Disclaimer: …...don't own Harry Potter... there, are you happy now?

Severus Snape awoke to the sound of ringing. Bloody Alarms! He scowled and pulled himself out of bed. Bloody students, bloody classes, Bloody breakfast, and bloody POTTER! The thing ringing was what he called his Potter Alarm. It rang whenever a student managed to leave the Gryffindor common room at night. And the littler blighters think I stay up all night waiting to catch them. Severus cast a glamour on his face to hide the bags under his eyes as he stalked to his door I'm getting to old for this.

Severus took his time stalking the halls to the Gryffindor common room, managing to catch a Hufflepuff who was leaned against a suit of armor, asleep. He took as few points as he could, but still enough that it didn't seem out of character. Come on, the kid was 11, and I know he had detention with Filch, the guy probably had the kid degunking the Weasley twins latest swamp. Thankfully, he managed to give a Ravenclaw and an older Hufflepuff both detention for sneaking into the library so late. You people do know that you N.E.W.T.S. are a year away, don't you? What was amazing though, that out of the 23 other students he managed to find, not a one of them were Gryffindors.

A quick Tempus showed the time. 4:30 in the bloody morning. Since it had been 3 hours since he had started, Severus gave up. He had a meeting with the Slytherins anyway, after catching two of them in the Kitchens, drowning themselves in butter beers and ice cream. Despite how much one wants to after a broken heart, we are Slytherins, not Hufflepuffs. And, I really didn't want to know about your stupid teenager love life angst.

At 7, too early for a Saturday, Severus dragged himself from bed once more to go spelunking to the Slytherin Common Room. What he saw was not what he wanted to see.

Well, he had found the evasive Gryffindors.

As a matter-of-fact, he probably had found the entire student body of Hogwarts minus the students he caught last night. The Weasley boy, the only one left in school was lounged across a Slytherin couch, Parkinson draped across him so where her feet where on his chest and her head was touching the floor. Abbot and Chang snuggled between Crabbe and Goyle. Zambini and Granger in an obviously friendly position on the ground. The Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw Quiddich teams in a huge pile near the fire. The entire group of first years in what looked like a nest of blankets He looked around, the ground littered with potato chip bags, popcorn, sodas, and numerous other odd sugary concoctions. On a raised platform in the back, a karaoke machine. And then he looked around at the students again, marking off everybody he saw. Yes, he was right earlier, every bloody student at Hogwarts was in there. Except for two. Well, and the Hufflepuff first year who was asleep in his own bed.

Where the bloody hell are Potter and Malfoy?

And so Severus turned on his heel, and stalked from the common room, not wanting to know what the hell happened in there, determined to find Potter and Malfoy.

"Nhh...please...nhh...Dray...harder!"

"Gods, Harry, your beautiful."

"DARCO!"

Severus eyes widened, stoic spy mask be damned. He was just outside the potions storage room. They wouldn't. Well, honestly, he didn't see them fucking each other coming either, so, they might as well fuck each other in the storage room. He stalked towards the door, pushing it open, before freezing. There was Potter, laying stark naked, his chest coated with his own seed, looking utterly debauched, writhing one the ground underneath Malfoy, who was buried balls-deep into Potters ass. But what made him freeze was the way that Malfoy moved with Harry, how you could tell just by looking (and add the fact that Severus could see auras) that this was more than just a convenient fuck. Dare he think it, but did Potter and Malfoy love each other?

And so Severus did what any respectable person would do. He backed up slowly, quietly shut the door, and ran in the opposite direction.

And then he woke up.

Never, never again am I eating McGonnagall's fruit cake before bed.

Severus was walking down the halls later that day, stalking about really, disturbed by his dream induced by bad cooking. He was passing the storage closet for potions ingredients, trying not to think about the nightmare, when he heard a sound.

"Nhh...nghh...mmhhh..."

"AHH!"

"God, Harry, your so beautiful."

"Mghh...Dray...nhh!"

"Come for me Harry."

"DRACO!"

And once more, Severus did the only thing he could do. He ran, reputation be damned.