A/N: Alright, so, this is my first posted Supernatural ficlet or drabble or whatever you wanna name it. I do have others but no guarantee I will post them because my writing skills are heeeeeeeeella rusty. There's also soooo many amazing authors in this fandom I'm a little worried of posting something. XD
Takes place during that scene in season 3, episode 16 where the boys are singing Dead or Alive. Gets me every dang time.
Disclaimer: I do not claim to own these guys - though I sorely wish I could.
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Dean's hand slapped out to hit play on the car's tape deck and from the speakers Bon Jovi's 'Dead or Alive' filled the car. Sam raised an eyebrow, the corner of his lips curling up in a slightly amused smirk.
"Bon Jovi...?" The tone in the younger Winchester's voice was a mix of incredulity and blunt amusement; Dean was decidedly not a fan of Bon Jovi and never had been. Sweeping a finger up in a silencing gesture, Dean held an amused look of his own that was half hidden in shadow as they swept down the black asphalt.
"Hey! Bon Jovi rocks, on occasion." Sam's snort of laughter was lost as Dean bellowed along with the music, forcing all of his emotions to the back of his mind and allowing the music to run through his system, it's words so fitting with the events that were to take place.
All of this, everything they were trying to do and Sam's promises that he would save him; save Dean from his certain doom. Well. Dean didn't believe any of it for a second. He wanted to, so desperately that he went along with Sam's crazy schemes whenever the kid looked to be on the verge of bursting into tears but deep down, Dean's gut churned and his heart pounded; he was going to Hell and there was nothing standing between him and that burning eternity.
"Come on!" Dean slapped his brother's arm to try and get him singing along; to lighten the mood so it wouldn't feel as awkward as it had started to a minute ago. Sam's over-bright eyes and smile - that looked more like a grimace from the effort the kid was making to not start bawling at the idea that his brother was possibly not going to be there in that car with him any more – was forced away as he choked out an 'ohhh yeaaah' in time with the song.
A wide grin spread over Dean's face as he heard his brother's voice. They sung along together and Sam joined in with gusto once the euphoria of spending awesome time with his brother kicked in.
Dean's euphoria died with an almost audible scream and he felt his throat catch as he realised they would never do this again. This... this was the last time he was ever going to hear his brother's off-key voice bellow out in unison with a song they both agreed on; a rare event. The last time he would probably see his little brother smile; laugh; have fun with him. It was a final tribute to the life they had shared together and Dean could no longer keep his voice steady, instead choosing to fall silent and let Sam's voice fade into the background.
The burning feeling in the back of his throat and the way his eyes stung made him clamp his lips closed and swallow hard against the rising lump that was hiding in his airway. Asphalt swam before him and he bit the inside of his cheek to force himself to stop. This wasn't staring down the barrel of that certain death gun any more; this was it. The trigger was being pulled. No more life; no more hunting; no more girls, booze or beautiful purring Impala; no more Sam.
God. No more SAMMY and most of all, most importantly.
No. More. Dean.
Casting a look at his brother, Dean all but burned the image of that wide smile; bright, puppy dog like eyes and shaggy brown hair into his mind just so he could take it with him when he fell down the stairs and into the pit.
As predicted, everything failed completely and utterly in trying to kill Lilith, and Dean found himself being torn apart by a feral beast only one of the Winchesters could see. He purposely avoided looking at Sammy's twisted and horror-contorted face, just so he could keep the memory of his laughing little brother all to himself as the final piece of sanity he had left to cling to.
He was a selfish bastard, he knew that; same as he knew this would traumatise his brother for a lifetime but the knowledge that Sammy was going to survive, was enough. Not for one second, did he blame his brother for failing him; for not saving him from Hell.
This was Dean's decision and not once, had he regretted making it.
End
A/N: Thanks for reading! :)