The Three Day Storm

By Marianne Bennet

Part One, A Few Good Men, cont.

The end is in the beginning and yet you go on. Samuel Beckett, Endgame

63 hours, 6 minutes before the event:

Some women liked to attend events where they wore uncomfortable shoes and then pressured their husbands and boyfriends into dancing with them for their own apparently masochistic purposes. Some women liked to cross the room and have drooling old politicians of all species and genders follow their fluttering hemlines and slobber over them, tell them that the military recruiting and endorsement vids did not come close to justifying their "in person" beauty and poise.

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that Katherine Shepard was not counted among their number.

Joker's head felt naked without his hat. It was not a comfortable sensation and he thoroughly planned to never attend one of these functions ever again. In fact, Shepard was probably right: Councilor Anderson was probably just about the only person he would ever do this for. Joker had always possessed a grudging respect and unwilling admiration for his former captain, grudging and unwilling only because Joker made it a point not to trust anyone who made more money than he did, respect and admiration because he felt that Anderson was different than the rest. Probably had something to do with the fact that Kate trusted him…

That last thought caught Joker unawares but he was getting used to thinking things like that. He shrugged as he slowly sipped champagne. So what if it was true anyway? His green eyes darted about, seeking the sight of his commander in her blue dress. He had never thought he'd see the day when she'd put on a blue gown with a back so low it might breach impropriety, though not by asari standards unfortunately. There she was in the corner, half-hidden by a fountain. He wondered if she was hiding from someone. He also wondered how comfortable she could be in a dress like that; she definitely couldn't be wearing a bra in that thing anyway.

Her eyes flitted up to meet his from across the Presidium pavilion as though she had detected the subject of his thoughts. Joker mentally hit himself over the head. Thinking things like that while on the job and about the commander no less was not going to get him where he wanted to be. That is, if Joker actually knew where he wanted to be which he wasn't sure he did. But he wasn't on the job, or so Joker realized with a jolt. They were done; the Reapers were gone or at least for the moment as the cleared Presidium clearly testified to. Maybe Kaidan was right and they did have some time to themselves. Maybe Mikhailovich and the brass were on to something and they should all move on with life… well, Mikhailovich is still wrong but moving on with life sounds like a great idea. Maybe Joker had the opportunity to figure a few things out.

Shepard winced at Joker from across the crowd and he took that to be his cue. His stiff dress shirt felt scratchy against the underside of his arms –God, he already missed those boring but well-worn Alliance blues –as he hoisted himself through dignitaries, diplomats, and other various brown-nosers of all species until he came around the lip of the fountain and saw Shepard alone and looking out onto the lake. She was alone –that was kind of funny. Where was Kaidan?

She turned to glance at him as he drew closer and said carelessly, "I've decided that I don't care so much if you cuss Mikhailovich out."

"Great. Where is that S.O.B.?"

"Over by the punch bowl," she nodded in the admiral's general direction.

Joker followed her gaze. "Of all of the people who could have survived the Battle of the Citadel, it had to be him. Do we ever just strike it lucky, commander?"

"The Conduit didn't kill me," she said bluntly. "Sovereign didn't kill you. A lot of people died that day. I think it's about time we started counting our blessings. Besides, by the numbers, I think we killed more geth than we lost men."

"You feel sorry for the flashlight heads?" asked Joker as he leaned on the railing, contemplating the lake and their reflection: a smaller Jeff Moreau and Kate Shepard painted in lake water and reflected light.

"Sometimes. You know me; I don't like killing things."

"Well, we all know that. Remember the spider on the vid screen?"

"Yeah," she smiled slightly and Joker celebrated another small triumph. "How'd it get in there anyway?"

"Must've been clinging onto your suit after Feros.

"Yeah."

"Climbed up onto the vid monitor to make sure you knew it was sticking around."

Shepard shot him a strange look and Joker realized with another jolt that her eyes matched her navy blue dress. "I don't think that spiders think that way."

"Yeah, I guess that you're right about that," he replied with a slowly sinking heart. He cleared his throat and glanced around. "Where is Kaidan anyway?"

"Dancing with Udina's niece. By the way, I think I figured out who's backing Mikhailovich."

"Three guesses as to our favorite slimy politician bastard?" Shepard nodded and Joker cursed under his breath. "You're planning to do something about it, right commander?"

"I haven't spoken to him yet but he had his niece spirit Kaidan away so I think he's going to try and talk to me. I don't look forward to that." She smiled at Joker. "That's why you're here. You're protecting me from scary Ambassador Udina."

