Theories of the Future

Because real life isn't like the movies, Jeff Winger doesn't keep in touch with anyone when he departs Greendale after four treacherous years.

And this is why he's stunned when he reads his invitation to the five-year reunion.

He's almost- almost - forgotten about his horrific experience at this "school-shaped toilet" when he receives his invitation in the mail, personally addressed to Jeffrey Winger by Dean C. Pelton. It's been a long hectic day at the firm- where he now works as a consultant, for God's sake- and all he really wants to do is sit back, watch some bad television and drink some bad beer. Of course, he can't do any of these things when he knows this invitation is sitting on his coffee table, waiting to be opened and read.

Once it is, his mind fights World War III over what to do with it.

Put in the trash, pre-Greendale Jeff says. Those idiots ruined four years of your life! You owe them nothing! But post-Greendale Jeff is much more reasonable, much more humble, and much too weathered from said experience to completely throw it away. He lets his mind wander; what has everyone been doing? He's sure he saw Annie's name in the paper a few weeks ago, announcing her engagement to some cardiologist and one afternoon, at the movie theater, the credits had rolled and he sat, mouth twisted in a smirk, as he read Produced by: Abed Nadir. Neither of these two events really shock Jeff, anyway.

At first he decides not to go. He doesn't care; he was the King of Not-Caring back at Greendale anyway and the only way to keep up that title would be to not attend. He chucks the invitation in the trash and saunters into the kitchen for that long-awaited beer… But once he's popped the cap off, he retrieves the invitation from the trash bin again. What if he does attend? It couldn't hurt, right? I mean, he's Jeff Winger; he's most likely expected to attend anyway. He was the head of the study group; one half of the Greendale parents. How could he refuse?

In the end, he RSVPs with yes. He's Jeff Winger. There isn't any way he could justify getting out of it.

But secretly, he's looking forward to it.

The first thought Britta Perry has when she arrives at Greendale Community College five years after she finally left it is that attending the reunion was a horrible mistake.

Actually, the first thought she has is that the school does not look even a touch different; the quad is decorated with outlandish banners, streamers, and various decorations, the buildings are plastered with posters for different school events, and the same ridiculous butt flag is still hanging without shame from the flagpole. The Greendale Human Being- which Britta is sure is the same student; who else would volunteer for that job? – is parading around, shaking people's hands and offering them directions on how to get to the cafeteria, where the reunion dance was set up. She's not sure what made her return, but here she is anyway.

Her life had taken an unexpected turn upon her graduation, but it was nothing that she wasn't prepared for by that point. After all, she had never planned dropping out of high school when she was younger, but the longer she stayed, the more she realized how ridiculous it all was and was surprised more people didn't follow suit. She had never set out to be a foot model- or any kind of model, really, and she got plenty of heat for this with her women's rights activists- but hey, desperate times called for desperate measures. And of course, she had never expected that the women she'd made fun of for having the accidental-pregnancy-that-ruined-a-perfectly-good-relationship would somehow, some day also include her.

This is the second thought Britta has when she arrives at Greendale that evening; everyone was staring at her as if she was a teenager who'd been knocked up at band camp and is returning now, shamefully, with a baby. Although the thought was somewhat comical, it makes her a bit angry. She isn't sixteen; it isn't morally frowned upon that she has a baby and she isn't the only one who's showed up tonight with a child. She notices that, although this may be true, she's the only one who's showed up with a child without a significant other. So she's parenting alone and hasn't found a decent enough babysitter for her six-month-old daughter. Sue her.

She adjusts the blanket on her sleeping six-month-old, inhales and exhales deeply, and pushes the stroller across the quad and towards the cafeteria. She's glad she hasn't recognized anyone yet and a part of her feels ashamed of that. Why should she feel shame for bringing her daughter along? She doesn't know, but some tiny piece of her- probably the same piece of her that still hates herself, just a tiny bit- feels this way, and feels this way strongly. Maybe, she thinks, no one else from study group will be here and I can just go home. I'll pretend I never came and that'll be that. But even though she wants this, she also is very curious as to how everyone's lives have gone.

