Author's Note: This idea came to me while re-watching iParty with Victorious (Because what better to do on a Friday night than stay home and watch TV, right?). It will either be funny or really bad. Let's hope for the former! Yay! This is set a week after that episode. And if you imagine the weird way that Spencer would say all of these things and the way he would gossip with a bunch of married women, it will make it a bit funnier. This is going to be really crazy and unrealistic, but who cares? :D

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly. If I did, I would get myself a Penny tee. But I do own the random characters that I made up in this story. Except Nancy. She was actually in the show.

iHave a Book Club

"Alright." I clapped my hands together and talked loudly to my group, "Is everyone here?" I had all of the chairs arranged in a circle around the living room, but one was empty.

"No. Nancy is running late. She has to pick up her son from soccer practice." Linda informed me.

"Oh. Which one?"

"Mark."

"Oh. You mean the devil child who she brought that slid our tray of spaghetti tacos off of the coffee table two weeks ago?"

"Yeah. She really has to learn how to control her children." She commented.

"I know, right? It took an hour of scrubbing to get that stain out!" Oh god. I was turning into a thirty-year-old single mother.

"Speaking of controlling children, where's your sister?" My eyes widened. I had no idea where Carly was.

"Uhhh…" I stammered, "She's probably at the Groovy Smoothie with Sam and Freddie."

"Well, let's hope she doesn't interrupt our meeting like last time."

"I know. Speaking of that, what were we discussing at our last meeting?"

"I honestly can't remember."

"Well, you know what? That's alright because we are starting a brand new book today!" I announced. All of the ladies in the room gasped with excitement. I will admit that I was a bit excited, too.

"What book?" Diane asked.

"The Penny Treasure!" Everyone clapped.

"I've always wanted to read that!" Sally exclaimed.

"Well then today is your lucky day!" I told her, walking toward the kitchen, "I have a copy for everyone."

"You bought a copy for each of us?" Tina questioned.

"No. My friend Socko's cousin Reed is the owner of a bookstore and he got us the books for free."

"Nice. Good condition?"

"They even have the new book smell. Here. Smell the book." I held it out to her.

"I don't think so." She replied, pushing the book away from her face.

"Okay." I looked down, but then my head shot back up, "And I also have our special book club snack!"

"Yay!" Everyone cheered.

"And this week it's…drum roll please…mushroom tartlets!" They all looked at me with their eyebrows raised, "Okay then…how about chocolate chip cookies?" They all nodded in approval and I grabbed a package of the possibly stale cookies. Suddenly, the door opened and Nancy walked in.

"Hey! What did I miss?"

"Nothing much. We're reading The Penny Treasure."

"Oh. I already read that. Travis finds the Key of Tranquility four feet from Ginian's grave." We all groaned.

"Way to give away the ending!" Sally shouted.

"Sorry, guys!" Nancy apologized.

"Now we have to find another book to read. Because of Nancy!" Diane whined.

"Thanks a lot!" Linda scowled.

"Okay, girls! Calm down!" I warned.

"She should pay for being a spoiler…" Sally grinned mischievously.

"Get her!" Tina cried. All of the ladies in the book club, who happened to be more serious about reading than I had originally thought, pounced on Nancy, and she ran away screaming all throughout the apartment.

"Guys! This is way out of hand!" I shouted. But the women kept going. They barreled through the living room in their high heels and used their handbags like whips. I watched in horror as Nancy ran past my radio sculpture and those running after her knocked it over, "No! That took me six hours of back pain!" I complained. But no one cared to listen. The door opened once again and in walked Freddie's mother.

"What is going on in here? If Freddie were home, you would have woken him from his daily after dinner nap!" she yelled.

"After dinner nap?" I asked in disbelief.

"It's mandatory for his growth and development!" she defended himself.

"And for his nerdiness." I commented under my breath.

"I heard that!"

"Sorry. Hey! Do you know where Carly is?"

"She and Freddie and Samantha are interviewing hobos about their favorite ice cream flavors for their web show."

"Wow. And you're okay with that?"

"Well, Freddie has to remain at least twenty-five feet away from those dirty people at all times or else he will be shocked by an unbreakable electric bracelet that I put on him while he was sleeping."

"That sounds a lot more like you. Did you warn him about it?"

"He'll figure it out after a while. Now what are these screaming women doing in your apartment?"

"We're…reading The Penny Treasure." Mrs. Benson lit up.

"Oh! I love that book! Tell me how you thought of it when you and your…friends…finish." And with that, she walked out the door.

"Wait! Can you help me…" I started, but she was already inside her own apartment, "Ugh. Never mind." I turned back to my book club. Nancy was writhing on the ground among the broken pieces of my sculpture as the rest of the club trudged out the kitchen door, grumbling. I strolled over to her.

"Ummm…Nancy? You forgot your makeup pouch last time. Here you go." I dropped it on her stomach awkwardly and she winced in pain, "Do you want a mushroom tartlet?" She didn't respond. "Cookie?" I asked, trying one for myself, but then spitting it out because it was moldy, "Never mind." She raised her head a little and motioned for me to come closer. I leaned over and she cleared her throat.

"I'm quitting the book club!" she screamed. And then she got up clumsily and limped over to the door, leaving her makeup pouch once again. We never had another meeting after that.

Author's Note: Wow. Hooray for suckish stories! So yeah, don't bother reviewing. This is not worth your time. Even if you wanted to tell me how bad it was. I already know. Adios! :D