This is chapter two of my third story. I don't think this (the entire story) is my best work yet, but it's readable.

Instead of dying, Kenny woke up with a massive headache a few hours later. At first he thought it was his room, but after a short examination, he realized that he was in Clyde's room.

Kenny: Hello, Clyde.
Clyde: Ah, so you're finally awake. I've been here for the past five hours wondering whether I should call an ambulance or just bury you.

"He's kidding about the last part... right?"

Kenny: A glass of water will do fine, thanks.
Clyde: Here you go.

"My mouth is so dry..."

Clyde smiled while Kenny drank the glass as if his life depended on it.

Clyde: You don't remember anything about last night, do you?
Kenny: I was high. I'd be surprised if I did.

"I'd be surprised too."

Clyde: Yeah, I'd be surprised too. Let me give you the short version: You ran here, scared both my parents, woke me up to mumble about Kyle and Bebe while crying on my shoulder and passed out on my bed.
Kenny: Sounds pretty normal to me. That's the kind of shit you do when you're high.
Clyde: You weren't high. You were depressed and did something stupid.
Kenny: Says you. Now where's my parka? I gotta get home before my parents know I'm missing.
Clyde: Yeah, you took that off before trying to make out with me. I was trying to get you to snap out of it and you thought I was Kyle.

"Wow, I was seriously tripping balls."

Kenny: That just proves how high I was. You're nothing like Kyle. Kyle has red hair and green eyes. You have brown hair and eyes, like pretty much everyone else.
Clyde: No, that just proves how desperate you were. You said, and I quote, "I don't care if you betrayed me, I still love you, my little red haired Jew."

"I should really lock myself down before I get high."

Kenny: I was probably hallucinating before coming here or something.
Clyde: Still no. You saw everything else perfectly. The only thing you were seeing that wasn't there was Kyle.

"And it was extremely creepy, if I might add."

Kenny: Clyde, just give me my fucking parka before I punch you in the face.
Clyde: After we talk.
Kenny: We were talking. Now we're done.
Clyde: Why did you start using again? And why do you think Kyle betrayed you?
Kenny: Long story.
Clyde: I have time. Your parka's not going anywhere, and I doubt you'd go outside like that, if you don't want your parents to know that you're gone.

"Fucking smartass."

Kenny: Fine... I noticed that Kyle's been spending less and less time with me. I thought I shouldn't worry, you know, give him some space. But then we pretty much didn't see each other at all. That's when I started worrying.
Clyde: Go on.
Kenny: I also noticed that the guys were keeping a secret from me, and I thought it was related to Kyle, so I stayed outside his house to see what it was. I waited for a while and Bebe just goes over there like it's nothing. Then they start talking about what I'm not supposed to know about. After I confronted Kyle about it, he said I wasn't supposed to know until...
Clyde: Until...?
Kenny: I don't know. I was fucking pissed off so I left him standing there.

"So not only did you freak out over nothing, you didn't even listen to him? Damn, you're stupid."

Clyde: See, there's your problem. You didn't listen to him. If you did, you wouldn't need rehab for the next three weeks or something.
Kenny: I'll be fine. Now where's my parka?
Clyde: It's right over there. Now go talk to Kyle. It's not what you think.
Kenny: Then what is it?

"If I told you, you wouldn't learn anything."

Clyde: I can't tell you.

"Same BS answer everyone gave me. I guess it's time I found out what's really going on. Right after I get back to my room."

Kenny: And if it is what I think it is?
Clyde: It isn't.

"Great answer..."

Kenny: Bye, Clyde.
Clyde: Bye.

"Don't let me see you here again, at least not like this."

Kenny went back into his room and tried to find his drugs, so he could hide them before his parents found them. They forgave (or forgot) his renewed drinking habit, but the drugs were completely different. Kenny found and hid his drugs just in time; his mother was right at his door.

Carol: Kenny?
Kenny: Yeah, mom?
Carol: Breakfast is ready.
Kenny: Alright, thanks. I'll be right down.

Kenny's drugs were safe once more. Now he just had to eat his breakfast, go to school and get the truth. Of course, if Clyde was wrong, then...

Kevin: Kenny! If you don't come down here right now, I'm taking your breakfast!

"Well, he usually just takes it, so I guess that's an improvement."

Kenny: I'm coming, Kevin! Keep your pants on!

