Author's note:

Just a snippet of a conversation, really, I just got intrigued by the idea of it. And I kind of like the awkwardness about it. Whatever that says about me.

Leave reviews, please, I want to know what you think!:)

This is set some time after they got together, obviously.

I don't own them, or Glee.

Kurt's hand had been at Blaine's hip for the better part of the last 10 minutes. Kneading shyly, hooking a finger into the belt loop of Blaine's jeans, tugging and releasing, grip tightening then loosening.

One side effect of that had been that Blaine's shirt had worked itself up high enough so that an accidental finger had brushed over the sliver of exposed skin above his waist band two times already.

The other was that it was driving Blaine crazy. In a good way, but still.

He instinctively tried to reposition himself on the couch they both were sitting - well, lying on, rather, trying to get even closer to Kurt, deepening the kiss their lips had been playing with for a while now.

Blaine's hands found some lever on the cushions next to Kurt, as he was trying to shift his weight and sort of climbing on top of Kurt, when Kurt's hand got involuntarily caught up between their bodies in the movement, and pressed against Blaine at a very private part for a second.

Kurt's arm jerked back immediately and then his face scrunched up in a fleeting grimace, colouring vividly.

Kind of dumbfounded though he was, Blaine was laughing before he could stop himself.

"What was that?"

Kurt's blush just deepened. Blaine snickered.

"Kurt, Your face, you just..."

"What's wrong with my face?"

Now Blaine could hear the irritation in Kurt's tone as well. Startled he considered Kurt more carefully.

Sure, the past had shown it was a critical issue with them, but that face, it had not been...? No. Blaine decided to trust his instincts and sobered up a little.

"You just looked like something was wrong."

At that Kurt's eyes closed shortly and his expression straightened a little again, but he was squirming underneath Blaine.

"No, it's okay, I just... nothing's wrong, I just hate the way...well." Blaine listened up cautiously, as Kurt hesitated.

"I hate the way... I jump and blush, and feel so..."

"You feel so what?" Blaine had made his voice very soft now.

Kurt rolled his eyes. More at himself than at Blaine, at least that was what Blaine was hoping.

"...Self-conscious, okay? But doesn't everyone? I just feel ashamed, sort of."

"Why?"

Kurt threw his hands up and actually inched away from him now, so that Blaine had to sit up.

"I don't know why! I just do... when I'm being... I don't know, obvious like that."

Blaine was laughing again before he could check himself at Kurt's half-glare.

"Obvious? You're not..." He decided to change the angle again, since he could see how his light and mindless tone was not helping his cause. Much.

"So, what's wrong with that?"

Kurt was getting impatient.

"I don't know, it's just, I feel like I shouldn't be. There's just this voice in my head, telling me, like..."

"Whose voice?"

Kurt looked up genuinely startled.

"What? No one's...? Mine I guess? No one's. I don't know."

"You don't ?"

Now Kurt was actually laughing, tone only slightly mocking.

"No, Blaine's what's this? Do you know?"

Blaine lowered his eyes, retreating a bit.

"No, Of course not, I'm not... " He was acting on impulse here, he didn't even now what he was getting at. Like, that had worked so very well for him in the past, but anyway.

"I'm just curious. So... are you uncomfortable then?"

Kurt's answer was immediate.

"No! It's just... I sometimes get that weird feeling, like I'm watching myself from the outside..."

Blaine just sat for a moment, considering that, wide eyed and lips slightly opened, taking Kurt in, like he did sometimes, trying to figure Kurt out.

Kurt looked at him then faltered, trying to resume a good natured manner.

"It's nothing, Blaine, can we just..."

"Kurt." Blaine waited for Kurt to meet his eyes again, but he never quite brought them up high enough.

"I'm self-conscious as well."

"Yeah." It was something short of a snort, but Blaine felt that Kurt's heart was not in it. He leaned in a little more.

"Of course, very..." Kurt moved his head in a kind of nod like he did not know where to look, but there was actually half a smile on his face.

"So, now hat we got that cleared..." Kurt made it sound playful enough that they both chuckled, and Kurt's hand reached out to come to lightly grab Blaine's jeans at his ankle, as Blaine had brought up one leg to sit more comfortably turned towards Kurt.

But other than that neither of them moved.

The silence stretched, but it was not an uncomfortable one.

"Your Mom, you were eight when she died, right?" When he spoke, Blaine had no idea where that had come from, but he looked up at Kurt gauging his reaction.

And some reaction he got. Kurt was struck, sitting straight up.

"My Mom?...How... why... why are you talking about my Mom now?"

Blaine brought his hands up at the force behind Kurt's words.

"Nothing, I am just curious, I just wondered, is all..." He didn't even convince himself there, but he honestly didn't know better.

Kurt was all but flustered.

"You... we talk about... what we have talked about and then you bring up my Mom? Great, just... I can't even..."

"Kurt!" Now it was Blaine who faltered. " I... okay, that was maybe a little... awkward..."

"Or inappropriate..." Kurt had locked his arms before his chest, but already the heat was leaving his voice a little.

Blaine shrugged tentatively. "We just never... have talked about her before, I mean, like really."

"And so you thought now was maybe the right time for that?" Kurt's tone was clipped, eyebrows raised high.

Blaine gestured helplessly.

"Kurt, can you just snap out of it already? I just... I don't even know, why I thought of it now... I... just can't forget, what you said, that time when you talked about... porn..."

