Author's Note: This is fic is pure dialogue between Sam and Freddie. I'm sure you'll be able to figure out who is speaking in italics and who isn't. :] Enjoy!
...
Let's get married.
Are you fucking insane? We're in high school and we've been together for all of four months.
I'm not insane.
Oh, right. Because my perfectly sane boyfriend would propose to me while waiting in line for a movie.
I'm sure it's been done before.
Yeah, okay. We're fucking sixteen-year-olds, all right? Now shut your trap and give me money. Mama needs her popcorn.
...
Let's get married.
Awgawd, I am having you committed. I am telling your mom that you caught her crazy and that you need professional help.
I'm crazy because I want to marry you?
Whatevs, nub. We've been together for a year.
Happy anniversary—
Yeah. Like I said: whatever! Happy assyversary, nub.
...
What?
...
The silent treatment? Really?
Assyversary? Really?
Yeah, well. You're not the only one who can say stupid things, nub.
Nyeah.
Nyeah. Order me the steak, will you?
...
Let's get married.
Do you want to die?
...
Let's get married.
I am going to kill myself. You see that bridge? Stop the car. I'm jumping off that bridge.
...
Let's get married.
That's it! Outside! NOW!
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Let's get married.
Do you not remember what happened the last time?
That was hardly traumatic or even painful. Your fists have turned puny and very lady-like from dissuse.
They are not puny! You're puny!
Oh noes! I am so threatened by your lame comeback!
You want to die?
Why do you always ask me that question?
Why do you always ask me that question?
Touche.
...
...
That's it? Touche? That's all I get? No explanation?
Can you believe we're graduating from college soon?
Oh great. Yeah. Change the topic.
I love you.
I hate you.
I love the emphasis on the word hate. It's like you mean it.
I do.
Sure you do.
I do!
...
Let's get married.
One of these days, I will jump off a fucking bridge. Just you wait and see.
...
Let's get married.
You are nuts. Nuts. Nuts! NUTS! I'm calling your mother!
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Let's get—
I swear on my mother's grave: if you finish that sentence you will feel my wrath.
Your mother isn't dead.
Eh. A technicality. She already lives in a coffin.
Again, your mother is not a blood sucking vampire.
Tell that to all her ex boyfriends.
...
Let's get married.
Shut up.
...
So...
So.
You wanna tell me why you're asleep in the bathtub? I thought you were going to spend the night at Carly's.
I was but then Gibby showed up and they were all giggly and happy and I was all 'yuck' so I left.
How do you feel about it?
About what?
About Carly and Gibby getting engaged?
They're idiots.
Uh-huh.
Don't 'uh-huh' me.
All right.
Don't 'all right' me either.
...
Stop looking smug, too.
...
I love you.
Meh. I love you, too.
...
What's with the long face?
My face is not long.
Well, it's all pouty and... c'mere.
No, I'm going to sit on your lap, pervy Santa.
Pervy Santa? Really?
...
Now, that wasn't so hard, right? Now tell pervy Santa what you want for Christmas.
A better boyfriend?
But you already have the best one.
...
Okay, okay... Just tell me what's got you sad.
I'm not sad!
Okay, then tell me what you did today.
Carly and I went dress shopping.
Had fun?
Dressing shopping as in for her wedding gown.
Oh.
Yup. Oh.
Did she find anything?
Yeah.
And?
It was beautiful.
...
People were bleeding.
I know there was bleeding; I was there, remember?
I don't think anyone at the wedding will forget that you were there.
Yeah, well... They shouldn't have gotten in my way.
Yeah, and I thought you said you didn't care about who catches the bouquet.
I did say that and I don't care.
I find that hard to believe when you've just knocked out all of the bride's maids. And a couple of Carly's cousins. And Gibby's aunt. They're still trying to figure out who that tooth belongs to.
Probably that Alice girl. I hate her.
You hate her? You barely know her.
I know her enough to hate her. Besides...
Besides what?
She was making eyes at you the entire day. Doesn't she know that you belong to me?
I guess not.
I should just tattoo my name to your forehead. Or! Remember your face tattoo—
No way.
No fun!
There's a far better alternative anyway.
Which is?
...
...
Never mind.
Uh, what?
Never mind.
Are you serious?
Yeah. Never mind.
I hate you.
Well, too bad. I love you.
Such a fucking sap.
...
Did you see the invitation to Spencer's wedding?
Yeah, I did. And it gave me a splinter.
C'mere.
Why?
Because pervy Santa wants to kiss it better.
...
There's an invitation in the mail. Looks like a wedding invitation.
Who from?
Just a sec... Oh, Brad. Brad's getting married.
Everyone's getting married.
Yes. Yes, they are.
...
So just tell her that you don't want to be her maid of honor.
I can't! She's my sister. Well, okay, I could. But I don't want to fucking hear her whine about it over Thanksgiving. How will I enjoy my turkey?
It won't be that bad. Didn't she say that you don't have to work on anything? Just to show up at the wedding?
Showing up at the wedding is awful enough.
I thought you liked weddings. All the free food and everything.
I did.
Did? You mean, you don't like them anymore?
Meh.
...
What's with the pout, pouty?
Why don't you ask me anymore?
Ask you what?
Gah! Never mind.
...
Happy fifteenth anniversary!
...
...
You wanna tell me why you walked out on our anniversary dinner?
Because!
Because isn't a reason.
Because... I don't know! I don't know, okay?
Okay.
No, it's not okay.
Okay, it's not.
Stop patronizing me!
I'm not. Just tell me what's wrong.
...
...
You say something first.
What am I supposed to say? You're the one who walked out on an expensive steak dinner. And now it's beginning to rain.
We always have steak on our anniversary.
It's what we do.
I know.
Okay, so what's wrong?
I don't know... I just... Fifteen years, you know? It's a long time to be...
To be what?
To be... us.
True. But it doesn't feel like it. It feels the same way it did when we were sixteen, only we're a teeny tiny bit more mature and your breasts are bigger.
Don't make me laugh at a time like this.
At a time like what? We're standing in the middle of a sidewalk and it's raining. C'mon, let's go back inside.
No! Just! I need to just do this now or else I'll lose my nerve.
Lose your nerve? What? Wait, what are you doing?
I'm getting down on one knee, damn it.
Wait, stop it.
No! Let me do this... What are you doing?
I'm getting down on one knee. You look like you could use my help. Because, unlike you, I come prepared.
What the fuck? What the... Are you serious? Awgawd, you are serious.
Yeah, the ring is a little too expensive to be a prank.
Fuck. The rock's bigger than Mel's. I fucking love you. Okay okay, go ahead. Ask me.
Sam Puckett, will you marry me?
Meh. Maybe.
...
Author's Note:
Yes. I'm the type of writer who spells things as 'never mind' and 'all right' :D That's just how I roll. Thanks to my boifran who offered that a man may measure time by a woman's breasts. Needless, but it made me laugh. So I added it in there.
Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed this!
Songs: Come to Me by Koop, I'd Rather Dance With You by Kings of Convenience