Author's Note: WARNING this is a Self-Insertion fanfic. WARNING There will be massive spoilers to both Fate Stay/Night and Tsukihime. I have played through both games completely, and as such my character is aware of the plot of both games, and has the physical and mental capabilities of myself as of 2/17/2011.

As a side note, Tsukihime will not be showing up a whole lot for some number of chapters after this prologue, but don't worry, I hope to come into contact with the plenty of the Nasuverse over the course of this fanfic, even if only in passing.

Please read and review, I am looking for feedback here.

I own nothing except for myself, obviously.

*Prologue Start!*

There are things called magic, but not in our world. Ghosts of long-dead heroes and monsters and youkai and even those who use spells, Magi. There are many worlds separated only by the merest of coincidence, and many more separated by the fanciful and outrageous. None are quite as outrageous, however, as the world where one Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg, Magi, Dead Apostle, and sole practitioner of the so called "Second Sorcery" that allows him to jump these worlds at will, currently argues with his foster-grandchild.

"Listen... GAH" a fire hydrant rebounds off his head. "You don't OWN that little Tohno boy. No! put down the convertible!" The side of a building disappears, the building known as the Tohno family manor.

"See? I told you she couldn't take being rejected. Fufufu..." Ciel taunts as the lamppost she was standing on is ripped out from underneath her. She hops lightly to another one nearby, laughing the entire way.

"You didn't have to piss her off so much she BERSERKS!" Zelretch exclaims between ragged breaths, as he rips more magical energy from other dimensions to protect against the frenzied blows of the wild-eyed Arcueid. He changes tactics and begins not just pulling prana, but whole objects in an attempt to stall his foster granddaughter until she calms down.

That is the power of the Second Sorcery, the ability to interact with, and traverse the nigh-infinite number of alternate dimensions, allowing the user infinite access to the magical energy in those locations. He uses this power often, traversing thousands of dimensions for reasons only known to himself, so drawing power from other dimensions is a trivial task. Trivial, but Zelretch is beginning to age and weaken, he just doesn't have the "gusto" that he used to, and sometimes? He makes mistakes.

*Scene Break*

"So here I sit, typing away at my computer, my mother sleeping peacefully a few rooms away. Yes, I live with my mother. Sometimes she needs physical labor done around the house, and I do it in return for a roof over my head, because she injured her knees scraping out a living for me when I was born. What am I doing you ask? Well I am unemployed, so I am writing. I don't think I am very good at it, but I am hoping to get better and write a novel some day."

I finish writing the paragraph and sigh. "It doesn't read that well" I say into Ventrilo "I will probably have to re-write..." I am cut off by a loud *POP* from behind me. I turn around and notice something strange. One of the tables in the dining room is missing. I don't think much of it at first, maybe we moved it somewhere and I had just forgotten? I can be forgetful of the simplest things, but remember the most random of them.

Then the popping happens again, and my widescreen monitor disappears. "What... But I just bought tha..." The noise becomes more frequent and I begin to panic. "Guys, listen, things are just disappearing here! I don't know what is happening but I might not be able to be online for that raid to..." My tower disappears. Then my desk. Then the chair I was sitting on in rapid succession. I fall down and scramble to get up and run away.

*POP* And the world fell out underneath me.

*Scene Break*

Arcueid's hands fly through the air throwing wicked arcs with hands like knives. She wasn't really tiring, that isn't entirely possible, but she was calming down slowly. The blows were hardly as fierce as they were a few hours ago and though his brow was soaked, Zelretch saw this as an opportunity to end the fight with his tantrumming fool of a grandchild.

She charged at him, and he pulled a large dining table through time and space. Slamming against it slowed her mad charge as it split in half. Zelretch took the chance to put distance between them with a few quick bounds backwards. He might be an old magi, but he WAS a Dead Apostle.

He pointed an accusing finger at where he was standing, launching a black rectangle made of plastic at the recovering monster. It was largely ineffective, all but disintegrating when it hit her. She looked up and glared at him, the malice was oppressive and he couldn't help but marvel for a moment at how much she scared even HIM.

Ciel continues laughing from one of the remaining lampposts. What was that in her hand? Was she recording this?

A much larger black rectangle made of metal flies forth, hitting home and scattering electronics through the street. Zelretch throw more things in rapid succession, a desk, a chair. Arcueid has almost calmed down, she begins walking slowly towards he opponent, knocking the objects out of the way as she draws closer. Then Zelretch throws a person.

