Stupid, stupid, STUPID girl!

That was the only angry thought she had as she drifted along, gliding barely above the treeline. The weather was that of a mild spring morning. Frost glistened on the flora below, covering both the hardy blades of newly sprouting grass and the sleepy buds on the slowly awaking trees. She was glad to have washed her hoodie before leaving Xavier's institute; she probably wouldn't have been able to stand the weighing filth against her skin while it was so chilly. Still, she knew it would warm up. Until then, thoughts much akin to "Stupid, asinine, moronic, STUPID girl!" kept her mind afloat in seething anger with herself, while white wings flapped rapidly, struggling even to keep their owner afloat this far.

The scenery was looking more and more familiar. The shivers kept making the hairs on her limbs stand on end, despite being bundled up to fight the said cold. Maybe the slits on the back of her hoodie were too large? She had put two zippers in to accommodate her wing, but perhaps she has overestimated the size..

She stopped her thoughts suddenly: No, that's stupid. She knew exactly why she was shivering, and it wasn't the cold.

The forest where she has chased him like she was hunting down her prey. His teasing glances, rough guidance, and brief, gentle touch danced like frostbitten appreciations in front of her eyes. But she didn't want to remember. She didn't want to see it all again. So she closed her eyes.

"OH MOTHER OF FUCK MY GREAT AUNT MOTHERFUCKIN' GODDAMN...!" the obscenities continued as the violent cracking of branches and loud rustling of brush scared birds into the sky and making small animals run for covered, startled at the savage disturbance in their otherwise peaceful hideaway. Closing you eyes while flying AND being distracted by your thoughts is a bad way to go, as Lowen had now figured out. One stray, prickly branch to the face, and it's never been easier to take down a mutant without all her wits about her.

"Sweet mother of God, I'm glad no one was around to see that blunder," she blurted out loud from the ground. Wispy clouds passes lazily above as she lay on her back, nursing the indented line of pain across her face that she could only assume was glowing bright red. It going to leave a handsome bruise that she would eventually have to lie about to convince both the curious party and herself that she wasn't a complete idiot. Although, deep down, she knew that she was.

"Good God, what a grand start to the day," she grumbled, stumbling upright, completely embarrassed, even though no one else had seen her crash-landing. Quite suddenly, she jerked around, checking out every tree, bush, and darkened space she could scope out. With her luck, someone had probably seen her, despite what she may think. She crouched low, suddenly dead silent, as if maybe an adversary of some sort had been attracted to all the racket caused by her display of mayhem. A slow scan showed nothing. She felt nothing. Nothing at all.

For a moment, she was crestfallen. She was, after all, in the place she had wanted to come to. A hopeful, naïve part of her half-expected Azazel to be here, waiting for her return with open arms, ready to console her with... with... with what? Kind words? Hugs and kisses? Chocolates and roses?

"Am... am I stupid?" she asked aloud. She waited. She expected an answer. With all the crazy things that kept happening to her all in a row, why did no one show up here? She kind of expected the mayhem and embarrassment now. To be honest, she didn't know how he would react if she sought him out again.

"Okay. It's just you and me," she breathed, trying to relax. You and me being... me and myself. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes and expanding her chest outward, then exhaled slowly through her nostrils. She opened her eyes again.

"This is stupid!" she said out loud once more. "How in the world do I fix myself?"

She wished that someone was there. She wished that someone would answer.

"I..." she stopped. She furrowed her brow and sat herself on a moss-covered stone, shucking her pack off of her shoulders. She gritted her teeth and propped her elbows on the tall bag that stood against her knees as she sat. She needed to stop being so fickle.

"No one can fix me. Most everything I'm suffering from is self-inflicted," she declared. Silence. She then blinked. "Well, scratch that... not 'most everything'.. everything, really." She ran her fingers nervously through her hair.

"If I want to be honest with other people, I need to be honest with myself. I'm a selfish piece of shit. I make people worry and suffer because of my actions and choices." She let her mind drift to her parents, to her family, to her dear little brother.