Britta is barely in the cafeteria for five minutes and has barely had the time to admire the decorations- seriously, the Dean has overdone himself again- before she hears her name and sees Annie Edison running excitedly toward her, dragging along a tall brunette male. Her heart beats a little faster but she's grinning as Annie approaches her and immediately sweeps her into a hug. She looks delightfully the same; her hair is still pin-straight and partially pulled back, her outfits still consist of a sweater-skirt-ballet flats combo, and she squeals with excitement as if she was still just eighteen years old. Annie Edison is still Annie Edison and Britta can't help but be glad she is the first one she sees.

"Britta! It's so good to see you!" She says excitedly as she pulls back. "You look great! Well, I mean, you look the same, which was always really good!"

"Thank you, you too," Britta manages a chuckle. "Although I doubt I look the same, after this one."

She nods towards the stroller and only then does Annie notice the sleeping infant- and does a double take. "Oh my gosh, look at you! You have a baby!"

"I do," She agrees, and firmly changes the subject. "But look at you! You have a boyfriend!"

"Fiancé, actually," Annie grins gleefully. "Britta, this is Alexander Griffin. Alex, this is my friend Britta Perry from school!"

Alex leans forward to shake Britta's hand, his smile just as genuine as Annie's. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard so much about this infamous study group."

Britta smiles back, his hand warm in her own. "It's very nice to meet you as well. I hope she's only told you good things."

"Well I can't say they're all good," Annie bites her lip. "You know how we were."

"Yeah," Britta answers. "Toxic."

"Well I'll leave you two to catch up a bit," Alex decides. "I'm going to get a quick drink. Can I get anything for either of you?"

"Just water would be fine, thank you," Annie smiles gratefully at him as he kisses her cheek and then looks towards Britta.

"Oh, no thanks. I'm set." Britta says and then he's gone. Her eyes meet Annie's. "Okay, where did you find him and how can I get one?"

Annie giggles playfully. "I know, right? Is he not the greatest? I met him a few years ago at my parents' anniversary party. Apparently he's worked with my cousin for years and I've never met him. But once I did… it was perfect."

Britta smiles. "I'm happy for you. I really am."

"I'm hoping the whole group will show up, because I've brought wedding invitations for all of you," Annie continues. "We're really excited to get married and start a family… which you've clearly already started."

"Yeah," Britta says almost dismissively, chancing a glance at the adorably tiny features of her daughter. "It didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to, really. My… husband and I are actually in the middle of a divorce."

"Oh no, I'm so sorry," Annie frowns, glancing over at the stroller again. "That's awful. But at least you got a beautiful little girl out of it! She's so precious! What's her name? How old is she?"

"Lila," Britta beams when she's speaking of her daughter, because honestly, with a shitty apartment and an even shittier job, her daughter is the one thing that keeps her going, the one perfect thing in her life. "And she's six months old."

"Lila," Annie repeats and is almost rocking back and forth she's so excited. "That is so pretty! And she's so, so cute! Can I hold her? Would you mind?"

She has to laugh at Annie's actions and since her daughter's asleep, she sees no problem with this. "Of course."

Britta scoops the sleeping infant into Annie's anxious and awaiting arms and the brunette coos softly to her. "Hello Lila! You look remarkably like your Mommy; has anyone ever told you that?"

That's all it takes; Lila stirs and then her eyes flutter open. They're a brilliant, vibrant green and the only thing she doesn't share with her mother, whose own eyes are a deep blue. However, for being in a stranger's arms, Lila is taking it very well and does not bother crying. She simply stares in wonder at the change of surroundings and blinks slowly, her features still dowsed with the remnants of sleep. Annie grins and continues to coo at her. "There you are, you sleepy little girl. Awake just in time for the party."

A high-pitched squeal matching Annie's is heard and, startled, they both look up just in time for Shirley Bennett to come running up to them, Andre and the three boys in tow. Carefully around Lila, Annie embraces her and then steps back so Britta can do the same. Everything remains the same in Shirley's appearance too, although her hair is a bit shorter and her waist is a bit thinner. Otherwise, she is still overjoyed to be there and still has the mothering undertones she's always had. She expresses how lovely Britta looks that evening before turning to say the same to Annie, startled only then by the infant.

"Oh Annie!" She shrieks in joy but before she can continue, Annie shakes her head.

"She's not mine," Annie says just as Lila begins to whimper. "I've only just gotten engaged. She's Britta's!"

