An Unconscious Serenity

Author's Note: I am absolutely obsessed with X-Men: First Class and the inspiration for this one-shot suddenly appeared while I was dissecting the movie with a fellow author. I have never read the comics, so what I know of X-Men is based on my knowledge of the first three movies and the prequel/reboot only. This is my first attempt at writing fanfiction outside of the White Collar fandom, but I hope to do justice to the very superb First Class.

Spoilers: If you haven't watched X-Men: First Class, you should do so right now and then, if you'd like to, return to my story afterward.

Disclaimer: I claim no rights to X-Men.

It is several months after leaving the destruction of the beach – where he became paralyzed, where he realized the magnitude of his decision to unite with humankind – that Charles is finally allowed access to the familiarly discordant realm of Erik's subconscious.

From the moment he had lost the physical reassurance of Erik supporting his damaged body, Charles had feared that he would never again know his friend – enemy, nemesis, equal – without that damned helmet. To no avail, he had fought against the impenetrable shield while forcing himself to endure Shaw's death at Erik's hand. To his even greater despair, he had struggled and pleaded with Erik in vain, attempting to save thousands of lives, especially the one over whom he no longer appeared to exert any influence.

He had succeeded at great cost to himself and to the future of mutants and humans living in peace and harmony. Worst of all, he had resigned himself to parting with his best friend and severing their relationship forever.

The first time Charles perceives the open connection, he is staring at their favorite, much-abused chessboard. Startled and uncharacteristically uncertain, he cautiously probes into Erik's subconscious, fearing whatever thoughts he might encounter, hoping, if not for something pleasant, at least for a memory untarnished by pain and anger.

His wish is not granted, but he wills himself to immerse his mind in Erik's torrent of guilt, regret, and agony – so many uncontrolled emotions, not because of Shaw, certainly not because of Moira, but because of his inexcusable mistake in deflecting that one bullet which caused everything to fall to pieces. He watches through Erik's closed eyes as that awful moment repeats itself again and again. Each time, he relives the sting and burn as though the bullet were penetrating his spine through the dream.

Charles senses Erik jolt restlessly in his sleep and gently extracts himself, returning his focus to his luxurious bedroom, the documents awaiting him on the desk, and the lamp light glinting off of his metal wheelchair.

He runs his fingers through his hair and wonders whether Erik will ever forgive himself for something which Charles has never accused him guilty of causing.

The second time Charles invades Erik's dreams, it is difficult to convince himself to leave.

On this visit, he accompanies Erik in a much happier memory, another memoir from his short-lived childhood. In this memory, Erik is perhaps ten- or eleven-years-old. In less than one year, he will witness horrors and be subjected to torture no person should ever even imagine possible, but in this moment in time, he is carefree and healthy.

Erik is celebrating his birthday with his parents. There is a small cake laid on the table before him and while there is only one candle to commemorate this special day, Erik's face is the picture of contentment. He squeezes his eyes shut and wishes fervently under his breath. His father watches him with pride evident in his eyes; his mother smoothes her fingers over his cheek. Erik opens his eyes, blows out the candle, and the memory dissolves.

Charles is happy that Erik will conquer the point between rage and serenity, but he is concerned that he worries about the safety of millions of others while delighting in his opponent's achievement.

For two months, Charles invites himself into Erik's subconscious on an irregular basis. He has long since reasoned that Erik must be aware of these intrusions and it seems as though he welcomes Charles's curious prodding and does nothing to prevent these occurrences.

There is nothing which Erik deems necessary to conceal from him, for he is well aware that emerging from the confines of the helmet is a conscious decision to render himself vulnerable to Charles's powers.

Similarly, Charles has never once taken advantage of Erik's trust – perhaps overconfidence – in his self-control. He knows, because of Erik and so better than anyone else, the lasting effects of being manipulated, controlled, exploited. It would be so easy, so effortless to simply wipe the slate clean and instill a new belief and new allegiance in his former ally. He would be preventing injury and further destruction, forestalling a terrible war. He might even be saving innocent (and not-innocent) lives. Erik would never know anything different.

But Charles knows that Erik is not an object to be brainwashed and reassembled. He is a man and a powerful mutant. Their worldviews might be at odds and they may never reconcile in this lifetime, but together, they had always believed in good and justice.

The last time Charles indulges in these visits, it is the eve of his first meeting with Magneto. After tonight, neither of them will be able to deny their broken partnership any longer. They will be adversaries. This free reception will cease to exist.

In a last-ditch effort that he already recognizes as futile, Charles wishes to ingrain in Erik's mind his most treasured memory of their friendship. He enters Erik's subconscious with a purpose this time and leaves his recollection of the day Erik rotated the distant satellite dish to face the mansion. With the visual imprint of this memory complete, Charles leaves behind a record of his emotions, as well – the immense pride and amazement he felt as he observed Erik's incredible display of power.

Wakefulness is fast-approaching, so Charles bids farewell with one final request.

Our differences in hoping for peace are irreconcilable, my friend, but if you choose to abandon all else, please remember this: we were friends once, Erik. Never forget that.

I think my new favorite movie bromance is Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr. James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender are amazing!

Thank you for reading! Constructive criticism is always welcomed and appreciated.