A/N: I feel like I'm stealing Merlin's manhood from him. Or at least helping to. I'M SORRY MERLIN! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! It's actually not… I was forced into writing this by ShadowsBloodPain, who thinks that years of friendship and big, "innocent" eyes give her the right to kill me from the inside out.

WARNING: In other words, genderbending. Fem!Merlin/Arthur. Also, try not to take this too seriously. I know I didn't, and it helped.

…You can try to pretend this never happened when you stop reading… Lol, but maybe there are Merlin/Arthur lovers out there who like this?

Call Her Merlinny

When Arthur first saw the new maidservant, she was talking to Morgana's maid, Guinevere. He didn't pay her much attention, other than to look her over once as he did with every girl he met.

She had dark hair, not short and not long, but rather swishing around her shoulders and a bit messy. Her eyes were bright and blue and even a bit distracting, which Arthur found rather odd but shrugged off. Her skin was pale, even paler looking when she stood next to Gwen, and though she was too slender to be curvy, she wasn't exactly flat either. All in all, an attractive girl, nothing really very special.

"Are you liking Camelot so far, Merlina?" asked Gwen.

"Call me Merlinny," insisted the one with the distracting eyes.

Which was such a silly name that Arthur couldn't quite keep himself from snorting. Gwen pretended not to notice (after all, the prince wasn't talking to her), but "Merlinny" shot him a look that wasn't quite respectful.

Feeling strangely stung and wanting to defend himself for some reason, Arthur hurried away. Really, he could've yelled at her, but then he would've had to admit that he laughed at her name. And suddenly yelling at maidservants for no good reason was not princely behavior.

Arthur decided to forget about her.

It was actually rather difficult to do, because for some reason, she just kept popping up. First of all she'd saved his life from that crazy witch, and then she gave him the key to finding Gwen's innocence when the dark-skinned girl was accused of sorcery. After that, she just kept appearing at strange times. She and Arthur didn't talk much (what could he possibly have to say to the sort-of-pretty maidservant other than "thanks for saving lives"?), but when they did, it was mostly conversations full of unwelcome advice and thinly veiled insults. At first Arthur thought he shouldn't insult a woman, no matter her station. Then she decided he was more of a prat than a prince and he stopped feeling bad. Arthur tried to avoid her, even enlisting his manservant's help. Morris did his best, but no luck.

Basically, as time went by, Merlinny was still there, Arthur still didn't understand what the heck she was after, and the two grew rather used to each other always seeming to be around.

Arthur didn't think it could be any different… until the day with the serkets.

It had been a perfectly normal day. He woke up cranky and threw something at Morris, who ducked. He went to talk to his father, noticing with half of his mind that Merlina was talking to Gwen in the hall nearby. Then he went to training. He ate lunch. A sorcerer attacked Camelot and the air began to fill with screams as people were blasted with magic. Arthur and the knights went out to deal with them and most of them ended up lying on the floor, bleeding and unconscious, while people ran about in a panic.

See? A perfectly normal day for Arthur.

He was just approaching the sorcerer with his sword out in front of him, ready to start fighting magic with brawn, when it got un-normal. Instead of trying to kill him, like most sorcerers seemed to want to do, this sorcerer cast a spell that made Arthur feel like a tornado had suddenly erupted into the air and was trying to pull him out of Camelot's lower town and into… someplace else. He felt the magic getting stronger and stronger, and knew he didn't have much time until he was sucked away.

With one last thrust and leap forward, Arthur managed to jump forward and skewer the sorcerer on the end of his sword. But before he could pull it out, the tornado sucked him up into a wild, bumpy trip. Colors seemed to swirl, the breath was sucked from his mouth, and behind him Arthur thought he heard a female's scream.

Then everything faded to black.

"So, how exactly did you end up here with me?"

"The same way you ended up here, obviously."

"Yes, but I was sent here by a sorcerer."

"Exactly."

"But why you? Why were just you sent here?"

"Basically you're saying you don't like me around?"

Arthur sighed to himself, while Merlinny pouted as only an unreasonable woman could.

Arthur had woken up in a pit, though it might have been more of a sunken cave, really. He could see light above him and knew that way was home, but the rocky, high walls looked a bit treacherous to climb. In front of Arthur there was a long tunnel, but it was too dark to know where it ended up, so going that way was probably dangerous. But none of that had really surprised Arthur as much as the fact that unconscious next to him (practically on top of him) was a woman: Merlina.

Arthur was beginning to think he would prefer solitude to company.

"That's not what I'm saying," he insisted. "I just want to know why, of all the people that could end up transported here with me, it had to be you." Too late, he realized that it did indeed sound like he didn't want her around.

Well, that was okay. Because he didn't. (Did he?) At the very least it was a tad awkward to have to wake up a woman he barely knew and explain to her that she was now trapped in a dark "room" with a prince for company.

Merlinny rolled her eyes. "You're just so gentlemanly."

Arthur sighed. She was not being helpful.

"Prat."

"What?" Arthur looked up, but she was looking the other way innocently.

"What? Oh, I said… 'Perhaps'… as in, perhaps I know why. Maybe it was because I was standing too close to you when the spell hit you."

"I didn't see you."

"Well… I was behind you."

Arthur shifted. He was sitting against the wall of the pit, facing Merlinny, who had also taken a seat. She'd sat down carefully so as not to muss her skirt.

"Why were you so close? I would've thought most people would have enough sense to stay away from the evil sorcerer?"

Merlinny shot him a dirty look. "I have sense! It was… an accident. I got confused."

