A/N: So I finally got the nerve to click on the little 'complete' button. Thanks so much for all the reviews and for sticking with me throughout this story. That really means a lot to me. :)
Five hours before graduation, Abbie stumbled into the Benson household and collapsed on the couch. She had wanted Alex to drop her off, but Alex was way too hung over to drive, so Mrs. Cabot volunteered to drop her off at Olivia's house so she could get ready for graduation.
"You look like hell," Olivia said as she looked at Abbie lying on the couch.
"I feel like hell," she said. She hated Olivia right now for spending the night at home and actually being sober. Even though there were five hours left, she was already doing her hair. Abbie didn't even care what she looked like right now. She just wanted to go half an hour without throwing up.
"What happened to you?" Aunt Lorraine asked Abbie.
"A depressed best friend and a bottle of whiskey," Abbie told her. "I just want to sleep for the rest of the day."
"Was Lex that upset?" Olivia asked.
"Not was," Abbie corrected her. "She's still is upset."
Olivia squeezed herself into a spot on the couch next to Abbie, but within a few seconds, Abbie pushed her off and ran to the bathroom so she could throw up. When she was finished, she brushed her teeth and returned to her same spot on the couch.
"Mom, I'm dying," Abbie told Serena when she walked into the living room.
"What's wrong with my Eddie?" Serena asked as she sat down next to Abbie. Abbie rested her head on Serena's shoulder and Lorraine started laughing.
"I'm dying," Abbie told her. "Save me."
"Sare, don't feel sorry for her. That girl is hung over," Lorraine said.
"I know she is and that's why I feel sorry for my Eddie," Serena told Lorraine and then turned to Abbie. "I'm going to make you a drink that is guaranteed to cure any hangover. Liv, Lori, and I invented it when we were in college and it's never let us down."
"What's in it?" Abbie asked.
"It's probably best that you don't know," Serena responded.
"She's right," Lorraine told Abbie. "You're going to have to get used to binge drinking, sweetheart. You're starting college soon."
"I'm not going to be that kind of college girl," Olivia said. "That's a stereotype."
"I don't know, Livvy. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree," Lorraine told her.
"Lori, don't!" Serena warned.
"Tell us," Abbie and Olivia said in unison.
"It's three against one, Sare. I'm telling the story," Lorraine shouted to Serena before turning back to face the girls. "This was the beginning of our junior year in college, just a week before she got with Walter, I believe. Sare, Liv, and I were at some college bar that a lot of other Columbia students frequented. Liv and I were pretending to be straight back then but we were still all over each other and Sare was making out with some guy like always."
"I heard that, Lori!" Serena said as she came back to the living room with Abbie's drink. It tasted awful, but Abbie didn't care as long as it stopped her from throwing up.
"Anyway," Lorraine continued. "He was wearing some sweatshirt from a fraternity that wasn't at our school so we assumed he went to NYU. So, Liv and I were all over each other and we wanted to get into bed. We felt bad about leaving Sare because she was so drunk, but she insisted that she was fine. She was all over this guy and it was so disgusting because we were trying to convince her to go home and all she'd do was nibble on his neck while his hand was on her ass. Liv and I hated each for doing this, but we left her there with him while we had sex all night in our apartment. I got up about 11 in the morning to make breakfast for Liv and I saw that Serena's room was empty. I tried to tell myself that it was just Sare being Sare, but there was something different about this time. I'm sure you girls have heard of the walk of shame, well this became the train ride of shame. I get a call from Serena an hour later and she is extremely frantic. She woke up in an apartment next to an empty bottle of Jack Daniels, a used condom, and a different guy than the one she had left with. The first thing she said to me was, 'I don't think I'm in New York anymore.' She told me she saw a sign that said Babcock Street and then she freaked out because she saw a Massachusetts license plate and some guys in Boston University sweatshirts. I have no idea how, but Serena started her night making out with a guy in New York City and then woke up with a different guy in Boston. That's four hours away! To make matters worse, she couldn't remember anything that had happened the night before. We later found out that the guy she was making out with at the bar was a student from Boston University and she had taken a train with him to his apartment in Boston, but when she got to his room, she saw a Nixon sign and went on one of her trademark rants. His roommate put down his guitar and tried to calm her down. When Sare sat on the bed next to him, he started playing his guitar and singing 'Hello, I Love You' to her until she put his guitar aside. He told her she was hot and she smiled and said 'I know.' Well, I'll leave the rest to your imagination. I'm assuming you know what happened next. The guy who paid for Serena to take the train over there didn't get any, but the guy who sings a Doors song got some action for the rest of the night. What does that say about Serena's taste in men?"
