Psychoanalysis in Alagaesia

Or,

Discovering Just How Screwed Up the IC Characters Really Are

IT'S A PLOT BUNNY! RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES! Erm, yes. Family therapy sessions for Eragon's messed up family. Maybe be OOC and is AU. You have been warned.

It was a very important battle. It probably decided the fate of Alagaesia. So, naturally, two teenagers with anger issues were fighting it. Eragon and Murtagh were, however, taking a break from attempting to kill each other and were arguing.

"I find it extremely unfair that you got taken to live with your nice old aunt and uncle while I had to stay in Uru'baen!" Murtagh yelled.

"Yeah, well mother did the best she could! And you have to grow up and deal with it!" replied Eragon.

"Oh, you're one to talk about growing up!"

"Hey! I'm younger than you and I've killed a shade, become half-elf, helped take over Feinster, become part of a dwarf clan, helped craft my own sword, and assisted in the killing of a second shade! And you've done what, exactly? Become a slave and whined about it!"

"Yeah, and saved you more times than you can count!"

Eragon spluttered with indigence. The argument deteriorated from there into a curse-fest, and then into a "Did not! Did too!" battle.

Meanwhile, in the after-life.

Selena sighed. She supposed this was some kind of punishment, and Angvar knew she deserved it, but after fifteen years she was ready to climb the walls. The only reason she could think of for being stuck here was that something needed to be finished. She would be called back to Alagaesia or something. But it had better be soon.

Morzan and Brom were dueling. They were always dueling, and it was the most pointless thing Selena had ever seen. Because, of course, they couldn't die. They had already died. And really, if they were competing for her favor, everyone knew she preferred Brom. So really, what was the point?

And there was nothing to do. No need to eat or sleep, no books, nothing at all except a window to the world below. That depressed Selena, because from her view, she could tell both of her sons were having a fairly rough time of it. She glanced at the window and concentrated on Eragon for a moment. The battle scene appeared, and Selena sighed again. Nothing was going right. She wished she could turn back time and fix her mistakes. But there was nothing she could do.

"OK, enough of this malarkey," said the fates. "Something must be done."

And suddenly, Selena, Eragon, Murtagh, Brom, and Morzan were in a white room with a few potted plants, and chairs arranged in a semi-circle around a desk. At the desk stood a balding man with a calm air about him.

"Hello," he said. "I'm Dr. Smith. I hear you all have been having some family problems. I'm here to help. I've been a practicing family counselor for ten years."

The dysfunctional family gave each other "WTF?" looks. Then, recognizing each other, they broke out into a cacophony of accusations.

"MOTHER! What are you doing here?"

"If it isn't my useless son!"

"Brom! But—how?"

"You! You ruined my life!"

"And you ruined mine!"

"Keep out of this!"

"I die, and look what happens!"

"Why did you abandon me?"

"I hate you!"

"Don't you talk to your mother that way!"

"Oh, like I'm going to listen to you!"

"You behave yourself!"

"Why do you have my sword?"

"You're not my real father!"

"You have a lot of explaining to do!"

"Calm down everyone!" called Dr. Smith. 'I know we have a lot of emotions to work through, but we can't do it if we continue shouting at each other. Please, come sit."

Weirdly enough, everyone obeyed.

"Now, you all have a lot of anger. That's normal. You're in a very different family situation than you expected, although I must tell you, blended families are becoming more accepted and common. I think if you get out your aggression and learn to communicate, you can have a much healthier environment," said the doctor in his calming-shrink voice. "I think the best thing is for everyone to talk. You'll each have five minutes to say everything you need to say without interruptions. Who would like to go first?"

Eragon carefully looked at the floor. Murtagh hid behind his hair. Morzan glared threateningly. Brom fingered Undbitr. Selena sighed.

"I've spent fifteen years in the afterlife watching the two of you battle it out," she said, indicating Brom and Morzan. "And it changes nothing. I regret a lot of what I've done. Honestly, I do. But Brom's the one I love, because he's not evil and insane. And I'm sorry I didn't get to see the two of you grow up," she said, indicating Eragon and Murtagh "But I wish you'd stop fighting. I wish you could get along. And I feel like this is allmy fault." Selena fell silent.