"How long is this gig going to last?" Please don't send me away, please don't send me away.

"Oh, I don't know. Probably until Anderson calls me over. He said he wanted to speak to me. In private."

"I take it to mean that this'll happen after he separates himself from his adoring fans." Joker whistled under his breath. "All of those asari… makes me sometimes want to become a bureaucrat. Do you think they raided Chora's Den?"

"What do you know about Chora's Den?"

He shrugged. "I went there once or twice. Garrus and Kaidan took me along with them once."

"Since when are those two hanging out with strippers?"

"It's a guy thing, commander. You wouldn't get it."

"So I see." She sighed. "Well those aren't strippers, Joker, so don't go asking for any private dances. Besides, Anderson isn't one of them, uh, one of the bureaucrats I mean. You know that, Joker; you even took your hat off for him."

"I think we both know by now who I take my hat off for, Kate."

She cast her gaze downward, her thumb rubbing against the railing. Joker cleared his throat again, turned around, and directed his eyes at the swirling dancers. "It didn't start out that way, you know, but you're like me, Kate. You're more like me than you are like him any day, we with my crutches and all." Still, she said nothing. "Do you remember Armistice Day? Do you remember what I said at Flux?"

"I remember you refusing to dance."

"Oh, is that what you remember?" Joker tried to take her shoulders and turn her body to face him. "Why did you choose him?"

"I was never presented with a choice, Joker," she replied tartly. "Nobody else ever got in line."

He flinched. "I guess you're right about that." I can't even stand up on my own two feet.

"'You guess'? Joker, seriously?" Her face suddenly broke into a smile. "Are you being serious? Is this –is this why you interrupted Kaidan and me that time before Ilos? Really?"

His face turning red, he said, "No."

She had a funny look on her face; she was smiling but there was a crease between her eyes. "You're my friend, Joker. I don't have many of those and I need friends. Besides, you love flying more than anything else, Joker. I don't want to feel as though I'm competing with a ship."

You wouldn't be, he wanted to say but Shepard was already leaning forward to plant a kiss on his cheek. Impulsively, he tried to turn at the last minute but she had already pulled back.

"I appreciate the thought," she said and turned to go.

"That's not what it sounded like back at Flux," he challenged her one more time.

"That night was a mistake." She didn't look at him and started to move towards the crowd. "I'm sorry, Joker."

Don't be. Come back. "I wish you'd call me 'Jeff.'"

She paused. "I know," she said. "But I can't." She continued to walk away from the fountain until he couldn't see her anymore. Frustrated and unfulfilled, he extended his foot to kick at the railing and instantly regretted it.

For her part, Katherine Shepard seriously considered slamming her own head against a wall, if only to try and knock some understanding into her skull. She wasn't exactly sure of what just happened but when was she sure of anything? She didn't look back at Joker, not once, as she crossed the room. How could she? She couldn't; there was the honest truth. She had enough to do already –she didn't even know what Anderson wanted with her yet –and she had things to do before the Reapers came, things like repairing the fleet but also things like going back to Capetown and seeing if her foster home was still standing and figuring out what she was doing with Kaidan and where did Joker think he fit in anyway? She winced at the instant flashback to their conversation moments before. It felt messy. Shepard didn't like messy things; she wished the crises would arrive on her doorstep in neat, little, color-coded packages. Red meant nuke, purple meant kidnapping, and so forth. She chuckled at the thought.

She couldn't deal with this now, not when she had Captain –Councilor –Anderson to meet and Ambassador Udina to avoid. Whatever Joker had meant by those silly, un-Joker-like words would have to wait; he would thank her for it later, when he'd gotten a chance to unscramble his thoughts and get the champagne out of his system. Besides, she had been right when she had said that he loved the Normandy more than anything else and here she was going out to save his ship. That should be enough, right?

Right. She moved more quickly through the crowd, holding her hem up and out of the path of her ridiculous shoes as she walked. Craning her neck up over the shoulder of a turian guest, she spotted Anderson holding a champagne flute in one hand and made way to join him. However, a familiar figure in white clothing stepped into her path.

"Ah, Commander Shepard, the women of the hour, so good to see you again."

Shepard smiled politely at Ambassador Udina and attempted to move past. However, an elcor guest's girth made much a move nearly impossible and so, pinned between said elcor, Udina, and a refreshment table filled with things she couldn't eat, she said, "It's Anderson's party, ambassador."

