Roomies

Type: oneshot

Disclaimer: I do not own Eyeshield 21.

Pairings: AllxSena [Hiruma, Yamato, Agon, Shin, Marco, Riku, Akaba, Kakei]

Summary: Upon reaching their hotel in America, Team Japan encounters an unexpected problem.

Twenty-six people.

Thirteen rooms.

One room was going to be left to Hiruma, of course, because all of the members of Team Japan were perfectly sane and had no wish to die before participating in the World Cup. That left twelve rooms for twenty-five people. Meaning that two or three people would have to share a room.

Hence, the war raging in the front lobby of the hotel.

"You fucking deaf, trash?" Agon snarled. "He's sharing a room with me. End of story."

"I object," Yamato said, with a smile that could have blinded half the world population and provided five major cities enough electricity to last a month. "As Sena-kun and I share the same title, it only makes sense for us to share a room as well."

How does that make sense? Sena mentally screamed.

Monta raised an uncharacteristically timid hand. "Um, Sena and I could just roo—"

The rest of the boys (sans Sena) immediately glared at him. He shut up and sent a helpless look at Sena that said, at least I tried.

"Fuu," Akaba suddenly sighed after a brief silence, "this is a stupid argument. Sena-kun and I should share a room. Our rhythms harmonize perfectly, after all."

"No way," Riku said, bristling uncharacteristically. "I'm Sena's big brother, so I'll be sharing a room with him, thank you very much."

"That trashy big brother complex again?" Agon snickered, making Riku glare at him.

"It's not a complex!"

"Sure it isn't. Trash."

"You—"

"That's enough," Kakei interrupted. "Eyeshield and I will be sharing a room."

Sena's jaw dropped. Even Kakei-san? The nice, polite, sensible Kakei-san? He felt like he was going to cry. The only problem with that was that it might alert the very big, very testosterone-charged other males in the room to the fact that he was present (which, incidentally, they seemed to have forgotten) and who knew what might happen then.

"Eyeshield 21 trains with me," Shin stated with a frown. "Therefore, we should share a room."

That settled it. All American football players had completely twisted logic.

"I don't think so," Marco said with his usual lazy smile. "Sena and I get along very well. I'm sure we'll get along just as well in the bedroom."

Sena mentally cried as flames erupted in the middle of the lobby. Forget what he had said earlier about the members of Team Japan being sane. He had been wrong, wrong! He admitted it!

"You—just what are you implying about my little brother, you jerk?" Riku shouted.

"If you wanted to die that badly, trash, you could've just asked," Agon drawled slowly, cracking his knuckles and popping his neck and generally looking very intimidating and angry and Sena wanted to die right there and then.

"Fuuu—" Akaba's glasses glinted and somehow managed to look very menacing. "You're all disrupting my rhythm."

"Let's try to settle this peacefully," Yamato said, looking anything but peaceful.

"I won't hold back," Kakei said, glaring at him, "even if you are the Eyeshield who inspired me. No, especially because you are the Eyeshield who inspired me."

Um, okay? When did personal vendettas start getting dragged into this mess? Sena felt his head start spinning. It spun even more when he was abruptly picked up by the collar like a cat and flipped over someone's shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Hiiiiii!" he cried, effectively capturing the attention of the players who had just been about to face off.

"Kekeke, you're all fucking idiots," Hiruma announced for the entire lobby to hear. "Who said the fucking shrimp was gonna sleep with any of you? He's in my room, dipshits."

There was a three-second pause in action as the quarterback made his way to the elevator, Sena dangling from his shoulder helplessly.

Then there was a five-minute period which must be censored and involved blood, gore, gunfire, Sena screaming, Monta screaming, traumatized hotel staff (Hiruma threatened them afterwards to keep their mouth shut, but he did pay for their therapy bills with an uncharacteristic kindness), fire, shattered windows, heavy swearing, and a broken guitar.

Sena ended up in his very own room. Alone.

But he spent the next few nights throwing the rest of the guys out of his room-and convincing Agon that no, he was not lonely and in requirement of a sleeping (cough) companion thank-you-very-much had to be one of the most difficult things he had ever attempted.

(It was right up there next to the time he had tried to convince Shin that he didn't have a crossdressing fetish.)

(Sometimes, Sena hated American football.)