Quickly posted this chapter as I won't be doing any writing next week. It's my birthday tomorrow so I'm going to be a little bit tooo busy with different plans. Chapter was supposed to belonger but instead I think I'm just goig to leave you hanging for a bit. Sorry if this chapter upsets any readers but I hope you enjoy.

"Santana! You need to come quick, it's Brittany."

"Hudson! Did your mother not learn you manners?"

"I'm really sorry coach Sue, but it's an emergency. It's Brittany, she's, I don't know, hurt or something. She's crying in pain and she's asking for Santana. "

My heart instantly sank to my stomach with a bad feeling in my gut. I jumped out of my seat faster than I had ever moved before in my life. I was confused because I had just seen her no more than fifteen minutes ago and she was fine. Well she wasn't fine, but she wasn't hurt in any way. Now I feel guilty, I shouldn't have left her. I should not have left her. Once again I put my stupid self first rather than her.

Suddenly, I remembered who I had left her with, but I don't think Artie would of hurt her. Would he? No, that's just stupid. Isn't it? He claims to love her so even I would be over reacting to assume that he would hurt her in any way. But she was fine when I left them before. Before I had left her with him. Has he hurt her because of what has happened or is this just some sort of coincidence?

"Where is she?" Finn had a scared blank look on his face as he just stared at me. This wasn't good, I needed to get her. "Where is she?" I demand again.

"She, She's in the gym."

"And you just left her there."

"No, I mean yes, well I had to come and find you. But don't worry Artie is with her."

"Don't worry?" I shout barging past him out the office door. Both himself and Sue followed me as I rushed down the hallways to the gym. How could I not worry Brittany's hurt and he's left her alone with Artie. My number one suspect in this. All I could think of was what I was going to see when I got there. Was it going to be as bad as Finn made it look by the way he rushed to come and get me, or was he just over reacting a little because he is known to do that a lot. No, he can't be because he said she was crying. Maybe she's just fell and really hurt herself with her being in the gym but never in the time that I've known Brittany has she ever cried from pain. Except the time she got her first period because she thought she was dying but other than that, there was nothing. And that was more from the shock of seeing herself bleeding rather than the pain. But If this has anything, anything at all to do with Artie, he's going to wish he had legs so he can run as far away from me as possible.

I pushed open the gym doors and I could see Mr Schue and Miss Pillsbury kneeling in the center of the wooden floor beside each other and I could also see Artie looking down but, I couldn't see Brittany. The feeling in my gut went from bad to worse. I rushed over as fast I could and there she was just lying there curled up in a fetal position and I could see the pain in her eyes instantly.

"San." She whispered.

"It's okay Britt, I'm here now." I kneeled down beside her and I looked at her. Her forehead was covered in beads of sweat*, there were tears slowly rolling down her cheeks and she was lightly shaking.

"It hurts." She whimpered. She scrunched her eyes closed and grabbed my hand squeezing it hard. She released it again and wrapped them back around herself as if she was trying to stop the pain but she couldn't.

"What hurts? Tell me where it hurts." My hand felt slightly wet after she let go and I just thought it was sweaty from her squeezing so hard or the fact that I was panicking but when I looked down I saw red. It was blood. I scanned her from her head down to her feet but I saw nothing. I looked to Miss Pillsbury for an answer, I was confused as to where the blood was coming from. There were no visible wounds that I could see. Miss Pillsbury grabbed the bottom of Brittany's skirt and raised it a little. There was more blood. A lot more blood.

"I've called an ambulance." She said resting her hand on my shoulder. "They should be here soon."

"What's wrong with her? Why is she bleeding like this?"

"Did she not just get her period or something?" Could Finn really be that stupid to ask such a dumb fucking question? My best friend is lying on the floor crippled in pain bleeding and he thinks this is just one of her periods? It was a good job Sue told him to go back to his class before I flipped because he was no use being here. I was thankful that he came and got me and I'd thank him for that later but I couldn't handle his dumbness right now.

"We don't know what's happened, she was like this when we got here a few minutes ago. Artie tells us that they were just talking when she suddenly fell to the ground."

I turned to Artie anger coming over me. "What did you do?" I say through gritted teeth.