"...aaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH" *Thump* Arcueid's eyes open wide in surprise, and change back to their usual color, as the man of twenty flies at her at high speed. The suddenness of being attacked by a man had jarred her back to something approximating sanity, but the confusion probably saved his life. Intead of batting him away, or worse, ripping him in half, he merely bowls her over, the two of them collapse into a twitching heap.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF... WAS THAT THE WILLY WONKA TUNNEL?" I yell as I take stock of my limbs, and push myself up. It is then that I notice exactly what position I had fallen in. "Oh, I'm sorry! I was just... Wait... Arcueid?" She looks up at me quizzically and mutters something I don't understand.

"Oh no." I exclaim. "Oh no oh no oh no. This. I know this." I look around and spy Ciel who has since jumped down and doubled over in her laughter, and Zelretch walking towards me. I force myself up and turn to him. "WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT?" I nearly scream at him, my voice tinged with barely contained fury. "I KNOW YOU SPEAK ENGLISH. SO WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!" The elder magi palms his face and puts a hand on my shoulder, a very firm hand. "We need to talk." He says.

*Scene Break*

"So... let me get this straight. You, in your infinite wisdom, accidentally pulled me from a universe, and you DON'T REMEMBER WHERE IT IS? Of course, there are an infinite number of them, so you will try and find it to send me back, but infinite universes means that it could take an infinite amount of time... Great. Just great. JUST. GREAT."

I had been nearly dragged into the Tohno Family Manor, to have a very depressing conversation with one of the four most powerful beings in this world. "Don't worry, you can stay here while you wait." he says. I eye him suspiciously as one of the maids brings tea out. She has a smile on her face. "Thank you Kohaku." I say even though she likely won't understand my English. I politely take the cup of tea from her, and politely don't drink it because I am not that stupid. I turn back to Zelretch. "No. I refuse to stay here, surely you have somewhere else that you can send me? Somewhere... safer?"

He thumbs his beard in thought. "Well, you need to be somewhere I can find you easily, and I don't want to leave you alone either. There is... one other quick option, I could send you to the house of one of my pupil's descendants." I agree immediately without considering the consequences, how stupid of me. But I would be damned before I ate anything Kohaku made.

"Shall I send you now?" he asks and I nod. He walks over and closes a strange bracelet over my right wrist. It is bulky and made of a strange green metal, ringed with strange symbols that give me a headache to look at. "Show that as proof that you are under my protection. Anything else you need?" he asks as I give him a sour look. "Nothing important but... what is up with that tunne-" *POP* "Of course he isn't going to tell me, that would be too easy. Oh well, nothing to do but wait now." Unlike the first trip, this one is taking much longer, I begin to hum to myself. When that doesn't prove to be enough to keep me occupied, I start outright singing. Considering the kind of messed up tunnel I was going through, there was only one song to sing...

*POP* *THUD* "Owch. Creator of the Second bedamned Sorcery, killer of Brunestud of the Crimson Moon, and he doesn't know anything about soft landings?"

I brush my pants off and sigh. Looking around, I am on the stoop of a large english house at the top of a hill. It is late evening, and quite dark, fortunately my eyes had adjusted from the bland darkness of the tunnel I used to get there. "Wait... English house on a hill... Apprentice of Zelretch... I know where I am." Someone rounds the outer wall of the next house over, sighing and talking to herself. She is a cute girl, a couple years younger than me, her clothes are predominantly red with a black skirt, her hair is in twin pigtails, and she stands more than a head shorter than me.

I raise my newly adorned hand to her as she arrives at the door, her mouth gaping as she suddenly notices my presence. "Hello Rin." I say, as though meeting an old friend. She stares. "I know you speak English, you would never get into The Clock Tower if you didn't." I casually bring up one of her life long goals. "Zelretch sent me, would you mind letting me in?" I point to the bracer he gave me in a matter of fact way, as if I actually knew what it was or what it did.

She grabs me by the collar of my shirt and lifts me into the air... Is what I think at first, but she is just grabbing on, not lifting. There is only one explanation that fits into my mind. "Hello Archer." I proclaim, even though I cannot see anyone else there. Why would I be able to? I am just a normal person of course. She gasps even louder this time. I sigh heavily. "Please just let me inside so I can explain." I plead. "Archer, put your sword away and let him down." She orders. *Gulp*

And so I was allowed into the Tohsaka residence for tea.