Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything!

"Love is like war: Easy to start but hard to end."

-Anonymous

"Don't call me that, Toerag!" I shouted, allowing myself to finally succumb to the frustration that had been brewing inside me ever since the messy-haired, hazel-eyed arse had walked into the dormitory and interrupted my studies.

"If I can't call you Lily Pad, than you can't call me Toerag," he said, smirking slightly as his best mate let out a barking laugh from behind him. I angrily slammed down my Arithmancy book, ignoring the scroll of difficult homework that floated to the ground and landed softly at his feet.

"You dropped something," he said, bending over and picking up the parchment.

"Shut up," I snapped, beginning to stuff my school things into my bag. There was no way I could concentrate on my homework with James Potter and his Number One Fan (better known as Sirius Black) annoying the bloody hell out of me.

"Don't you want it back?"

"I said, shut it," I repeated, my mouth forming a thin line.

"The first two are wrong," he informed me in that insufferable know-it-all voice he so often used when pointing out my flaws.

My cheeks burned red as Sirius gave another snort from the armchair he was sprawled in.

If I had my way, Potter and Sirius would be on the next train home. Unfortunately, Head Girls are not allowed to expel students, no matter how much they deserve it. And believe me when I say that Potter and Sirius deserve it.

If it wasn't enough that they lounge around on their arses all day and then copy off of Remus, even though they're perfectly capable of doing it themselves, they also chase after every skirt that so much as glances at them. Sirius is a worse offender than Potter when it comes to matters of the heart (or matters of broken hearts, because there seem to be quite a lot of them where ever Potter and Sirius are concerned), but Potter has his moments. One of my favorite moments is when I caught him snogging Emmeline Vance a mere two hours after he practically begged me to go to Hogsmeade with him.

And then, if you can believe it, he tried to claim that he was just using her to try and get over me, while she was still standing there!

That poor girl probably cried for days.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised at Potter's tactics, I've been around them long enough to be fooled by them a couple of times. Near the middle of sixth year, I had a crisis of character where I joined the ranks of girls who swooned whenever Potter walked into a room for a whole entire week. I foolishly believed that he had changed after we had our knock-down, drag-out fight at the end of fifth year, when he screamed, hands shaking and face red, "I would never, ever call you what he did, Lily! How could you even think that?"

When we returned to school in sixth year, he didn't hex innocent fourth years anymore, didn't spend every waking moment embarrassing me, and actually seemed to be doing his own work for once. However, at the end of that week, I found him giving Donald Creevey jelly legs and realized that he did in fact do all of those things, he just refrained from doing them in front of me.

Needless to say, he got jinxed and I got some sense knocked into me.

I vowed that I would never again be fooled by his irritating proclamations of love that he throws out to me every time we pass in the hallway. And I haven't, which isn't that hard considering we have to share living quarters now, and I'm privy to every single disgusting habit of his.

"Potter," I said tersely, grabbing a book, shaking my head clear of thoughts about him, and standing up to face him, "if I wanted your help, I would've asked for it." I snatched the paper back away from him and gasped as it tore in half. "Now look what you did!"

"Me?" He asked in disbelief.

"Reparo! Honestly, I still don't know how you became Head Boy," I muttered under my breath as I seized two more textbooks from the table and began tottering to my room. "It makes no sense to me."

"Well obviously," Sirius spoke up from the chair, "it made sense to Dumbledore and last time I checked, he—'

"Black!" I spat, spinning around and dropping a book. "Why are you even here? You aren't Head Girl and you definitely aren't Head Boy so get out of the Head Dormitories before I tell the Headmaster!"

"Dumbledore won't mind," Sirius said with a wave of his hand.

"Well if that's how you feel, then I am certainly not above telling Professor McGonagall instead," I quipped, smirking at his look of shock.

"You wouldn't," he accused, narrowing his eyes.

"Wouldn't I?"

With a great sigh, he heaved himself out of the green armchair and shuffled away. "See you later, Prongs. Don't forget to check the mirror."

"I won't," he said, ignoring my snort of disgust. Honestly. Is he incapable of going one day without looking at his bloody reflection? It's not even a good reflection. As the door swung shut Potter turned to me. "Why do you have to do that?"

"Do what?" I asked, picking up the fallen book and heading into my room.

"Run off all my friends whenever they come to visit me!" He exclaimed irately.

"Because Black wasn't visiting you, he was annoying me," I huffed, depositing all of my books on my desk.

"He was accidentally annoying you while visiting me—"

"And because your friends aren't allowed to be in here—get out of my room!" I shrieked as I turned around and found him two centimeters away from me.

"Technically this is our room," he said, ignoring the swats I was inflicting on his chest with a roll of his eyes.

"No, technically this is our dorm, but this is my room. Now get—out!" I said, shoving him backwards.

"Oh Lily Pad, I love it when your cheeks match the color of your hair," he teased, dodging my fist and smirking impishly.

I blew out a frustrated breath and yanked my wand out of my pocket as he reclined on my bed and began sifting through my Witch Weekly magazines. "Evans, did you know that The Jinx Brothers like girls who are nice, funny, and sweet?" he asked, looking up from the magazine with wide eyes. "I guess that rules you out."

"Toerag—"

"Hey, what's this?" Ignoring my cry of indignation, he smoothed out the crumpled piece of parchment and held up a failed Arithmancy homework. Barely concealing a smile, he said, "I can teach you how to do Arithmancy, if you want."

"Yeah, right," I snorted, gripping my wand tightly in front of me and aiming it steadily at him. "The only thing I really need to do is hexes, and I'm pretty good at those. In fact, if you are not out of my room in exactly five seconds, I might just have to show you a demonstration."

He glared at me, not moving an inch. "You wouldn't dare…Lily Pad."

"Wouldn't I, Toerag?" With a jerk of my wand, his straight nose transformed into a pig snout with large warts on it. He yowled and hopped up from my bed, dropping my homework and striding across the room to where I was standing, choking on my laughter.

"Look what you did!"

"You asked for it," I shrugged, smiling sweetly up at his furious face.

"Sometimes I hate you, Evans!" He shouted, his usual calm and collected demeanor totally wiped away, as he stood inches from me, breathing hard and radiating resentment.

"Oh really? What happened to all your proclamations of love? I thought you loved me James?"

My mocking tone hit a nerve that made his ears turn scarlet. "I do," he spat. "You're just so bloody annoying sometimes!"

"Oh right! You love me like I love the Giant Squid," I laughed humorlessly. "Joke's on you this time. Now get out of my room and go get one of your little mates to transform you back to normal!"

He strode out of my room and I slammed the door behind him.

"I don't need one of my little mates to do this for me!" he bellowed through the wood. "You aren't the only one with top marks, Evans!"

"Fine! But If I were you, I'd seriously consider keeping the snout, it fits your personality so much better!"

"Are you calling me a pig?" He hollered.

"Congratulations," I screamed, "you understand! Now leave me alone!"

With a strangled yell, James threw a heavy object at my locked door, making a loud thunk and probably yet another knick in the wood. "You're going to have to replace that door sooner or later!" his muffled voice yelled, and I heard him furiously spit out the counter curse that transformed his nose back to normal.

"Why don't you just stop throwing things at my door?" I sneered.

"Why don't you stop making me throw things at your door?"

Instead of answering him, I threw myself down on my bed, fuming silently and glaring at my pillow that was the color of his eyes.