"I didn't do anything she just fell."

"She fell?" I scoff. He must think I'm some sort of thick idiot if he thinks I believe that for even a second. "She doesn't just bleed like this from falling! What did you do!?"

"San." Brittany grabbed my hand again and looked to me with pleading eyes. "d-don't, p-please."

"Artie." Mr Schue stood from where he was kneeling and walked behind me to Artie. He rested his hand on his shoulder and whispered to him, but it was clear enough for me to hear. "Maybe you should get to your class too. I'll make sure to keep in touch with what's happening."

"Mr Schue, I'd prefer to stay. Brittany's my girlfriend and I'm not leaving her side. Not until I know she's going to be okay."

"Why?" I ask. "Your not needed here. Can't you see that this is all your fault."

"Santana." Mr Schue warned.

"What? It's true. I leave them alone for five minutes then all of a sudden she's lying here in the gym bleeding. That's not in the slightest way suspicious to you?"

"I'm sure this isn't Artie's fault." He defended.

"It, it's not h-his f-fault." Brittany confirms. Every word that left her mouth seemed like it took her so much effort. The pain was too much for her, her face was pale and clammy, and her breathing was irregular. There was something not right with her and I didn't need her to start worrying about Artie and I getting into some argument over her whilst she's like this.

"Shhh." I tell her. "I'm sorry, just breathe. Try not to speak."

I look back to Artie who really did look worried and concerned, but I still didn't trust him near her. "Either way, I don't want you here. And neither does Brittany. She asked for me, not you, so you might as well just leave."

"I don't care what you want. I need to be here."

"Why?" I ask again. "Did you not just hear what I said. We don't want you here. You're no use to us."

"Yes I am. Because, becau-"

"B,b,b,because what? Spit it out."

"Because I think I might know what's wrong with her."

"What do you mean you think, you might know. If you do know something you better tell me right fucking now before I beat it out of you."

"Santana, you're not helping." Mr Schue warned me again. I know he's just doing his job as a teacher at this school, but he has no clue what is going on. Yeah he was there when I told everyone about Britt and mines relationship. But he has no clue what Artie is really like and what he is capable of. "Artie, if you do know something, I think its best you tell us because it's the only real way we will be able to help Brittany."

"I think she could be losing the baby. Our baby."

Baby? This kid is literally out of his god dam mind. Now I've heard it all. It is not the time to start playing one of his stupid little mmind games. He's sick if he even thinks that joke was funny. "That's not even remotely funny. Brittany isn't pregnant." I say looking at her, with a hint of hope in my voice. I needed her to confirm it. If she was pregnant though, I'm pretty sure that would be something she wouldn't hide from me. I would be the first person she would run to if anything like this were to happen to her. Wouldn't I? She shook her head no as to tell me I was right, she wasn't pregnant. "See, now take your twisted mind and go play in the traffic."

"It's true." He says. I wasn't sure if he was trying to convince us or himself because nobody here believes him. So he might as well just stop with his shit and quit whilst he's ahead.

"No it's not." I argue back.

"Santana," Miss Pillsbury began. "He could be telling us the truth. It would explain the bleeding." No it isn't true so I don't know why she would even believe him. Just because Brittany is bleeding from down there, that doesn't mean she's pregnant. Or was pregnant. There has to be another explanation. There has to be.

"I am telling the truth. Brittany just doesn't know about it. She was going to leave me and I couldn't let her do that."

Then it hit me. "Wait." Now I understood. I understood it all. Him coming round to Brittany's telling me he'd already sorted a way for her to stay with him. This was it. This is what he was smirking about. And look what its turned in to, It's wiped the smirk straight off his face. "So this was your great master plan? Get her pregnant to stay with you?"

"Yes. But none of this," He gestured to Brittany on the floor. "was supposed to happen."

"You sick son of a bitch. What were you thinking?" II wanted to jump up and punch him over and over again. Its what he deserved. But now wasn't the time. But that time will come.

"I was thinking that you were trying to steal my girl." There he goes again with his 'my girl' bullshit. She's not his girl, never has been and never will be no matter what. I don't get why its so hard for him to understand that. He's crazy.

