Appreciated Gesture

'I know, I know! I should be focusing on the projects I've got going already but this little one shot just appeared in my head one day and I had to write it out.
It probably sucks-I know it does actually-and I apologize but I've never written anything for Criminal Minds before-well, nothing I've ever updated-so cut me some slack, please? *sweet smile*
Also I know girl on girl and stuff can offend certain people but this is seriously innocent. Regardless if it ain't your thing then please don't read.
Also, I'm a diehard Derek and Emily shipper so this is new territory for me and I don't know where it came from but...there was just something about these two when Jordan first joined the BAU. It was a nice friendship that I enjoyed watching develop but for me there was always something underneath...something more so I acted on it lol
I hope it's not terrible? But you can't really answer that until you read so...I'm gonna stop rambling now lol. Enjoy. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, it's characters or any plot lines. I'm merely borrowing it all for your reading pleasure.

Jordan Todd was a confident, accomplished, successful woman. She'd come to the BAU with seven years of experience in the Counter Terrorism Division under her belt. She'd seen her fair share of action and evil but this unit...the things they saw, it was something else. That deep, dismal darkness was overwhelming, suffocating and how easily these agents entered the minds of the Unsubs was just...frightening but she could handle it, she could do it. They just needed to give her time to prove that, to find her feet and her rhythm. She just needed time.

Jordan smiled appreciatively at the bartender when he sat her dirty martini down on the napkin in front of her, then slid of the bar stool—drink and napkin in hand—and over to the nearest empty booth available.

Glancing down at her watch, she sighed; her other party and designated drinking partner for the night was late—by five minutes—but still late. Maybe she wasn't coming? Jordan snorted cause it wouldn't surprise her, she wasn't really feeling the love from her 'team' quite yet. Sure they were being nice enough, welcoming even, and Morgan said she was part of the team but Jordan wasn't feeling all that accepted at the moment. She still felt like an outsider and it was affecting her performance; making her doubt herself, nerves getting the best of her and well...it sucked. And quite frankly it was pissing her off. She was a good person and a damn fine agent, she didn't deserve to be doubting herself. She'd earned the right not to.

Now tonight, Jordan had let herself believe that maybe it would bring her closer to that acceptance she needed and wanted. Emily Prentiss seemed to understand that outsider feeling, or Jordan thought she had. Emily seemed the least resistant to her temporary presence and they had hit off right away—back when JJ had first introduced her to the team—or Jordan thought they had. Maybe she was wrong? That wouldn't be such a surprise either these days.

Heaving a sigh, Jordan checked the time again; ten minutes now, then downed her drink—cringing slightly—and headed back to the bar, "Another please?" she requested politely, with a small nod towards her empty glass then slumped onto the bar stool tiredly. The case had been stressful-working against a ticking clock would be- and hard and tiring. She was tired and she needed to unwind.

Damn it! She'd really been looking forward to this.

"Excuse me?" a female voice broke through her pouting, "Is this seat taken?"

Jordan spun around, intent on—she didn't really know—and was pleasantly surprised by who she found standing there and smiled brightly, "Hey!"

Emily Prentiss was late. Something she very rarely was but tonight...tonight was just one of those nights. Glancing down at her watch, Emily groaned. She was ten minutes late."Damn it." She cursed loudly, jumping out of her car and heading towards the bar.

"God, damn heels." Emily muttered darkly as she yanked open the door. Normally she'd never dare do such a thing because she loved her heels—passionately, maybe even a little unhealthily—but they were the one thing she'd loved since she was a teenager. Designer shoes and that surprised most due to the nature of her job and the attire she wore most of the time but Emily Prentiss was a shoe whore and damn proud of it. She was just having a bad night.

Scanning the booths for her newest team member, Emily sighed when she was nowhere to be found. What if Jordan had left already? She hoped not, the woman was a really good agent and a nice enough person from what she'd seen so far. Emily was pretty sure they could be friends. She liked Jordan, which is why she was more than willing to give her a real chance, unlike certain members of her team who resented change—of any kind—completely. Especially when it took said computer geniuses most favourite blonde media liaison turned new mom away from her.

