But I Don't Love you

~Author Note~

Hello all of those lovely readers and fantastic writers. I may not be exactly a well known author here on fan fiction, but my goal is to become one. I'm not exactly positive on how good my writing is, I refuse to let anyone but total strangers - A.K.A the readers such as yourselves - read my writing. Mostly because I can expect an honest answer from you guys.

Unlike the obligated positive input I'd get from my family, friends, or teachers. I mean, they're suppose to support me. Which is great, don't get me wrong, but I think the outcome for fan fiction will be a bit more honest. So that means…review? Tell me what you think. My second fan fiction:) Which is also inspired by another song that I was listening to, Falling in by Lifehouse. The lyrics are really beautiful and have a good meaning, I advice you guys to check it out if you haven't:)

~Disclaimer~

Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight

~Reality-Keeps-Me-Dreaming~

Every time I see your face
My heart takes off on a high speed chase
Now don't be scared, it's only love
Baby, that we're falling in
I can't wait to tomorrow
This feeling has swallowed me whole
And know I've lost control

Chapter one: Where'd he go?

"Do you want to come over tomorrow after school?" The voice was distant, for all I knew it could be a mile away. I wasn't exactly sure, and I really didn't care either. It was a simple question and I could've easily answered it with a nod or shake of my head. But I chose to ignore it. What did it matter? We'd see one another tomorrow anyways. And I wasn't exactly in the bonding mood.

"Yo, Macky, listen up." Something pinched my bare arm before twisting sharply, immediately making me yelp like a new born puppy as I jumped away from the offending assault. Grumbling angrily I could only glare at the wide, blue, doe eyes that held a fake aura of innocence. Innocent my butt.

"You called?" I asked, batting my eye lashes sweetly, knowing very well that my voice was anything but.

"Well I didn't mean to bother you…" Hannah trailed off, giving me a wink. I frowned, not in the mood to play along with her just out of pure amusement. Sighing out of annoyance she twirled around to talk with Jamie instead, leaving me to my thoughts once again. Leaning back on one of the very cheap cafeteria chairs I nibbled thoughtfully on a piece of celery - coincidentally the only thing edible among Forks cafeteria food. Not that it bothered me, I never really ate much anyways.

"So what's wrong with Macky?" I blinked at Hannah's voice, knowing fully well she was making another scene just to tick me off or to get me to talk to her. Which, I'll admit, has worked from time to time, but today I simply wasn't feeling it. The moment I woke up I knew that I'd probably end up going through school in a daze again; Monday's do tend to do that to people. But the really depressing thing is that I could never really have a good Monday. Tuesday's were okay, I'd manage to muster up a good conversation once and awhile. Wednesday's were just tiring, half way through the week and all. Thursday's were the days that I actually could smile and be that social butterfly I once was; Thursday's always have been my good days. And Friday's were simply boring, not much to them.

"She seems to be having an off day." You'd think someone else would've answer Hannah, but no, instead she decided to carry on a very loud and active conversation with herself. For attention of course, not that it bothered me, just another distraction to keep people from trying to snap me out of my daze. All in all, I never really cared much when I was in a daze, and snapping me out of one could be considered dangerous so Hannah was really the only person who tried.

Which I guess could consider her as my best friend, noting that she actually tries. But to me, it was quite annoying. Aggravating, perhaps, for a better word.

"Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?" Jamie and the others around the table snickered at Hannah's antics. I, however, put myself in neutral as I willed myself to concentrate on not thinking or hearing anything around me. It was better off that way anyway.

"Seems like it." Hannah continued to carry out a conversation between herself. And, I swear, one of these days a teacher's going to over hear and suggest Hannah to a psychiatrist, or maybe the schools guidance counselor. I don't really know how that works, maybe a therapist would be better?

"Should we cheer her up?" Hannah questioned to herself, and for a moment she seemed to be debating whether or not to do just that.

"I think we shall. Wonderful plan you have, Hannah." Even though my head was turned away, I knew that Hannah was probably patting herself on the back right now. She may be a friend, but she could be very irritable when she wanted to.

"Why thank you Hannah." I rolled my eyes, offering a tight smile at her when she went to pinch me again. I don't know if they ever knew this, but I've come to realize that I do, in fact, get rather physically abused by my friends. Whether it's to "zap" my sides when they dig their fingers into my waist until I yelp in pain, or if they pinch me when I don't listen, or - the most common - when they smack me upside the head so I'd talk to them, or more correctly, yell at them.

