It was disturbing, really.
"Hey, hey, c'mere."
He'd always been this way, but never to this extent.
"Why don't we get some drinks tonight?"
How shameless.
"You really shouldn't be flirting at work," the girl giggled, as if it were a joke, and peeled Ronald's arm off her waist. I didn't know whether I wanted to slap her or thank her, though neither truly made much sense.
"And you, miss, should not be on this division's floor unless you have business here." I'd settle for that interjection. She scurried away, leaving Ronald sighing in frustration. I turned to him and adjusted my glasses, scanning his expression. "Honestly, Mr. Knox, it would be widely appreciated by the entirety of the female employees if you would save that for after-hours."
In all honesty, I'd had some hope that my own rule-breaking would have had a positive effect. Instead, it had seemed that nothing had changed. I had begun to doubt that the event in the medical ward had happened at all.
"It's not a big deal," he stretched, grinning, "I don't think they mind it that much. It's more likely that they're afraid of getting in trouble."
He had stayed in the hospital for four days, two more than was deemed necessary. Those four days, he'd been quiet. He'd smile and seemed happier when friends came to visit, but there was a clear change in Ronald. I don't think he spoke more than ten sentences after the incident on the first day. And now, he'd changed again. He'd become a parody of himself.
"Why don't you come with me to the party tonight?" He winked, leaning against the wall. "Just this once. My chest tightened, feeling the same way it did when I was human and my heartbeat had quickened. I dropped my gaze to the floor, answering to his regulation-breaking white shoes.
"We're severely behind on completed paperwork. I can't both work and party."
"Then party, at least you know you'll have fun."
"Maybe not." I forced my eyes to meet his. "The hangover wouldn't be worth the night of 'fun'."
He shrugged and shook his head as if I were a child unable to grasp a simple concept. "Suit yourself." Unsmiling, he added, "Though you should know, Alan will be there." The serious expression cracked with the grin he'd been wearing since he was discharged from the hospital. Before I could find words to respond, he saluted goodbye with two fingers and left.
I should really have been grateful that he had even bothered to start showing up on time again. His first day back, he was an hour late and hit on a secretary on his way in. The second day, he was over two hours late and arrived hung-over. The third day, he'd been there even before I. He was passed out and smelt of alcohol. The scent was so strong, I was sure his clothing had been soaked from drunken spills all night. Names and addresses scrawled onto scraps of napkins spilled from his pockets. A bright red lipstick smear on his cheek told me that he had not returned to the office to complete paperwork. I washed his jacket in the sink and wiped the lipstick off his cheek before waking him to tell him how many rules he had broken. Honestly, I couldn't have him looking and smelling like that in the office, could I? It was shocking how some reapers could act.
...
In my first year at the academy, many of my peers would jump off buildings. They'd climb higher and higher ones, each on their own private mission. Some did it to test their newly godlike bodies. Others didn't believe that they could really be 'alive' after death, and tried to test if it was all real. None tried to land on their feet or cushion the blow. A classmate of mine was the first to try the tallest tower of the academy building. I was the first one to find him.
...
I don't understand why I showed up in the end. I truly hate parties, and I did not have high expectations for this one. Ronald undoubtedly would spend the entire night flirting, and there were very few others who would try to socialize with me. I stood glued to the wall, staring blankly at those closest to me. They were walking around me as if I had a personal bubble with a five foot radius. I can understand why they avoid me. As I've been told, my face is 'scary'. Perhaps if I ever dared to break the 'no smiling' rule, I wouldn't come off as intimidating. Why bother, though? Those who get past my appearance are nearly always scared off by my personality.
"Do you always come to parties to be the wallflower?" I forced myself not to jump and turned to stare. I shouldn't have been surprised to see Alan. Ronald had mentioned that he'd be here, didn't he? A pleasant smile was on his face, for some reason it was discomforting.
"I'm merely here to dampen my subordinates' fun." It was intended to be a joke, but he simply nodded and leaned against the wall beside me. I noticed that Eric was absent, and it occurred to me that now would be the best time to tell him something along the lines of 'your scythe is repaired and by the way I'm in love with you'.
"The drinks they're serving are nice," I commented instead. The idea of a confession, even worded differently, was ridiculous. He nodded again, and didn't mention the lack of drink in my hand. We were silent.
I like to believe that he acted like this because he was like me, in the sense that I'm devoid of social skills. People misinterpret me, though it's not like I understand them much either. If another person was the same way, I could pretend that he or she didn't dislike me as much as they seemed to.
"You two are awfully quiet!" Ronald was thankfully alone when he came over. He swayed with giddiness that only appeared when he was either partying or drunk. If I made all else around us disappear, the sight was almost pleasant. He winked, "Are you guys having your own private party?"
