Author's Note: Blizzaga Saga asked why there weren't more Link/Cremia fics. I thought he had a point, so I wrote one.

Cremia sat on a towel at the beach, shifting uncomfortably as she tried to hide the fact that she was horny.

She'd had problems with frequent arousal ever since Kafei broke off their little "arrangement" the night before he proposed to Anju (When she caught him masturbating when they were fourteen, she promised not to tell her their friend was a dangerous pervert and personally insisted on helping him relieve his "tension" whenever she could) and left her sexless, and the cute guy her little sister had become best friends with moving in with them hadn't helped.

He was being especially unhelpful today, four years after having moved in with them, sitting with them in nothing but his hat and a pair of green trunks with the fact that he was changing from a cute little boy into an exemplary man fresh off the cover of one of her romance novels clearly on display, and he seemed to be deliberately making sure his chest was pointed directly at her at all times.

So she was somewhat relieved when Romani tackled Link, grabbed the cap off his head and ran off with it giggling, as he gave chase. With their attention diverted from her she felt comfortable (or at least as comfortable as she could feel in a bikini that her breasts strained against and a pair of cut jeans that she couldn't even zip up all the way) discreetly rubbing herself between her legs, trying hard to keep her hand on the outside of the thong, her other hand off her breasts and her voice under control as she watched her fourteen year-old permanent houseguest run after her sister, although she noticed he wasn't running as fast as he could. He almost seemed to be wobble-running, though she couldn't figure out why. She got her answer when Romani decided to incorporate leap-frog in thier game of tag and leapt over her, Link tripping over her and she could feel one enormous reason slide in between her thighs.

When he realized where he was (And more importantly, where it was), his face almost immediately turned into an expression of adorable terror that wordlessly begged forgiveness. Cremia realized that the solution to her problem had literally fallen into her lap and mouthed to him "You're mine," causing him to swallow and nod in submission.

Romani, meanwhile, was getting impatient over Link being on top of her sister and sang out "C'mon, Grasshopper! Don't you want your hat back?"

"Actually Link's having a hard time in a personal area, so I'll need some privacy to treat him, Romani. Why don't you go for a swim?"

Romani had no idea why the image of her sister alone with Link handling his personal areas upset her, but it dead, so she pleaded that she wanted to help too, but Cremia put her foot down and was soon leading Link by the hand (with his cap) to the very shelter that he'd discovered and cleared out of cursed spiders.

When the man who bought the shelter from Link came back up and saw that the world had, in fact, not ended, and there were more beach-goers from more distant lands, he realized he was sitting on a pile of potential ruppees and had it converted into an inn. An inn in which Cremia now planned to have her way with a fourteen year-old.

As she got closer to the inn and felt the amazed and aroused stares of the people they walked by, she felt more aware of her rather immodest bikini, and was reminded of how it came into her posession.

The last time she had gone shopping with Anju, her friend noticed that she was feeling kind of bummed, and brought her to a shop run by an old friend of her husband, the Curiosity Shop.

When they walked into the shop, Cremia found herself wondering precisely what kind of curiosity the name referred to. There were all manner of unspeakably kinky trinkets there, from steel phalluses with what she was certain were more rivets than necessary, to creams that purported to increase one's sensitivity, to books on alternative methods of sexual intercourse. There were even gimp outfits, the masks of which she could have sworn she saw one of when Link unpacked upon moving in with them.

While she thought that one of those phalluses would be of at least some help, she was too embarassed to buy one with her friend present so instead picked up the least offensive item the man showed them, which was the swimsuit she now wore.

"Excuse me," she said to the man at the front desk, "My son is having a bit of a personal problem, could we have one of your rooms for a few minutes so I can treat him in private?"

"I don't know..." came his reply, as he tried and failed to be subtle in his checking out of the incredible breasts before him.

"Please...?" she pleaded, feeling somewhat ashamed to now be leaning on the counter with both hands and her back arched to give the man a more persuasive view.

"Alright, no charge, but I'll be up later to check and if you're not gone by then, we'll need to work out your 'payment'" he bargained, his tone making his intent about as subtle as his ogling.

"Deal," she agreed, thinking to herself that she'd have to make it quick. Hopefully Link had never done this before and would be light on stamina.

Locking the door behind them, Cremia stood Link in front of the bed, squat in front of him and pulled his shorts down, setting his throbbing monster free. Cremia was amazed, Link was anxious.

"I'm sorry!" he shouted. When Cremia just looked up at him in confusion, he explained "I have no idea how or why it got look this, it just did, and I..."

"Calm down, calm down, it's alright..." Cremia soothed, now mindful of the fact that while his heart (and dick, as it turned out) was that of a man's he still had the body and knowledge of a boy, "What's going on is that your body wants to make a baby."

Link took a few seconds to process that sentence, and then flatly replied "What?" with a terrified expression on his face.

"Well that's what that's for, aside from peeing." Cremia explained as she stroked his. "You see, a man's penis gets hard like this when he sees a pretty girl, and a girl has a hole called a vagina between her legs right about her," she said as she took his hand and slipped it under her thong, guiding his fingers into her hole, "that gets wet when she sees a handsome man, and if you rub them together enough the penis will shoot out this white goo into the vagina to make a baby."

"Really?"

"Yup. Here, I'll let you try it," she said, turning around and slipping off her thong, giving Link a face-full of her pussy and...

"What about this hole, what's it for?" he asked, probing it knuckle-deep with a finger, causing her to shout.

"Th-that's my anus..." she replied, turning her face towards him and forcing a smile through the intense sensation that just shot through her. "I'll teach you all about it later tonight, but right now we're short on time so why don't we just..." she then pushed his arm back until he was no longer fingering her where she'd never been touched before, then pressed her butt into his stomach and positioned his cock so the tip aligned with her cunt "Focus on the basics?" she finished before letting gravity sheathe his sword in her scabbard.

Link had no words for how good it felt. His most sensitive part was in a hot, moist grip, and as the sensations moved through his entire body, the world around him dissolved. All he was aware of was himself, Cremia, and the soft surface that supported them. Without thought, he rocked his hips, reached under her bikini and squeezed her breasts, teasing her nipples and kneading her massive, soft mounds.

Cremia was in a similar nirvana. She could tell Link was big from looking at it, but she didn't think it would be this big. She could feel his was a hair shy of hitting her cervix, and when he had a hold of her tits she could feel the already-stuffing-her thickness expand to the point off feeling like it would burst. Kafei hadn't been this big, not even the last time.

The only sounds that could be heard within the room at that point were the sounds of slapping flesh mixed in with a harmony of the lovers' pants, gasps and moans, and after a few minutes, Link had hit his peak and let out an elongated gasp as he let off his seed.

With her mind clear, Cremia pulled herself off her newfound lover and asked his half-conscious self "Felt pretty good, huh?"

His only reply was a wheezing "Uh-huh..." accompanied by a glazed look in his eyes.

Finding herself unable to argue with that, she continued "I can help you out like that whenever you need, but just have to promise me it'll be our little secret, okay?"

A similarly delirious "Okay" fell out of him, and with the pair now as dressed as they were when they came in, Cremia opened the door for them to get back to Romani, thinking to herself "Next time I go to clock town I should check out some of that stuff in the Curiosity Shop..."

Author's Note: Well, I never said I was all that good. It's something, at least. I have an idea for another chapter, and if there's enough interest, I could branch it out to a Link/Cremia/Romani/Tatl (in a human body, of course) four-way, so leave a review to let me know if you think I'm on to something or are a total freak.