Fic: The Emperor's New Clothes
Author: Lilac Summers
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: 13 years after I started writing Sailormoon fic...and they still aren't mine! What a world.

A/N: Set in the early days of Crystal Tokyo.

"Oh, dear lord. Please, no." King Endymion's head dropped in weary defeat.

"Ummmm," hummed Makoto, peering over his shoulder at the box of fabric in his lap, "it's just lovely. You'll make a stunning bridesmaid."

"Oh universe, why do you hate me."

Ami, who was feeling a bit put out because, really, she'd been working several years on this, huffed out a peevish, "Well, I don't see why you're surprised. You saw yourself in the future."

Endymion plucked out the jacket of his new tuxedo in, of all horrible colors, lavender. "I was hoping all my other suits were in the wash when I was struck down by the Black Moon, or that it was Halloween. Or I had been struck blind recently and didn't know better."

She flushed lightly. "I tried every dye combination I could think of. It's extremely delicate fabric. It would only take to pink, yellow, periwinkle or lavender. Really, it's the best of the lot."

Minako, who had been disinterestedly picking at a nail up to this point, cheered up. "Ooooh, yellow. Yellow's a good one, Endymion. I say go for yellow."

"I'm not wearing yellow! Or pink. Or periwinkle... Or this. Really, Ami, do I have to?"

Ami's expression went from sympathetic to stone-cold in 2 seconds flat. "I have been working for YEARS on figuring out a fabric that dampens magical spells, is bullet and projectile proof, makes you immune to brainwashing, and still drapes nicely. YOU WILL WEAR IT."

And now Rei was in the game, perking up. "No more brainwashing? Sweeeeeet. Our apocalypse quotient will be cut in half, easy."

"Rei, don't exaggerate. I'm not that bad."

"Not that bad? Your brain is a rusty sieve. I've met ten-year-olds less susceptible to brain washing."

Endymion had a response for that, he really did, but Makoto cut in. "Look on the bright side! In that color, very few women will attempt to brainwash you any more to begin with. Now, the men, however..."

Endymion's head dropped to the table, thumped quietly.

Minako stepped over gingerly, patting him on the shoulder. "Hey there, now. Maybe it will grow on you."

"If it does, please kill me."

"Oh, look!" squealed a whirlwind of white, gold and silver as Neo-Queen Serenity swept into the room. "Ami finally finished it! Isn't it wonderful?" She twirled, showing off the new white diaphanous dress, similar to her moon princess gown except for the lower cut neckline and the intricate beading on the bodice.

Endymion thought it was indeed, wonderful. Especially the way the white material clung to her...oh, wait a minute. "WHITE!" he cried. "How come she gets white and I get lavender?"

"Um, because life-size wedding toppers are no longer de rigueur?" posited Rei.

Ami rolled her eyes and steamrolled over that theory. "Sere-chan's dress doesn't need the brainwashing shield. That's what makes your suit tricky."

"Oooh," exclaimed Serenity, rushing over to the box on her husband's lap. "It prevents brainwashing? That will cut our apocalypse quotient by half!"

Rei shot Endymion her most smug I-told-you-so smile as Serenity lifted the rest of the suit from the box and cooed.

"So what does your dress do then?" mumbled Endymion sulkily.

"Well, it has a spell dampening thingy, is also projectile proof...and it always stays up although it's strapless. See?" To Endymion's delight, his wife started jumping up and down to demonstrate the dress' unbudgability.

"You're gorgeous. Whereas I'm stuck in pastels. I'm going to be your husband, King Endymion, better known as 'that idiot she married out of pity.'"

"But Endy," cried Serenity, admiring the suit once more, "it's perfect!"

"Perfect? Sere, it's not even a nice royal purple. It's the bastard child of Easter eggs and hippies. I'm going to walk around for hundreds of years looking like the second coming of Liberace."

Undaunted, Serenity held the fabric up against his face. "But look how it brings out your eyes! And your hair."

"Huh. I think he's more a 'fall' than a 'winter' in coloring, personally. Hence, yellow. Go for yellow...and give me a raise," pushed Minako, sotto voice, hoping to get that bit of persuasion in before he became brainwashing-proof.

"You're gonna have to let that one go, Minako," advised Makoto.

Serenity, with the ease of long practice, ignored them all and determinedly continued to gush over the tuxedo. "You'll look dashing!"

"Really?" he asked pitifully. Serenity nodded ecstatically while the Senshi all shook their heads in a negative behind her shoulder.

Endymion glared over at them until Serenity directed his gaze back to her by pushing the box off him and clambering on his lap. Well, that certainly got his attention.

"And the best part about that suit, Endy?" she murmured in his ear, making herself comfortable.

"What?" he breathed back.

"Taking it off you every night."

"Aaaaand that's our cue to leave before we barf," interrupted Rei, as the others made gagging noises in surround sound. Then followed the general squabbling as four Senshi hurriedly left the room, lest they witness gross snuggling between the two monarchs.

Endymion grinned at Serenity, beginning to slide a hand under the voluminous skirts of her new dress until he was rewarded with the feeling of silky bare thigh beneath his fingers. "You've convinced me."

"Yes, I thought I might have." Serenity's answering smile, before she lowered her lips to his, was sly. And Endymion did learn to love that suit or, more aptly, getting out of it.

Fin