AN: BAD TOUCH TRIO…ENJOY.

Wait, this needs to be cleared up.

Mei-Mei-Taiwan

Laura-Belgium

Disclaimer-I do not own Hetalia.

She laughs ceremoniously and flips caramel hair over her shoulder.

"Alfred is always getting into some kind of trouble, but I didn't expect this." She nudges a quiet platinum blonde girl to her left. "Natalya, I'm glad you called this meeting or else we wouldn't know what to do with our little Al." Natalya nods her head in silent agreement.

Alfred and his friends are relaxing in his living room the way young people do. Mathias enters the room armed with a canned pop in one hand and a bag of chips in the other. He falls backwards onto the couch, draping himself over the laps of the two girls already seated.

"Al's a regular criminal now, Elizabeta." The blonde male states, popping himself up on his elbows in one of the girl's laps. "He probably had to fight for his virginity in there. I knew I should have sent you some cigarettes."

Alfred throws a pair of balled up socks at his best friend's head. "Dude, it was a cell in the precinct's building, not jail." He's reclining on his twin brother's back with his feet on Ivan's lap. The taller man seems annoyed with the appendages but he doesn't bat them away.

"So what is the problem exactly, Alfred?" The blonde mentioned turns his attention towards one of the girls on the couch. Her brown eyes sparkle and she finger combs jet black hair.

"I was getting there Mei-Mei."

"Kiku, your sister totally wants me." Kiku glances up from his notebook and makes eye contact with Mathias. Mei-Mei giggles softly and she runs her fingers through his wild blonde hair. "He's right Kiku, we're totally gonna run away and get married."

Kiku cocks an eyebrow. "I would advise against that. You know how aniki is, Mei-Mei."

"I know Kiku, I'm just saying."

"Hey guys, can we get back on topic? We're talking about Alfred, not Mathias and Mei-Mei's mythical wedding." speaks the girl covered by Mathias' feet. Alfred regards the the green eyed blonde with a thankful look.

"Thanks Laura."

Ivan flicks Alfred's sock covered foot and a toe twitches. "I believe that Alfred needs to explain the situation to us more clearly. We could help him better if we knew the whole story."

Alfred sighs and leans further back into Matthew. The other twin makes a noise of disagreement but Alfred pays it no mind. "The whole story? Fine, I'll give it to you. Me, Mattie and Jack went out to the club last night. I was at the bar talking with Antonio, when I see this guy struggling in the crowd on the dance floor. I go to help him out and he's a total jerk to me, all sarcastic and shit."

He keeps the part about Lovino's eye color to himself.

"So I introduce myself and he just blows me off, as if I'm just some creepy stranger. When he left, I noticed he dropped his wallet. We go to return the wallet today and turns out I grabbed Jack's wallet instead. Then the guy curses me out and has me hauled off to jail."

"Then how'd you get out of jail, Al? Didn't you have to post bail?" Elizabeta questions.

"I was just getting there, Liz. Lovino was the one who bailed me out."

Elizabeta squeals with glee. "Aww, how cute! OW! Natalya, not necessary."

Natalya fixes her friend with a blank look, then blinks and turns back to Matthew. "Now's not the time for your gay male fantasies. Continue Alfred."

Alfred obeys Natalya but he swears he hears the girl mumble, 'Tell me later' to Elizabeta under her breath. "Anyways, he bails me out, I meet his grandfather, ride in a freakin' limo and somehow I end up having to spend time with that jerk Lovino."

'That jerk with the unique golden eyes. Maybe you'll figure out his real eye color from this.' His mind supplies.

"Spend time with him? Why?" Mei-Mei questions. " Is it because he got you wrongly imprisoned?"

"Yes! His granddad called my mom and they agreed we need to get to know each other better." He emphasizes the last of his statement with air quotes. "We're having dinner at their house Saturday."

"I don't see why you're so stressed out about this Al. it sounds perfectly fine to me."

Mathias struggles to sit up on his elbows in Mei-Mei's lap. After a few tries he succeeds and looks over his shoulder at the girl his legs are occupying. "You're not getting it Laura, Lovino is a class one asshole. He's rude as hell, he didn't bat an eyelash when he had Alfred arrested."

Laura looks to Alfred, a confused expression on her face. "Really?"

The twin confirms with a nod. "Yeah, he just spazzed out on me like I was a common fucking criminal. Shit, I don't know what to do."

The room is silent for a few moments as everyone ponders. The situation is not that problematic, going over to someone's house for dinner isn't all that bad. The only problem that exists is Lovino. Obviously he doesn't care too much for Alfred and the blonde's not too fond of him either. Maybe they could get to know each other better.

And maybe that idea would crash and burn.

"I say you go for it Al."

That one sentence tears everyone form their thoughts. All eyes point to the blonde twin sitting cross-legged in front of Natalya, and he squirms under the scrutiny. "You got to elaborate Mattie."

"What I was thinking that yeah you should at least get to know him. You guys don't have to become best friends, just a friendly acquaintance with one another."

Natalya nods along to her boyfriend's words. "Matvey has a point."

"I agree as well Alfred." Kiku adds.

"Dude, no! That guy's a total jerk and my bro's not hanging around some snobby asshole." Mathias rolls off the couch and over to Alfred. "Why waste your time Al? He doesn't care about you!"