Udina did not budge. "But it's you that they've all come to gawk at: Shepard, the Savior of the Citadel."

"Are you going to turn that into an endorsement vid? And that's 'Commander Shepard' to you, ambassador," she snapped. "I don't like people who ground me and my ship."

"You forget, Shepard, that it was I who gave you the Normandy in the first place."

"That would be assuming that it was you that really 'gave me the ship' and not the captain stepping down for me. Are you trying to tell me that you can take it away?"

"I doubt I could do so much," replied Udina coolly. "The Council adores you, commander; Anderson always did. In fact, there was a time when I might have thought there to be more to your relationship with him that mere protégée…"

"You better stop right there, Udina," she said with an edge in her voice. "I didn't screw my way to where I am today and anyone who suggests otherwise is no better than that muckraker al-Jilani."

"There still are some doubts as to how a no-name orphan managed to accomplish so much in so little time…"

"Do you want to forget about Akuze? Because I can tell you that I'd sure as hell like to forget about it but I won't. That is part of the reason I have 'accomplished so much in so little time,' ambassador." She gritted her teeth. "And, just to let you know, it's still in your best interests to support humanity's first Spectre."

"For the moment, perhaps," he sneered in return, "but you're not so popular among the conservatives back on Earth as you are with the Council races. Do you know where your loyalties lie?"

"Now you sound like Admiral Mikhailovich but, last I checked, you were a diplomat," retorted Shepard with undisguised disgust. "You're supposed to maintain positive relations between humanity and the Council."

"Thanks in no small part to you that duty now lies with Councilor Anderson."

"And now I'm glad I made that choice. Get out of my way, Udina; I don't have time for bureaucrats who turncoat just to satisfy a grudge."

"You are gravely mistaken to call me 'turncoat,' Shepard. I assure you that I have humanity's best interests at heart." He made as though to depart but turned and added, "I'm just not sure that humanity's best interests include you anymore. Might I inquire as to how Lieutenant Alenko is doing?"

"Why don't you ask your niece?" Udina did not respond, only continued to smile that silky little smile that made Shepard so sick. "Cut the crap. What are you getting at?"

"There's been some talk of a new Spectre candidate: a human one." That gave Shepard pause. "You weren't really as… negotiable as we had originally hoped."

"I'm sure that Admiral Hacket and Councilor Anderson would disagree."

"The admiral and Anderson are both old before their time. They both fail to see that humanity has an agenda we must push that is other than the usual 'save the galaxy and gain respect' routine. You performed admirably in saving the Council but on the whole you are too unreliable. We require a more malleable choice this time around."

Shepard's lip curled under. "You mean someone you can get away with manipulating."

"If you wish to be blunt," Udina shrugged.

"And you're telling me all of this why?"

"I'm telling you this because, as humanity's first Spectre, it is your duty to oversee the training of humanity's second Spectre." Udina smiled at Shepard. "Kaidan Alenko."

She stared at him for a long moment, disbelieving, and did not make any motion to go as the elcor finally moved away. Finding her voice, Shepard said, "Kaidan is not going to willingly be anyone's puppet. You're very mistaken to put your faith in him if that's what you're looking for."

"Ah?" Udina raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. And, to speak frankly, I'm not even sure that I believe you. I told you to cut the crap, Udina. I already know that it's you backing Mikhailovich; now what are you trying to get at with this?"

"You don't seem to like the idea of Kaidan Alenko, humanity's second Spectre."

"Gee, ambassador, you seem to really like throwing that phrase around." Shepard turned and saw that Joker had snuck up on them as they spoke. The pilot pointedly stared at Udina. "Do you mean to start up a press conference here? I think I saw al-Jilani hanging around…"

Udina sniffed audibly. "This is none of your concern, flight lieutenant."

"Finally you say something that makes sense, ambassador," said Shepard, glaring at Joker. "I don't think your story's straight, Udina, but I make it a point to go to Anderson if I want the truth. Come on, Joker."

The ambassador made a slight, mocking bow as they turned to go, emphasized by the smug smile on his face. Shepard grabbed Joker's shoulder and guided him away through the crowd. "You really just have incredible timing, don't you?"

"Hey, you told me to protect you from the scary ambassador. I really couldn't have gotten there any faster. You know, what with my crutches and Vrolik's and all…"

"You're deliberately misunderstanding me." Shepard guided him toward a door guarded by a human C-Sec officer. She nodded to the man and pulled him through the door after her.