Emily on the other hand, was more accepting of change, especially the kind that she had no say in or—in this case—was good change. She knew from personal experience what it was like to be the new kid, the outsider and it was never a nice feeling regardless of its duration. That was why she'd invited Jordan out for drinks; as a welcome-to-the-BAU sort of thing. It was obvious to her that Jordan was still finding her feet—very clearly displayed in her office earlier that day—while also dealing with the twisted things they see every day which is a difficult task to accomplish at first. Jordan just needed a helping hand—Derek and JJ had offered said hand to her when she'd started—so Emily was returning the favour by helping Jordan. She had extended the proverbial olive branch and now she was late.

Moving her eyes from the booths to the bar, Emily sighed in relief when she spied who she'd been looking for. Approaching the oblivious agent she asked politely, "Excuse me?" sliding up next to her, "Is this seat taken?"

Jordan turned to her slowly and Emily smiled at her.

Jordan smiled back with an enthusiastic, "Hey!"

"Hey!" Emily greeted back with equal enthusiasm and an apologetic smile, "I'm so sorry I'm late." She apologized sincerely, dropping onto the stool next to her.

Swallowing her drink, Jordan replied, "It's okay." and shrugged it off, nonchalant.

Emily shook her head, "No, it's not. I invite you out for drinks and then I show up ten minutes late. I'm normally very punctual."

"At least you showed up." Jordan quipped with an arched eyebrow but Emily could tell she was serious.

"Of course I showed up." Emily nudged her shoulder pointedly, "We're friends aren't we?"

Jordan stalled, sitting up straight and slowly turned to Emily with wide, surprise filled, and grateful chocolate brown orbs.

Emily remained facing forwards but she was smiling as she waved over the cute bartender, "I'll have a..." she pondered it for a moment then shrugged, "...whatever my friend here is drinking." Emily finished with a smirk, pointing to the woman next to her.

Jordan slowly smiled at her, "Friend...right." she nodded then laughed lightly, turning back to the cute bartender, "Um...my friend will have a dirty vodka martini."

Emily nodded once, eagerly, "Yes, I will."

"Okay, okay, okay!" Jordan exclaimed loudly, throwing up her hands as she did so an hour and a half later, "Are you honestly telling me that you haven't spoken to your father in five years?"

"Uh-huh." Emily nodded slowly then swallowed the last of her—very high numbered—martini.

Jordan's face fell and her eyes filled with sadness, "Emily...that's so—it's very so sad. I—I can't imagine not speaking to my father for so long."

Emily frown deeply until she recognized the look in the other woman's eyes to be sadness and sympathy and not pity. "Yeah...I know." She shrugged heavily, "But he wasn't really around very much when I was growing up so it, it doesn't really bother me. I'm used to not having a father."

"It's still so sad." Jordan insisted with a deep frown.

"You're father must be great." Emily commented with a slightly sad smile.

Jordan instantly smiled brightly, "He really is." then cringed, "Sorry."

"Eh." Emily shrugged indifferently, "I'm over it."

Jordan choked on her drink, "You—you're over it? What—how is that possible? How can you just be..." she lifted her shoulders, "...over something like that?"

"I—" Emily stopped abruptly and signalled to the bartender for another round, "I have never..." she shook her head, now staring at their numerous empty glasses, "..nev—never drank this many martini's in under two hours."

It was making her slightly hazy.

"Emily?" Jordan prodded, giving her a forceful nudge.

"Oh." Emily flinched and returned her attention to her very impressive drinking partner on her right, "Huh, what? Oh right, um...I compartmentalize." She explained simply, "It's what I do. It's my thing so...my father is in a very tiny box in my head—just like every other difficult thing in my life—and that is where he'll stay." an affirmative nod was thrown in for good measure.

Jordan narrowed her eyes. She was buzzed, she wasn't drunk therefore she wasn't impaired in any way so she knew that this particular topic of conversation was making her newly declared friend uncomfortable. Clearing her throat, Jordan declared, "Derek Morgan is hot." and effectively switched topics.

Emily laughed loudly then directed a quick, "Thank you." towards the bartender when he placed their drinks on the table.

"Thanks." Jordan smiled at him to when he headed back to the bar, leaving them alone again in their booth.

"Derek Morgan is very hot." Emily agreed wholeheartedly, nodding her head, "And Hotch is very handsome."

"Yes." Jordan agreed, sipping her drink, "He's very handsome. I like myself a handsome man and Reid—"

"He's so cute!" Emily exclaimed with wide eyes, "In the very obvious geeky way but still very cute, and sweet and kind."

