Theater of Truth

Chapter 2

Jeff was the first to snap out of the slack-jawed bug-eyed mystical walkabout on which four out of six group members had departed, courtesy of Abed's bombshell. "Annie… we need to talk," he growled, striding to her chair, grabbing her arm, and unceremoniously dragging her out of the room. Shirley and Pierce followed in his wake, whereas Troy opted to stay behind. Out of the corner of her eye, Annie caught him congratulating Abed in a very enthusiastic, very, very intricately staged manner.

She didn't pull away from Jeff, not even once they were outside the door. How strange. One of the Annie variations slumbering under her skin must have deemed her worthy of punishment – any and every punishment the universe had in store for her.

Any…

And every…

Except, possibly, for this stress headache.

"Guys, can't we reschedule 'The Talk' for another day?" she whimpered. "My brain's lobes are splitting in teams and preparing to play migraine foosball."

"No, Annie," Jeff said, "if this latest revelation holds water, your brain's lobes are situated so far apart they can only be playing migraine golf."

Annie flushed, still embarrassed for herself, but now also offended on Abed's behalf. She arched her back and pursed her lips, primming. "Well… actually, the revelation does!" she exclaimed. "Quarts. Gallons. It holds a Pacific ocean of water!"

Jeff flared his nostrils so visibly, dribbled sweat so copiously, that Annie was worried he was going to have an apoplexy – worried enough to refrain from playing the 'jealousy' card. When, in time, the storm dispersed and it became clear that he'd dodged that bullet, Jeff attempted to school his features into a mask more confident, more gracious. But to no avail.

"I just don't understand why you did it!" he erupted. "How – wha – were you going after a medal or something? 'First awakener of a robot's primal instincts'? 'Cause if there's an institution that hands out medals for pointless pursuits like that, you're right, it's gotta be Greendale."

"I think what Jeffrey is trying to say," Shirley cut in, deliberately employing her sweetest, most maternal tone, "is that it's hard enough making sure you're not taken advantage of, Annie. We didn't think we'd have to worry about you taking advantage of others."

"Taking advantage – taking advantage? I took advantage of Abed?" This whole mad situation had transmuted Annie's mind into a quagmire, where all words leaked mud and thoughts slopped and squelched like galoshes. She threw her hands up in exasperation. "Look, if it makes you feel better, we didn't even have sex! We just made out a few times!"

"Wait, what? You did what?" Pierce squawked, as though roused from eight centuries of cryostasis. That explained the patent lack of racist comments. "Is that what Aybed's speech was about? I mean…" He shrugged nonchalantly. "I must have been listening to my iPod, I wasn't paying attention."

"Annie," Jeff said warningly, ignoring the older man.

Annie turned her head away; she had to, if she wanted to seriously reflect on the advice given to her. While they were face-to-face, all she could see was Abed's take on Jeff: a big talking head in a box, all sophistry and no gist.

"We were just having a bit of fun with role-play," she pouted, struggling to oil her gears. "You know, he'd be Indiana, I'd be Marion, he'd be Khal Drogo, I'd be Daenerys, he'd be Bender, I'd be Amy Wong…" She glanced at Jeff, verifying that he was completely and utterly ooged out. "I'm sure Abed enjoyed it, too! Even if he didn't say anything as himself during…" Her eyes took on a far-away look. "…or after…"

That pulled her up short. Was it true? Had she been taking advantage of Abed? She dipped into the crystalline water of memory, where wondrous abiogenesis spawned everything from continents to sunsets to ten-watt smiles, and she invoked the past summer's events like polaroids. 'Logan' and 'Veronica' shooting riffs back and forth. 'Ten' and 'Rose' holding hands. 'Mal' and 'Inara' locking lips, so stunning, so wet. Tongues, sometimes. 'Mal' cloudy-eyed and short of breath, then… suddenly… noiselessly… from one moment to the next… rigid. Robotic. Estranged.

Abed.

"But," she said quietly, "it won't happen again."

Jeff, Shirley and Pierce didn't intervene when Annie sideswiped her way out of their circuit.

Passing by the study room, she saw Abed lift a hand to her in a small wave. The window between them could have been a wormhole into another universe. Annie walked on. She had class in five minutes.