Shirley glances over for confirmation and Britta nods, reclaiming her daughter and bouncing her a little in her arms. "Guilty as charged."

"Oh Britta," Shirley places both hands in prayer-like form. "Please don't tell me you went against the Lord's wishes and had a baby out of wedlock!"

Britta feels the need to point out that her own youngest son, Ben, was born out of wedlock, but decides against it. "No, Shirley, I was married."

Shirley inwardly sighs and then says, "She's such an angel, Britta! Look, Andre!"

"Congratulations," He wishes her and then has to step away to pull the older two boys away from the younger one.

"Thanks," Britta smiles, wondering now why she was dreading seeing everyone again in the first place.

"So where's everyone else?" Shirley wonders aloud. "Abed and Troy? Pierce? Jeff?"

Oh yeah. Jeff.

Lila's whimper turns into a whine and then a full-fledged cry before Britta can stop it. Annie spots Jeff at the door and, in typical Jeff Winger fashion, he's leaning against the wall, checking his phone carelessly as if he really didn't want to be there. "We should go say hi!" Annie encourages, but suddenly, Britta doesn't feel up to visitors. They start over but realize that Britta hasn't followed. She tells them she's going to change Lila's diaper and that she'd meet them in the study room afterwards and heads out of the cafeteria.

Five years have gone by and a lot has happened to Britta in those five years.

But her biggest weakness is still Jeff Winger.

It turns out Lila did need a diaper change, so Britta feels better about herself, knowing her lie was no longer a lie. She changes her extra slowly, taking care to use the right amount of baby powder and to not attach her diaper too tight. She redresses her, slips her pacifier back into her mouth, and then washes her hands, taking extra time to run them under the hand dryer, twice. She honestly has no interest in talking to anyone anymore. But that's when she realizes that she could just leave. They're all in the study room now and wouldn't notice if she slipped out. Grinning to herself, she gathers Lila's things into the stroller again and pushes open the door to the bathroom, with every intention of leaving the school at once.

"Ah. Someone told me I'd find you here, barefoot and pregnant."

And as usual, Jeff Winger goes ahead and screws up her plan.

She glances up at him, unable to speak for a moment- just a moment- before she replies with, "Well… I'm not barefoot or pregnant, so I'm not sure who your sources are."

Jeff smirks, glad to see that pregnancy has not changed Britta Perry one bit. Britta also notices that he looks as if five years haven't gone by; as if the last time they saw each other was yesterday rather than five years ago. He's still dressed as hipster as always, his face is still scruffy with stubble, and he's still wearing that same douche-y smirk as he stares back at her. They must stare at one another, as feelings they swear they don't have rush back to themselves at once, for what seems like an eternity before Jeff speaks again.

"You gonna introduce me to your kid?"

"That depends," Britta says wryly. "You gonna hit on her?"

Jeff scoffs. "I'm not into cradle robbing. And in this case, I would literally be robbing a cradle."

"Alright then," Britta says. "Just making sure."

She bends over the stroller and lifts Lila into her arms. "Lila, Jeff. Jeff, Lila."

Lila stares at Jeff for a moment before her face breaks into a smile, the pacifier falling from her mouth, but Britta, reflexes like a cat, catches it just before it hits the filthy floor. Jeff chuckles. "She's cute. Looks a lot like you."

"Thanks," Britta grins. "She is cute, isn't she?"

"Yeah," He agrees. "How old?"

"Six months."

"Six months," Jeff repeats. "As in, you had her six months ago?"

"That's usually what that means, yeah."

Jeff eyes her. "You do not look like you just had a baby six months ago."

Britta blushes slightly and busies herself resettling Lila in her stroller to hide it from him. "Um… thanks."

"Yeah," Jeff says slightly distractedly before he motions over his shoulder. "So anyway, we better get back to the group, or they'll think we're secretly hooking up again… Or should we wait for your boyfriend to come along?"

"My uh… my ex-husband will not be joining us," Britta says as she begins to push the stroller towards the study room.

"Whoa!" Jeff stops and smirks at her. "Miss I-Don't-Believe-In-Marriage got married?"

"And then divorced," Britta finishes. "Can we go?"

"Lead the way." He says, following as they approach the infamous study room.

Does it make him a bad person if he says he's relieved she's single again?