When Kenny got to the bus stop, only Butters was there. He started remembering "the good old days" when they used to hang out at the bus stop; when Cartman wasn't in jail or dead, he didn't try to kill himself because he broke up with his boyfriend and Butters didn't have to kill someone.

Kenny: Hey Butters.
Butters: Hi Kenny! How are you feeling today?
Kenny: Fine. Have you seen anyone else?
Butters: No... I haven't been here long though.

"That probably means I'll have to spend the next fifteen minutes alone with... Butters. Great."

Butters: So, did you sleep well?
Kenny: I guess.

Butters was even more energetic than usual, and it was really bothering Kenny.

Butters: Hey, look! There's Stan!

"At least it's better than just Butters."

Stan: Hey dudes.
Butters: Hi Stan!
Kenny: Hey.

Butters was a few steps away from Kenny, so Stan turned to Kenny and started whispering about Butters.

Stan: What's up with Butters?
Kenny: I don't know...
Stan: What's up with you?
Kenny: Had a bad dream.
Stan: Right...
Kenny: Where the fuck is that bus?
Butters: It's right over there. We should step back. I heard the new driver sucks.

The boys did that, and just in time too. The bus driver had hit the bus stop sign.

Bus Driver: Get in, kids! I'm taking you to school

Stan and Butters reluctantly got in, but Kenny had a better idea.

Kenny: You know, I haven't been exercising enough lately. I think I'll walk.
Bus Driver: Alright then. Bye!

The driver sped away, after crashing into the sign three times in a row, much to everyone's amusement. However, Kenny had the bad luck of dying often, and he had learned to stay away from trouble. Besides, walking was good too.

"Walking is awesome."

Kenny faced the direction of the school, but after realizing just how far away it was, sighed, wearily.

"...Yup, awesome."

By the time Kenny got to school, he was late for class... again. The teacher was yelling at him, but he couldn't even understand her. Everything was happening too quickly now, until he got to his desk. He noticed that there was a note on his desk, from Kyle. He picked it up, slowly, unfolded and read it.

"Kenny, I don't know what you think me and Bebe were doing, but it's not what you think, I swear. I'm willing to forgive and forget, if you're willing to do the same. Meet me at my house tonight at 10 PM, and we'll explain everything."

Kenny thought about it for a few minutes, and eventually came to a conclusion.

"Well, I already told Clyde I would talk to him so that takes care of that."

After school, Kenny dropped off his bag at home, waited a few hours and went to Kyle's, like the note said. It was very dark by the time he arrived, so he couldn't see anyone inside. However, Bebe arrived a few seconds later and went straight for Kyle's door.

Bebe: Hey, Kyle. I'm here, like you asked.
Kyle: Thanks.
Bebe: So, uh... Where's Kenny?
Kyle: I don't know, but he should be here at any moment now.

"Good. Then he won't see this."

Kenny approached them, but froze once he saw what Bebe did.

"No. Fuck no. They did not just kiss... Yeah, they did. Kyle's blushing and everything."

Kyle: ...Look, Bebe, I don't... I like Kenny.

"I noticed. That's all you say nowadays. I should've known it was hopeless."

Unfortunately, Kenny didn't hear anything and just snapped. For the first time in his life, he wanted to hurt Kyle. Not physically, but emotionally. This was one of those times that he was glad that he was immortal.

Kenny: Hey, Kyle!
Kyle: Ken? Shit, see what you did, Bebe?

"Look who it is."

Bebe: Hello, Kenny.
Kenny: Kyle, I got something to show you.

Kenny took out his knife, which startled Kyle. He immediately put his hands up, thinking that Kenny was going to hurt him.

Kyle: Kenny, put the knife down. Please.

But Kenny had a different idea. He wanted Kyle to feel what he felt. He slit his own wrists, without even thinking that Kyle wouldn't remember it after he came back.

Kyle: KENNY! SHIT! THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Kenny: I want you to feel what I felt when I saw you with that whore just now.
Bebe: Fuck you!

Bebe, unlike Kenny, snapped under the slightest amount of pressure and punched him in the stomach. Kenny immediately fell down and was already having trouble seeing due to the blood loss.
Kyle ran straight for him, completely ignoring Bebe, picked him up, carried him to his mom's car and drove to the hospital.

Kyle: Kenny... Why did you do this?

"Why do you think?"