I didn't understand why I so persistently denied it. What should it have mattered that a drunk coworker misunderstood a talk I was having with Alan?
"It was a joke!" Ronald threw his hands up in front of himself, like a shield. He laughed. His eyes became upturned slits, tightening with each giddy chuckle. "Though if it were true, I'd be jealous." He leaned an elbow on my shoulder, his words heating my face with drunk breath. "He's quite a catch, eh?" I was unsure of who he was talking about or to whom. Regardless, my ears burned.
"You know," He slid his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer so he could speak into my ear. It would have seemed a secret had he not spoken even louder. "I'd be lucky to have a guy like you. Except I'm straight." He laughed, and I pinched the bridge of my nose.
"Mr. Knox, how many drinks have you had tonight?"
"Well, there's a new guy, I guess they switched halfway through the party, 'cuz the other guy was gonna cut me off three or five drinks ago." Alan beside me furrowed his brows.
"I think that it'd be best if you go home now." I spoke sternly, but the words were gentler than they needed to be.
"Fine, fine, I'll leave." He stole a half-finished glass off a nearby table and downed it, wiping the remnants off his lips with his sleeve. He dropped it back on the table and made his way back into the throng of the party.
...
Despite my average grades, I was appointed a high status in my classes. It was my job to assist the instructor and lead the class if need be. When I was assigned this duty, the instructor had told me that my unshakable calm had made me the most suited for the position. He had mistaken my inability to emote as being 'calm'. Despite knowing that, I accepted the position.
It wasn't much later that he'd taken a small group of students to observe a reaping. The human to die was young, too young to be outside by himself, too young to try swimming in a lake alone. I watched him thrashing in the water, and he was not even yelling for help. By the time I made up my mind to save him, he went under and drowned. Looking at my outstretched hand, my instructor told me I should never try to interfere. Eric, at the time my classmate, told me it wasn't my job to care.
...
When Ronald didn't show up at work the next day, one could say that I overreacted a bit. It certainly wasn't my job to check on him, division leaders aren't meant to play nanny to their subordinates. It would have made more sense for me to simply send another reaper to visit his house on their way to a soul collection. However, it didn't turn out that way.
Under the excuse that we were short-handed while Ronald was absent, I took his "To Die" list and started towards his house. The first collection wouldn't be due for an hour, so I figured that it would be best to find him first.
Things felt odd at this point. After he'd shown me sympathy, I'd grown to admire him. Despite knowing that he had many faults, he'd become perfect in my eyes. Was it crazy of me to think so of a reaper lower in rank, not to mention my junior? In short, it was. Never before had I actually shown that kind of unconditional respect for someone to whom it wasn't properly due. I suppose that I was grateful to him.
Since he'd changed, however, all I could see were his mistakes. His irresponsibility, his short attention span, I could nitpick him all day as I did with the other reapers. The strangest part was that I didn't want to.
"Ronald Knox." I knocked on his door, preparing myself for a groan of protest inside. To my surprise, there was nothing. Again, I knocked, this time harder. I called his name again. There was no response. Unreasonably fearful, my first thought was that he'd been attacked by a demon again. Incredibly irrational, considering that he was no threat in his drunken state last night. I tested his doorknob, and the door swung open.
Furniture was toppled over, clothes had been shed on the floor, and that awful yeasty smell of booze seemed to seep from the carpet. Ignoring the filth, I hastened on my way to find him. It was to my luck that Ronald's home was rather small, for it didn't take long to search. I found him in his room, asleep on his bed.
There was a different smell now, a musky one mixed with a flowery perfume. I wrinkled my nose and tried to ignore what all the signs pointed to. If there was one part of him that I was trying to hide from myself, it was what I could clearly see now. The dent in the second pillow, the note on the nightstand, the smells in the air, all clear signs that I chose to ignore. This was the only thing I was still keen on denying the truth of.
I pulled the blanket higher up Ronald's exposed torso and slowly removed his glasses from their tilted position on his nose. I'd never figured when I'd first met him that I'd ever see him like this. I was about to shake him awake, but as an afterthought I took the note off the stand and crumpled it into my pocket. Why I'd begun to act this way, I was afraid to try understanding.
A/N: Thank you to those who have favorited, reviewed, and put this story on alert. I'd originally planned to write every day, but it's been taking more time than I thought it would. I tried to put some symbolism in this chapter, and I'm not sure how well that worked out. I notice when I look over it now that I should probably have added a lot more description to it, because it seems sort of thin and lacking. I've been spending way too much time on this already though, so I'll leave it be and do better with the next chapter. I hate to ask, but please review and let me know what you think of the story so far.