"I'm not afraid," she whispered. Her brows furrowed even lower at the statement. "I am not afraid," she said quietly. Why could she barely get it out? "I... I'm not afraid!" she said loudly. The anger she felt before surged up through her like a burning gyser. Her pack tipped on its side as she bolted up.

"I AM NOT," she screeched at the forest, the sky, and anyone and anything that could hear her, "AFRAID OF MYSELF, MY FEELINGS, OR MY POWERS ANYMORE!"

The echo was what she first heard. She had expected to be scared by her own words echoed back through the forest at her, but that was not what the woods brought back to her ears.

All she heard was a deafening, monstrous roar.

And she froze. The trees echoed with this beastly sound, the creatures that were supposed to reside in this place deathly silent, the sun now beating down on the open glen, melting away the frost on the ground. The echo faded, as did Lowen's resilience.

"I," she said, wide-eyed and suddenly through the silence. "am not afraid." She shifted. "Though I think I have a right to be a bit concerned," she mumbled.

xXxXxXxXxXx

"What'll it be, hon?"

"Ahh.. I'll take a water, any fresh fruit you've got.. apples, oranges maybe? Sorry, I can't decide.. aaaand... can I just have some egg-whites?"

"Livin' it up, hmm? Sure thing. Oranges okay? Won't be peeled when they get to you, though. I'll put your order in right now."

With no time to answer, and the was waitress hollering across the kitchen to "Sal" or "Al" or whoever was cooking today, and the only thing Lowen could do was to wait at the mercy of her server and hope her tummy would be filled up soon.

The lunch rush had mostly died out, leaving only a handful of tired truckers at the mercy of the little diner, and maybe one or two old men and their wives chatting in a corner booth. That suited Lowen just fine. She was content to just wait in the chattering din of this little roadside gem, the smell of grease and fried food delightfully assaulting all her senses. The intricate twirling of a stray spoon between her extended fingers served as a distraction from her overworking mind. Of course, she couldn't spin the spoon forever, so she might as well just get it over with.

The dingy spoon that had seen better days was plinked down on the table, and a mind in the same condition was then put to work.

That guy sitting at the counter, sipping coffee. Let's start with him, shall we? This was it. This is where she put aside that stupid fear and embraced everything that had previously scared her. Curiosity was put in the front of the line-up. Whether things be good or bad, she was tired of being lost and overcome by feelings; the very thing she could see and manifest. Now it was time to take control of her life, and by doing so, she had to give up fear completely.

Here goes nothing.. Lowen took a deep breath.

She focused on the man's back, the colors of his shabby flannel becoming almost opaque as she queued up her mind. The colors blurred for a split second, then jumped around the man. Little streams of oranges and dusty-grey hues swirling around him like puddles by a stormdrain.

A tired sparrow, a sunset, a cool stream...

Lowen heard laughter and lively chatter, smelt cut grass, and tasted earth and salt.

There was the burning smell of bitter smoke, the feel of powder under her fingers, the burning rays of a bright moon...

It all came flooding it, only for a tiny second, but she felt all of it. She drank it all it, the sensation of feelings and emotion. Then it was gone. However, it stuck with her, fresh in her mind, everything this man had unknowingly given to her. Maybe she was being too invasive..? No. No more questioning. If you rethink something like this that you were completely sure about before, you'll just end up second-guessing yourself forever onward. She was done hiding, being silent, and being afraid. She lifted her pack out of the seat and lugged it over next to the man at the counter.

"Heya," she greeted as she sat on the worn vinyl-covered stool next to the man. He turned his head toward her, his tired eyes barely bothering to take in more than a scarce glance at this ragged creature that had decided to make its perch right next to him. Patchy stubble ran across the man's darkened features and up to his sideburns that locked awkwardly into the rest of his hair.

"Hey," came a quiet reply as the man took another swig of coffee.

"Ahh, I know this may seem odd, but, ahh..."

