Instead of doing the Diary project that Aizen had requested, Barragan Luisenbarn decided to make a book of how awesome he was. Barragan figured Aizen wouldn't mind; he was the former King of Hueco Mundo, after all, and technically, he was writing something better than a diary; an autobiography. So, shaking his head in content, Barragan called over Ggio Vega and had him write out the following:

-Section One: Why Barragan is so Awesome—

I, Barragan Luisenbarn, Lord of Hueco Mundo, am awesome. I'm so awesome that when I pick my nose, my finger radiates enough awesomeness to kill Chuck Norris and Haruhi Suzumiya at the same time. Now, I haven't always been this close to godliness—after much training and hardcore battling, my epicness level was at last raised from "Awesome" to "Awesomesauce," but let me tell you, it wasn't easy at all. Now, to start of this biography of Barragan (myself) I shall list reasons why he is so awesome. And to keep the tone professional, I shall refer to him in third person, even though I am, without doubt, the Beastly Lord that is Barragan.

Number One: Lord Barragan is awesome because he's awesome. Awesomeness flows off of him like greasiness flows off of Severus Snape's head. That's how awesome he is.

Number Two: Lord Barragan is awesome because he is the ruler of Hueco Mundo. And even though Aizen may pretend to be in charge of these fine lands as of now, they will always belong to Barragan at heart. And mark my words, he will rise to power again, be sure of it! Muahaha! MUAHAHAH—Er, sorry about that. I guess the 'Evil Overlord' part of me went slightly over board.

Number Three: Lord Barragan is awesome because if anyone speaks ill of him, he can have their head cut off, shoved on a stick, and displayed in the yard of the nearest McDonald's. Bam. TAKE THAT, HATAZ.

(This concludes our list of 'Reasons Why Barragan is So Awesome,' even though there are much, much more we can name.)

-Section Two: How to Become an Evil Overlord!—

Are you Josef Stalin's biggest fan? Do you idolize Emperor Hirohito? Do you want to become a future Napoleon Bonaparte? Then maybe Dictatorship is the path for you! In this section, His Awesome-Beast-Sexy-Totally-Amazing-Better-Than-Chuck-Norris Majesty Lord Barragan will run you through the five ways that YOU can become a World-Domination Strategist!

Number One: Find a land of unicorns, declare war, and take over afterwards!

Number Two: Establish a Communist Colony on the Island of Micronesia!

Number Three: Grab a few buddies and a couple of sticks and defeat Rhode Island!

Number Four: Buy a Treehouse and declare it to be the nation of (Your name here)-Land!

Number Five: Forget your dreams and become a loyal servant to Lord Barragan ( CHOOSE THIS ONE)

Note from the Author: Lord Barragan says, "Think you're going to become a Dictator of your own Kingdom? HA! Keep dreaming, fools!"

-Ways to Get Killed by Lord Barragan—

Lord Barragan is a very compassionate and forgiving ruler, but there are still a few things you can do to get your head on display at Mickey D's. Here's what NOT to do around Lord Barragan!

-Misspell his name as 'Lard Barfagan'.

-Insult his awesomeness.

-Forget to acknowledge his awesomeness.

-Mention the names Yoda, Barney, or Elmo in his presence.

-Tell him he looks like Gandalf .

-Mistake him for Dumbledore.

-Forget to shower him with overflowing (heterosexual) love when in his presence.

-Forget his Birthday.

-Forget to acknowledge the official holidays "Lord Barragan Day" "Lord Barragan's Awesomeness Appreciation Day" and "Evil Dictators Day".

-Say, "Whazzap mah homie?" to his face.

-Say that the individuals Chuck Norris, Terry Tate, Jack Bauer, Lelouch Lamperouge, Light Yagami, or Haruhi Suzumiya are equal to Lord Barragan in terms of awesomeness.

Well folks, that's all the "NOT to-do's" we can fit on this page. To see the full list, check out Lord Barragan's other novel, "The Rules of Being a Citizen under Lord Barragan".

With that, Ggio Vega dropped his pen and asked, "May I stop, sir? I've written three chapters already."

"I suppose so," Barragan said. "But bring me a latte. It's hard to put into words how awesome I am, you know?"

Walking off, Ggio Vega muttered, "Yeah, and It's hard putting up with such a self confident prat too."

Author's Note

I've really got nothing to say...but yeah, I think this one is MUCH better than Starrk's. It's longer too :D

Umm...yeah, that's all.

-PoTtEr WuZ hErE-