Remarkably, everyone does show up; even Pierce, who threatened not attending and then made a big deal about entering and showing off his eighth wife. Everyone meets Alex Griffin, Annie's fiancé, receives their invitations to their wedding and hears the entire story of how he proposed on a moonlit cruise with a few dozen roses lining the boat. They hear of Jeff's return to the law firm as a consultant and of his steady girlfriend, whom he has just recently broken up with after two and a half years together. They learn all about Shirley's brownie business and about Jordan and Elijah's time in middle school with Ben in second grade already. Then it's Britta's turn and she tells them all about dating Zach for a year and then finding she was pregnant, so they married quickly.

"… and when Lila was about two months old we realized that things between us really weren't… the way they used to be," Britta continues and doesn't look at Annie and Shirley's sympathetic faces. "We just figured it would be easier apart. Lila won't have to grow up watching her parents unhappy and fighting, you know?"

"Aw, pumpkin," Shirley sighs. "I'm so sorry."

Britta shrugs. "It was for the best. We were only thinking of Lila."

"Of course," Annie frowns. "It's just so sad."

Again Britta shrugs and glances away, looking at Jeff who has an unreadable expression on his face. It isn't until Abed and Troy are talking about producing their old screenplay into a feature-length movie that Jeff leans towards her and says, "You're full of shit."

She leans in too, eyeing him fearfully. "What are you talking about?"

"That's a nice story," He references. "But I'm not buying it."

"Well I don't care if you buy it," Britta says. "It's what happened. It sucks, but whatever."

"It's not what happened; not at all." Jeff states adamantly. "It's just a cover up for what really happened because you're too proud to tell us."

"Oh right," Britta rolls her eyes. "And we're all supposed to believe that Valerie broke up with you so that you're the victim. I'm sure you're the one that broke up with her, because two and a half years is way too much time to be sleeping with the same woman."

Jeff frowns just as Troy loudly sighs and says, "Wow Abed, I thought you said they'd taken care of all their leftover tension when they hooked up earlier tonight."

"Yeah," Abed notes. "I did notice that Jeff and Britta seem to have underlying sexual tension that is usually thoroughly resolved by sexual intercourse. But intercourse only further ignites the imminent sexual tension, which is then only solvable by more sexual intercourse. Hm. It's a vicious cycle, really."

Whatever response Jeff and Britta have to that is interrupted by none other than Dean Pelton as he bursts into the study room wearing a shiny sequined tuxedo and patent leather shoes. "Dean ya five years later! Hello hello, study group! Wow, here you all are- reunited again! Before I go on, I should probably ask: Does my outfit suit your impossible standards, Jeffrey?"

Jeff bites back a nasty remark and instead says, very sarcastically, "Yeah, you nailed it."

"Well I'm glad I have your approval," Dean Pelton states. "Anyway, I thought I'd drop in to welcome you all back to Greendale! And what better way to celebrate your reunion than with a buffet style dinner and a dance-a-thon in the cafeteria! Hope to catch you all there!"

He leaves again and Shirley and Annie excitedly decide this sounds like fun, Abed and Troy quickly following. Pierce tells his new wife all about the Dean's oddities as they too leave the room, but not before Pierce shoots Jeff a conspiratorial wink; one that reminds him too well of the first year's STD Fair when they had decided to be each other's wingman. Jeff is almost certain he will not be having sex tonight and if Pierce is, he is certain he does not want to know about it.

Britta gathers her things to leave as well, standing and pushing in her chair. "Well it was very interesting seeing you again. But I need to get home and get Lila to bed; it's almost her bedtime."

Jeff shakes his head. "Britta Perry, I am shocked."

Britta shoots him an odd glance. "What do you mean?"

"Well I can completely understand not wanting to tell the group the real story about this Zach douche," Jeff says, standing as well. "But me, Britta? Me?"

"You're not any more special than the rest of the group, Jeff," Britta tells him and he smirks.

"Funny," He steps a bit closer to her. "That's not what you used to think."

"Uh, you were the one with the huge crush on me, remember?" Britta states. "Not the other way around."

"Yes, because you really put up a fight all those times we hooked up," Jeff points out, rolling his eyes.

"It was my idea to end it," She says even though she knows it isn't true, not by a long shot.