"I'm just glad my sister Eleanor went to Harvard back then," Serena told them. "I managed to take a subway over there and I went back to her place for awhile before she helped me get a train back to New York."
"That is just scandalous," Abbie said. "I love it."
"This woman was the queen of the walk of shame," Aunt Olivia said when she finally entered the living room. "But as soon as she was pregnant with Livvy, all of that stopped. Livvy was born during our last semester of college and while we were out having fun, all Sare wanted to do was hold her daughter and push her in her bassinet around the park."
"I remember the picnics we had in the park when I was six. When we were finished eating, you'd push me on the swing, and then if I had homework, I'd do my homework and you'd work on your dissertation," Olivia told her mom.
"And now my baby is graduating," Serena told her and Olivia started crying.
"I'm not ready," Olivia said. "I want to be a little girl again and I want to start over with Lex. I want it to be the day I met her so I could ask her to be mine and I could be her first kiss and she could be the one I lost my virginity to. I wouldn't have met Jenny and I wouldn't be going through any of this right now."
"What are you going through?" Serena asked her, but Olivia didn't answer. She just cried into her mom's shoulder until it was time to get ready for graduation.
All three Cabenmichael girls posed for pictures together outside of the school gymnasium before their graduation ceremony. When it was time to line up inside the gym before heading out to the field, Abbie already started to feel herself tear up.
"You look beautiful," Trent told her and gave her a kiss on her hand.
"Thanks," she said. "You look great, too."
"Thanks. We've been through a lot together this year, haven't we?"
"Yeah," Abbie agreed. "Today was supposed to be my due date, but here I am instead."
"Maybe it's for the best," Trent told her. "I'm playing football for Notre Dame and you're moving to Texas. I think everything turned out okay for us."
"I guess you're right," Abbie said even though she didn't believe her own words. She knew in her heart she wanted her baby instead.
Olivia looked at Alex who was holding her notes in her hand and mentally preparing herself for the ceremony. As valedictorian, she was expected to give a speech and she was anything but ready. The speech may have been inspirational, but she wanted to rip it up and leave the gymnasium. She didn't have good memories with a lot of these people. In fact, she could honestly say she only had two friends in her entire graduating class and one of them had betrayed her. She may have been standing next to Olivia, but she had never felt so distant from her in her whole life. It had only been 24 hours since she had made out with Jenny and the memory was still fresh in her mind. There was something she needed to say to Olivia. It may have been the worst time, but she knew if she didn't get this off of her chest, she wouldn't be able to focus on her speech. She grabbed Olivia by the hand and led her a secluded spot just outside the gym.
"I want to take a break," she blurted out.
"What?" Olivia asked.
"I don't want to be a couple anymore, Olivia."
"Why?" she asked. She tried to hold back her tears but it was no use. "I thought we were okay."
"You broke my heart, Olivia," Alex said. "Ever since I was four years old, I've put you on a pedestal. I thought you were the great Olivia Benson, the do-gooder. That's the girl I fell in love with, but yesterday I realized that girl doesn't exist. I know you have flaws like everyone else, but infidelity is the one flaw I can't put up with."
"But I'm sorry," Olivia said through her sobs.
"I know, Liv, but I can't stop thinking about you kissing her. And that was just five minutes in her car. What about when you live together and she's in the next room? She's going to be strutting around you in skimpy clothes and flirting with you and you're going to give in to her. If I stay in a relationship with you, Olivia, I'm going to be spending every waking moment wondering what you're doing and if you're cheating on me."
"Baby, don't do this," Olivia pleaded. "I love you. You're my Alex. You have my ring, remember?"
"I have to," Alex said and then slipped the ring on Olivia's finger. "I love you, Olivia, and you broke my heart and you broke my trust. What makes it worse is that it wasn't just my girlfriend that broke my heart. My best friend did, too. We've known each other for fourteen years now and I know it hurts right now, but we're going to get through this. I love you so much, Olivia. You had me, baby. You had all of me. And that changed yesterday when you kissed Jenny."
"Can we still be friends?" Olivia asked.
"Someday, but I don't know when" Alex told her. "Someday high school is going to be a distant memory and we'll talk about our experiences every now and then over drinks when we have a Cabenmichael reunion with Abbie. She'll be with Serena. I know she will. You and I will probably hook up every now and then, but it won't be the same. It'll never be the same. We had the kind of love that most people will never experience."
