ghosting over his ear. Columbus tried to turn and run but Tallahassee grabbed his arm before he managed to get even an inch or two away from him.

The redneck flushed their bodies together, his clothed erection slightly grinding to the younger's backside. Columbus gave a small whimper of protest as his face turned darker and the redneck grinned sadistically from behind the younger.

" Nnn….no don't," Columbus weakly whimpered out as Tallahassee gave nip on Columbus's neck. The elder grinded into the boy's back causing him to chock on a gasp. " We-we shou-oudn't be d-doing this…..nnn!" Columbus moaned as Tallahassee's hand rubbed barely above his manhood. Tallahassee smirked and gave a hard bit on the boy's neck and gave a couple of short licks to sooth it.

" But it seems your enjoy it Collie," the alpha purred as he slowly pulled down the pant's zipper.

Columbus getting back his senses tried to once again try to escape the elder's hold. The redneck gave a growl and shoved Columbus onto the bed and held onto the younger's wrists in one hand. He blended down and captured the younger's lips in a bruising kiss. Tallahassee's free hand slowly reaching up Columbus's jacket, taunting his stomach. Columbus moaned and tossed his head from side to side. His nails raked down his slim side and he panted his forest green eyes clouded with lust and a bit of fear.

" T-talla…nnn! Ahhh…," he lustfully mewled as Tallahassee licked his neck. Tallahassee's lightening blue eyes darkened at the lust filled sound. " Are you going to compile to me Collie?" his voice thick with lust as he whispered the question in Columbus's ear before he nipped at it. Columbus nodded as he still panted and once Tallahassee let go of his wrists he wrapped his arms around his neck and placed a kiss on Tallahassee's lips.

Said redneck pushed the boy jacket over his lithe figure and eyed it before he traced his fingers around the younger's stomach. Columbus gave a small whimper at the slight tickling feeling. Then he gave a startling gasp as Tallahassee licked his nub and gave alternative licks and nips to each one and glancing up at Columbus's deep red stained face. He smirked and pulled Columbus's pants down and tossed them aside with a satisfied smirk, his dark lightening blue eyes eyeing him and stole a kiss.

" Ta-Tallahassee…we-we should s-stop…..nnn…what I-if a z-zombie comes?" Columbus weakly protested out to the elder trying to deny his lust as his body grew hotter. " Don't worry Collie, there's no zombies around for several miles," Tallahassee lustfully replied as he took off his shirt which was soon followed by his pants. Columbus was about to protest again when Tallahassee tossed of his boxers, leaving him naked. " W-what are you d-doing!" the phobia-ridden shrieked as he shot up to the headboard only to have Tallahassee pull him down with Tallahassee straddling his hips. The coyboy's eyes narrowing and Columbus wriggled against the elder's weight and his eyes widened as he felt his hands get tied up to the bed.

With Columbus's tied wrist, Tallahassee ghosted his breath along Columbus's stomach. The boy moaned slightly and tried once again to move from the elder, the blush growing hotter. He let out uneven pants as he looked at the elder with lust-filled eyes. Then all to suddenly Tallahassee pulled down Columbus's boxers and the boy let out a squeak as he felt the warm breath of Tallahassee and the cold air.

" W-what are y-you doi-AHH!" Columbus moaned and withered as Tallahassee took his manhood into his mouth.

Columbus mewled and moaned out as the elder slowly gave short licks before he sucked. Panting heavily, Columbus still tried to reason with alpha. He tugged at the ties on his hands and unconsciously bucked upwards in turn made Tallahassee growl and hold onto his hips with a bruising hold. Columbus closed his eyes and gave another moan and mewl and whimpered. The red on his face burning his cheeks ever so. While unconsciously twisting his wrists the ties loosened and fell off. He put his hands over his mouth as whimpers spilled out and he tried to hid his face.

" Talla-nn! I'm g-going t-to… AH!" Columbus tried to push the alpha away but couldn't. Tallahassee swallowed the boy's come as Columbus gave him a petrified look. " Tallah-ahhhhh," Columbus mewled as said male bit gently on a nub while pinching the other. " S-stop….ahhh! Please don't touch me t-there..nnn!" Columbus withered as Tallahassee started to stroke the boy's manhood.

" Why should I?" Tallahassee grinned before turning the boy around.

" W-What are you g-going t-to do?" Columbus shrieked again.

The elder held onto the boy's backside and traced his tongue along his entrance. The boy screamed and blushed so badly it looked as if it would be there forever. Columbus panted as he felt the appendage slipping in past the ring of muscles. He moaned and clawed the sheets. Then he felt the propping feeling of the elder's fingers against his entrance. The fingers harshly pushed against a spot in him that sent him into a moaning frenzy, all thoughts went flying out his head at the pleasurable pain. He let out breathy pants as his fingers clawed deeper into the sheets. (A/N: OH NOES! I ONLY HAVE 6 POCICALES LEFT D8) Columbus's eyes half lidded at every thrust that hit the same spot that would make him see spots.

" We're not done yet Collie," Tallahassee purred out, making Columbus shiver at the tone.

Tallahassee turned said boy around and onto his back. Columbus's body burned with need and desire as the heat started to become unbearable. Tallahassee lick from Columbus's stomach all the way to his neck before marking the pale column with bruising sucks. The moans and mewls grew louder at the almost to harsh abusment and his eyes widened as he felt something hot and rather large around his entrance. The redneck's eyes burned with lust and desire and Columbus didn't have time to shout as Tallahassee pushed his member into the tight ring. Columbus screamed as tears lingered in his eyes.

" T-take it out! I-it hurts!" Columbus sobbed out covering his face with his arms.

Tallahassee slowly licked the tears, not moving and waiting for the boy to get used to his length. He started to whisper 'sorry but just hold on,' rocking slowly against him. Columbus let out a small moan at the pleasurable shivers running down his back. Tallahassee, seeming to get the message, slowly pulled out and thrusted back in making Columbus gasp. He raked his nails into the elder's arms at each thrust.

" F-faster," Columbus blushed at his own words which Tallahassee gladly complied to the younger. He thrusted faster into the boy's body, the younger moaned as the elder hit his prostate dead on. Tallahassee reached for the boy's member and started to pump his member making the younger moan.

Tallahassee seized the younger's mouth with his own, asking for entrance with Columbus submissively gave. The elder continued to thrust and pump until Columbus spilled his seed into the elder's hands while Tallahassee himself soon followed after. Columbus let out a groan and pushed away from the elder with weak arms. Tallahassee chuckled and wrapped his arms around the younger, Columbus blushed and gripped the sheets as the elder's breath fanned over his neck. Soon sleep took over the younger.

Me: ok I know this sucked ~-~` I don't blame you if u hate me 4 it….this is my first time even doing a lemon! TT^TT

Blood: Yes, it sucked and now that you're don't w/ that *whacks authoress's head* get back to your own damn stories

Me:*holds head* ouch…..buuuut Bloooodd! IVE BEEEN BUSY!*pout*

Blood: grrrrr…..Review and fav I don't care but this 1 does…..no flames. *grabs my arm* NOW U COME!

Me: nooooooooooooo! TT^TT *is dragged away* pleeease if anybody who'd be kind enough please tell me wat angsty is! i dont know! imm too innocent!

Blood: pffft! yah right! innocent my $$! jst tell her! Blood over and out!