Notes: I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter up. This past semester was extremely hectic, but I should have much more time to write now. Thanks for sticking with me and enjoy the chapter!

Holly J Sinclair had never considered herself to be much of a romantic, in any sense of the word. The fantastic, the fanciful and the improbable held little appeal for her when it was so much more satisfying to focus on what could be attained through simple hard work and always holding oneself to the highest standards. She preferred to set and realize tangible goals, to own and respect her own strength and ability rather than to let nebulous fantasies serve as a distraction from living up to her ambitions. It was fine to have dreams, but hers had always been a bit different - growing up, most of her friends dreamt of the beautiful dress, the storybook chapel, and of course, Mr. Right. For her, the dream had always been more along the lines of the power suit and the office with a view. Mr. Right would come in time, but she had no qualms with putting him on the back burner - most of the time.

Of course, Holly J was by no means immune to the pressures of adolescence. Wild hormones played their part, and made a fine scapegoat for some of her less dignified moments, but more than anything, and more than she ever would or could admit, her mistakes were defined by self-imposed pressure and the fanatical need to never be outdone. To always be the best, and always be the first, or failing that - at least not the last. To date, only one person had truly made Holly J believe that she could actually have a relationship with nothing to prove - at least, nothing to anyone but each other. She still didn't consider herself any kind of authority on love, or even relationships in general, but with Declan she had a taste of something good, something real, something at once frightening and exhilarating.

After Declan, almost anything would be an anticlimax, which in many ways was exactly what Holly J wanted, and got, with Sav. If nothing else, her time spent with Sav led her to realize, unequivocally, that she was not the type who wanted or needed to fill her time with go-nowhere relationships. Spending some time in a comfortable holding pattern with Sav was supposed to be a diversion, but ended up both distracting and emotionally draining. Any worthwhile relationship took effort, Holly J understood that, but she also knew that they should never be a chore. In hindsight, she appreciated how long it had taken for her and Declan to get off the ground - as frustrating as their pre-relationship limbo had often been, it allowed them the needed space to feel around the edges, to test each other, to slip up before anything could really be broken, before they were playing for keeps.

Now, history seemed to be repeating itself. The parallels, had she been looking for them, were nakedly, even painfully obvious, but for how improbable, for how incredible the entire situation was, Holly J felt that she might be able to get away with simply not looking. Now, it was impossible to avoid, and stupid to deny. Indecision was against her nature; she had never sought or needed permission, approval or validation to take what she wanted, and she never thought better of it - until, piece by piece, she began to lose everything she had taken. That, really, was the heart of the matter. With Declan, they had both understood completely what was on the line - they had never really been friends, just friends, so there was nothing to fall back on, no consolation prize if they didn't work out. With Fiona, it wasn't that simple.

How she and Fiona had come this far was still somewhat difficult for Holly J to fathom. When she left New York, it seemed that they had arrived at a détente, but little more. She doubted they would ever be painting their nails together, but she could deal with somewhat strained civility as long as long as it meant an end to any further blowouts with Declan. She hadn't counted on the late-night calls, hadn't expected how genuine her concern for the other girl would become, and she certainly hadn't been prepared to be Fiona's first port of call while on the lam from Bobby. More than anything, she hadn't expected to be so utterly terrified at the prospect of losing what they now had, even if there was a big part of her that wanted more than anything to find out what they could have.

If there was a time for action, Holly J knew it was rapidly approaching. The stress fractures were already starting to form in her relationship with Fiona, and if she delayed much longer there was a very strong possibility that it would simply be out of her hands - and if there was a chance she could lose Fiona either way, why wouldn't she go for it? That was the rational line of thought, but Holly J knew that this was not going to come down to a rational decision. Her relationship with Fiona had never been dictated by logic or expectation, and in many ways defied expectation at every turn - they had always just played it by ear, feeling things out, and this, too, simply needed to be felt.

Some things Holly J held so firmly in her grip she squeezed the life out of them. Now, what she wanted most seemed to be rapidly slipping through her fingers. She knew now that she needed to find the middle ground, because some things are worth holding on to.