So I'd been toying with this idea since the season premiere last year, then a while ago someone asked me if I could do something like this, and then the other day on another site we were having a conversation about it, so I'm finally writing it! :)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything.

"Look," Penny said, looking down at her hands. "I love you guys, I really do, but this? This is something huge. This will change my life, all of our lives. I mean, are you even aware of what exactly you are asking me to do?"

"I know it may be weird for you," Amy said. "Sheldon and I discussed it at length before we even came to you with the idea."

Somehow Penny doubted that, but she sighed, folded her arms, and kept listening as Amy reiterated what they'd been talking about for the past half an hour. Yes, Sheldon and Amy were sure that this is what they wanted to do. Yes, they were aware of the burden that their request would put on Penny should she accept. Yes, they had entertained this idea before but cast it aside, but that was a long time ago, and of course they discussed pros and cons before coming to her, how stupid did she think they were? She should be honored to be approached for this task, Sheldon pointed out, as it's end result would benefit the common good. Somehow, Penny doubted that, too.

"I'm sorry," Penny said. "I don't know that I'd feel right doing this."

"I didn't realize surrogacy was a controversial issue," Sheldon said.

"You guys are dreaming up this perfect child," Penny said. "Perfect by your standards."

"What are you inferring about our standards?" Amy asked. "That they are faulty."

"No," Sheldon said. "She was implying it. You then inferred it."

"Correct," Amy said. "My apologies."

"Anyway," Penny said, "please, please don't take offense to this, but children need love. I'm not sure you two know how." At the confused looks that Sheldon and Amy exchanged, Penny scrambled for damage control. "I mean, you've always considered love to be primitive, correct? So you would be specialized at more higher levels of thinking, emotion, and all that hoo ha. But a baby needs to be taken care of on a primitive level."

"That's what you'd be doing as you sheltered it for nine months in your lady nest," Amy said. She beamed. "Did you like 'lady nest'? Sheldon said you might think that 'uterus' is too vulgar sounding."

"Well, isn't he thoughtful?" Penny said, with a hint of sarcasm.

Sheldon beamed himself. "Aren't I?"

Amy leaned over. "I believe that she was implementing sarcasm."

Penny waved her hands slightly to draw their attention back to her. "Look, guys, being a surrogate is a difficult task. I'm not even a mother. I'd always assumed that the first time I was pregnant, it would be my kid, and I don't know how I feel about carrying a child for two people who wish to use it as an intellectual product."

Sheldon and Amy glanced at each other. "We thought that you might say that," Sheldon said, shifting his weight, his elbow bumping Amy as he looked down at the ground. "And we are somewhat ashamed to admit this, but I guess we have no choice."

Amy glanced at Sheldon, then back at Penny. "Oh yes. Sheldon and I…um…" she looked down, then back up, "we want this baby. Like, not just for an experiment. Not just for science."

"Yes," Sheldon said, sighing. "We feel primitive and weak as individuals to admit it, but that's probably just because we want it so badly that we're willing to admit it."

Penny took a tiny step back, putting her hands across her heart. "You guys…" she said, quietly, feeling herself grow warm. "Are you serious?"

"We're scientists, Penny," Amy said. "We don't kid. Except at slumber parties."

"And on Anything Can Happen Thursday," Sheldon added.

Penny ran a hand through her hair. "Well…" she shook her head slightly. "Then yes."

A smile came across Amy's face. "Really?" She asked. "Now, you're sure you don't need more time to think, because…"

Penny nodded. "I have been thinking about it, this entire time. And, well, my only objection has been that I didn't think you really wanted it, so…" she spread her hands. "So I guess I can't really say no, now can I?" Knowing Sheldon's touch phobia, Penny took both of Amy's hands. She knew she was making this decision rather quickly. A half an hour was not much time to mull over what they were asking of her. She knew she'd regret doing it a million times. But she hoped the reward would balance it out, and she'd spent so much of her life being selfish; this was about as selfless as one could be. "You guys are among my best friends, and people do this for total strangers. So yes. I'll be the surrogate mother for your child."

"Thank you, Penny," Amy said, grinning. She leaned forward and kissed her friend's cheek. "Come, Sheldon. Let's go tell our parents the good news!"

"Wait," Penny said. "Your mother, Sheldon. What will she say?"

"She wants grandchildren," Sheldon said. "She knows I'm not into that religious stuff. She'll just have to understand."

"Well," Penny said, "Good for you for standing up for what you believe in, I guess."

"Yes, well, come on, Amy," Sheldon said. "We must go and tell the parent folk."

The Shamy smiled at Penny, turned, and exited the apartment. When the door closed behind them, Amy turned to Sheldon. "Thanks for the nudge. Very clever strategy."

"It was, wasn't it?" Sheldon asked. He glanced at Penny's door and smiled. "She seems to have bought it."

"As my Girls would say," Amy said, "she so bought it. Would you like to come over for a game of counterfactuals?"

Sheldon nodded. "I would. With all the effort we put into the lie, I could use an easy game."

They started down the stairs, walking in silence. Upon reaching the lobby, Amy cocked her head to the side ever so slightly. "Sheldon?"

"Yes?

"I am unsure as to how much of that was actually a ruse. You're not going to tell your mother, are you?"

"Of course not," Sheldon said. "She'd kill me."

I've been so busy with viding recently, it's great to be writing again! As always, reviews are much appreciated! (And please, I haven't written in a while, spare me the reviews where I can count the words on one hand. Sorry if I sound bitter or rude, but I do find those somewhat annoying.)