Begrudingly, Eragon started talking again "I was a farm boy. I was nothing interesting at all, and suddenly I get swept off my feet. Everyone expects me to be something. I'm constantly being thrust into dangerous situations and then being blamed for attracting trouble. I do the best I can! I feel resentment because my mother left me without telling anyone my origins. I'm sad I'm on opposite sides of the war with Murtagh. We used to be friends. I miss that." He too stopped talking, feeling embarrassed.

Brom picked up the thread. "Eragon, I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you I was your father. I love you very much, and I'm sorry everything turned out the way it did, but perhaps it is best you carry on my legacy without me. But really, you need to stop acting like an idiot! That "blessing" was the most blockheaded thing ever! I wish I could be there to help you. But," he conceded "You've accomplished some good things too."

Morzan and Murtagh glared at each other. "You go," growled Morzan.

"Make me," replied Murtagh.

"Oh, I'll make you, you little—"

"We don't allow violence here," put in Dr. Smith. "You'll find you can't use magic, and there will be consequences if you attack each other.

"Right. So you go," said Morzan again.

"Not in this life."

"I have parental authority."

"Parental authority? Parental authority? Tornac the horse was more of a parent to me!"

"Like or not, I am your father."

"And I've had to suffer for it. How would you like to walk around with the name 'Devil's spawn'?"

"By the lost kings, you didn't even get your own nickname? You have to piggy-back on mine? That's sad."

"While it's great we're getting these emotions out," said Dr. Smith "One of you need to go."

With a murderous glance at his son, Morzan began "My son's useless. My wife ran off and had an affair. Her lover proceeded to kill me. That's about it. Your turn…son."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes," said Dr. Smith.

"The world hates me. It's your fault (He pointed to Morzan) and you left me (he pointed to Selena) and you're trying to kill me (he pointed to Eragon) and people wonder why I'm bitter?"

"Hey! Have some respect for your father!" Morzan said.

"You used me for target practice," spat Murtagh.

"I have damn good aim, even when I'm drunk."

"Wow. We've got a lot of anger here. How do you think we can deal with that?"

"Hmm, let's think. You can go back to the afterlife where you belong, and I'll attempt to hide my shame of my heritage," said Murtagh.

"That's only repressing anger. We need to learn how to deal with it," said Dr. Smith calmly.

"So…you want me to forgive him?" asked Murtagh.

"That's the ultimate goal, yes," the doctor replied.

"And after that, we can go flying with the pigs!"

"Murtagh, stop being disrespectful," reproved Selena.

"Oh, now you start acting like a mom."

"Don't talk to your mother that way!" said Brom and Morzan at the exact same time. They proceeded to glare at each other.

"Now, clearly you're having difficulty accepting your mother's parental role," said Dr. Smith.

"She's not my parent. She abandoned me. And she's dead."

"Clearly you feel a lot of resentment."

"Erm…yeah?"

"So, Selena, do you have anything to say to this?"

"I—I did the best I could!" said Selena defensively. "I love you. You know that."

"Great, let's add you to the list. That makes—one," said Murtagh, getting more sarcastic by the minute.

"I…like you…well I liked you before you turned to the dark side!" said Eragon.

"Let's have a little review here. Knowledge of true name equals ultimate control."

"Stop it with the excuses!"

"I am done talking to you."

Brom made a "Hmph!"ing noise.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Murtagh.

"Nothing…"

"Brom! Let's have a little acceptance! I know he's not your real son but—" began Selena.

"Mom, seriously? We are never going to get along! He killed my father!"

"Which reminds me, you should thank him."

"Selena! I loved you! I thought you loved me!" Morzan's face was getting dangerously red.

"…We've been through this. I did some very stupid things when I was younger."

"Calm down, everyone," said Dr. Smith. "I think it's great we're all getting out our emotions. Communication in key. I was thinking We could talk about Selena's relationships with Morzan and Brom now. Morzan, you're clearly having difficulties accepting the fact that your ex-wife has moved on."

"I just find it infuriating that she would pick an enemy rider who lost his dragon and has nothing to give her over me!"

"Selena, do you have anything to say to this?"

"You. Threw. A. Sword. At. My. Son."

"Selena, I think now would be a good time to talk about "I" messages. Instead of accusations using the word "you," it's better to use messages about yourself so you don't put the other person on the defensive," put in Dr. Smith.

"Fine. I don't like it when people throw lethal weapons at my children, causing them to almost die and be hideously disfigured for life."

"Thanks for the self-esteem boost, mother."

