Help And Accountability

By Shadowgate

This takes place after "You're Getting Old."

….

It was Monday morning in Mister Garrison's class.

Mister Garrison got up and announced to the class that Stan had a report to deliver.

Stan got up and began "at this time I'd like to sincerely apologize to my friends for being a cynical asshole. I ruined your trip to the movies not long ago and I regret that. Right now my parents are going through a divorce and it's not just another separation. When I turned 10 I started having emotional issues and I don't know why. You guys I'm so sorry."

Kenny looks up and says "hey Stan" and then he flips him off.

Stan says "ouch Kenny I know you're upset with me."

Cartman says "hey Stan" and then flips off Stan.

Stan says sarcastically "thank you Cartman."

Then Stan notices out of the corner of his eye that Craig flipped him off.

Stan yells "Craig why did you flip me off?"

Craig replied "I didn't."

Stan argues back "yes you did I saw you."

Craig starts giggling and then Stan says "oh Craig you just like flipping people off."

Stan starts giggling then Mister Garrison says "if everyone is through flipping off Stan I'd like to get started with class."

3:10 PM

SCHOOL LET OUT BUT STAN IS SITTING AGAINST THE LOCKERS CRYING.

Kyle walks over to Stan and says "hey buddy I accept your apology."

Stan looks up with a small smile and says "Kyle oh hey cool I know I've been an ass. You just run along with Cartman and Kenny."

Kyle is very concerned and asks "where have you been staying?"

Stan explains that he's been staying with his dad at the South Park Motel room number 213.

Kyle then goes on to ask "do I sound like shit to you?"

Stan explains that even though his world has gone to shit he sees his friends as the only people who don't look like shit. He goes on to explain that he was devastated when he was in the diner and saw he'd been stood up by his friends.

Kyle comments "that's really sweet and I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. I know you're going through a tough time."

Stan tells Kyle "Oh Kyle you are an awesome friend for putting up with my shit."

Principal Victoria walks by and tells Stan "you'll be serving detention Tuesday for using the s-word."

Kyle jumps in and says "make it three detentions total because Stan's been a jerk."

Principal Victoria says "okay three days of detention. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and that's it."

Stan gets upset and sarcastically says "thanks Kyle."

Kyle says "well I'm still a bit irritated with you Stan."

Nevertheless Stan asks Kyle to come visit him at his motel room and if he could get Kenny and Cartman to come that'd be awesome.

They all show up at 4PM though Cartman and Kenny were reluctant to come.

When they got to Stan's motel room Stan was irritated which didn't surprise them.

Suddenly Stan had a big smile on his face and said "I found a band that does NOT sound like shit. They're called Children of Bodom."

Stan puts on a Children of Bodom CD and they begin hearing "Silent Night Bodom Night."

Kyle couldn't help but yell "that shit is heavy" and Kenny starts thrashing around.

After they stop the music Stan says the new music sounds like shit and cites a new Souljah Boy song to make his point.

"This right here is my shit. All the girls say it's a bitch. I pull my pants down so everybody pay attention. As I sit on the toilet I need a time extension."

Kenny and Cartman start laughing but Kyle stops Stan to tell him "it's called Pretty Boy Swag and the lyrics don't go like that."

Cartman adds "well I agree with Stan a lot of the new music sounds like shit. I love old Motley Crue."

Stan goes on to say "well it's not just the new music look at Bob Dylan."

Cartman yells "Bob Dylan is a Goddamn hippie!"

Stan adds "Yes and he sounds like shit."

Cartman again yells "Bob Dylan is a Goddamn hippie!"

Kyle cuts in and says "Stan I know you're depressed and the world looks like shit to you I brought you something that could help you."

Kyle pulls out a zip lock bag containing a green pill.

Stan asks "what the hell?"

Kyle says "my dad is a lawyer but I'm more interested in being a doctor. Cartman when I graduate medical school don't come to me though. I'm not interested in treating obesity or impotency."

Kenny breaks down laughing and Cartman gets really pissed off.

Kyle tells Kenny and Cartman to be quiet while he pulls Stan into the corner to talk to him.

"Stan my dad got some Prozac when he was depressed after losing Chef's case. I snuck one he's not taking it anymore and he won't notice if a pill or two is missing."

Stan asked "your dad got depressed over one case?"