"Rossi..."Jordan started slowly, "...is one seriously attractive man."

"I think it's the Italian thing." Emily commented thoughtfully, "Yeah...definitely the Italian thing."

"Mm—hm."

Casting the other woman a sidelong glance, Emily queried, "So you and Morgan? What's goin' on there?"

Jordan snorted, "Nothing." She drawled shaking her head, "He's hot, we flirted, we still flirt but it's nothin' serious." She assured her honestly, "I'm over manwhores."

Emily's eyebrows rose in surprise, "What makes you think, Derek's a manwhore?"

"You sayin' he's not?" Jordan queried sceptically, "Cause I won't believe you."

Emily hesitated, pressing her lips together then relented, "Okay...so he's a little bit of a manwhore."

"I knew it!" Jordan exclaimed, "I knew it and I am sooo over it."

"Bad experience?"

"Multiple bad experiences." Jordan corrected bitterly, "It's all very pathetic and depressing and embarrassing."

"Tell me about it." Emily drawled with a sigh.

"You've had a string of bad relationships?"

"Mm-hm." Emily confirmed, "A string that's lasted for at least two years now."

"Damn." Jordan winced, cringing, "Damn."

"Yeah." Heaving a sigh, Emily knocked back the rest of her drink, "It's very sad. I'm sad."

"You're not sad men just suck." Jordan countered, shaking her head.

"That they do."

"What about you?" Jordan asked suddenly and Emily blinked in surprise then frowned.

"Huh?"

"You and Morgan, what's goin' on with the two of you?" she elaborated.

Emily gave her the oddest look, "Wha—nothing! We're partners that is all."

"Yeah, right." Jordan snorted into her drink sarcastically, "I've seen you two together; joking, teasing, finishing each others sentences, you flirt like crazy—constantly even."

Emily shook her head and rolled her eyes, "Please. We're partners, Jordan."

"Emily!" she cried in frustration, "You can have entire conversations with your eyes! You literally don't use words!"

Shrugging casually, Emily retorted again with, "We're partners."

Jordan shot her a look of disbelief, then rolled her eyes insisting, "It's way more than that, or it, it could be, at least." She observed knowingly, "Take it from someone on the outside, an innocent bystander, impartial witness; it could be much more if you let it."

Emily stared silently, contemplating her words for the for the briefest of moments before she shoved it in a box. She couldn't go there—they couldn't go there.
Too complicated.

"Of course..." Jordan spoke up again, "...you're probably dodging a bullet considering his personality type."

Emily smiled and shook her head in disagreement, "Derek's...he's a complicated guy." She tried to explain, "You'll realise that once you get to know him better." Emily promised, still smiling, "He may come off arrogant, and slightly self-obsessed, very stubborn and incredibly manwhorish at times but...Derek Morgan is one of the good ones." Emily declared certainly and Jordan arched an eyebrow, "He's a really good guy—a great guy."

Smirking slowly, Jordan stated, "You care about him."

"Of course I do." Emily replied smoothly, with a one shouldered shrug, "He's my partner, my best friend—family. That team is my family."

Jordan nodded repeatedly, "Yeah but...you really care about Derek Morgan."

Emily narrowed her eyes but she couldn't bring herself to roll them dismissively...and she didn't deny it either.

"I'm off men." Jordan declared decidedly, nodding her head in an affirmative manner, "I...am off men."

"Yeeaahh, me too." Emily drawled with a sigh, "Unfortunately not by choice."

"Ugh, men suck!" Jordan dropped her forehead to her hands and sighed, "Really, suck."

"Couldn't agree more." Emily muttered darkly with a pout, "Woman aren't much better though."

Jordan's head snapped up sharply, "Wha—what, what did you just say?"

Emily turned to her with a casual shrug, "Woman can suck too. Just sayin'."

Eyes widening, Jordan stuttered out, "Wha—you, you, y—you've been with..."

"Women?" Emily supplied with an amused smile, "Yes, I have. Does that surprise you?"

"Yes." Jordan nodded slowly.

Emily's eyes narrowed and she suddenly looked apprehensive, "Does it...bother you?"