"I hope you're not dragging me back here for 'a little talk,' commander."

Shepard rolled her eyes. Of all of the people who had to interrupt her conversation with Udina… "That depends. How much did you hear?"

"Well, gee, I don't know, commander. How long were you two talking?"

"You always have to go poking your nose where it doesn't belong."

"It's kind of my specialty."

"I know." She did not sound appreciative of his talents as they started up a set of stairs. Joker sighed and tried to follow Shepard's lead, knowing that she expected him to follow her up. He underestimated her; she noticed his struggling, bundled up her hem in her left hand, and, with her right, she helped him up the rest of the stairs. Half-way up, their eyes met and, this time, Joker looked away first.

"I can't go on," he groaned melodramatically. I would've thought she'd like Kaidan to be a Spectre but she looked angry at the idea.

"Of course you can." She made him go up another step. Were his eyes always this green? Did I never notice them because of that hat?

"Where are we going anyway?"

"I told you that Anderson wanted to see me."

"Yeah, I got that but why do I have to come along?"

"Because you poked your nose where it didn't belong."

"Are you going to ask him what Udina's up to?"

"Yes," she replied stiffly, pulling him up another step. "But there must be something else he wants from me."

"And we are… where?"

"Halfway up the stairs to the embassies. Anderson said he'd meet me in Udina's old office. We'd be there by now if you didn't make such a fuss about stairs all of the time."

"I do not 'make a fuss' about stairs. They've got it in for me, I swear!"

"Uh huh. That's making a fuss, Joker. And you must've refused to come down to the mess at least three times because of the stairs. You made me bring you food."

"Maybe that was because I wanted to talk to you." She didn't reply but she didn't let go of his arm either. "Look, Kate, we need to talk."

"I thought we were done." Her voice was heavy with finality. "Joker, we need to be done."

"It's not going to be 'done' until you give me a good reason for it."

"Joker, drop it." She grew angrier as she really looked at him. "You need to drop it and you're going to drop it right now. I made my decision and I'm not going back on it now."

He studied her face for a moment and then said, "I'll leave you and Kaidan alone, okay? Let's just… let's just go into see Anderson, okay?"

"Okay," she sounded relieved and positively dragged him up the rest of the flight of stairs. He noticed that one of her hands was shaking as it always did when she was put under pressure. "You're my best friend. You know that, right?"

"Sure I do," he scoffed. "Now, are you going to give me that consolation kiss on the cheek again?"

Thinking he had returned to his usual brand of humor, Shepard laughed as they reached the top of the stairs and leaned forward to give him another peck on the cheek but he turned at the last minute as he had tried to before and caught her mouth with his own before she could stop him. His crutches clattered against the floor as he put his hands on her shoulders and used her to keep him upright. He kissed her gently and then more possessively and she responded in kind until she suddenly pulled back.

"That did not just happen," she told him sternly but her blue eyes seemed hazy. "Do not tell anybody that happened and do not ever do that again."

He merely smiled at her angry tone. "I just wanted to see what would happen if you weren't drunk this time around."

Someone cleared his throat. Shepard and Joker turned to see that a door had opened and Anderson was standing in the hallway. "Katherine," he said, "sorry to keep you waiting. Joker?"

Shepard pushed Joker away –not hard though; even in her exasperation, she seemed careful of his condition, or so he noted. "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, councilor. Congratulations."

Chuckling, he replied, "Councilor in no small part to you, commander. Don't think that anything's really changed because of this appointment; I'm still the Captain Anderson you served under seven years ago."

"Good to hear it," responded Shepard, sounding cheerful for a moment. "I'm still sorry I'm late. The ambassador corralled me back at the party and then other complications decided to show up."

"Understandable," said Anderson and it seemed to Joker that his old captain was fighting down a smile. "Please, come in. Both of you. I don't want to be overheard."

"You checked this place out for bugs?" said Shepard as she and Joker followed him into his office. "I'd do check it out myself but what with this dress and all…"

"Udina wouldn't have had time to plant anything. He doesn't even know we're meeting here."

"All the same," Shepard ran a hand over the underside of the desk.

Anderson laughed quietly. "I'm glad to see that you're not out of practice but this place checks out green. No one's listening in. I had C-Sec make a sweep before you came."

"I take it then that this is business and not pleasure."

"I wish it could be otherwise." Anderson closed the door behind them and motioned for Joker to sit. "We have some catching up to do but I don't think we have the luxury of doing so now." He settled himself behind the desk. "What is Joker doing here, Shepard?"