At that Kurt winced visibly, head slowly shaking with eyes even wider than before, staring like he could will the words to stop from connecting inside his head.

Blaine hurried to move on.

"You said that how you would think that they had all mothers and what would their mother's say."

The shaking of Kurt's head increased with his indignation about where this was going. He couldn't almost bring himself to sit still with his whole body strung so tight.

Blaine had no idea why he was still talking, but there seemed no other way out of it.

"But apart from what you said... I just figured, with the way you grew up, of course your mother would have a great influence on you..."

Kurt stared at him for that, his tone almost chilled.

"Blaine, my Mom wasn't even there for the greater part of my life."

Blaine had their eyes connect.

"Exactly." He let it sink in.

Then he made sure his tone was all warmth and affection.

"I think it's only natural that you cling to the parts inside yourself that remind you of her..." Kurt's look had dropped to his own hands in his lap.

"For yourself... but for your Dad as well, I don't know, to honour her memory...

I mean it's easy to see when you look at the way you and your Dad are together, that... you filled in a little... "

Kurt blinked and cocked his head slightly, but he still was not looking up, and his shoulders were tense as before.

Blaine took a breath.

"I mean, now he's got Carol, but...

I bet you love it, when he tells you how you are so much like her, like your Mom, and there is nothing wrong with that..."

Blaine's eyes had strayed a little from Kurt's unmoving form as he was trying to convey his thoughts.

Kurt chose that moment to speak.

"What are you getting at?" His voice was reserved, but there was a tinge of interest as well.

"I'm not... I don't know, really. I just wanna talk about it..." Kurt studied him with a thoughtful yet somewhat hard stare that seemed to soften only reluctantly.

Blaine sat up a little straighter and brought his hands down on the expanse of smooth couch cover between them, but didn't dare do more.

"I mean you were eight. Of course you knew her, but there is just so much she never got to talk to you about, 'cause you were just a kid..."

Blaine braced himself even if he did not know exactly what for, and looked directly at Kurt again when he continued.

"I'm sure, if she was anything like you, and, really, just being a mother, that she would have loved you unconditionally and... she would understand... and never judge you or want you to feel guilty ..."

At that he saw Kurt shift again, flexing his jaws like something was once more decidedly going against the grain, and the irritation was back full on as he ground out:

"God, Blaine, are you talking about sex here again now, because I don't..."

Blaine almost stumbled in his response. "No, that's not what I want to say here, I...maybe... "

Blaine wrecked his brain to find another angle for what he was not even so sure himself he was trying to say or do here.

"Kurt, your memory of her, you were eight!" Blaine felt his hands gesture for the right words he could not seem to find.

"I mean, from then on she lived... in you, and I am sure you still would look to her for guidance, but it was actually your mind that answered, that created an extension of her..."

Blaine was not even sure Kurt had listened to Blaine's attempts at explanation any more when Kurt cut him short, his voice decided in more protest and indignation.

"I am not thinking of my Mom when I...when... I... God, I'm not gonna forgive you for this... ! "

By then Kurt's head was in his hands, and for a moment he looked more miserable than angry.

Blaine couldn't help but feel guilty and really discontent with himself and where this had gone.

"Kurt. Please. I was not saying that..." Kurt flared up again.

"Well it sounded enough like you were, and why did you... and now I will surely think of... when GOD!" He threw his hands from his face and flung himself against the backrest of the couch rather roughly.

Blaine was actually silent for a long moment.

When he found his voice it sounded distant to himself.

"Well, if that happens maybe you... can make some peace with her?..."

Blaine actually tried a half-smirk after that, although he had no idea if it would do him any good right now. But there was also honesty in his tone, although he still wasn't even sure what he was saying.

Kurt just threw him another exasperated look, but more than anything now his voice sounded really tired.

"Now that is just creepy, thanks Dr. Phil... I will not..." He let it trail, at a loss for words eventually as he just let them run dry.

That was it. That was more than Blaine could take.

He slumped down in his seat and inched over to Kurt to pull him into a hug.

Kurt's whole frame was rigid and resistant and he took a sharp breath through his teeth at the contact. For a moment Blaine as much as expected Kurt to push him away.

He would even have understood.

But to Blaine's surprise the awkwardness faded, and even if Kurt just kind of hung inside the circle of Blaine's arms after a while, Kurt looked only confused and not angry anymore.

Blaine still felt a pang , and wondered if that was even worse. He had no idea what was going through Kurt's mind then, but he just let it work, too relieved that Kurt at least let himself be held.

"Kurt, I'm sorry, I don't really know what that was." Murmured against the side of Kurt's neck. Then Blaine moved away to chance a shy look at Kurt.

Kurt just nodded absently, head to full of thoughts and eyes wide with them. Blaine's breath hitched inwardly, but he let the moment linger and almost jumped slightly, when Kurt spoke eventually.

"Can we just... talk about something else?"

"Sure." The word was such an utter sigh of relief that Blaine almost did not recognize his own voice. He hurried to smile at Kurt, who still looked like he was not through with the matter but had made the resolution to not dwell on it now. Maybe later, when he was alone, Blaine mused with a slight feeling of guilt again, but he just deepened his smile, hoping to get through.

"Did I tell you what the Warbler's plans are for their next performance?"

Kurt shook his head no just for the sake of enabling a conversation and Blaine readily began to talk.

And after while Kurt started to throw in comments again in his best cheerful mood, and they laughed together, and he even let Blaine kiss him some more.

Let me know what you think:)