Kyle: Kenny, I don't know if you can hear me, but Bebe's the one who kissed me. We were planning your birthday party, that's why she was at my house. She was helping me decorate the house in a way that you'd like. I didn't know she liked me. I'm so sorry...

"You're a terrible liar, Kyle Broflovski."

Kenny had his doubts, though. It didn't make any sense for Kyle to lie about Bebe after what Kenny saw the two of them doing.

Kenny opened his eyes but, instead of being in his room, as usual, he woke up in a place that he hadn't been to in almost ten years.

"Wait, is this hell? Why am I in hell?"

Kenny was extremely frightened now. He was used to seeing hell or heaven from a distance, but he had never actually been to either more than a couple of times.

?: Hello, Kenny.

"I'd recognize that voice anywhere..."

Satan: Seems your luck ran out. You always managed to escape from me, but I finally have your soul. "The boy who can't die"... really, did you think it would last forever?
Kenny: Kinda did.
Satan: But it doesn't. I managed to catch you. And this time, we're gonna have some fun.

Kenny suddenly saw what his body was going through. Kyle had arrived at the hospital and was telling the doctors to get him back at any cost.

Kenny: Bullshit. If I had ever escaped here, I'd remember it.
Satan: Or you wouldn't, the same way your friends forget you even died, as soon as you come back to life.

Another flash went through Kenny's brain. This time, Kyle was squeezing his hand very hard. It seemed as if the doctors had given up.

Kenny: I can't be dead. I have-
Satan: What? "You have too much to live for"? Face it, you have nothing. You can't even keep a simple relationship, because you're an egotistical asshole when it comes to Kyle. You think you know everything about him and you always assume you're right about everything.

Once again, Kenny saw his body and what was happening to it. This time, Kyle had his head on it. Kenny could even feel his tears.

Kenny: So... Kyle was telling the truth?

"You'd think that would be obvious by now. Humans..."

Satan: Of course he was! He planned the best birthday party you could ask for.
Kenny: Wait, just one small thing.

"Kid, you're dead. Just accept it."

Satan: What?
Kenny: If this is hell, where's Eric Cartman?
Satan: Oh, he's over in the eternal torture cave.
Kenny: Ah. That makes sense.

Kyle was whispering something into Kenny's ear, still crying.

Kyle: Kenny, please come back to me... You gotta come back. Please... I love you, Kenny...

With that, Kenny was filled with regret. He had just made the worst mistake of his life. He had to get back to Kyle, no matter what.

Kenny: You gotta let me go.
Satan: And why should I?
Kenny: You just gotta. Please. Remember when I helped you with Saddam?
Satan: Yes. I gave you one wish, and you got what you wanted.
Kenny: You know how you felt about the way he treated you?
Satan: ...Yes.
Kenny: Well, that's how Kyle is going to be feeling for the rest of eternity. You gotta let me go. Please.

"Wow, this was the worst speech I ever gave. But it seems to be working"

Satan: ...Oh, alright. I'll give you one more chance. But beware, if I catch you again, it'll be the last time.
Kenny: Thank you!

Thanks to Satan, Kenny was put back in his body. Kyle was still next to him, crying. However, he was overcome with joy once he saw that Kenny was back.

Kyle: Kenny! You're awake!

"Wait, he doesn't remember?"

Kyle: The doctors didn't know what to do; you lost a lot of blood. Please don't try something stupid like that again...
Kenny: I won't... I'm sorry, Kyle. I... I shouldn't be such an asshole to you. I always assume I'm right, and I was so pissed off that I-
Kyle: It's okay, Ken. It's okay. Just promise you won't do anything like this again.
Kenny: I promise.
Kyle: Good, because I talked to the hospital and... I got the party moved here!

Before Kenny was put back in his body, Satan altered the timeline so that Kyle had called everyone and told them to meet him at the hospital. Now they were all here with balloons and gifts. Bebe wasn't with them, but Kenny didn't care. In fact, he was relieved.

Kyle: Happy birthday, Ken.
Kenny: Thanks, Kyle.

Kenny had pretty much lost his immortality, but he still got Kyle in the end. And that was all he really cared about.

Alright guys and girls, I'll be honest: I think this story is, quite literally, the worst thing I've ever written. I simply cannot write stuff like this. I was planning on deleting the story, but I saw that a user (who will remain anonymous) had this story on their alert list, or whatever you want to call it, so I decided to finish it.