"It's not your turn, Murtagh."

"So why did you carry on behind my back? Did you think you could hide it from me?" snarled Morzan.

"Well…yes. And anyway, I couldn't have told you! You'd have killed me!"

"…Maybe."

"I rest my case."

"But why him?"

Selena became dreamy and teenager-like. "Because I love Brom."

"Seriously? I am infinitely cooler. I have two different color eyes!"

"And you're insane," said Brom dryly.

"…Exactly," said Selena.

"I hate to ask, but what are we gaining out of this? Do we just head back to the afterlife once we've worked out all our problems?" asked Morzan.

"Ah," said Dr. Smith, raising a finger. "That's the key. If you work out all your problems, the three of you can go back!"

"Um…I don't want him to return," said Murtagh, indicating Morzan.

"If he learns how to positively channel his aggression, I guarantee you'll have no more violent incidents to worry about," said Dr. Smith.

"Riiiiiiiight. Positively channel aggression. That's a great joke!"

"I see we have some trust issues to work on…"

"I am also done talking to you."

""Back to Selena and Morzan, moving on after a relationship ends is never easy. But in your case, it was healthier for the both of you. Now, it's time to move on. Maybe you could involved in some community activities, Morzan? You could meet new people there. What are you interested in?"

"Magic…swordsmanship…killing….maiming…serving evil kings…"

"Well! Some of these are destructive behaviors. What do you think causes the desire to do such destruction?" asked Dr. Smith.

"Hmm…because it's fun?"

Dr. Smith took a deep breath. "Moving on, I think it's time to accept that your relationship is over. Perhaps if you eliminated any pictures or gifts you have that remind you of her?"

"Right…maybe," said Morzan.

"Good first step," approved Dr. Smith.

"Now, Brom, how do you feel about all this?"

"I think it's damn clear how I feel! I killed him, didn't I? He wasn't good for Selena! He made her swear oaths of fealty to him and commit unspeakable evils!"

"So she can get away with the oath excuse but I'm just evil to the core?" asked Murtagh.

"Please stop interrupting," said Dr. Smith.

"Anyway, I love Selena, and she loves me, and I know loving me was her downfall…if she hadn't had Eragon she would not have died and I am sorry…so sorry."

There was a moment of silence which Murtagh broke, turning to Eragon.

"So, essentially, you killed our mother?"

Eragon's face went into a shock-horror expression and he began to cry. Murtagh snorted.

"Eragon, I understand this is difficult news to process. But understand it was not your fault."

Eragon looked up and nodded.

"Now, Brom, you love Selena and she loves you. You can and will get through this rough time. Eragon, how do you feel about the fact that you never knew who your father was?"

"I feel…betrayed. No one bothered to think how this would affect me!"

Murtagh made a cough that sounded like "Whiner!" and Selena slapped him.

"Eragon, I'm sorry. I was hoping to protect you."

"Funny how people seem to protect me by never telling me anything."

"That must be frustrating," said Dr. Smith.

"So, just to clarify, no more surprises?" asked Eragon.

"One more. Arya is your sister," said Murtagh.

"ACK!"

"Kidding, kidding!" said Murtagh, dissolving into a laughing fit.

"Murtagh, you need to stop being mean to Eragon. The two of you will have a chance to work out your problems later," said Dr. Smith.

"But it's so easy to get at him."

"So, Eragon, you've had a bit of a turbulent life lately. You've also done most things without help from your family. How does this make you feel?"

"Sad…I wish they were here with me. I could use the advice, or at least the support. "

"That must have been hard."

"It was! And everyone expects so many different things from me! It's getting tough."

Selena nodded. "I know the feeling. I wish I could be there to help you…"

"As do I," said Brom.

"You were there are you lied to me!" said Eragon.

"Technically, I never told you I wasn't your father."

Eragon stared at Brom in disbelief. Dr. Smith tactfully cut in.

"The resentment is still there. Brom, I know you wanted to protect Eragon, but it caused some difficulties. How do you feel about this?"

"I wish I could have been different," said Brom, sighing, and unconsciously imitated Murtagh's emo slouch.

"We can't rewrite the past, but we can change the present," said Dr. Smith. "How about the two of you make a promise to be honest with each other. Or, at least, say that'd be rather not speak about something rather than hiding it or lying. "

"I promise," said Eragon, and Brom mimicked him.