Elizabeta rises from her spot on the floor and stomps over to where Alfred and Mathias are. She kicks Mathias in his side with the heel of her shoe. "Don't tell him that! Alfred can talk to whoever he wants. And if he does decided to go through with this, he just might like it."

She kicks him again. "Damn it Lizzie, the guy's a First Class Asshole, why would he want to talk to him? Stop kicking me!" She kicks him again, aiming under his ribs.

"He talks to you on a daily basis."

"Touché."

"Alfred I believe you should follow your instincts." Laura states from behind her magazine on the couch.

"Instincts?"

"Yeah! I know Math says the guy's a complete jerk but he might not be deep down inside. You're a good judge of character Al, so just try Matthew's idea out."

Alfred nods his head, his brain working to take in the information. Of course he could listen to Mathias' advice and ignore Lovino completely but that'll be hard to do at dinner on Saturday. But what if Laura and Matthew are right? What if Lovino's really a nice guy who only acts like a douche with daddy issues to strangers when he first meets them? Alfred huffs and ruffles his hair fitfully. Why can't this situation solve itself? Why does he need to become friends with the guy that had him falsely arrested?

Damn it, why the hell does it have to be Thursday?

He's doing it again, in the way that he's been doing it for the past few weeks. It's getting old but Antonio can't help but like it.

"And yet you call me again, Arthur. En serio, I don't know why you complain so much."

The man on the other line pauses a moment in his rant to yell at Antonio. The brunette just smirks, he can picture those heavy eyebrows furrowed in anger. A tap on the shoulder pulls Antonio out of his thoughts to the silky haired blonde man sitting between him and Gilbert. "What is he mad about now?"

Antonio shrugs. "I invited you two over and he feels left out."

The man on the phone sputters into the receiver, sounding breathless. "What? I don't want to lounge around with you three tossers! I don't trust you three when you're separate, let alone together; especially Francis."

The blonde man's blue eyes twinkle deviously. "Ohonhonhon~, you've never denied my hands in the past, Arthur."

"Damn it Francis, stop talking!" Arthur huffs.

Gilbert props his feet up on the wood and glass mix of a coffee table in front of them. As long as his shoes don't leave scuff marks he's fine. "Damn Francis, can your laugh get any more stereotypically French?"

"I resent that." Francis sniffs in mock hurt.

"Damn it, why didn't you tell me your bastard friends were coming over?"

The three bastard friends look up to see Lovino standing in the doorway. He's breathing heavy, his fists are clenched and his clothes are skewed and out of place on his body; he must've been fighting again.

"Lovi," Antonio speaks carefully, "what did you do to abuelo?"

"Me? What did I do? No, it's what he's done!"

"What has he done primo?" Antonio questions. He pats the arm of the couch, enticing Lovino to take a seat. After a short consideration the brunette huffs and stomps his way to his seat.

"That bastardo's really fucked up this time."

"What happened Lovi?"

"Your brainless nonno is having dinner guests on Saturday." Lovino frowns at Antonio's confused look. "Damn it, you're supposed to be mad!"

"Why would I-"

"Because he's inviting that guy who stole my wallet and his family over here! Who does shit like that?"

"Did he say why he was doing it?" Francis questions. He wants to make sense of the situation just as much as Antonio does, maybe even more.

Lovino folds his arms over his chest and glares at the blonde. " He says it's for the purpose of he and I getting to know each other.!"

Antonio tries to calm his irate cousin down, surely he's flipping out over nothing like usual. " I think that's a great idea! I mean Feli said that you had the guy imprisoned."

"Hell yeah he did! And I was the one who took him to jail!" The other three occupants of the room promptly ignore Gilbert's proclamation.

"That's not the point though, the point is I don't want to know that bastard! What if he's a con man or a crazed serial killer? I'll be fine not knowing the idiot."

"Come on Lovino, he can't be that bad. You're just overreacting." Antonio states. He loves his cousin, he really does, but sometimes Lovino can get a little…imaginative. "Not every new person you meet is on America's Most Wanted. Besides, if you do get to know him, he might become your best friend~!"

Lovino snorts in disdain. "Yeah, and he might cut my head off. I can do bad all by myself."

"So what's this new fellow's name, if you can tell us." Francis questions. Those sapphire eyes are gleaming with something sexually perverted, Lovino already knows. He hesitates for a moment, debating on whether or not he should just leave, until he decides to stay and face his interrogation.

"Alfred Jones, I guess."

And that's where Antonio's blood runs cold.

"Antonio, are you there? Antonio? Hello? Damn it, bloody wanker…"

AN: So as I was writing the last scene, I was listening to this sad love song. The lyrics affected me in the last few lines and I just couldn't get an idea out of my head. The chorus goes like this:

"Now you got someone who don't treat you right, treat you right, treat you right, treat you right, treat you right

You already know who used to treat you right, treat you right, treat you right, treat you right, treat you right

You look for me and you know I'll be out of sight, out of sight, out of sight, out of sight, out of sight

Weren't you the one who told me to get out your life, out your life, out your life, out your life, out your life"

There's a smidgen of Spain/America in the beginning of this story and since it's going to be Romerica, my brain created a plot where America left Spain for South Italy but South Italy doesn't treat him right.

I don't know, I need to sleep :/