"Alex, please. I'll do anything," Olivia pleaded again, but Alex didn't know what to say. She hated to see Olivia cry, but she knew she had to be strong and stick to her decision. Olivia had made out with Jenny and there was no way Alex was going to let her get away with that. She hugged Olivia one last time and then left to read over her speech.
Olivia was sobbing uncontrollably in the girls' bathroom when Abbie found her. "Livya, what happened?" she asked.
"Alex broke up with me," she told her. "She broke up with me right before graduation and to top it off she says she doesn't want to be friends. I want to go back to yesterday and make Jenny give me the key at our table instead of going to the car with her. I made that one little mistake and it ruined my whole life."
"I'm sorry," Abbie said as she held her. "Maybe it's for the best that Alex is leaving tomorrow. If you two spent the summer together, you'd be even more hurt. Liv, you know I love Alex, but my loyalty is to you. It always has been. I have moments with Alex, but you're the best friend I've ever had. We're going to have a whole summer together and I'm going to help you get through this in any way I can. Your mom and your aunts are taking us out to dinner after graduation and then you and I are going to pig out on ice cream and candy, watch horror movies, play Metroid, and talk about random things for the rest of the night."
"Abbie?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"I love you, too," Abbie told her as she started to dry Olivia's tears.
The entire graduation ceremony was a blur for Olivia. She had always pictured graduation day as one of the happiest days of her life and she had been looking forward to hearing Alex's speech, but after everything that had happened, hearing her speech only made the situation worse. She wanted to start crying again, but if she did, she knew everyone would start staring at her. It was normal to cry at a graduation ceremony, but no one sobbed uncontrollably the way she felt like doing. She kept her eyes on Alex and thought about how beautiful she looked. All eyes were on Alex and Olivia started filling with pride. For once, everyone noticed how brilliant Alex was. They were finally seeing what Olivia saw and then she remembered that Alex was no longer her girlfriend or her friend. She knew Alex was hurting as much as she was, but it amazed her how Alex could keep her composure as she delivered a speech to the whole crowd just minutes after breaking up with her girlfriend.
Abbie squeezed Olivia's hand and smiled at her, but Olivia couldn't smile in return. She kept thinking about the day she met Alex and every good time they had together as best friends. Then her mind flashed back to their five short months as a couple. Olivia felt as if she had lived a lifetime during her relationship with Alex. She had learned about true love and how fragile hearts can be. She thought about her relationship with Jenny and how heartbroken she was when it ended. She thought she would never love again, but she did. She fell in love with Connie and, even after Connie, she was able to love again. Olivia began to realize that this feeling would eventually pass, but she didn't want it to pass. If this feeling passed, it meant she was over Alex and, no matter how long she lived, she never wanted to be over Alex.
She wanted to scream out that she loved Alex. She wanted to go on stage and give her the most passionate kiss of her life, but she knew she wouldn't do any of those things. Instead, she sat down until it was time to go up on stage and receive her diploma.
After the last name was called, fireworks went off and the Class of 1992 was history. Olivia hugged Abbie tightly before Serena started smiling uncontrollably and pounced on her girlfriend.
"Congratulations, baby," Serena told her before smothering Abbie with kisses.
Olivia looked at Alex taking pictures with Jared and some of her cousins nearby. She gave Olivia a half smile before turning away. On the other side of the field was Jenny, who had come to see her friends graduate. Jenny spotted Olivia and blew her a kiss, but all Olivia could do was avert her eyes. She had seen the two women who had broken her heart and they both looked happy. Olivia hated that they looked happy. She wanted them to feel what she was feeling. With that in mind, she rushed over to the one woman who would never break her heart and gave her the biggest hug she had ever given anybody.
"Congratulations, Livvy," she told her and handed over Mr. Cuddles, whom she had dressed in a cap and gown as a surprise for Olivia.
"Mr. Cuddles looks so cute! I love him and I love you, Mommy," Olivia said and she stopped holding back her tears.
"My girl. My beautiful girl," Serena said as she wrapped her arms around Olivia and held her close. It made Serena cry to see her daughter hurting so much. Even though Olivia hadn't told her what had happened, Serena knew exactly what was bothering her. "I wish I could make it all better for you like I did when you were little."
"Alex isn't replacing you anymore," Olivia said. "She's not the woman in my life."
"I wish she were," Serena admitted. "I've never seen two people as in love with each other as you two are."
"But she—"
"Get her back," Serena interrupted and Olivia finally started to smile.
"I will," Olivia said. She was going to make Alex hers again, no matter how long it would take or what she had to do.