"Really?"

"Well, it was scary, okay? There was a sorcerer attacking!"

"Hmmm…" Arthur eyed her suspiciously, realized that he was looking at those eyes too long, and looked away.

He thought he heard her mutter, "Stupid dragon's fault."

"What was that?"

"Nothing. I didn't say anything."

"No, not you… That sound. Did you hear it?" Arthur stood up, wishing he had his sword.

Beside him, Merlinny stood up, and as she did so, Arthur had the irrelevant thought that her figure wasn't as non-curvy as he thought… It had to be the clothes.

"I hear it," she said. "Like… little pattering feet."

Arthur blinked, thinking of an old nurse and how she was always saying that to describe children. "Why is it that all women have some strange obsession with the phrase 'little pattering feet'?"

"Interesting you should ask," she shot back quickly. "How many women have needed to talk to you about little pattering feet?"

Arthur tried hard to keep the smile off of his face. She was funny, even if she was implying an insult to his honor. He'd never met a servant who was so openly, impudently witty. But then he heard the sound again and frowned.

"It does sound like feet, though… Hold on, do you see that?"

Merlinny squinted, then squeaked. "Yes!"

"Are those…"

"Serkets!"

And it was true. Hundreds of giant scorpions were approaching up the tunnel towards them, stingers in the air, as unhurried as death itself. Arthur started to breathe a foul word but remembered the presence of a lady and didn't.

"We need to climb out of here," she said firmly.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Really, Merlina? And just where do you see a ladder?" He ran his hand down the wall of the pit (tunnel? Cave?) in search of rocks firm enough that could serve as foot and hand holds.

While he was thus occupied, Merlina was glancing around nervously, and at last decided there was nothing else for it—her eyes flashed gold. Handholds began to sink into the wall at paces that both she and Arthur would find easy to climb, looking very much like a not-quite-natural ladder.

"There!" she cried, pointing, and Arthur turned around with an expression of surprise.

"Oh," he said, feeling foolish. "Now why didn't I see that?"

"It doesn't matter," snapped Merlinny. "Just climb! Quickly!" Her eyes were glued onto the approaching serkets.

Arthur shook his head and gestured at the wall, sweat beginning to stand out on his face. "Ladies first."

"No, you go. Come on."

Arthur shook his head. "I'll be slow in this armor anyway. Don't argue, just go!"

Merlinny huffed and put her pale hands into her hips, an action which drew his attention because it tightened the dress about her waist. "Really, Prince Arthur, you are such a prat! I told you to go first."

"And I said—"

Eventually Merlinny said what she had thought of much earlier and Arthur was still too oblivious to notice. "I'm wearing a skirt, Sire! And you'll be climbing beneath me!"

The serkets were a couple of meters away.

Arthur actually blushed. "For the love of Camelot—That's what you're thinking of right now?" He groaned. "Women!"

"Because men never think of that kind of thing!" Merlinny nearly yelled, voice heavy with sarcasm.

And with that, Arthur grabbed onto the first hand hold and began to climb. He grunted; it was hard in this armor! He pulled, one arm after another, feet searching for the footholds to pull him to safety. He tried to go as fast as he could, knowing that the serkets were getting ever closer and Merlinny was still down there.

"Quickly!" she yelped.

Arthur kept going, his hand latching onto the top of the pit. Behind him, he heard Merlinny beginning to climb up.

Arthur pulled himself over the top, a feat which was easier with less metal on, and turned around to check on Merlinny, his heart pounding.

"Come on!" he said. "They're right below you!"

"This is hard!" she said back as a stinger missed her foot by a millimeter.

Arthur nearly fell onto his stomach, hand reaching back down into the pit. "Just grab onto me, I'll pull you up!"

She shot him one scared look. "What if you drop me?"

"I won't! I promise!"

Her blue (distracting) eyes were the size of saucers as she reached up, and her small hand was quickly enclosed in his gauntlet-covered one. He grabbed the other hand and with a mighty effort pulled her to the top.

She got there, and as soon as her feet hit the ground, her knees buckled, driving her down to the floor. Her hand, now firmly clutching Arthur's arm, pulled down, and as Arthur didn't have such a good balance at the moment himself…

Well, long story short, he somehow ended up lying on top of Merlinny.

"I'm sorry!" he said, knowing that his weight had to be uncomfortable for her, and that he was probably crushing her lungs… Heck, her entire midsection. She gave a small gasp, the breath knocked out of her, while Arthur desperately tried to pull his arm out from under Merlinny's body without hurting her.

"Sorry," he said again, finally managing to get to his feet and offering her a hand. She took it and regained her balance, starting to smile and… blush? Was she blushing? No, she was red from fear and from exerting herself. That was it.

"It's okay," she said, trying to hold back a giggle. "It's not your fault."

He smiled at her, and she smiled back. Her hair was blowing in the wind and completely messed up, her face was red, and her blue eyes seemed to stand out more against it…

Why, Arthur realized, she's pretty!

The air was tense and awkward, but then he coughed. "Well," he said slowly. "I think we successfully ruined that sorcerer's plan. Good thing serkets don't climb. Shall we go home?"

"Which way is home?"

Arthur pointed. "Camelot's that way."

She looked that way. "Are you sure?"

"I can see the tower of the castle. Well, my lady? Ready to go home? I'll walk you there… Gaius will be worried about you." Gaius, the court physician, was her guardian.

She laughed. "Of course, Prince Arthur. Lead on."

A/N: If you flame this, I don't think I'll blame you.