Title: Anger Management

Rating: T

Summary: "I had a rather friendly chat with Director Bertram yesterday." Lisbon explained. "He thought you joining me in my six-month anger management classes would be a great idea." J/L-ish.

Disclaimer: I don't own TM. I just own the plot.

This is a story that has nothing to do with the season finale, and I refuse to travel down the road of pure angst here. So, if you're looking for a light hearted story with humor and fluff—you've come to the right place!

Anger Management takes place after Lisbon's one-week suspension in 3x20, and this piece was written for funnygirlOoObroadwaybaby! Happy Birthday, my wifey! 3 I hope you enjoy this piece, because it's going to be a fun one to write.

Prologue:

Having the Last Laugh

"Jane," Lisbon greeted, as she swept into the rather crowded bullpen on her first day back from her one-week suspension. Nobody seemed to pay the petite senior agent any special attention, and the consultant grinned up at her, from his resting position on his couch.

"Good morning, Lisbon!" He greeted with a large smile. "Enjoying your first morning back?"

"So far, yes. Now, it all depends on how much paperwork you've racked up for me while I was gone."

He continued to smile. "You'd be proud to know that I was extremely well-behaved."

She paused. "Why do I not believe you?"

"Boss," Cho greeted, as he stepped into the bullpen.

"How was he?"

"I was an angel…wasn't I, Cho?" Jane continued to beam at the both of them.

"No. You weren't." Cho gave, before he glanced at Lisbon. "He's surpassed his previous record for the most number of infractions in five days."

"You mean, I won an award for the most infuriating."

Lisbon glanced back at the consultant. "I was gone for seven."

Cho shrugged. "Jane was arrested."

"Arrested?" She hissed, and Jane glared at Cho. "You were arrested?"

"The politically correct term is temporary lock-down." He answered. "Really, Lisbon." He continued, when she didn't reply. "It wasn't anything serious—it was a misunderstanding."

"Are we talking about Jane's lock-up?" Rigsby questioned, as he stepped into the bullpen and went to his desk. "Welcome back, Boss."

She nodded in greeting, while her eyes remained on the fair-haired consultant.

"A horrible misunderstanding…" He went on. "It involved me, a koala, an alpaca, and the security guard."

Lisbon groaned. "Let me have my coffee first."

"I could always lace your drink." Jane offered, helpfully and nobody said a word. "Oh come on—I would never actually have the audacity to poison a CBI agent."

"You'd poison somebody else?" Rigsby questioned.

"Fake poison, perhaps." He answered. "I'm me, after all. Anything less would be under kill."

"He didn't make me coffee this morning, did he?" Lisbon questioned, and both shook their heads. "I'm off to make myself a cup, and then." She fixed him with a glare. "We'll talk."

"Good." Jane moved from his couch, to follow her into the kitchenette. "While we're in here," Jane stepped over to his "tea cabinet" and opened the doors. "How's the anger management class?"

Lisbon continued to fill the coffee pot with water. "It was all right; they have puppets, and the instructor is a little…intense." He chuckled, and she moved toward the coffee maker.

"You're taking anger management classes from a puppet?" He chuckled louder, and Lisbon didn't respond, as she fiddled with the controls on the coffee maker. "Does this puppet have a name?"

"Leave it, Jane." Lisbon warned. "Let's remember why I'm learning how to control my anger, shall we?"

He loosely grinned. "I vaguely remember being punched in the face."

Lisbon glared. "We can always revisit that, if you'd like."

"There's no need for that—put your skills to good use—just imagine what your puppet instructor might mime out if you punch me."

Her jaw tensed. "Go ahead. Laugh."

He didn't need her permission to continue to do so.

"I just thought I would tell you, I decided what you're going to owe me."

"A gift certificate to puppet land?" He asked, still with a laugh.

"Oh no," she answered. "I hope you have nothing to do on Tuesdays."

He stopped laughing. "What?"

"I had a rather friendly chat with Director Bertram yesterday." Lisbon explained. "He thought you joining me in my six-month anger management classes would be a great idea." She then smirked. "I really think you're just going to enjoy the classes—with all the puppets, the handholding, and the singing…" She opened one of the cabinets, and grabbed herself a mug.

"Singing?" Jane was absolutely terrified.

"Plenty of it."

"Lisbon!" He whined, his tea forgotten. "This is torture!"

"Jane!" Lisbon interceded. "I am stuck in six-months of anger management due to your idiotic tendencies."

He crossed his arms against his chest. "I'm not going."

"Yes, you are."

"No!"

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes."

"No."

Lisbon raised her eyebrow. "You're going, or you can find a new place of employment."

"You need me." He answered. "You see, you and I play this game like clockwork. You threaten my job security, I call you out on it, you leave me behind, and yet…I'm still showing up at crime scenes, pointing out the mistakes of incompetent officers, who wouldn't know a crime scene from a brothel if it was right in front of them." He paused to glance at Lisbon. "No offense, of course."

"Why would I be offended?" She sarcastically answered. "Oh, that's right—because, as usual, you believe that the entire justice system revolves around you."

"Not the entire," he corrected. "Just California's."

"I am your boss, therefore, I clearly have a say in where you go." Her fingers started toward her phone, and he pouted.

"Couldn't I just give you a fifty dollar gift card to Bed, Bath and Beyond?" She didn't respond. "I could always buy you a new toy!" He eyed her gun. "I'll just go ask Cho's advice on buying weapons…"

"Tuesday night. 6-7 PM. If you're not downstairs by 5:30 PM, I will come and hunt you down." He paled. "Are we clear?"

"Crystal." He answered. "You're going to anger management, and I'm being kidnapped to keep you safe from the big, bad puppets."

She threw a smirk at him, as she sipped at her coffee. "I'll be the one with the last laugh come Tuesday."

He didn't doubt it, or her.

She paused, and sat her coffee back down on the counter. "Did you really get arrested for something involving a koala?"

He grinned. "The story has been retold so many times, that I'm not even sure if it wasn't an alligator..."