Title: Grade-A Man Meat

Summary:

AU. SasuSaku. What a waste of perfectly good man-meat. Oh well, the hot ones were always either gay, taken or crazy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Life sucks.

It was funny, he thought.

How life—how karma could be a real bitch, sometimes.

Sure, he knew that he sortakindamaybe had it coming; what, with messing around irresponsibly—more like whoring around, Naruto snorted—with lots and lots and lots of women.

He knew the 'hit-and-run,' thing was wrong, but it wasn't his fault! The women were the ones who approached him; it would have been rude not to entertain them. He was a gentleman after all, he smirked.

It wasn't his fault either that he had the utmost confidence in his looks—in himself. He admits to having a humungous ego. After all, women always threw themselves at him.

You really can't blame him.

He was the victim here.

It wasn't his fault.

Really, it wasn't.

.

.

Well karma—the bitch, certainly didn't think so.

"HAHAHA! I knew it!" Naruto slurped his ramen loudly. Sasuke cringed, disgusted. "I told you so!" Naruto chortled, a mixture of drool and soup dripping down his chin.

Ichiraku Ramen Bar was a modest little restaurant located at downtown Konoha. It wasn't much, but it was the place where Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke spent their—practically since childhood—days hanging out. It was sort of a tradition for them to eat lunch there almost every day; and since it was tradition, they treated it as if it were sacred. Hence, they came everyday to eat lunch together, no questions asked. Even if the concept did sound kind of gay, Sasuke admittedly thought.

"Idiot, shut up. She has ears, you know." Sasuke hissed, handing the blonde a napkin.

"What difference would it make? She practically thinks nothing of you anyway." Naruto snorted in reply, taking the napkin and wiping the little stream off his face. Sasuke scowled, shoulders slumped in defeat.

Two weeks ago

Why didn't he notice her before? He asked himself. He knew it was impossible and borderline ridiculous for him not to notice such a gorgeous, pretty little thing like her. She wasn't that tall—she was petite, actually. But she had just the right amount of curves and the most striking features; truly a captivating sight to see: cotton candy pink hair, clear green eyes, picture perfect smile.

Sasuke knew that he wasn't the only one who kept glancing—not ogling, he corrected himself—at her. The men in the little dingy restaurant were practically eye-fucking the girl.

"Oi, Teme! Are you even listening to me? Hey, you basta—" Naruto paused mid-way, following Sasuke's line of sight.

"Oh, no! Just, NO. Stop right there, teme! Don't even think about it!"

Sasuke furrowed his brows, annoyed. "The fuck?"

"Dude, that chick? She's Haruno Sakura." Sakura, huh? The name suited her, he mused. "And Haruno Sakura is totally off-limits. You just don't tap that! You do not hit that girl and just walk away after doing so."

Sasuke snorted smugly. He was Uchiha Sasuke. Women worshipped him.

"Don't give me that smug face, you bastard. I'm serious! Men have tried. And you know what, buddy? They have failed."

"The shame of failing and looking like a complete idiot? That's not even the worst part! Those men? They are reduced to sniveling, love-sick puppies. It's so sad that you wouldn't even have the heart to call them pathetic." Naruto voiced out sympathetically. "She's dangerous, teme. She steals hearts. Putting them in her jar of hearts like that emo song that you know I know you know." Naruto leaned forward inches away from Sasuke's face, eyes narrowed.

"Can you not invade my personal space?" Sasuke hissed, shoving the blonde's face away.

She makes men fall head-over-heels for her? Tch, please.

Naruto needed to stop eating too much ramen; the preservatives were getting to his head.

In fact, he was going to make the dobe eat his words. He was going to march up to her and smirk suavely—she'll be eating out of the palm of his hand, like every other women has, in no time.

With that in mind, he stood up.

"AW, SHIT NO! NO, TEME! JUST, NO! I—" Sasuke cut him off, hitting the blonde at the back of his head.

He had a point to prove.