"It was our idea," Jeff shoots back and then sighs. "Let's go to dinner. I've refused to eat anything served at parties at this school since that Halloween nightmare. I'm not getting poisoned tonight, no thank you."

She knows she should say no and go home. But she finds herself giving in anyway.

They order a pizza and then find themselves in Britta's apartment; the latter explaining- after she's successfully put Lila to sleep- she hasn't had time to clean up the mess yet, so don't judge her if there are baby toys and clothes literally everywhere. But honestly, this isn't Jeff's biggest concern. They eat at the tiny kitchen table and Jeff tries every angle to prod this story out of her, but she has absolutely no interest in telling him. He's Jeff Winger though so she knows he will not relent. She's just finishing her slice of pizza as Jeff decides to use a little reverse psychology.

"You were right about Valerie, by the way," He sighs. "Not completely right; she did break up with me. But not because we lost our flame, or whatever I said earlier."

"The relationship wasn't exciting anymore," Britta quotes. "Your exact words."

"Yeah. That's not why." Jeff says. "She came to me one day and asked where our relationship was going. She wanted to get married and have kids and move to California, where her family lives. I just… I didn't see us getting married. So she left."

"See," Britta says somewhat awkwardly. "You're not ready for marriage."

Jeff hesitates a bit before saying. "I don't know if I'm not ready for marriage… But I'm not ready to marry her."

Britta stares at him for a long time as she feels her resolve crumbling. "Okay, fine… Zach and I were never married. Are you happy?"

"No," Jeff admits. "Just glad you finally told me the real story."

"We dated for a year," Britta explains. "And I really liked him. I don't really know if I loved him, but whatever. Then I found out I was pregnant and I freaked out, because that was honestly the last thing I was expecting. I told him and he told me he wanted no part in it. We haven't spoken since."

Jeff's eyes widen. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," Britta shrugs. "But it's not a big deal. I told him if he didn't want to be involved, he didn't have to be. I just never thought he'd actually have no involvement. I mean, he doesn't even know he has a daughter, really. I'm sure he's figured out that she was born, but he never called and found out if it was a boy or a girl. He never sent a card or presents or money or anything."

"What a douche bag," Jeff replies nastily and Britta smirked. "No I'm serious. Where do you find these people, Britta? My God."

"I don't know," She shook her head. "But it's fine. I mean, yeah, it would've been nice for him to have been there to see the first time she smiled or laughed or rolled over or sat up… And it definitely would've been nice to have someone to help me when she wasn't sleeping through the night. But whatever. It's in the past. And I am an independent woman fully capable of raising a child all by myself."

"I don't doubt it," Jeff chuckles slightly, though his mind is still on how much of an asshole this Zach character is. "So why do you think that everyone else's lives seemed to flourish and ours kind of… plummeted?"

"Hey, speak for yourself," Britta jabs him in the stomach. "I got a kid out of my horrible relationship. It wasn't all bad."

"True," He sighs. "But five years later and here we are again… You and me."

"Yeah," Britta says quietly. "You and me."

Britta doesn't believe in fate, luck, or God.

But someone out there is clearly screwing with her.

Four months later, Jeff and Britta have not ceased hanging out.

Well, the term "hanging out" is definitely used loosely, here. They still work and have social lives- mainly with the study group, who decided at the reunion to spend more time together because five years apart was long enough- but even though they're reluctant to admit it, they enjoy having alone time where they can reinvent their friendship. Again, the term "friendship" is also used loosely. Spending this much time with Britta has only reinforced what Jeff had spent five years trying to suppress- he has romantic feelings for Britta and the more he tries to hide them, the stronger they get and they more they make themselves apparent.

For Britta, it's nice to have Jeff in her life again. It's good to have someone around who she can- lovingly, of course- argue with and who can make her laugh like no one else. What surprises her the most, however, is how good he is with Lila. Britta knows that any decision she makes in her romantic life affects her daughter as well, but this doesn't seem to be an issue with Jeff. He's a natural with her- which shocks Britta, she has to admit- and is there to witness the first time she pulled herself up at the coffee table to a standing position and to hear her first words- "Ma-ma," of course. To this day, her vocabulary has expanded to "No," and "Bye Bye" as well. She's growing and thriving and truly enjoying having Jeff in her life.

Just as much as her mother is.

