A/N: Un-beta'd because I'm leaving for a sorta-vacation in two hours and want to surprise my awesome beta with even more drunk!crack. Besides, it'll be edited sooner or later- this was typed up in like five minutes, anyway.

One day, a very drunk Levy decides that Gajeel needs a hug.

Gajeel's response to her proclamation is to immediately flinch away and babble incoherently before fleeing.

Because he is a dragonslayer, and god damn it, it'll ruin his image if he allows himself to be hugged by someone as annoying, as irritating, as…

…as small and adorable as Levy.

(Did he seriously just think 'adorable'? He is so doomed.)

Levy is small, but she is stubborn in her tenacity; Gajeel sourly notes that she seems to have abandoned her fear of him in favor of scaring him instead. It's ironic because she's not even trying to frighten him! He, who can topple an entire building with his pinky, is scared of a tiny, aquamarine pipsqueak!

He ducks behind the bar, earning himself a questioning glance from Mira. He crouches, squatting uncomfortably, and wildly makes gestures, mouthing desperate please as Levy approaches.

(And he swears he sees an evil glint in her eyes!)

"Hey, Mira!" Levy says, voice saccharine. "Have you seen Gajeel?"

The said dragonslayer sends another pleading glance at Mira, who all of a sudden looks very, very evil. (Gajeel wouldn't be surprised if he found out that Mirajane was the one who got Levy drunk, because if there was anyone in the guild who no one would ever suspect, it was Mirajane.)

"Why yes, I have!" Mira coos sweetly, and it takes all Gajeel has not to shudder violently (so that was where she got the nickname of 'Demon'!) "He's right-"

A pause. For a moment, Gajeel thinks he's been saved.

Mirajane gracefully lifts up her skirts with dainty fingers and kicks Gajeel (the nerve!) "-here!" She finishes triumphantly.

Gajeel tumbles head-first from his hiding spot and finds himself tangled up in a miserable heap in front of Levy. She's standing over him.

He's getting a pretty good look at what's under that tiny little scrap of cloth she calls a 'skirt'….

Before his mind registers anything else, a foxy grin spreads over Levy's small features. Gajeel is terrified. Her slender, pale, gorgeous arms (oh god, she must be casting some sort of spell over him, because he's obviously going bonkers) reach out for him-

"Bloody murder!" Gajeel screeches, and tears out of the guild.

Levy and Mirajane exchange inquiring looks before Mira shrugs and shoos Levy off after Gajeel. The blue-haired mage complies with an evil, very drunken grin.

Meanwhile, Gajeel seems to have found himself a place in a broom closet. It's tiny, and normally, it would have provided a pretty safe haven for him, except-

"Natsu?" Gajeel says incredulously, voice a rather unbecoming squeak (oh, fuck, that tiny bookworm is totally messing with him, because he's becoming rather light-headed). "What are you doing here?"

"Be quiet!" Natsu hisses, scrunched up in a tiny ball. He almost looks like Edolas Natsu, and Gajeel momentarily wonders what could possibly have the most fearless man in Fairy Tail cowering in a broom closet before remembering the single thing that could make Natsu cower in fear, no matter what universe or dimension.

"What did you do to Lucy this time?" Gajeel whispers fiercely, exasperated.

"I-I only read her diary!" Natsu says as fiercely (and as quietly) as he can possibly manage. "The look on her face! Oh, my god, I didn't know there were things worse than Erza when she's PMSing!" (He pauses before adding, "And I already knew she liked me! Why'd she have to make such a big deal about it?"

Gajeel briefly ponders if Natsu will ever understand the inner workings of a woman.)

Gajeel offers a sympathetic shudder, seeing as how he's witnessed firsthand the true terror of Erza. They share an awkward moment of bromance before Natsu asks, "So what are you in here for?"

"Levy's trying to hug me!" The iron dragonslayer half-whispers, half-screeches (and also partially whimpers- but he's Gajeel, and Gajeel does not do whimpers).

"No!" Natsu molds his face into a mask of utter horror, and Gajeel nods sagely, sighing. "But Gajeel, that's the worst thing someone can ever do to a dragonslayer's ego as a tough guy, ever!"

"I know," Gajeel groans, and bangs his head against the closet door in frustration.

The damned door just has to open up. Fuck him and his hard head.

"There you are, Natsu!" Lucy shrieks, storming over to the closet and dragging him out by his collar. Natsu lets out a bloodcurdling scream as Lucy's face morphs into the likes of which Gajeel has never seen before (and if he thought Mirajane was a demon, then she was nothing compared to Lucy).

"It's all a conspiracy!" Natsu warns wildly as Lucy attempts to strangle him.

Gajeel doesn't have time to really ask what Natsu means by that, because all of a sudden, Levy is there.

"Okay, okay, look," Gajeel says awkwardly, holding up his hands defensively as the midget nears him. The look on her face makes him think that he'd rather fight Natsu a hundred times over instead of looking at Levy once. "Er, this is really weird, so lemme just say that I'm a dragonslayer."

He waits for Levy to get the point- she's smart, right?- but she never does. She just raises a thin, questioning eyebrow.

"What I'm trying to say is, er…" He gestures helplessly. "Look, I'm a man of few words, okay?"

Levy grins, and Gajeel finds that he wishes she were sober.

"I have pride, you know," Gajeel does his best to scowl. What happened to his 'I'm-a-tough-and-scary-macho-guy-so-you-shouldn't-approach-me-or-become-a-cuddly-fluffy-thing-or-else-it'll-ruin-my-image-and-then-I'll-try-to-murder-you' image? Why couldn't he muster up even a semblance of intimidation?

Levy glomps Gajeel. Glomps him!

Then Gajeel realizes that the small mage has only fainted, and that her thin frame is slumping over his, unconscious. She's smiling in her sleep, and he thinks she might be drooling too (which is just as adorable as it is gross). Her chest is pressing against his-

-oh god. He's doomed. He's so fucking doomed.

Gajeel sits stock-still in his position, wondering what the hell he's going to do now that his image of being super-scary-and-also-possibly-asexual is ruined completely and utterly, because he may or may not be blushing, and damn it, he's not supposed to be blushing!

Meanwhile, Mirajane turns her (eevilll!) attention to Natsu and Lucy, confident that her strongest whiskey combined with her (eevilll!) genius would be more than enough to get them together.

For the bazillionth time, Gajeel thinks to himself that the women of Fairy Tail are probably the scariest women ever as Levy curls up in a tiny ball in his lap and mewls like a kitten.

(Damn it all. He is blushing.)