"I heard that."

"I know you did."

"Udina told me some pretty interesting things, Anderson. Apparently, Joker heard them all too."

Her old captain grimaced. "Oh yeah? What kinds of interesting things?"

"I don't enjoy playing tattletale but he's doing everything to suggest that he can take the Normandy away save threatening me." Shepard folded her arms and raised her eyebrows in exasperation. "What's that about?"

"Udina's just trying to stir up trouble," Anderson replied with a shrug. "He was less than satisfied when you proposed that I join the Council but don't worry. He had the authority two months ago to give you possession of the Normandy because, two months ago, he was the highest ranked human diplomat on the Citadel. He isn't anymore." A crooked smile spread across Anderson's face. "I am."

"Go Councilor Anderson!" Joker punched a fist into the air from where he sat in what he decided to call "his corner."

Smiling appreciatively, Anderson responded by punching his own fist into the air, though less enthusiastically. Though she smiled as well, Shepard seemed to still have doubts. "It's just that when I spoke to Admiral Hacket, he made it sound as though Udina was working with Mikhailovich and they might actually be getting somewhere."

"They might be," Anderson admitted, "but Hacket and I combined might have just enough influence to keep them off of your back for the time being. In exchange, however, I may have to ask for a favor…"

"I'm pretty sure I'll say 'anything' but there was something else." And here comes the big one, thought Joker to himself. He braced for impact. "Look, Udina dropped something about there being a second human Spectre in the works. He said that that Spectre would be my staff lieutenant, Kaidan Alenko."

There was a moment of no response. Joker leaned forward when, with a heavy sigh, Anderson slowly shook his head. Looking up at Shepard and Joker, he said, "So, Udina dropped the ball."

"So it's true then." Her mouth set into a grim line. "And it will be Kaidan Alenko."

"It won't be made official for some time, maybe months, maybe a year. That'll give the Traverse some time to breathe. Spectre candidates are typically expected to undergo training anyway; at the very least, it's expected that they are given evaluation by a decorated current Spectre. You remember Nihlus."

"Turian Spectre that Saren shot?" Anderson nodded. Shepard winced at the memory, remembering the sky on Eden Prime. Joker knew she was thinking about it because she got that little crease between her eyebrows. "Yeah, I remember him."

"Then I trust you remember that Nihlus had been sent by the Council to serve as your evaluator." Anderson leaned forward, setting his elbows against his desk. "That's my favor, Katherine. I need you to accompany Lieutenant Alenko on various missions throughout the Traverse."

"Haven't we already kinda settled that requirement?" asked Joker from his corner. "You know, since we already chased a rogue Spectre from here to Ilos and back?"

"Not quite," Anderson answered with a slight chuckle and then paused. "Shepard… Katherine, I know you. I'd have thought you'd be pleased with this news. Is something going on?

"Nothing is going on," she replied with perfect control. "I'm just a little stressed out, as you can probably imagine."

"As can we all," he agreed. "I see that your arm has healed up nicely."

"Yeah," Shepard gently touched the long white scar along the underside of her left arm where Sovereign's wreckage had cut deeply into the muscle as it had crashed into the Council chamber. Joker knew that the wound still pained her frequently. "Nothing that stitches, extensive application of medi-gel, and the Alliance's best doctor couldn't handle."

Anderson smiled. "I assume you're talking about Dr. Chakwas." She nodded. "Glad to hear it. And how about you, Joker?"

"Well, I haven't broken any bones worth mentioning recently, cap'n. Or should I call you 'councilor' now?"

"We've all known each other too long for these formalities, Joker," he replied in a very grave tone but his eyes twinkled. "It's just Anderson to you. Both of you. I take it that you're combat-ready then, Shepard?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Admiral Hackett will officially be sending you coordinates to specific systems in the Omega Nebula."

"That's in Terminus space."

"Yes. I'm sure that at least Urdnot Wrex is familiar with the area but the coordinates will be sent to you, Joker, as soon as you head back to the Normandy. You'll be looking for the last stragglers of Saren's geth, commander."

"This isn't my usual kind of mission."

"Neither was picking up the beacon on Eden Prime and we all remember how that turned out." Shepard and Joker exchanged a glance as Anderson got up from behind his desk. "It's a good opportunity for you to officially observe Alenko in action; it looks good to the Council anyway. You and your new Spectre candidate exterminating the last of Saren's geth will be seen as humanity finishing what we started back on Eden Prime with you and Nihlus."