Jordan's eyes—if possible—widened further and she vehemently shook her head, "Wha—no! N—no, it doesn't bother me. I um...I've actually been with woman myself." She revealed quietly.

Emily smirked, "That surprises me."

Jordan scoffed, then finished off her drink, "Yeah, I get that a lot."

"Me too." Emily rolled her eyes, "The prim and proper and privileged, catholic Ambassador's daughter strays from the straight and narrow. Shocking."

"Your mother disapproves?" Jordan questioned gently.

Emily shrugged, "My mother disapproved of a lot of the choices I've made in my life." She informed her evenly, staring into what was left of her drink, "My occasional attraction to women—surprisingly enough—doesn't seem to bother her as much as you would think."

"Really?" Jordan grinned, keeping things light. She got the feeling Emily's relationship with her mother was even more complicated than the one she had with her estranged father. "Wow."

"Yeah."

"Another?" Jordan nodded to their now empty glasses.

"Definitely." Emily answered eagerly, "I just mentioned my mother. Alcohol is a must."

Chuckling in a amusement, Jordan shook her head, "I'll be right back."

Emily nodded as she slid from the booth, "Okay." watching the sway of her hips as she walked away and swallowed hard, "Damn." Emily cursed looking down at her hands. Shaking her head and rolling her shoulders she tried to ease the tension that automatically built whenever her mother was brought up.

"Here you go." Jordan chirped as she appeared at her side again, handing over the martini.

Forcing a smile Emily accepted it with a light, "Thanks."

Jordan watched her friend carefully as she slid back into the booth and around to her side, "You alright?"

Swallowing a large sip, Emily nodded, "Much better now." She quipped, lifting he glass and Jordan laughed.

"I hear ya." then clinked their glasses together. "Does the team know?"

Emily nodded, "Yup, but it's not a big deal so it's not something they focus on very much."

"All of them?" Jordan's eyebrows rose, "Even Hotch and Rossi?"

"I—" Emily frowned, "I think so but it doesn't really matter."

Narrowing her eyes, Jordan inched closer, "Um...can I ask you something?"

Lips twitching upwards, Emily nodded encouragingly, "Sure."

"Is um...does Penelope bat on both teams?"

Emily laughed. She couldn't help it; Jordan was so—she seemed so excited by this revelation and so surprised by the teams acceptance of her occasional sexual preference. The woman must've had a bad experience in her past.

Nodding slowly, Emily answered, "She has, once or twice. Why do you ask?"

Jordan shrugged, "I just get this vibe from her."

Emily chuckled, "Yeah, that's what Pen said about me."

Tilting her head, Jordan elaborated, "Have you two..."

"No." Emily denied instantly, "No it—she's Penelope; she's like a sister—in a weird way—she's like my sister so..." she shook her head firmly, "...no it would've been much too weird."

Jordan stared at her colleague with an arched eyebrow and the strangest look in her deep hazel eyes.

Frowning self-consciously, eyes arrowed, Emily leaned back, "What—why are you looking at me like that?" the raven haired agent demanded, feeling increasingly uncomfortable under the other woman's unwavering stare, "Jordan, seriously! You either tell me why you're looking at me like that or... you just stop." She stated simply.

Jordan blinked once, then looked away, "Never mind." She dismissed, shaking her head.

"No." Emily refused, "I, I do mind. Tell me."

Jordan remained silent but met her eyes again and the look returned.

"Jordan." Emily warned slowly, "Just...say it." She shrugged casually.

Breathing deeply, Jordan bit her bottom lip and slid a little closer, "I was uh...I was imagining what it would be like to um..." she swallowed hard then whispered, "...kiss you."

Emily's eyes widened and she was stunned into silence for a long moment before stumbling out, "That, tha—that would be a really bad idea, professionally speaking." She warned responsibly, "You know...cause we work together."

"Right. You, you're right." Jordan agreed but she didn't back up, "But um...I'm still wondering."

Emily's breath caught, eyes wide again as they flickered down to the other woman's full lips, "You know...now I'm kinda wonderin' what it would be like...to kiss you too."

Jordan smiled. She smiled and Emily smiled back. Then they laughed.

"Okay! Alright, I'm sorry." Jordan apologized weakly, shaking her head and her hands, "This was—I've made it awkward."

Emily disagreed, "No, Jordan. No."