"AHHHH." Brittany screamed in pain, more tears rolling down her cheeks.

"You're okay." I tell her. I used my thumb with my free hand to wipe away the tears from her face, but they just kept falling one after the other.

I could still feel Artie's presence behind me like a dark soul and it was making me angry and uncomfortable him being here. "Haven't you left yet?" I growled. I needed him to leave before I did something I wouldn't regret but would get me into a heap shit of trouble.

"I told you, I'm not going any where."

That was it I'd had enough. This freak was crazy and I was about to go crazy on his ass. Luckily sue spoke up and began defending my corner.

"Yes you are, you little shit."

"Sue!" Mr Schue half yelled.

She raised her hand to silence him. "Not now permanator. You," She pointed to Artie. "You're coming with me. We need to have a little chat in my office, don't you think?" I know what she wants to talk to him about but I couldn't care less about that fucking video of his. He'll get what's coming to him soon enough for that too, I'll make sure of it. The only thing that mattered to me right now was Brittany and making sure that she was going to be okay.

"Why? I haven't done anything wrong." See, he's fucking crazy. He's done everything wrong.

"I'll be the judge and jury of that. Now unless you want me to tell the whole school and poor Emma and Will here what else you've done, I suggest you roll on and go wait for me in my office." He looked to me as if to say 'you told her' and damn right I fucking told her. I'm not just going to sit there and let him blackmail me. And he's going to wish he didn't now that Sue knows about it. He eventually gave in and did as Sue asked. He looked down at Brittany one last time before leaving the gym. It was about time too. "Will you be okay here Miss too many Pillsbury?"

Miss Pillsbury nodded letting the insult fly straight over her head. "We'll be fine."

"Ok then." I could see in Sue's face that even she was concerned about Brittany, she secretly had a soft spot for her but she would neither say it or show it to her or the others, but I know her too well for her to hide it from me. Brittany's always said she thinks Sue secretly likes her just a mean way. "I'd like too know what's going on, so if you wouldn't mind informing me too?"

"Yes, I will. Just go do what you have to." And then she left.

"I'm going to go wait in the parking lot and wait for the ambulance so they know where to come when they get here." Mr Schue and the red head shared a few words but I didn't listen, my only focus now was Brittany. When they were finished with their short conversation Mr Schue hurried out of the gym and then there was just us three alone.

"You're gonna be okay Britt Britt. Mr Schue has gone to see where the ambulance is and they're going to come in here and they're going to make you better again. I promise."

"It r-really hurts S-San."

"I know it does sweetie but your strong so just hold on okay?" I continued to hold on to her hand tightly as she did with me and I caressed her head with my other hand. I wanted nothing more than to make her comfortable and hold her in my arms but I knew that wasn't option. "Where's the nurse? Shouldn't she be here?" I ask. What sort of school is this when there is no nurse to be seen when we're really in need of her. Instead we've got a singing Spanish teacher and a ditzy germaphobe guidance councilor. I know that they're being really helpful but from what I'm seeing when I look at Brittany we really need some professional help.

"She's on sick leave." She's on sick leave. What a useless fucking bitch. Even when she's here she's useless. She thinks everything can be resolved with a vitamin and half an hours sleep. When really she's just a lazy cow who just wants her pay check at the end of the week. So yeah, we probably are better off with the singing spanish teacher and germaphobe.

Brittany whimpered again clutching her stomach. "Where's this god damn ambulance, she's in pain." Seeing her like this made me feel pain too but it was nothing compared to hers. I wanted nothing more than for me to be in her place.

"It's coming. We just have to be a little patient." Patience is the last thing I had in me but Emma was right. "She's going to be okay you know."

I nodded wiping a tear from the corner of my eye. "I know. Can I at least rest her head in my lap so she's more comfortable?" I ask.

"I'm not sure if it's a good Idea to move her."

"Please?" I beg. "I don't want her lying here like this. She's shivering, she needs warming up."

She thought for a second before finally agreeing and allowing me to do so.

I moved my way to be behind Brittany crossing my legs. "I'm just going to make you a little more comfortable, okay Britt Britt?" I didn't wait for her to respond, I was too desperate to make sure she could be as comfortable as possible. I carefully raised her head and shuffled my way a little forward and laid her head back down in my lap.