"Well, let's hope that I don't end up like Nihlus," said Shepard with a sigh. "Maybe those geth will have some info on Sovereign and the Reapers."

"I hope so too, Katherine. It'll take some time to get clearance to send excavation teams to Ilos. Sending them through Terminus space is both costly and dangerous but, until we do, there will be doubts about the Reapers' existence."

"You believe me, right, Anderson?"

"I believe you, Shepard," he reassured her. "I'd be a fool not to after what happened with Saren. But you have to understand that people are frightened and not just of the Reapers. They're frightened of humanity, as anyone would be of someone who has accomplished so much in so little time."

"Can you blame them?" asked Shepard.

"Sometimes I want to. But nobody wants to change; that's a universal fact if there ever was one. We need to prove to the rest of the galaxy that we are their protectors, not their conquerors. You've done that, Shepard, but you can't be everywhere else. We need a second human Spectre, someone like you who will hold up to the same ideals."

"Aye, aye, Anderson," she said but Joker thought she sounded doubtful of her old friend's reasoning. "And you want us to leave tonight?"

"If possible."

"It's possible, sir." She started toward the door already but his next remark called her back:

"Could you tell all of this to the lieutenant, Shepard? I didn't see him tonight."

"He was there."

"I didn't see him."

She turned and smiled at him. "Also possible, councilor. I'll see you when I get back from dealing with these geth. Maybe we'll find some time to catch up then."

"I hope so too. Take care of yourself out there, Katherine. You too, Joker."

Joker nodded as Shepard replied, "You too, Anderson." She pulled Joker up to his feet and handed her pilot his crutches. "Come on, Joker," she said in a voice no one else could hear. "Let's go back to the Normandy. I've had enough with these backroom politics."

54 hours, 11 minutes before the event:

The corpse that had been Saren Arterius fizzled and crumbled into ashes and misshapen, partially melted metal. Katherine Shepard's eyes watered as she inadvertently inhaled a cloud of something that smelled akin to sulfur. The fumes filled her nose and mouth and she sputtered as she stumbled backwards, blue eyes blinking rapidly in an effort to clear her vision. Eyes still hazy with burning, she saw the outline of some huge shape hurling toward the window, its shadow passing over her. Sovereign is still trying to kill me, she thought as she scrambled backwards and yelled for someone –Kaidan? –to run as the huge shard of metal splintered the window, realizing too late that Liara and Garrus were out of harm's way and Kaidan was on the Normandy and that the person who needed to run was her.

Katherine Shepard bolted upright in bed and instantly felt the familiar pressure or Kaidan's hands at her shoulders. "Another one?"

"Yes," she thought she heard someone else say.

"Bad?" She felt her chin move up and then down in response to Kaidan's next question. "The same as usual?" She nodded again and felt his hands squeeze her shoulders in response. "It's alright. You're here now."

"I know that," she replied, perhaps more curtly than she had intended. "I'm sorry. It's hard to remember that they're dead. Both of them."

"They are. They're gone."

"I killed them."

"You did the galaxy a service. Everyone thinks so."

She pulled forward, away from him, staring into the darkness. "Still, I sometimes feel as though their ghosts are haunting me."

"They've got no right to be haunting anybody. They were bad people… things."

"Still," she repeated. She didn't glance back at him as she added, "If they've got any right to haunt anybody, it'll be me. It should be me."

"If anyone's looking for retribution," said Kaidan reasonably, "then they'd come to you. I'm not." He lay back down against the pillows and extended an arm for her to move back into his embrace. "Come back to bed."

"I can't."

"You need your sleep, Kate."

"I can't." She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, stubbornly keeping her back to him. "If I sleep, I dream. If I dream, I wake up… eventually. If I wake up, I can't go back to sleep. Better to stay awake to begin with."

"It sounds as though you've got the drill down."

"Pretty much," Shepard agreed and then glanced back at him with misgiving. "Hey," she sighed as she settled back down, leaning against her hand and looking at him through the darkness. "Did the ambassador talk to you at all?"

"No. He didn't even bother with me. It was his niece that gave me the trouble. Have you always had bad dreams?"

"Always?" she repeated.

"I mean, since Akuze."

She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. "If that's what you call 'always' then… yeah. I guess so."

"Why'd you never tell me about them before?" Kaidan propped himself up on one shoulder and looked down at her. "Kate?"