He was a man with a mission.

And nothing would be able to stop him.

Halfway on his trek, he glanced back at Naruto to smirk smugly, mockingly. The blonde was making slashing signs across his throat, mouthing, 'NO.' It was so comical that Sasuke would have laughed if he weren't himself.

Tch, Uchihas do not laugh. Sasuke snorted.

.

.

Sakura was recounting the money behind the cash register when she felt a shadow looming over her. She looked up and was met with a sight to see. Raven hair falling perfectly over dark smoldering eyes, a ski-slope nose, and thin kissable lips; the man was the epitome of tall, dark and handsome.

Hubba, hubba. She inwardly drooled.

"Yes, sir? May I help you?" She was relieved that she didn't stutter.

"Hn." The man grunted, smirking suavely.

'Hn? What the hell?'

Brow raising, she asked once more, "Sir? Do you need anything?"

The man leaned forward, eyes smoldering, still smirking suavely. She blinked, 'Okaaaay. Someone's a little bit cuckoo.'

What a waste of perfectly good man-meat. Oh well, the hot ones were always either gay, taken or crazy. She shrugged inwardly, took the white apron—'Ichiraku Ramen Bar' logo in the middle—off and wordlessly walked away. "Hey, Ayame! My shift's over! Tell the manager I'm leaving, alright?"

.

.

"Hey, Ayame! My shift's over! Tell the manager I'm leaving, alright?"

Sasuke silently stood, staring blankly at the area where the pink-haried beauty stood moments ago. 'Did she just walk out on me?' He felt Naruto's hand on his shoulder, "It's okay, man." The blonde tried to utter sympathetically, miserably failing to muffle his sniggers.

"Can I just say?" He smirked conspiratorially, leading the dazed Sasuke back to their seats. "I warned you, teme. I told you so." And with that, the blonde man proceeded to slap his knee repeatedly as he downright laughed out loud, earning annoyed looks from the people in the small restaurant.

Sasuke stood there stiffly, ego completely bruised, hands clenching. "No, buddy. Seriously, it's okay. You know what they say, Karma's a bitch." Naruto snorted out between chortles, a hand on Sasuke's left shoulder, trying and utterly failing to sound sympathetic.

"Dude, teme. Seriously, just give up. I already told you, she's not going to give in. She's Haruno Sakura. You've been stalking—" Sasuke glared, offended. "I mean, coincidentally be in the same places as her," Naruto quickly corrected, "since the day she turn you down."

Sasuke grunted in reply.

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Ugh! Teme! I swear! I can't take it anymore!" Palms slamming onto the table, Naruto leaned forward, "Listen here and listen well, teme! I can't take your broody, emo, sulking self anymore. You're shitty company has turned into a hell lot of shitty company, okay? You took a month-long leave from your company—when you haven't taken a vacation in three years, just saying—just to follow her around and glare, hiss and glower at every man within a mile's radius from her! You've used your family's conglomerate to learn more about her—not only do you know where she lives, you even know what shampoo she uses—and listen in on her conversations with other people! You follow her around every single day! Teme, you are acting like an obsessed, love-sick, stalker-ish, emo guy!" brow furrowing, Sasuke feeling more than offended, refused to look at Naruto.

"I'm not gonna say that you're crazy, but you're pretty much along that neighborhood, OKAY? Snap out of it, teme! Stop sulking over your bruised pride and ego and just grow a damn pair and ask her out like a normal person! Or just quit it if you can't! Your pride and ego isn't worth that much!" Naruto screeched, eyes wild, catching his breath.

Sasuke, still frowning, wordlessly stood up and left.

Naruto sighed, slumping in defeat. 'He never listens.'

Naruto was wrong, Sasuke thought as he indignantly stomped his way back to his house—mansion. He wasn't obsessed! Nor was he stalking her. And no, this was not about his pride or his ego.

