Disclaimer: No, I really don't own Naruto but the copyright law is a broken exploitable mess so who cares?

A/N: I didn't like any of the suggestions that I got so I'm doing my own thing.

Z is For Zero

"What do you mean we're under fucking attack?" Hidan asked while rolling out of bed and throwing clothes on disregarding Kakuzo.

Kakuzo scowled, "I mean we're under attack."

They hurried out of the room up to the roof were the other members were gathered.

It appeared that the only other person who had been asleep had been Itachi who looked thoroughly aggravated.

Pein looked at both of them, "Good you're here, you're in charge of the western gate."

"Itachi and Kisame, the school," he said while sending them off.

He looked at Tobi and Deidara, "You're in charge of the eastern gate."

He saw Zetsu appear, "You find any enemies in the city and take care of them."

"Konan, you and I are handling the ones who haven't gotten in yet."

The Akatsuki dispersed into the village.

Itachi and Kisame

As they arrived at the school they saw that, for the most part, the regular ninja of the village had managed to defeat most of the intruders attacking the school up until this point. There was still a group of ninja fighting near the main entrance of the building.

Itachi and Kisame moved in front of the defending ninjas while simultaneously blocking the kunai that the attacking ninja threw.

"I-its the Akatsuki!" what appeared to be the youngest of the group stuttered.

"You thought that you could come into our village without even seeing us?" Kisame asked while smiling maliciously at the young ninja that had spoken earlier.

Itachi moved behind the three attacking ninja and before they realized that he had done so he stabbed the middle ninja who was apparently squad leader.

The young ninja took a swing at Itachi which he easily dodged. He grabbed the ninja's arm and pulled him into his own fist. He stabbed him in the chest shortly after and let the body fall to the ground.

Itachi turned around to see that the last ninja was being mauled by one of Kisame's shark-jutsus with Kisame watching a few feet away with a sadistic smile.

They went inside the building to the radio to contact the rest of Akatsuki.

Itachi got on the line just in time to hear Pein, "Any Akatsuki members available report."

Itachi responded, "Number of enemies left; zero."

Deidara and Tobi

When Deidara and Tobi made it to the eastern gate they saw that all the defending ninja were dead and the attackers were setting up some sort of stronghold.

Deidara smirked, 'This should be fun.'

A few of the enemy ninja were talking over some battle plans that were laid out on the ground when they saw a strange bird fly over and land next to them.

"Hey, what's-" a female ninja began asking before being caught in the explosion.

A few of the faster ninja in their group had managed to make it away in time. The handful of ninja not caught in Deidara's explosion regrouped quickly.

"It's the explosion expert," one pointed out.

Another looked at him, "No shit."

"Hello!" Tobi said cheerful as he emerged from the ground behind them.

Deidara waited on the roof above for his partner to return.

"I got them!" Tobi declared gleefully while wiping a bit of blood off his mask.

Deidara frowned at the bodies of the invaders.

"They weren't much of a challenge and because we're in the village I couldn't use and of my larger explosives," he said while pausing to sigh in annoyance, "We might as well contact leader now."

They both leapt down to the station near the gate and went inside.

Deidara put on the headset just in time to hear Itachi report.

The blond knew the drill, "Number of enemies left; zero, hn."

Zetsu

Almost all the enemy ninja had stayed in groups but there were occasional message runners and spies running around. Zetsu grinned when he heard what he figured was a genin run overhead. He dropped the torso he had been holding and followed after the invader.

The young ninja didn't know what happened until it was too late. Zetsu grabbed one of her legs and tripped her causing her to smash her face on the ground. He took out a kunai and planted it firmly in her back cutting her moan of pain short.

From what Zetsu could tell from the rest of his clones around the village this had been the last invading ninja not part of a main invading group.

He sank into the ground and came out at a radio center. When he got on he heard some of the other members reporting.

"Number of enemies left; zero," Black Zetsu replied.

Hidan and Kakuzo

Hidan was already laughing in sociopathic glee as he and Kakuzo jumped from rooftop to rooftop to the western gate.

"You could at least try to take this seriously," Kakuzo pointed out not really expecting much of a change in attitude.

"They're he-!" one of the enemy ninja tried to shout when he saw Hidan and Kakuzo approaching before being sliced in half by Hidan.

Hidan laughed even louder and ran at another of them while Kakuzo began ensnaring other ninja and smashing them into the ground until they stopped struggling.

When Kakuzo was finished he saw that Hidan was about to kill the last enemy ninja with his curse technique.

Kakuzo walked calmly over to Hidan while watching the last ninja fall to the ground.

"We should go report back," Kakuzo pointed out.

Hidan slowly pulled the spear out of his chest.

"Give me a second!" he said while taking his time to wipe off his spear and slick his hair back.

Kakuzo scowled and waited impatiently for Hidan to finish. They headed to the radio station for the western gate to report in.

Kakuzo could hear all the other members beginning to make their reports but before he could get to the headset Hidan sat down.

"Hey fuckers, zero enemies here," Hidan said and then cracked up as if he had just told a hilarious joke.

Kakuzo slapped him in the back of the head.

Pein and Konan

Pein heard the last group report back.

"The threat is neutralized, head back to the base," he told them.

"Understood."

"Got it, hn."

"Alright."

"Heh, whatever."

He took the headset off and returned outside to where Konan was waiting for him. She stared emotionlessly at the field with hundreds of bodies and weapons scattered around it.

Konan sighed and looked at Pein, "Number of enemies; zero."

A/N: And that's it, every letter of the alphabet. I considered ending it with something like Konan looking at Pein and saying, "I hate Mondays" or something like that but decided that I would write at least one serious chapter in this whole fanfiction. Tell me what you thought of it and go check out my other stories now, ok? Love you all.