"I don't think that I've ever told anyone that," she replied, not a single flicker of emotion in her tone.

She didn't feel or hear Kaidan move for several moments. She imagined that he was still there, looking down at her, scrutinizing her face through the darkness, so she kept herself perfectly still, reminding herself of little children and the age old chant: "If I don't move, he won't see me."

After what felt like an eternity, Shepard felt him slide back down against the mattress. "Still, you need your rest. I wouldn't be surprised if the geth led us on a merry chase around the cluster." He paused. "Anderson gave you this assignment in the middle of a party?"

"He took me into Udina's old office."

"Alone?"

"No." She paused. "Joker made me bring him along."

"How'd he do that?"

Did she imagine suspicion in his voice? "How does he get anything?" Shepard answered dismissively. "He made a nuisance out of himself. So, Udina didn't talk to you at all?"

"Why would he?"

"Fishing for information, I guess."

"Did Anderson say something to you to put you on edge like this?"

"Sort of." The words were out before she could do anything to delay them but she dragged the syllables out anyway.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'll tell you about it in the morning." Shepard swung her legs off of the bed and placed her bare feet upon the ground beside her shoes, parallel to the mattress edge. "Now isn't the right time to be talking about these things. It isn't professional."

"Aye, aye commander." Was he fighting down a smile or was he being serious? "Come back to bed."

The truth was that Shepard didn't want to. Sleeping next to Kaidan felt strange. It was nothing major, just little things like how his side of the mattress always sunk deeper into the bed's frame so that she was always rolling towards him or like how they both favored the left side of the bed but there wasn't enough room for the both of them. Everybody gives up something for a relationship, Shepard told herself but the knowledge of a universal and essential give-and-take system didn't make her feel any better. Maybe she was just born selfish.

"No, I think I'll go and get something to drink," she told him as she got to her feet. Her hand paused where she knew the room's controls were mounted upon the back wall. "I'm going to turn the lights on. Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be," she heard him answer with a sigh. There was the sound of him pressing a pillow over his face and then Kaidan said, "Give me a countdown."

"Relax: I'm only turning on the dimmest setting."

"All the same."

Shepard closed her own eyes tightly and said, "Three… two… one." She tapped the switch.

Light flooded the room and Shepard's eyes opened then darkened with a cat's satisfied pleasure at the sight of Kaidan with his shirt off. He smiled at her. "Don't be out too long."

"Five minutes," she pleaded with a smile of her own, tearing her eyes from him only to pull on a black tank top and gray sweats over her underwear. She blew him a kiss and then exited her own quarters.

If they were her own quarters, why did she feel as though she were running away? She would tell Kaidan in the morning; there had simply been too much going on in the hours following Councilor Anderson's party to tell him the news. And on top of that, Shepard still felt that the Normandy was Anderson's ship, no matter how many times she was told otherwise, no matter who it was who was telling her otherwise. Why did everything she owned feel as though it was only borrowed? Why did it always feel as though she was running away?

She turned to corner and entered an empty mess hall. It seemed as though every off-duty crewman had made for their beds the moment they had left port; she had heard that rambunctious group blow in from a night out at Flux. She envied them the solitude of their sleep pods; she couldn't recall ever having any dreams when she had bunked in one of them. Shepard moved to the coffee machine and was contemplating two packets of instant chai when Wrex walked in accompanied by Joker on his crutches.

"Shepard," grunted the krogan.

"Wrex."

"Hi," said Joker.

"Hi."

"I thought you mammals enjoyed your sleep," said Wrex by way of starting a conversation, "but I find this guy skulking around the engine room and now you're skulking around up here."

Shepard shrugged, suppressing a yawn. "Sorry if I bothered you. Couldn't sleep."

"Not at all, Shepard. I've actually been waiting for a chance to talk to you about something. I have a favor to ask of you."

Biting back the reply of "Anything," she answered instead with a noncommittal "What's going on, Wrex?"

"Not much," he replied as Joker slipped into a seat at the table, squirming slightly to find a comfortable position, and Shepard tore open a packet of instant chai latte and drowned the powder in hot water, "and that's the problem. Saren's defeated, Sovereign's been turned to scrap, I think it's time I got down to business."

"To defeat the Huns," Shepard thought she heard Joker snort under his breath but the commander replied, "I thought you liked to be where the action is."

"Being sent out on busy work isn't really my kind of action," countered Wrex. "Sorry as I am to tell you, Shepard, but I need to move on."