"Yes." Jordan insisted, "I opened my big, stupid mouth and inappropriate words came out and...and, and now everything's awkward." She rambled nervously, looking everywhere but at Emily, "I mean, you do this really nice thing for me; you reach out and be a friend and I screw it up by...hitting on you!"

Emily laughed when she did, trying to make the brunette more comfortable, "Jordan?" Emily slid closer, "Stop it, alright? It's fine, really fine. I-I'm flattered." She assured her, laying a hand on her arm.

Jordan looked down at the touch, then up into the dark—almost black in the dim lighting of the bar—dark orbs and swallowed hard, her mouth dry.

Squeezing her arm, Emily cleared her throat, "Uh...it's just complicated." She observed with a sigh, "We're both um...we're both in a rut and sick of men and our long, long string of failed relationships are making us desperate." Emily explained in a nervous rush, "Oh and frustrated. We're frustrated."

Jordan laughed. It wasn't really all that funny because it was all true. She was frustrated, very frustrated, in every sense of the word. Laughing again, Jordan sighed internally, she was a little desperate too. It was pathetic.

"We're pathetic." Jordan blurted with a sigh, propping her chin in her hand.

Emily blinked, "What?" she sat up straighter in offense, "We are not—I'm not pathet—alright we're a little pathetic." She conceded with a pout, demonstrating how much with her fingers then propping her chin in her hand, "How sad are we, huh?"

"Oh, so very, very sad." Jordan agreed, nodding slowly, "The saddest of sad."

Glancing sidelong at her new friend, Emily rolled her eyes at them both and sat up, "We need to stop this."

Jordan grunted, refusing to do that or move, even.

"No, right now." Emily persisted, "This little pity party exercise is over, we're done." Shoving the other woman lightly, Emily smacked the table, "No more pouting or drinking, we're done."

Glaring because of the shove, Jordan requested, "What are we gonna do instead, then?"

"Stop drinking." Emily repeated, wide eyes and eyebrows raised, "Before we move past tipsy or buzzed or, or whatever we are and reach drunk, in—intoxicated and impaired but we can't drive."

"Oh, no." Jordan agreed, "No driving. We're federal agents, we can't break the law."

"Definitely not." Clearing her throat, Emily announced, "Alright so this is what we're gonna do..."

Jordan slid closer, eager on hearing this plan. She liked plans.

"We're gonna stop drinking, we're gonna get a taxi home—no driving—then we're gonna go home and sleep." Emily stressed pointedly, "Because we're tired and we had a tough case and we've been drinking and we said things so...we're just gonna go to sleep."

"Okay." Jordan sighed heavily, "Let's go."

"Yes." Emily nodded sliding out of the booth in front of her.

Jordan's eyes trailed up and down her body before she could stop herself and groaned in appreciatively, "Damn."

"Jordan?"

"Coming!" Jordan called back quickly, flustered and cleared her throat before following her out.

"God!" Jordan groaned loudly, pulling her coat tighter around her body, "It...is cold, Emily! It's cold and it's late. Where are all the taxi's?"

Emily made to reply, her own coat pulled tightly around her shivering body but forgot what she was going to say on account of all the thinking. Apparently she couldn't think and speak simultaneously after several dirty vodka martinis. She was thinking and her thoughts were surprising but also very welcome and even more interesting.
She was intrigued.

"Hmm..." Emily ran her eyes over the other woman slowly, tilting her head to the side.

Feeling eyes on her, Jordan turned around and faltered, "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Emily, instead of answering, took a step closer.

"Emily." Jordan's tone was warning but it was a weak warning and her eyes portrayed no meaning to her words at all, "You—you're lookin' at me the, the way I was looking at you in the bar and..." she shook her head trailing off.

Smirking, Emily stepped closer so they were touching—just barely, feather light—but still touching.

Jordan gestured between them pointedly, "We said we wouldn't do this. Remember, "it's complicated", do you remember that?"

"Uh-huh." Emily nodded, pulling her bottom lips into her mouth.

Jordan inhaled sharply, "Don't do that." She breathed breathlessly.

Narrowing her eyes, Emily shrugged, "Okay." then made to back off but Jordan's hands on her arms stopped her.

"Why?"

Emily smirked triumphantly, "We're friends—new friends so it won't be weird and we're both...attracted to one another right?"