Morzan rolled his eyes, and Selena slapped him. "Watch it, or you'll be promising not to be an evil, insane, freak."

"Selena, we talked about 'I" messages."

"Right, I don't like it when you make fun of my lover and son."

"I'm your lover. And he's an illegitimate, unintelligent, fool,"

"I think we need some more work on letting go of past relationships," said Dr. smith

"Unintelligent idiot is redundant," said Brom.

'Thanks for sticking up for me, father" grumbled Eragon.

"Moving on," said Dr. Smith with the barest hint of weariness "We haven't talked about you clear feelings of intense resentment, Murtagh."

"I hate basically everyone in this room."

"'Basically'? There's an exception?"

"Erm…OK, so I don't exactly hate my mother. 'Intense resentment'. Not so much hatred."

"All right, why the resentment?"

"…She left me to grow up with a freak who threw a weapon at me."

"Selena?"

"Your father kept me away from you, or I would have taken you away from the castle. I'm very sorry," said Selena, looking as if she was about to cry.

"You managed to get Eragon out."

"Because your father never knew I was pregnant with him."

"Conveniently. I think you just liked him better and made more of an effort."

"Now, that's not fair! I did the best I could by you!"

"And look how well that went."

"As we've established, the past is past," said Dr. Smith. "We can only change the present."

"Changing the present is pretty damn hard when you are bound to an evil king by your true name."

"Hey! Galbatorix is a friend of mine! Have some respect!" said Morzan.

"…Seriously?"

"Anyway, so if I do manage to change my true name and Thorn's, I have no idea what we're going to do after that, as everyone hates me. Due to my heritage and what I've done. So really, you ruined my life."

"Stop being such an angsty adolescent!" yelled Brom.

"You are not my parent. Shut up."

Brom leapt up from his chair, brandishing his sword. "INSOLENT LITTLE BASTARD!"

"OLD FOGGIE!"

"IMMATURE CHILD!"
"HOMEWRECKER!"

"ATTENTIONSEEKER!"

"INSENSITIVE DOLT!"
"FOOLISH CHILD!"

"UNGRATEFUL OLD MAN! I TRIED TO SAVE YOU!"

"…And look how that worked out."

"At least I tried which is more than can be said for anyone helping me."

"Could you stop being so dramatic?"

"Brom, don't minimize feelings," said Dr. Smith.

"He is being totally overdramatic."

"Wow! You to have a lot to work out, if you are going to become a family."

"FAMILY?" shrieked Murtagh.

"Well, hopefully after the war is over you'll be spending most of your time with your mother and step father…I'm not sure what Morzan's visitation rights will be after the sword incident."

*blank stares*

"Anyway, we need to get to the root of the problem between the two of you. Brom, talk about your feelings toward your stepson."

"Well…he's a git. I'll admit maybe he's not so bad deep down, but with all the complaining and martyrdom, it's impossible to like him!"

"'I' messages, Brom."

"I don't like whiners."

"OK, seriously?" asked Murtagh. "I do not whine, and even if I did, I would have every right. My life, to put it bluntly, is crap."

"And it's not my fault, or Eragon's, so why do you constantly berate us?" asked Brom.

"Technically, it is Eragon's fault. Had he not forced me to come to the Varden, the Twins wouldn't have been able to capture me and my quality of life would be much higher."

"Tell us about that," said Dr. Smith.

"I was traveling with Eragon, saving him every five minutes("YOU WERE NOT!") I told him repeatedly I wouldn't go to the Varden, but he didn't listen. He said he was going to find me an escape route. He acted confident because he wanted me to come, but he had no idea if there was one or not. And, with Urgals behind us, I got stuck in Farthen Dur, and couldn't leave unless I let the freaks inside my mind. I think you all know the rest of the story, in which they capture me and drag me back to Uru'baen, and I suddenly become villain number one."

"I think we're getting to the bottom of this. You feel like no one respects your feelings."

Murtagh looked highly nonplussed. "Uh, yeah, maybe."

"OK. So how do you think we can fix that?"

"Get all these people to leave me alone. Oh, and free me and Thorn from Galbatorix. "

"Do you seriously want to be a hermit for the rest of your life?"

'Hmm…yes."

Dr. Smith sighed. "This is going to be my toughest case yet…" he thought.

So, yeah drop a review and let me know what you think, I'm pretty proud of this one.