Okay, fine, maybe it was about his ego but that was only during the first few days! And maybe he was stalking her. Just a little bit though. There were many dangerous people out there with sick motives! He was just looking out for her.

It was not about pride, he repeated, telling himself. No, Sasuke knew he was starting to feel something. He felt it when she smiled gently at a child that scraped his knee—trying to help clean up the child's wound; when he found out that she worked three jobs to help her parents pay for med school; when she helped carry a random old stranger's groceries. There was so much that she would do for other people, regardless if she knew them or not. She was everything he was not. She was just so so much. And it moved him. Touched him. And he felt—he didn't know what he felt but he knew it was something.

Sakura hummed happily as she made her way to Ichiraku; she's been in a rather good mood these past weeks—"Oi, forehead. Why do you look like you're in freaking cloud-nine? It's creeping me out," Ino commented dryly.

She discreetly glanced back, looking for the familiar mob of raven hair. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips when she saw him pause in his trek, pretending to read a small flyer stamped on an electric post. You see, Haruno Sakura was a smart girl. She knew that he'd been following her around ever since that faithful day in Ichiraku.

The first time he followed her around, she honestly thought he was a creepy, cute—hey, the guy had good looks!—stalker. And had he not pummeled a guy trying to look up her skirt, she would have reported him to the police and filed for a restraining order. But because of him, the number of guys who hit on her decreased greatly, and she would be lying if she said she wasn't thankful. And though she thought his way of expressing his concern was a bit peculiar, she found him sweet.

She knew she was starting to like him and she knew it was wrong. She didn't even know him.

But when he started to leave cans of pepper spray on her doorstep every three days, a bento box with a sticky note that said, 'Eat,' on top of her desk at the hospital she was interning in, and an umbrella beside her locker inside the employee's room of Ichiraku Ramen when it unexpectedly started to rain when her shift ended, she just knew that this—strange, awkward, probably emotionally stunted, sweet, gorgeous—man had her.

He stood impatiently, waiting for Naruto to come pick him up. It was raining so hard; the drainage overflowing with the excess water, trees bending under the harsh wind's will. Why did he have to choose to leave his car at home today? And why did it have to rain the moment he stepped outside the ramen bar?

Sakura wasn't even in the bar anymore; her shift ended early. He scowled at his misfortune.

Tapping his foot impatiently, he decided to just brave the rain and go home.

He'd just take a warm bath when he got home, he reasoned.

After all, he had no reason to be at the ramen bar anyway. Sakura already left.

Might as well do some paperwork in the study, he thought, sulking.

Face set into a deep scowl, Sasuke took a step forward, expecting cold, pelting rain against his skin.

He felt none.

.

.

Sakura steadied the umbrella she held over the man and herself. What was he thinking? Didn't he know he could get sick? She frowned mumbling, "Idiot."

He actually had the nerve to look appalled.

.

.

Who did this—this midget think she was? First, she turns him down and now she calls him an idiot? How dare she place him on the same level as Naruto! He was Uchiha Sasuke, damn it.

The midget, he growled, looking at everything but her.

"You could at least say thank you." She snapped, looking up—she was tiny compared to him, he smirked—at him. He grunted in annoyance. She certainly didn't thank him for everything he's done for her, so why should he thank her?

"Hn."

She narrowed her eyes, "I can't believe I was actually contemplating on asking you out."

.

.

It took him a minute to register what she had said. And when he faced her, he was able to catch a glimpse of her pink-stained cheeks. She probably didn't mean to say that out loud, he smirked.

"Uchiha Sasuke." He arrogantly muttered and held her hand.

Who didn't have a pair, dobe? He thought to himself smugly.

She blushed, humming in acknowledgement, eyes on their linked hands.

.

.

.

Maybe, just maybe, karma wasn't a bitch after all.

A/N:

um, yeah. I dunno what to say..

Hmm.. Cookies for those who can tell me the title of the "emo song," Naruto was talking about in the resto scene. :))

And um, let me know what you think, leave a review. :)