Kyle went on to explain "well no it wasn't just one case remember when he got all that money from the sexual harassment suits and lost it?"

Stan nods and Kyle goes on to explain "he got depressed over that and a few months ago they gave him a little Prozac to get his chemicals up so he wouldn't be depressed. Here take this pill."

Stan asked if it would cause impotency and Kyle answered "we'll know that if Wendy starts complaining for the rest of the week."

Kyle laughs but Stan is not amused.

Kyle gets Stan a glass of water so he can take the pill then he takes Stan's pulse in his neck.

Kyle tells him his pulse is normal but he'll keep an eye out for anything abnormal. After the little checkup Stan informs his friends that he rented a movie Avatar the Last Airbender to make up for what happened in the theater.

30 minutes later.

Stan asks Kyle to check his pulse again and to try it at the wrist. When Stan holds out his hand and Kyle feels his pulse Stan sticks up his middle finger.

Kyle says "what the hell was that for?"

Stan answers "that was for getting me two extra detentions at school today."

Kyle explains to Stan that he was holding him accountable for breaking his promise at the theater. Stan had to ask how the family account agreement at Apple was going and Kyle rolled his eyes.

Stan then said "well your dad has to hold you accountable. Look at what happened when he didn't. You ended up with shit going into your mouth."

Kyle replies "let's just watch the movie."

Cartman paused the movie and says "well Kyle it so happens Stan has a point. You needed to be held accountable because look what happened."

Kyle got pissed and he got up in Cartman's face.

"YOU MADE UP LIES ABOUT YOUR MOM MOLESTING YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY AND THE HOLIDAYS YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOUR MOM TREATS YOU TOO FUCKING GREAT! I MEAN SHIT CARTMAN YOU GOT PRESENTS ON STAN'S BIRTHDAY. YOU DUPED DOCTOR PHIL AND CAUSED A SHIT LOAD OF PROBLEMS."

As Kyle backed away Cartman joked "the shit load of problems ended up in your mouth."

Kyle attacks Cartman and they get it on right there in the fucking motel room. The police were called by people in rooms next door and they rushed to break up the fight.

When Randy got home from work he said he stopped off to get a blowjob. Stan was irritated with his dad but was so happy he spent the evening with his friends.

THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL

Stan and Kyle enter Counselor Mackey's office.

Counselor Mackey gets started with his report.

"Stan I think it's great your depression has started to gradually go away. I know your parents are going through a divorce and that's hard on you."

Kyle cuts in and says "Stan's neurons needed a jump start."

Counselor Mackey responded "excuse me?"

Stan explained he took a Prozac and that along with being able to hang out with his friends became a big help.

Counselor Mackey replied "well Prozac is good umkay and again I'm glad your friends are no longer shunning you like they were."

Stan says "me too."

Kyle decides to jump in and say "I'm glad Tooth Decay was stopped. I'm sure your father was a good man Mister Mackey."

Mister Mackey responds "well you two are good people as well. Oh but speaking of people who aren't so good Cartman is doing a speech over the intercom about how he was wrong to lie about his mom molesting him and that he didn't really have an IPAD."

Kyle was stunned and asked "is he doing this on his own?"

Mister Mackey answered "hell no his mom got together with me and Principal Victoria and we decided this would be a good way to put his fat ass in place."

Stan and Kyle both laugh and as they walk out the door of Counselor Mackey's office Kyle puts his arm around Stan.

"Stan I just want to say you're one of the toughest people I know. But even the strong have their downfalls now and then. Not long ago you had a hoarding condition but you bounced back and I can see you've bounced back from this depression phase. You're a really great person."

Stan and Kyle hug.

Stan responds "well thank you Kyle it was your support I needed. Now I wonder if Cartman will be able to bounce back from this public humiliation."

Cartman gets on the intercom and begins talking.

"Attention South Park Elementary School Students and Staff my name is Eric Cartman. I recently lied about having an IPAD."

Cartman begins crying. Stan and Kyle start laughing.

Cartman continues with his own public humiliation.

"My mom offered to buy me a cheaper one but I got greedy. I was a total brat at Best Buy and I falsely accused my mother of molesting me."

Cartman begins crying and everyone in the school is laughing.

Mister Garrison's class is laughing especially hard for obvious reasons.

Mister Garrison blurts out "what a loser."

THE END