"Here." Emma removed her cardigan and placed it on top of Brittany. It just say covered her neck to her mid torso since Emma was that little bitt smaller compared to Brittany, but at least it was something.

"Thank you." I say gratefully.

I stroked the top of her head, not like a dog but in a way so that I was letting her know I was still here for her. Although she's not saying it and it won't take any of the pain she's feeling away, I know it will be making her feel better. Comforted at least.

I'd only just gotten her and now this. I just didn't understand it. How can things go from good to bad to even worse in about half an hour. I wouldn't even be exaggerating when I say I don't think I've ever been happy for more than twenty minutes in my life. Something just always ends up going wrong, or I mess it up myself. Today, I thought I was doing the right thing for a change, doing something good, something that mattered that would make a difference. I wasn't just doing it for me but for Brittany too. I actually thought that this was the beginning of something, when In reality it still hadn't started. Nothings even changed apart from the fact that a few people know we're together. Well sort of. I still haven't gotten the chance to ask her to by my girlfriend, because once again its turned out all wrong. I had something that made me happy for a few minutes and then I had it ripped away from me just as fast.

It's like when you were little and your parents would buy you that ice cream cone that'd you'd been begging for and waiting for all day, not sure whether you were going to get it at all. The time came when you eventually got it and you were so happy that you started licking it as fast as you could only to give yourself brain freeze. You decided to take it a little slower as you walked with it just to enjoy it because it tastes like the best ice cream you've ever had and then… it drops. Straight to the ground, melting quickly in the hot sun. Your happy sunny day turns into a gloomy hell. Only, this feel a thousand times worse than losing any ice cream. Brittany is my Ice cream, she's the one that brightens up my day, only I know I'm never going to drop her or she's not going to melt in the sun. Instead she's in the middle of the school gym bleeding and not one of us knows why. Well apparently Artie knows why, but what does he know, he's no doctor.

A few more minutes passed by but it felt like hours and there was still no sign of Mr. Schue or the paramedics. Where were they and why were they taking so long? I let my hand slide under Brittany's skirt just to check and it only went as far as her mid thigh and straight back out when I felt the wetness. Almost my full hand was covered with her blood. It was heavy, way heavier than any period and it wasn't stopping. I know the others were thinking she's having some sort of miscarriage, where as I didn't believe that. It just didn't make sense. It was something different. It had to be. I just didn't know what it could be, I'd never heard or seen of anything like this before.

Brittany was beginning to look exhausted and her eyes were slowly falling closed. Her whimpering had almost gone silent but her shaking continued. I kissed the top of her head wrapping my arms around her, carful not to hurt her. I would do anything to trade places with her, she doesn't deserve this, she's a good person.

"Britt keep your eyes open." I say lightly tapping the side of her face. "Britt." I say again. I felt panic fly through my body and a breath caught in my chest when she didn't open them. I looked to Miss Pillsbury silently asking her for help. There was nothing more she could do than what I could. We needed help. "Brittany." I say again. A little louder this time. Her eyes popped back open about half way and she starred into my own. I got the slightest feeling of relief when they opened again, but it wasn't enough. She was still un well.

"I'm tired." She says lazily.

"I know you are, but you can't go to sleep yet." I tell her.

The doors to the gym burst open and finally the help that we needed had arrived. "They're here Britt." Mr Schue came running over to us with the paramedics following behind him. One was a bald man in has late thirties early forties and the other was just a young woman no older than twenty-five. She had light brown hair tied back tightly and brown eyes that connected with mine as soon as she kneeled in front f us. "Please help her. Please." I beg her with pleading eyes.

"What's her name?" She asks. She opened one of her medic bags that she had brought with her grabbing a pair of her blue gloves and quickly putting them on. I scanned the bag and all I could see were more pairs of gloves, bandages and little packets of what looked to be syringes. It didn't look like there was enough in there for Brittany. She need more than a bandage.

The male medic did the exact same thing as he kneeled beside us. He turned on his monitor that he had brought with him and began attaching several different wires to it.

"It's Brittany." I tell her. "What's that for?" I ask worriedly looking over at the mans machine. I knew what it was for and how they worked with my dad being a doctor and a surgeon but I wanted to know why he was using it on my friend. He shuffled closer to us so he was right by Brittany's side and Miss Pillsbury stood to her feet giving them some space. He pulled one of the wires over and attached a clip to Brittany's finger. He then pulled another two over which had to sticky pads on them, he pushed them down Britt's cheer top stick them to her chest

"We need to check her oxygen levels and her heart rate." He tells me. The machine began to beep and the squiggly lines began to appear which showed us her heart rate. I know how these work and what to look for and Brittany's heart was slow. She wasn't just tired from the pain, she was very slowly slipping away. The blood she was losing was serious.

The female medic checked under Brittany's skirt and began writing in her notebook. "Vaginal bleeding, doesn't look like there is any wound." She then started rifling through another of her bags pulling out a drip bag.

"Get that drip on, relieve her of some pain. Her heart rhythm is unsteady we need to move her now." The male said. The woman quickly wiped the area of the crease in her arm and carefully poked a needle into Brittany's arm. I squeezed my eyes closed and looked away. I didn't want to see this. This was too much. When I looked again the lady had finished and Brittany was now attached to a drip.

The door burst open and another two paramedics, both male, came running in with a bed on wheels. The bald man grabbed a mask from one of his own bags and placed it over Brittany's face.

"What's going on?" I ask. But not one of them answered me. Mr Schue and Miss Pillsbury just stood watching on both in shock. One of the medics who had just arrived began whispering to the spanish teacher. He caught my gaze and he came over to me. "They need to move her now. They need to get her to the hospital."

"Okay. I'm going too."

"Of course." He replies. "I'll drive us there following behind the ambulance."

"No." I say shaking my head frantically. "I'm going with them in the ambulance, I'm not leaving her."

"It's fine. She can ride with us." The young woman says. "We're going to do everything we can to help your friend, okay? The pain should ease in a few minutes once the morphine gets through her body." She could see I was worried and I'm thankful that she understood I didn't want to leave my friends side. I looked down at Brittany laying in my lap barley conscious. This didn't seem real. I looked down to her and she was looking back up at me. She slowly blinked and I seen another tear fall from her eyes.

"You're okay. You're okay." I whisper repeatedly to her. I lean down and kissed the top of her head, letting my cheek rest against hers as I continued to whisper soothing words to her whilst the paramedics lowered the trolley bed and repacked their equipment.

The two other men both young with dark hair came over and carefully lifted Brittany onto the trolley raising it back up once she was on. I stood from where I'd been sitting and just looked at the puddle of blood that was left there. Emma came and wrapped her arm around my shoulder turning me the other way so I didn't have to look at it. "We're going to follow behind the ambulance so we shouldn't be long behind you."

They began to roll Brittany towards the gym exit so I quickly rushed to be back by her side. There is no way I'm going to leave her when she needs me the most. It makes me think of all those other times when she's needed me to be there for her, for us, and all I would ever do is run in the opposite direction. I don't know how I could I ever do that to her. But I did.

The doors to the gym opened and we were met with pretty much the whole school. There were whispers, shouting and flashing from people trying to take photos and videos. People were beginning to crowd around making it difficult for us to get through.

"Can everybody please make some room." Nobody listened.

A loud whistle filled the halls and I could see Rachel, Finn and Quinn standing together just in front of the trolley. "Everybody move, now!" She ordered. Everyone moved to the side of the lockers making enough space for us to get through. Thank god she was there.

"Thank you." I say as we rush past her.

"We'll follow behind."

I managed to just hear what she said before we left the building. The ambulance was already parked out front ready and waiting. Everything was happening so fast that the lady medic had to tell me to climb up into the ambulance, still, non of this seemed real. I sat on the side seat and the first thing I did was grab Brittany's hand and place a soft kiss on it. She turned to look at me and she pulled her mask off her face. She didn't look like she was in as much pain as she was before. The medicine must be working.

"You're crying." She says lightly. "Don't cry."

The two paramedics climbed into the back with me. The girl sat beside me and the man slammed the doors closed sitting on the other side of Brittany. The sirens were switched on and we were off. It was normally a twenty minute drive from our school to the hospital, longer with the traffic, but hopefully with this being an emergency and the sirens being on we should be there in half that time.

I wiped at my face with my free hand and she was right, I was crying. I hadn't even noticed. Normally I would know if I were crying, I'd be doing anything to try and hold back the tears, to try and be strong. I hated crying in front of people, I always said it made me look weak. Sure I'd cried in front of Brittany loads, but she's my best friend so its okay for her to see. Lately she's always the reason as to why I do cry, and here she is, got me at it again, only this time they were flowing freely for everyone to see, and I didn't even care. So what if the whole school has just seen me crying, so what if they got a picture or a video, I would cry a river to see this girl in front of me be okay.

"So? You're always saying I should show my sensitive side more." I joke rubbing the back of her hand with my thumb.

She laughed lightly and smiled. "I do say that. But I meant towards other people."

"Forget about other people. You are the only person that matters to me. I don't care about everyone else. Just you."

She pulled at my hand tangling our fingers together, another small smile crept back on to her face. "I've waited so long for you to tell me that."

"I know." It was true, she'd been waiting too long. I know I should have told her sooner but I was more bothered about my reputation and what people would think of me, what they would say about me. It was always about me, never Brittany. "But I promise all that is going to change. I'm going to change. I'm going to make you happy and you're going to make me happy, like you already do. But this time we're going to do it together."

"Together forever?" She smiled.

I smile gripping her pinkie with my own. Her grip was a lot tighter so I mirrored it not wanting her to feel like I was going to let her go any time soon. "That's right, together forever." I could see through a tiny gap of the front seats of the ambulance through to the front window. We were turning into the hospital. Finally.

"We're here Britt Britt."

"San?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

I smile looking down at her. "I lo-" My smile faded as her grip loosened and her eyes fell closed, the machine began to make a loud long beep. It was a flat line. "Britt?"

"She's gone into cardiac arrest. Get the paddles now!" The paramedics jumped up as fast as they could grabbing various things from around the cabin.

"Britt?" I say again. "Britt?" I shake her a little this time only to receive nothing. The machine continued to make a loud noise "Brittany!"

"Stand back please."

I sat in the hospital waiting room staring into the cup of coffee that Mr Schue had brought me. They did what they said they would and followed me here but they had no clue what had happened in the ambulance on the way here. No idea what I saw, what I had to watch.

They arrived about fifteen minutes after me and they found me here in the waiting room just staring. Staring at nothing. They had asked me where Brittany was and I told them I didn't know because I didn't. They asked me if she was okay and I told them no, because she wasn't. And that was all I knew. The last time I saw her she was being shocked with paddles in the back of the ambulance and I was brought here.

It was almost lunch and I'd been sitting here for almost three hours. Three hours and there was still no word. I didn't know if Brittany was dead or alive. I'd asked a nurse several times if they could tell me what was going on but since I wasn't immediate family they couldn't tell me anything. I almost flipped out because this was ridiculous she's my best friend, I stayed with her this whole time so surely they should be letting me know something. I'd even tried calling my dad, but no answer. I know he's working today but every time I ask the receptionist to see him I get the same answer, that he's busy. Too busy to come and see his freekin daughter that's going through the worst thing that's ever happened to her? Yeah right. She just doesn't care. That would mean her having to get off her lazy ass and actually do some sort of work.

I felt a presence sit beside me and it almost made me jump. I'd been sitting staring at my cup of coffee for so long that I wasn't even taking notice as to what was going on around me. Their hand landed on my back and I saw a flash of blonde hair out the corner of my eye. My heart pumped faster thinking it was Brittany, but dropped again when I saw who it really was.

"Quinn." I say returning my gaze back to the coffee in my hand. I was glad to see her, but all I wanted was Brittany.

"How are you doing? Stupid question, don't answer that." It was a stupid question but I understand why she asked it. She probably knows exactly how I'm feeling, she knows how much I care for Brittany. "I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner."

"It's fine." I tell her. "You're here now."

"Do you know anything yet?" I shook my head and my lips began to quiver. Quinn pulled me into her resting my head on her chest. "Shhhh. You don't have to say anything." The tears began to fall again. I'd stopped crying as soon as I was brought in here but having Quinn here, made me feel slightly, I don't know, human again. I'd felt lost sitting here on my own. Will and Emma were sitting across the room but it was like they weren't even really there. They couldn't comfort me like my friend could. But it wasn't comfort that I needed it was Brittany.

"I'm scared." I mumble into her chest. I lifted my head and wiped at my face. "I'm scared Quinn. What if I've lost her. For good this time."

"Hey, look at me." She palmed my face forcing me to look at her. "You haven't lost her. We haven't lost her, okay?" I could see the tears desperate to fall from Quinn's eyes too but she was managing to herself together. Quinn cared for Brittany like she was her little sister, she's always been there for her when she's needed her. Especially during the times when I wasn't.

"I never got to tell her." I say. It had been playing on my mind ever since I got here. I was so close but I never got to say it.

"Tell her what?"

The tears fell again. I couldn't stop them no matter how hard I tried. All I could see in my mind was Brittany. Seeing her happy smiley face, seeing her twirl around everywhere, seeing her face getting close to mine her telling me she loves me. All I could think about was how bad I'd treat her. And it was all for nothing. She never deserved any of it, not when I'd always known the truth.

There were times when I came so close to telling her everything, but I never did. I would always back out of it and change the subject or run away. That, I was good at. I don't even think I could count on my fingers how many times I'd ran and just left her. Left her hanging there like a piece of wet washing, never knowing what I was thinking or what I was feeling. I would just run. I'd have to be consumed with alcohol just to be able to talk about it or be able to think about it in my own head because when I was sober all I seen it as was a sin or a mistake that should never of happened. But It did happen, over and over again. Because I wanted it to. No matter how hard I tried to deny it or fight the feeling Brittany was right, the heart wants what the heart wants and my heart wanted her.

I'll always remember the first time she kissed me, it was a shock, but it was from then I knew. I'd fallen and I grabbed her hoping she would save me, instead she landed on top of me on her bed. She placed the most gentle kiss on my lips that warmed my body for no more than a second but when I realized what was happening I froze. My mind racing with crazy thoughts so I just stared into her eyes and I saw all the love and warmth that she possessed. She instantly apologized and tried to explain it, but I ran.

I'd ignored her that whole weekend trying to get it out of my mind but I couldn't. When I got home that night all I could think about was her, I could still feel her lips on mine. I could feel the softness and how gentle she was when she placed it. I wasn't sure if it was an accident or if she meant to do it but I ran because my view on her had changed completely. Then she sent me a text telling me why she did it I understood. Not only had it changed my view of her but also my feelings. But I denied it. I did admit to her that I liked the kiss and that I started to like her more than what I already did but I also told her I didn't want it to happen again because I didn't want to be confused and jeopardies our friendship. But I was lying, not only to her, but to myself as well. I did want it to happen again.

The second time we kissed was at Puck's party in his bathroom. We'd started the night off badly because I wouldn't dance with her. She thought it was because I was scared which was sort of true, but in my mind I just didn't trust myself to be so close with her. She thought I was afraid of her and her trying to kiss me again, but I wasn't afraid of that, I was afraid that I would be the one who ended up kissing her. I'd already began to imagine her body in a way I shouldn't of.

After our little heated discussion I found her dancing on the table with Chelsea everyone gathered around them cheering them on to kiss. I told Brittany no and that she should get down, instead she looked me straight in the eyes and kissed her. I was angry, upset and I was jealous so I ran off. She managed to catch me up and that's when we were alone in the bathroom. We'd started getting into another argument and that's when I kissed her. I told her that I'd only done it to shut her up except really, it was because I couldn't take my eyes away from her lips, I just wanted to kiss them and that's why I let her kiss me back. It was only a matter of seconds into the kiss before reality hit me and I got scared and I ran.

I turned up to her house that same night climbing up the tree outside her window because I felt bad for running out on her. It wasn't even her fault, it was mine. It was me who kissed her first. My intentions were to go over and just apologize but when we sat on her bed and I looked at her, I saw nothing but beauty. So I kissed her. Again. It felt different than when we were in Puck's bathroom, I wasn't sure why but it made me get carried away so I straddled her lap, squeezing her hands tightly because I wanted to do so much more than just kiss her. Luckily, Brittany was the first to pull away and I was sad at the loss of contact but also relieved. Instead I cuddled into her as we slept feeling peaceful. But when the morning came and I'd sobered up, I was still lying in Brittany's arms. So, I freaked and I ran.

But it was the first time we had sex. I don't remember it at all, but I know in my mind that I wanted it. Just like the night I climbed up through Brittany's window straddling her lap. The last thing I remember from Britt's party was the body shots. How I enjoyed licking the salt from her toned stomach and the way I enjoyed her licking the salt from my breasts and my neck. It made me shiver beneath her. She clearly must have blew my mind with that if I can't remember anything after.

However, the morning after I do remember. I was still a little drunk with the alcohol still in my system and I'd woken up before Brittany when I noticed that we were both naked. I knew exactly what had happened. I'd woke her up in a panic wanting to know what had happened and she filled me in on the details. I got dressed covering all of my body but Brittany remained naked in the bed next to me, and I felt a little uncomfortable but only because I couldn't remember anything from the night where as she could. After we had a nap and we woke again I was a lot more sober and back to my usual bitchy self.

It was the same day she was being her kind self and offered to walk me home but it was also the day I slapped her. It shocked us both, neither of us were expecting it. Never in my life did I ever think I would raise my hand to Brittany.

I was accusing her, well I didn't accuse her, just stated that she could of taken advantage as I would never have known with me being so drunk. All she did was defend herself but she was saying things I didn't want to hear and that's why I did it. I still to this day regret it, because there were better ways of dealing with the situation rather than my anger getting the better of me. She didn't talk to me for a week after that no matter how many times I tried to apologize. She stood her ground and I respect her for that. But within that time she had became closer friends with Chelsea which I didn't like. Again, it made me jealous. Not only because I thought I'd lost Brittany as a friend but because I thought Chelsea had gained her as a girlfriend. It almost broke my heart.

We had sex that same night after I'd kicked Chelsea out for almost catching them kissing. Instead Brittany kissed me and I didn't stop her. I didn't want to. So things just went on from there. That's when things began changing for the better. Kind of. I still denied my feelings towards Brittany but I had stopped running away from her. It was progress. Well in my head it was. Instead I sucked it up and just applied makeup over the hickeys we'd ended up giving each other. I still freaked a little and paranoid that somebody would see them and put two and two together but Brittany kept reassuring me which made me feel slightly better. Not much, but it worked enough for me to keep my cool.

Now that I think about it there was one funny time when we were almost caught that still makes me laugh, it shouldn't, but it does. Britt and I had left a party early and we began getting steamy on my kitchen table but we were interrupted with a knock at my door and I ended up pushing her off me and she fell over a chair landing on her ass. She said it was like sitting on two dinner plates for a whole week because I had bruised her ass. She didn't complain with the apology I gave her though.

I'd called things off not long after that since Brittany announced over a group call that If sex was classed as dating then her and I would be dating. Things were becoming to risky and I couldn't have people finding out about us. I told her it didn't matter if we stopped because to me it was only sex and it didn't actually mean anything. But again, I only said that because I was scared shitless. It meant a lot to me. But I would never tell her that. So instead I let it end.

I only dared tell her the truth when I found out she was dating Artie. I thought I'd lost her again. It was bad enough the first time with Chelsea and I wasn't prepared to let it happen again, I wasn't losing her to him. It wasn't because I didn't like him but it was because I knew Brittany loved him. I wasn't sure If she was falling in love with him but she was happy. He was giving her something I couldn't, or wouldn't. And it turned into a hate war for the affection of Brittany. Both of us doing what we could to get her. I knew she would always choose me, we're meant to be together, but for some reason Artie just wouldn't give up. He was desperate for her.

And now we're here. And Brittany still has no real idea how I feel about her. I never got to tell her.

I was brought from my thoughts from a male voice that sounded so familiar "Santana." I looked up to see my father standing in the doorway.

"Papi."

He slowly made his way over and crouched in front of me. "I'm so sorry sweetie."