"Uh-huh." Jordan nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact.

"Okay..." Emily breathed, "...so what's the problem? I mean, really? We're both adults, mature and we're professionals so it won't be awkward at work."

Jordan smiled slowly—it was from nerves and anticipation—but it was still a smile and she unconsciously stepped closer.

"And most important of all..." Emily's smirk fell and she looked strangely pleading, "...we're both incredibly frustrated."

"God, yes!" Jordan breathed a look of equal pleading in her eyes.

Laughing lightly, Emily cleared her throat, "So, I'm giving you one last chance to back out." She informed the other woman in a quiet, husky voice, eyes searching and challenging and nervous all at the same time, "You have five seconds..." Emily warned.

"What happens in five seconds?" Jordan sought eagerly.

"I'm going to kiss you." was Emily's simple and easy reply, "So five...four...three...two..."

Emily's eyes flickered down to Jordan's full and already parted lips. Smirking, Emily moved closer so their lips touched, ghosting over them lightly, "...one." she whispered and Jordan's eyes fluttered closed.

"Time...is up." Emily declared quietly then closed the distance between them in less than a second.

Jordan gasped. Emily's lips touched hers and she gasped, melting into the other woman's touch. Jordan's hands moved to Emily's hips; pulling her closer and holding her in place at the same time.

Emily felt her respond and smirked—just a little—into the kiss as she slid one hand around the woman's neck, her right cupping her cheek as she deepened the kiss, drawing a moan from both woman's lips.

When it came to an end; their tongues ceasing their battle for control and power and dominance and they'd stopped tasting each other, getting lost in the best kiss they'd experienced in a very long time—too long—and they pulled back slowly, Emily whispered, "You didn't back out."

"Mmmm..." Jordan mumbled eyes still closed, "...and thank god for that cause...wow!" she breathed opening her wide eyes.

"Yeah." Emily nodded, eyes equally wide and equally breathless, "Wow."

Jordan smirked, laughing breathlessly.

Emily laughed with her then took a step back.

"Uh..." Jordan frowned, "Where you goin'?" she questioned tugging the other woman closer again by the hips, "I never said you could go anywhere."

Emily arched a perfect brow but happily allowed the other woman to capture her lips again, in an equally searing kiss.

"I...I—I—we should—" swallowing hard and gasping in a breath, Emily mumbled, "Cab." breathlessly against the swollen lips attacking her bruised ones, "Cab now, Jordan."

"Yes, ma'am." Jordan nodded, reluctantly—and with great difficulty—pulling away, "TAXI!" she yelled throwing her arm up in the air, "Your place of mine?" Jordan demanded heatedly, hands finding their way back to the warm, insanely hot body in front of her.

"Y—your place is closer." Emily answered in a rush, before her lips were back on Jordan's, hands in her hair.

A taxi pulled up at the sidewalk and honked.

"Oh, god!" Jordan gasped pulling away, "Come, come on." She tugged Emily over to the car only to be pressed up against it and trapped there. Jordan looked at the other agent curiously, trapped between her body and the cold metal, "Em—"

"I didn't plan this." Emily interrupted, holding up one finger, "This, what's happening with us. I did not plan this."

Jordan smirked, "Okay." She drawled, biting her lip.

"I didn't." Emily insisted firmly, "This was merely a friendly gesture that um...evolved."

Nodding briskly, Jordan replied, "O—okay. Let's just get in the cab, please?"

This time, Emily smirked, "You desperate to get me into bed, Agent Todd?"

"Hell, yes." Jordan nodded, tugging on the other woman's pants, "Now."

Pushing away, Emily released her then reached around to open the door, "Let's go then."

"Hey?" Jordan grabbed her wrist, stopping her still and pressed up against her, "I really appreciate the gesture."

Emily smirked, looking her up and down, "Oh, you will." and winked before sliding into the cab.

Jordan's breath caught in her throat as images assaulted her mind and she groaned, "Really appreciated."

'Well, just how terrible was it? :S It was painfully bad, right? :S
Anyway...leave me a little review to let me know please? It would be much appreciated ;)
Also, there might be a few more one shots regarding these two, to come and maybe a few for Demily! :D Cause they're just the best lol ;)
If you liked this, keep an eye out :)

Thanks for taking the time to read and I hope you review as well. :)

Rachel xo