"Kid," he sighed as she put a had to his exasperated brow. "I don't have any money on me. Honest, and if I did, I-"

"No no no! You misunderstand!" she interrupted. "Umm.. I just wanted to ask.. do you have kids?" He gave her an odd look out of the corner of his eye and then took another sip of his drink.

"I do. Gina and Robbie. Twins. Not identical, before you start askin'. Boy and a girl." Lowen hadn't really expected him to open up to her at all, much less this quickly.

"Is that so? How old?"

"Both turned 11 this year. I'm dreading seeing them turn into teens, though. They grow up so quickly. They're so damn smart, I'm nervous they'll be teaching their old man things before I even have a chance to be a good teacher to 'em." He chuckled for only a moment, before his eyes turned sad once more.

"Well, um, sir.."

"Name's Nathan. And you?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow at her.

"I'm... Lowen," she said hesitantly. "But, I just wanted to say... that... I know... I know it's hard to be away from them. Your family, I mean. But... please keep at it. You work hard, and I know you're a good man. You've turned down so many temptations and overcome so much. You just want to do your best to provide the best life for your family, right? I know you just want to get home and hug the crap out of your wife and kids. I just want you to know.. that.. that..." She looked up into the man's stunned, wide eyes. She felt that she could say it... she wanted to say it.

"You... you are blessed. Something wonderful will happen for you... for everything you've done. You have a blessing over you."

She felt strange saying it, as if the words weren't her own. Nathan's lip twitched. Lowen didn't know whether she should duck and run full-speed out of there or go back to her table.

"Hey..." he mumbled. Lowen perked up, however, Nathan seemed to be faltering. "I... thanks, kid. I... I just miss them so much..." His hands were balled into fists on the counter, his knuckles pale as his mug sat now untouched. "I... I... more than anything, I just want to be close to them, now. I've been a bad person in the past, but I've changed. I've put it behind me. I'm a good man, and I'm done with this life, but it's all I know."

"Are you afraid?" She didn't know why she said it, but she did. Nathan just nodded.

"Yeah, I guess I am. But I can't afford to be a coward no more. I need to... I need to find the courage to move on."

Both of them were silent.

"And what are you looking for?" Nathan asked. Lowen exhaled and got up to go to her table, a smiled tugging at one side of her mouth.

"I'm looking for my name."

"Your name?" Nathan looked surprised. "That's a funny thing to lose-" his phone began to chime an unfamiliar tune. He turned to unclip it from his his belt. "Sorry.." he mumbled at Lowen before sliding it open. Lowen nodded and headed back to her table.

No fear, no fear... her mind chimed. For the first time in a long time, she didn't feel unsure of anything. She felt wanted. She felt powerful. She felt at peace.

"Lowen?" She nearly jumped out of her skin at the sudden interruption and turned to find Nathan, eyebrows raised, phone extended to her. "It's for you," he said, with a confused expression on his face. Lowen blinked.

"Pardon?" she stammered.

"It's... for you," he repeated, looking as baffled as she did.

"But... how...?" She cut herself off and took the phone carefully out of his hands, glancing unsurly into his eyes as she spoke into the mouthpiece.

"Hello?"

"Heading deeper into the rabbit hole, aren't we now? Trying to find Alice, gryphon?"

Suddenly, a deafening chorus of ringing caused Lowen to almost drop the phone. The diner phone line, the phones of the other patrons, every device started ringing on full blast.

"Here's the deal:" came the voice over the phone that somehow managed to be heard over all the chaos when Lowen put the phone back to her ear. "I've got your friend, here.. Spooky, is it? And you're going to be doing exactly what I say."

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A/N:

SORRY. I am a bad person who writes boring things.

HOWEVER, it's all coming to a head! Azazel. Next chapter. Cross my heart.

Review for me, would you? I'd love that, and it would encourage me to get another chapter out quickly!

It will be a better-quality chapter next time. I promise. I'm so sorry. D: