Summary: Wallowing over his daily dose of despair, Nozomu has run to Chie for comfort over the course of the year. She knows he still needs help, so when he starts avoiding her, she calls him into her office one last time to find out what's bothering him more than usual. Lemon, smut, whatever.

Disclaimer: I do not own Syonara Zetsubou Sensei.

"And what brings you to my office this morning, Itoshiki-sensei?"

"The signals that light up and tell you when to walk! Some sort of diabolical villain might rig them so that they don't coincide with the traffic signals!" He bites his nails. "I can just imagine the consequences: everyone looking left and right for traffic, creating such a waste of time!"

"Is that all?"

The delusional teacher smirks tactfully. "No it is not! The other catastrophe would be the hundreds of lives lost each day to rich drivers that can easily get out of the fine for hitting someone, maybe even killing someone!"

"Money may appear to have that influence sometimes, yes, but—"

"Wouldn't it be incredible to be run over by a Ferrari?" For a moment he is silent as he thinks over his own question, and then his face brightens with horrid understanding. "What if…What if, Arai-sensei, I am the one to tamper with the walk signals without knowing? Because my wish to die is so powerful, unsuspectingly I would arrange the wires so that one morning while thinking that I would be safe walking across, some car would speed by and I would go splat across the pavement!"

As he says aloud the sound of his death, he claps his hands as if to mimic the bloody death. On the surface, Chie remains composed as ever with not a hair out of place. In her mind, she cringes. Such a gory and vivid description of an 'unknowing' suicide is a bit strange for the teacher to describe. His hypothetical deaths are usually much tamer. Clearing her throat, Chie interrupts his emotional discourse. "Sensei, think of what your death on the street during a rush hour would mean for the other people going about their daily lives."

Nozomu tilts his head to the side, slowly forming an answer. "It would mean that they would be delayed to work or school as well." His jaw drops. "You mean I cannot be run over without causing a commotion or adding more to the wasting-time-because-looking-both-ways-before-crossing problem that would stem from the mistaken signal?" Before Chie can even hope to come up with the simple answer to his question, the young teacher wails, "I am in despair! Not being able to die in a disastrous but tragic way without affecting others has left me in despair!"

Her office is silent enough to hear a pin drop as he holds that catatonic position for a few seconds longer than necessary. Chie withholds a sigh before responding. She can figure out many situations where some, possibly Nozomu himself, might consider a person's death not to be tragic, so she adds in the key 'your' to her question. "In what way would your death not be tragic or effect others?"

He immediately stands up with a hard look in his eyes, although they fail to meet hers. He turns towards the door and is about to leave without another word when Chie stops him. "Itoshiki-sensei," she says calmly, but there's an edge to her voice. "Please answer my question."

He cocks his head and smiles wryly. "If I died, the world would go on. It wouldn't be tragic." He looks at the door, slumping. "You don't have to worry about me accidently manipulating street lights. There's no way I could do that anyway." He slides the door open to the hall; class is about to start.

Before he leaves she manages to get in a final word. "For what it's worth, I would be affected by your death." His shoulders tense when her words reach him. She adds gently, "To me, it would be tragic."

The door to her office slides shut.

"Afternoon, Itoshiki-sensei. What brings you to my office during this lunch hour?" She sets a bunch of strawberries down on her desk. Her hunger be damned, because for whatever reason he is here it will demand her full attention.

He opens his mouth and then closes it. It's like he cannot make up his mind or he completely forgot why he opened the door to her office in the first place. His eyes move from her to the lunch spread out neatly on her desk. He stammers, "Should I come back later?"

"No, it's alright," she says, motioning to an empty chair which he gladly takes.

"But you're eating lunch."

"Everyone is eating lunch at this time." Now it's her turn to look quizzically. "Where's yours?"

His words fly out him at an alarming and honest rate. "Oh, I ate it so fast that I nearly puked so that I could talk to you." As soon as he's done speaking he blushes and attempts to cover his face with a hand. "I mean, I, uh…"

His embarrassment is saved by the fact that right then and there, Chie's stomach growls for the strawberries left on her desk. "Pardon me." She feels her cheeks warm, and she curses herself for letting something interrupt their conversation. She worries that he might leave out of courtesy.

From behind his fingers he regards Chie meekly. "You don't have to worry about being proper around me. Go ahead and finish your lunch."

"My, how courteous of you." She allows herself a smile and she reaches for one of the plump, small fruits. Examining it in her fingers for any anomalies, she continues, "Now, what was so important that you absolutely had to talk to me?" Her tone is a bit more playful today, but she feels that he's in a bright enough mood to pick up on it.

As she daintily puts the strawberry in her mouth, she notices how he has fallen silent. Only instead of peering dejectedly at the floor, he's now staring practically pathetically at her as if he's watching the most engaging Oscar-winning film. She chews the fruit slowly, trying to figure out what overcame the teacher. She reaches for another strawberry as she questions, "Itoshiki-Sensei—?"

"Excuse me!" he immediately cries at the same time and bolts out of her office.

Chie's left alone again. She stares at the fruit in her hand and then at the chair in which he was sitting just moments ago. His visits have become much less frequent, and when he does visit his conversations are shorter and eccentric. She secretly looks forward to his company; such a shame that he leaves so suddenly these days.

At first she is not entirely sure why she feels so uncertain about him, but then Chie narrows the odd feeling down to the current circumstances. This particular afternoon instead of waiting for Nozomu to barge in, Chie has asked to see him in her office. Because of this, the situation somehow feels backwards. As the sun sinks deeper into the sky, she wonders for a bit if he will remember to show up, but she doesn't let her nervousness show.

When he finally does enter her office, she doesn't let relief show either.

"Sorry for the tardiness," he apologizes, bowing nervously. It seems he is just as troubled as she is with this meeting. He nervously meets her eyes before diverting his gaze to her bookcase. "Ah, what would this meeting be about today?"

She rests her head on folded hands. "You have not been to my office lately."

She seems to have struck a chord or two within him, for he looks at her with surprise, failing to cover for his expression. "I, um, I haven't noticed."

She draws a breath before speaking, leaning back into her chair. "It must be a good thing, then, if you have no need for my counseling. Since you are free to come and go as you please and you have not visited me since, I take it you're doing well?"

Nozomu rubs his nose. "Hm, well…not exactly."

"So you are not well?" She feigns mild shock. Truly, this isn't a surprise to her. Over their meetings and informal counseling sessions, Chie has come to know that Nozomu's condition runs deep. Thinking back to the beginning of the year, she originally thought of him as a hassle, but over time she has come to care more for him. Up until now there was no need for her to arrange a meeting. Because of this, Chie knows that Nozomu has been avoiding her for the past month. She wants to figure out the reason why.

Nozomu fidgets like a grade-schooler where he is sitting, mumbling something inaudible.

"Is there something you wish to tell me?"

Apparently annoyed at her question, he frowns. "No!" His response is much harsher than she wants it to be. Her stoic mask cracks for barely a second, just long enough for him to notice. His eyes widen as large as his glasses. "I'm sorry," he whispers with self-hate. "I didn't mean to yell. I guess that…I…" He struggles to form coherent sentences and grows frustrated.

What is distressing him so? She offers him a small smile. "It's alright. I was simply surprised." She chuckles. "Let's try answering a different question. You appear disturbed to me. Is it true that you feel this way?"

"I suppose." He narrows his eyes, and inhales deeply. "I suppose that I am frustrated with not being able to be honest."

"Itoshiki-sensei, when have you ever been dishonest?" she asks.

He shakes his head. "Perhaps 'honest' is not the correct term."

"Then, not telling the whole truth?"

"Exactly." He brightens for a moment but then slumps. "That's exactly it."

"And what are you not telling completely truthfully?"

"Well, that's the problem. I don't know if what I'm fee—if this is part of the whole truth. It could just be another false hope, another delusion." The frustration comes back to him and he makes a fist. When he speaks again he's calmer and wears a sad smile. "I'm just confused right now."

"Your confusion may arise from doubt deep within yourself. With it, how you truly feel and how to interpret those true feelings may the confusing aspect."

"So, I'm confused by my true feelings?"

"It's possible."

His words begin to run together. "And since my confusion comes from not being able to figure them out, it means that what's making me confused is what I'm truly feeling."

"You are repeating yourself, Itoshiki-sensei," she informs, but she's certain that her statement moves through one ear and out the other.

"I should act on how I truly feel!"

Oh, no. She feels like somehow the conversation went awry, but he looks so hopeful right now—not yet smiling, but hopeful nonetheless—she almost doesn't find her voice."Without more information, I wouldn't advise jumping to conclusions—"

He stands up, brushing himself off and looking at Chie decidedly. "When I follow those feelings—"

"Rejection." She's standing now as well, a little breathless. Cautiously, she moves around her desk. I'm treading on thin ice with this. "When you follow your feelings, among other things you risk rejection and judgment, as well as the pain that comes with it."

He appears to be hanging on to everything she's saying.

Quietly, she continues. "Are you fine with that? Or rather, will you be able to cope with the possible outcomes?" This man is unstable. If something was to happen…he might break. I don't want it to come to that. I don't want him to fall and not be able to get back up. Her thoughts are compassionate, and she wishes she was able to expresses her care to him.

Nozomu thinks over her words and takes a step towards her. He looks pained. Weakly, he says, "You don't think I can?"

"I never said that," is Chie's rather snappish reply, but she finds her peace again. Looking into his eyes she says, "I simply do not wish for you to be hurt. The risk—" Her voice unexpectedly chokes here, and she abandons her thought. Instead, she clasps her hands around his and brings the motion between them. She feels him jump with the contact. "Whatever you do, Itoshiki -sensei, be careful."

"In this case, I feel that the risk is worth it." Nozomu smiles genuinely, but he's obviously fearful. His hands are shaking and his palms are sweaty. Whatever is going though his mind is clearly stressful. "It's more painful not knowing than having never tried."

"You say that now, but—"

"But I'll have you," he interrupts, and when did he get so close? "If something bad happens, you'll be there to pick me up."

Chie lets herself smile. "Of course. I am a counselor, after all."

At her words he loses some of the small confidence he has gained through their conversation. "And…am I just another person to be counseled?"

How easily he takes things the wrong way. She wonders why he is so perplexed, and wants to kick herself for not being more considerate. She is talking to a severely melancholic man; if she doesn't choose her words carefully, she will lose him. His question still resonates within her. Indeed, what is he to her? "No, you are much more to me. From what I know of you, you are a cherished peer, an honorable teacher, a loved brother, and a good person." A textbook answer. I know that much…but why is he asking this? She thinks back to earlier in their conversation, and she regards him studiously. She speaks in a whisper that's as thin as the sheet of ice upon which she walks. "Itoshiki-sensei, how are you not being completely honest…with me?"

Her question nails him completely, and he looks absolutely frozen. It's a heart-stopping moment between them as he finds the words for a reply. "Arai-sensei ." His glasses fog and his hands shake as he holds hers in his. "If it's from you, I will accept judgment and rejection. After that, you won't have to worry about me anymore."

If he is so afraid of being rejected and judged, what sort of thing is he hiding? Never before has Chie thought or doubted Nozomu in any way, but the steep graveness with which he speaks makes her wonder if he is engaged in any illegal activities. And…'you won't have to worry about me anymore'? "That's exactly what I'm worried about," she says. "I am here to help you. You don't have to worry about rejection from me."

When she speaks, Nozomu glances up and relaxes his hands. He whispers, "I don't?"

"No." She sighs. He sure can be a handful at times. "Now, please be honest with me."

Without saying another word, Nozomu leans down towards her, and she wonders what he's doing so close that she can feel his unstable breath and see the sunset in his eyes, but all her thoughts stop as his lips brush against hers. Chie becomes completely still and her knuckles turn white from holding his hands so tightly. He lifts his face from her, and something breaks within him when he reads her dazed expression. "You lied," his voice cracks, and his eyes look to anywhere but her. "You reject me." But his hands are still on hers.

Rejection? Huh? He was asking me about rejecting his feelings of affection? I can't believe…this goes beyond…I thought this was just counseling and rejection if he told an ambiguous secret…I don't... His words cut into her chest and snap her out of the thoughts and emotions running over her. She feels weak in the knees. I have to sort this out. "You misinterpret me." She attempts to be as calm as she can but ends up sounding exasperated. Her heart is beating so fast. "Or we both misinterpreted each other." Chie tries to get him to look at her; she has to release his hands and place them on the sharp sides of his face to focus his attention. "I thought you were only talking about counseling and my duty to you as a person who cares for your safety. You believed I was speaking of…of personal feelings. Correct me if I am wrong."

He listens to her without speaking a word.

"I cannot find it in my heart to reject someone who needs help that attends or instructs at this school." She is honest when she says this.

"Then, my k-kis—you reject me on my interpretation—I mean, misinterpretation?" Nozomu asks suddenly.

Chie bites her lip, knowing full well that she is just scared as any other when standing in front of someone and confessing. "I reject you on neither." Her eyes meet his. "Especially not yours." She pulls his face down onto hers, kissing him for one fleeting moment. She looks at him, hoping that he finally understands her through all his intruding and misplaced thoughts.

Instantly, their bodies collide in one swift motion. Her mouth is on his, his is on hers, and they fight for control and pleasure. She wins, of course, and his eyes appear confused and already drunk with wanting when she breaks away from the kiss. She gives him a playful half smile, the kind she only reserves times like these, and presses her mouth to his neck and he gasps with each kiss of the trail she leaves along his body as she simultaneously gives slack to his robes so she can feel his back and torso. He moves to where her hands are, wanting to be caressed.

Likewise, his strong hands are all over her, in her hair, then on her back, unbuttoning her shirt, feeling her stomach. He's too eager, doesn't have enough control, and is almost desperately passionate. When he finishes with each button, he tries to remove her bra but fails. She unhooks the clasps for him and tosses the lacey material aside, smiling when she sees that boyish wonder on his face when her breasts are fully revealed. His hands move towards her as he kisses her neck. Normally she decides to slow down at this point, but she too is succumbing to his incredible touch. Although he may not seem that experienced, or perhaps simply out of practice due to his depression, his hands continue to excite her.

"Chie-sensei," he moans and moves his hips closer so she can feel him and his pleasant and telling bulge. She brings her hips to him as well and the small movement elicits another feeble plead of her name from his mouth. His voice is cracking under the pressure, and she silently hopes that he doesn't give away too quickly. She feels his lean shoulders and he trembles against her. Her hands are moving downward, undoing his hakama, ready to grip his length so that he moves ever closer and—

Ooh.

She honestly is not expecting anything from him yet, but one of his finger moves past her panties and inside her. She hitches a leg around his waist, using her desk for support, and her thighs quiver when his other hand feels up her leg. She shuts her eyes and he continues to move around her and feel her walls. He slips in another finger and crooks them both, and she gasps and gathers his hair in her hands because she isn't expecting that but it doesn't matter because his thumb is right there and circling, pressing, stimulating, and his fingers are twisting and jabbing in unexpected motions.

Right when she feels as if she can't take any more, he removes his hands completely and puts them on either side of her on the desk, leaning in closely. He has a darker, instinctual expression. She doesn't mind the change because it's incredibly sexy, but he's fighting for control over himself. One look into his forest green eyes tells her exactly what he's thinking: there's a part of him that's still holding him back, that still makes him doubt, that still whispers that he's worthless, and it makes him freeze over with fear that he won't be fulfilling—that he won't please her. She can tell the thought terrifies him. One of his hands move to touch her cheek but never makes it, and he has a pained expression now like he's not good enough for her. In this moment she realizes that he's thinking that taking control of this situation won't solve anything and won't make him a better person, and that maybe he should just stop and give up because he'd rather be disappointed in himself than suffer the crushing disappointment in her eyes if and when he doesn't satisfy her.

"I know what you're thinking, and you're mistaken," she says breathily, stroking his cheek. He's completely still against her, but when she moves her hands to his chest she can feel his heart pounding strongly.

She so wants him to stop thinking like that. Her heart is and body is tearing with frustration with her inability to be a better help. She wants to make his melancholy go away, she wants to make him confident in the way he has so boldly explored her body, and she wants him to not leave her hanging like this. Seeing all these emotions and doubts in his head, she knows that he's almost lost to another of his fits. They're on her desk, trying to catch their breaths, still with half their clothes on, her legs spread wide over his arms; if she doesn't do something soon he might leave, and that would be more damaging to both of them. Her mind races as fast as her heartbeat and her eyes search his face.

"Nozomu," she practically begs. "Don't stop now. Please."

"I…I…." He cannot finish his thought, as if something overcomes him.

She tries to make her best guess to counter what he's thinking. "You're not worthless. You're not hopeless. You always have a second chance. You can always work to be a better person. There are people who love you." She's trying so hard to reach him: the real, non-suicidal Nozomu who is surely not the most optimistic person but is much more rational than the self-hating spew of words that this pessimistic Nozomu is. "People who love you unconditionally."

He blinks and she can see his eyes gloss, but his expression remains stone cold and empty. She's sure that her words do not make sense to the depressed, dominant part of him. He hears them anyway and he reacts with threatening tears not out of sadness but with relief; relief that he is loved and relief that people care about him. She hopes that he might remember her words the next time he is under gripping despair, but she doubts that her little statement will have a tremendous effect in the long run of his mental state. There's one final three-word sentence on her tongue that needs to be said. She's not sure if it's true or not in the full meaning of the word or even the meaning between a man and a woman because she's only known him for less than a year. However, she knows that the words are both what he wants to her to say and what he needs in this exact moment. She does not let any uncertainly betray her voice. "I love you."

She pulls him towards her because she knows he still wants this, and whether or not he is ready he's already inside her. Behind his glasses his eyes spark open and whatever emotions he is experiencing are quickly replaced by passion. He holds on to her back and then her hips, trying to find the most secure spot as he continues to pulse in her. He grunts when he finds the most comfortable position and is able to finally start moving with passion and purpose.

His breathing becomes labored and soon he's panting and sweating like he hasn't experienced this in quite some time. With the way he so fiercely moves, she knows he is hungry and desperate for the end of this endeavor, but she doesn't mind because oh kami is he good with both the hard and gentle movements of his hips as he moves deeper and deeper in. She thinks he must match her perfectly because she's never felt so sensitive before and she's never had fireworks light behind her eyes with each thrust. He calls her name in breathless moans and she struggles to say his but can only settle for gasps as her lungs fight for cool oxygen. She feels herself escalating to that point of no return and starts to think of nothing but him and getting there.

All it takes is one extra forceful push and she feels herself being torn apart from the inside out by waves after waves of light and energy and paradise. She shuts her eyes and holds him close, her nails digging into his sweaty back, trying to grasp him like it might prolong the mind-wiping feeling. She can distantly hear him breathe and drive into her with strained but focused movements before he unleashes himself. He fills her up, adding to the lingering bliss, and they wrap their arms around each other in a solid embrace and bury their heads into the crooks of their partners' neck. They whisper words of endearment into each other's ears while their lungs struggle and their hearts pump; he speaks of how amazing and incredible she is, and she murmurs the standard 'I love you' and doesn't think too much of it because she's utterly lost to him and the moment, but when she speaks she feels him hold her tighter.

After a long moment, she's the first of them to regain what's left of their consciousness. She gently moves her hips and he slips out. His arms are still around her and his face is still buried by her collarbone. She feels something wet around that area and she realizes that he's silently, softly crying while smiling at the same time. She understands that he's not regretting what they have done, but that this—trusting another with your everything, finding comfort in another human, and allowing yourself to be weak in someone else's presence— is just another exposed set of emotions he has to learn to feel on the long and enduring road to happiness. She wonders what sort of conflicting, joyful, and sorrow memories are brought to light in his mind; she'll ask about them when he's willing to talk. She knows that he simply wants to hold her and be left to sob feelings of reprieve into her body, so she coos reassurance and confidence to him as she runs her fingers through his long hair and up and down his back. She is much more than the support for which he is searching, and he is much than someone to whom she gives aid.

They hold each other for at least ten minutes more, and she allows him to be the one to break their lock when he's calm and ready. They put back on and re-adjust their clothes in silence. Before he leaves he bows deeply and looks squarely into her eyes. For once the self loathing and sadness is replaced by warmth and gratitude, and she wonders for how long that emotion will stay with him. At best she guesses until tomorrow morning, but she wishes it would last forever.

"Chie…Arai-sensei," he corrects himself; they are back to being colleagues. "Would you possibly like, er, to have dinner sometime?"

She brushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear which completes her composed appearance. His question makes her smile. And here I had thought he would leave without another word. She wouldn't have held it against him if he did. He was in need, she was willing to help; however, she feels what transpired between them was much more than exaggerated professional courtesy between counselor and subject. She would not be truthful if she did not admit she wanted it, too.

"Arai-sensie?" Doubt is once again present in his voice. He looks as if he's about to step towards her, but decides not to.

So, she takes a step towards him. If he does not have the confidence to move yet, she will for him. "Yes, dinner would be nice. That's how this usually goes, Itoshiki-sensei."

Her little quip makes him crack a smile. "Is that so? I believe some of my students would think otherwise…"

Reviews appreciated! :D