Shepard turned away for a moment, fishing for sugar but really hiding her face for a brief moment. When she recovered herself (she had grown fond of the krogan), she said, "Back to work?"

"Back to Tuchanka actually," he said. "Find what's left of my clan, what's left of my family. Maybe start one. Find a mate."

Joker choked even though he wasn't drinking anything. "Family life?" he said incredulously. "You, Wrex?"

"Clan life," growled the krogan. "I told you why I had to leave my home world to begin with, Shepard. It's time that I went back and finished what I started with Jaroth all those years back. Before the Reapers arrive."

"I get that, Wrex," said Shepard. She absentmindedly stirred her chai but her eyes were intent upon the krogan. "But we're currently hurling in the opposite direction from Tuchanka. I'd be happy to drop you off; it's only that we're not exactly in a position to turn around, are we, Joker?"

The helmsman nodded vigorously but Wrex only shrugged. "I wasn't expecting you to. Truth is, I drop in on Clan Urdnot in an Alliance cruiser, it's not gonna blow over well. Drop me off on Illium, Shepard."

"Joker?"

"We can do that, commander. We have to stop there for the fuel depot anyway."

Wrex nodded in appreciation and assent. "That'll do, Shepard. That'll do. I look forward to working with you in the future."

"I'll… I'll see you around," replied Shepard. Joker watched as she kept up a smile as Wrex exited in the direction of the elevator. As soon as the krogan had disappeared and they heard the sound of the elevator, she turned to Joker and said abruptly, "Are you here to tell me that you're going to leave too?"

"What? No; no, commander, I'm with you until the end. You know that, right?"

"But when does 'the end' begin? When does the end begin, Joker? Is it like what Wrex said and is the end now that Saren is dead and Sovereign is gone? Does it begin when the Reapers arrive or are we already dead by then?"

Joker made a face. "You sound like a character in this boring old play I saw while I was in school."

"If it was so boring, why did you see it?"

"The cute girl in my class was in it."

"Ah. What was her name?"

"Alyssa."

"Did it go anywhere?"

"Do you really think that anything between me and a girl has ever gone anywhere?"

"Well, sorry."

"Look," said Joker with a shrug, "if you're looking for a tale of unrequited puppy love, go ask Alenko about Brain Camp. I'm not big on sappy emotions and sob stories."

She sat down and rolled her mug between her palms. "I don't want to talk to Kaidan right now," she told him. "I want to talk to you."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Well, don't get insulted."

"Then don't insult me," replied Joker with some contention. "Easy solution."

A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "Ouch."

"Can't take credit; another boring play I had to read," he shrugged, brimming with exaggerated modesty. "Someone left the coffee on," he observed after a moment.

She glanced over her shoulder. "Seems like."

"Get me a cup, would you?"

"What's the magic word?" she teased.

He rolled his eyes dramatically. "Please?"

Shepard rolled her eyes right back at him and got up to get him a mug. While she poured the thin, dark, caffeinated liquid, he asked, "So have you told him yet?"

"I think there's been enough drama tonight," she replied.

"You don't just want to get it over with? Rip off the Band-Aid already?" She slid his coffee across the table to him. Joker drank deeply and then put the mug down, saying, "I thought you would be happy for him."

"What am I supposed to say to that, Joker?" she flared up. "Am I happy for him? Do you know what the average life expectancy for a Spectre is?"

"Well, I assume that it varies from species to species."

She stared at him for a moment. "How you manage to turn everything into a joke…"

"How else do you expect to get through life, Kate?"

Her blue eyes flitted away from his, glancing guiltily over towards the door to her cabin. "Let's just wait and see how happy he is," she said quietly and got up. "I should get back to bed."

"Bad dreams?"

"Yeah." She shrugged. "I'm going to miss Wrex."

"Yeah, me too."

"I'll see you around, Joker." She dumped the dregs of her tea and gave him a little wave. She stopped. "Look," she said a little awkwardly, "you're a great guy. Anybody would be lucky to have you. You know that. But he's a great guy too. And I don't want to have to… I mean, I don't want there to have to be a choice that somebody has to make. You're my best friend, Joker. I don't want to screw this up."

She nodded to him and then she left. Joker watched her go and then stared at his coffee and did not move so that when the lights on the mess dimmed, it wasn't because no one was there but because someone didn't know what to do now.

…

A/N: Positive and/or constructive feedback is always appreciated! Part Two will be out within the next month or so.