"Don't touch me." I murmured before taking in a deep breath, my nose filling with a foul stench that could only be described as revolting and rotted. Almost as if a dozen carcasses were buried underneath the surface of the cafeteria floor and the heat was turned up on high, wavering the rotted and decayed skin and bones throughout the entire school.

Jamie sighed, and with a quick glance in her direction I could easily tell she was holding back an eye roll. So, to put it nicely, Jamie and I haven't really been the greatest of friends. I suppose we did hang out, maybe talk at one time or another, but we've never really covered a friendship basis. Acquaintances…maybe. We were technically enemies more than anything. Who knows? She could be secretly plotting my gruesome death. I never really did understand the teenage mind of bitter girls. I may be a teenager, but I certainly was not bitter. Depressed? Probably. But definitely not bitter.

"Relax, Macky, I wasn't going to hurt you." My head bowed down, that was a lie. I wouldn't know if Hannah actually meant it, or if she simply believed that her assaults didn't hurt me in anyway. In all honesty, I really did think Hannah and the others thought my yelps of pain - that sounded entirely too close to a yapping puppy for my liking - were for their amusement, and their amusement only. But as embarrassing as this is to admit, it's not. When I got hurt, I sounded like a wounded dog.

"Wanna bet?" Rhea teased, wriggling her eye brow in what I assumed was meant to be a comical way. And if Rhea would have been serious about the betting, she'd win. Hands down. I knew that Hannah was going in for probably the most scrutinizing pinch I've ever experienced, whether she knew it or not. Could've probably made me bleed if she wanted.

"Oh yeah? Then it's a bet." Hannah replied smugly, crossing her arms. And without thinking I couldn't help but let out a quiet relieved sigh to have her hands away from me. She was practically harmless, and I knew that I could stop it anytime. But I simply just didn't have it in me. The hitting and teasing my friends did to me was the closest thing I get to affection. Even though that's the most desperate and pathetic thought and fact that I've come to known, I found 100% truth in it.

Mom never really stuck around long enough at home to actually get me to talk to her. She always seems so uninterested in anything I had to say, let alone felt. So I simply didn't say anything. And if it weren't for my casual one word answers or questions, people would most likely assume me as mute. Hell, I'd assume me as mute.

"Okay, you lose that bet." Rhea answered, giving a very…Rhea smirk at Hannah's confused face of subtle distress.

"That made no sense." Hannah murmured, and if Rhea hadn't spoken up I would've thought Hannah was talking to herself again. Not that it was odd of her to do so…it was just a Hannah thing to do.

"No one said I had to talk sense." The conversation took a very uninteresting turn, and it was the perfect opportunity to go back to my daydreaming. All I wanted to do now was go home. Not to see my mom, or to just get out of school, it was just the thought of going up the stairs, throwing on my most comfiest sweat pants and T-shirt before burrowing myself between dozens of pillows and writing in my journal. The only true comfort I've come to known.

It was the only thing that reminded me of my dad. The man who passed down his writing gene to me, his imagination, and his outlook on life. He was a bookworm - such as myself - and daydreamed any chance he got. Overall, I was a total daddy's girl. Was.

The sudden thought was painful enough to make my teeth snap sharply against my bottom lip. Daddy?

"Macky!" I looked up sharply, my gaze locking onto Hannah's concerned eyes. "Your bleeding." Huh? I licked my bottom lip, instantly tasting metal as my tongue met with blood. Crap. I fumbled with my cafeteria tray, only when I started to unwrap the plastic that held the napkin did I realize my fingers were shaking. No, not just my fingers, my whole body.

It was almost like my whole body shuddered with ice, my blood going cold as my bottom lip quivered. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I just wanted to do something. But I couldn't.

"Here." Grant leaned over, his warm hand covering my own in a gentle hold as he unwrapped the napkin with one hand, his eyes not once leaving my face even though my gaze was directed very keenly on his fingers.

"Thanks." I mumbled, dabbing my bottom lip with the napkin.

"You know you can talk to me, right, Kenzie?" I looked up from under my eye lashes, pressing the paper napkin to my bottom lip with as much pressure as I could. Grant's brown eyes were concerned and welcoming. I knew I could trust Grant, I knew that I'd be able to too. He was trustworthy, he'd be there for me when I'd want him to.

"Yes, I know." But he wouldn't understand.