Jeff ignites something in Britta that she wasn't sure she'd ever feel again, after Zach. There's some kind of fire between the two of them, something that always fueled a deep-rooted passion whenever they're near each other and Britta can't seem to get enough of it. She was never that type of girl to fawn over a guy… but maybe motherhood had changed her. After all, she's not going to lie; she does have feelings for him that she's realized are not going to go away. She feels like she did back at Greendale all those years ago, although this time she's not going to do something idiotic, like run up on stage and tell him she loves him.

She was about ninety-nine percent telling the truth, but whatever.

One night, it's nearing nine o'clock and though Jeff and Britta had just celebrated a late night dessert with Lila- she had learned a new word, "Night Night"- they decide it's time to put her to bed because honestly, keeping up with the growing little girl is exhausting. Britta's been up since six that morning and Jeff since four- he never did cut back on his workout routine- so each of them are more than ready to hit the sack… separately, of course. They're Jeff and Britta, so of course they've been dancing around their real feelings for four straight months and haven't said anything. Of course.

Britta kisses Lila goodnight and places her gently in her crib, tucking her in and grinning at her as she yawns sleepily. "Night night, Lila Bear! I love you!"

"Night night," Her little voice says sleepily.

"She's honestly the cutest thing ever," Jeff chuckles, leaning over the crib as well. "Goodnight Lila!"

Lila stares at Jeff, her green eyes connecting with his before she says, "Da-da…"

Jeff and Britta both freeze. Had she honestly just called him her father? He stares down at this beautiful little girl, so young and so misunderstanding of the current situation, and suddenly feels horrible for both her and Britta. For Britta, it's obvious. She had no one for the entire nine months of the pregnancy, the birth, and Lila's first six months of being alive. Although she'll deny she needed anyone, Jeff knows it must've been difficult. But for Lila, he feels horrible for a whole other reason. Here's a little girl, a tiny little baby, who needs all the love and support from her parents that she can get so she can grow and thrive like a normal child. But her father is absent and Jeff knows exactly how that feels. He and Lila are essentially in the same boat.

He chances a glance at Britta, who is just as shocked as he is and swallows hard. Then, Britta leans down, presses another kiss to Lila's forehead and says, "That's right, baby. Da-da."

It's too much. The moment Britta is upright again, Jeff grabs her and kisses her with such force she stumbles a bit and he has to break her fall. It's unspoken and instead expressed through the kiss; Britta wonders if accepting Lila's title of Jeff as her father is too far too soon, but Jeff is thoroughly okay with it, almost completely at the whim of this adorable little girl. They're making out like teenagers, trying to make up for lost time as they leave Lila's bedroom and enter Britta's. They're halfway undressed when Britta pulls away, her eyes hungry with desire as she meets his fiercely.

"We're doing this," She says adamantly. "We're making this work this time."

"Britta," Jeff grins. "I couldn't agree more."

As expected, a real relationship between Jeff and Britta doesn't exactly always run smoothly. They argue over stupid things, like what channel to listen to in the car and what kind of organic milk to buy at the supermarket. Jeff uses Lila to get on Britta's good side when she's had an awful day at work and Britta teaches Lila that her father is a con-man and not to fall for any of his tricks (although, Lila has Jeff completely wrapped around her finger now, so it's actually him falling for her tricks). She learns to walk around her first birthday and of course Jeff takes advantage of this, sitting on one side of the room, playing with Lila while Britta works silently on the other side. Jeff hands Lila a super important package and sends her walking over towards Britta. When she receives the "package," she realizes it's an engagement ring.

No one is surprised to hear that Jeff and Britta are getting married.

Following their very non-traditional wedding, they take their honeymoon/first family vacation to California, Santa Monica to be exact. They ride the kiddie rides with Lila and build sandcastles and learn that, hey, life is good when you're married, right? They have two more kids, Jack and Carly in that order, and they argue about everything- from names to diaper brands to nursery colors to everything in between. But one thing they don't argue about- Lila is a perfect big sister. They move out of the apartment that is super tiny, now, and into a four-bedroom house just down the road from Shirley and her family. Jack complains about middle-child syndrome and Lila and Carly are the perfect sister duo to drive him crazy. Jeff and Britta have boring, typical jobs but they come home to their children and each other and everything's good.

Their life is a crazy sort of perfect and they wouldn't change a thing.