Reasons why I haven't updated:

Lazy and I lacked motivation

Lack of internet for a while

Got a tumblr

Rped as Neku Sakuraba (November - April)

Got into Homestuck (April til now)

And being busy for random amounts of time

And then proceeded to be obsessed with new fandom.

:| I'm sorry. And this chapter is rushed and kind of short and I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP ON THIS STORY and suddenly I feel like writing it a lot again.

So look forward to faster updates? :D

Thanks for staying with me, if you have! I really am sorry for the wait, and I apologize that this chapter isn't as good as I wanted it to be.

Very few people can control me.

Actually, it's a near impossible feat. I'm too clever, too knowing to be tricked. In order for me to obey another human being, they have to have my respect. And that is hard to earn. The number of people that fit the quota could be counted on one hand. I know. I'm cocky. I know. I'm arrogant. But why shouldn't I be? And why would I abide by anyone's rules if they were beneath me?

With that said, there are those who hold more power over me then I'd like to admit. Or really, it kind of comes down to one person. Almost a father, but not quite. Better than my own, at least. And if the man had never entered my life, well... I don't want to think about how I would have turned out without him.

He taught me how to control my emotions. Not just control them, but keep them hidden. He taught me how to be strong, and he's protected me for years. I had already gained talent in these things before even meeting him, but he helped perfect my gift.

As it was then, when I was still a teenager, he barely sought the need to actually control me. Taking care of me was more of a favor that he got paid for. It kept my dad off my back, and strangely enough, gave me someone to actually talk to. Whether he ever listened or not could have been debated, but he never told me to be quiet either. And hey, I was thankful for that.

"Shiki-san!" I practically sang as I entered the room, two men in black suits closing the door behind me. It was quiet, and the man wasn't anywhere in sight, so I knew he must have been busy.

With a shrug, I made my way to the stylish leather couch, careful not to touch any of the commodities in the room. There were a few objects that looked new and expensive. A vase was sitting on the desk not far from the couch, and I was certain it wasn't there the last visit. It's funny, but he never seemed like the type for home decoration.

I knew it might be some time before he actually arrived. I wouldn't have been shocked if he had even forgotten about today being the meeting day. Sometimes, it would seem like he thought I wasn't really there when he was around. It never bothered me. But now I wanted to talk...

I couldn't get my brother's actions out of my mind. I'm normally skilled at figuring people out, but this time I just wasn't sure. Nothing added up. Psyche is stupid, but he isn't that stupid. And that kiss was far from innocent. I couldn't figure out what was on his mind. I knew he was attached to me, but how much?

The door opened as I was mentally rambling, and I turned my head to be greeted with the sight of a middle-aged Shiki. He sent me a fleeting glance, of which I returned with a grin, and then he proceeded to his desk area, not wasting a second to open his laptop and get straight to working on whatever he normally worked on.

"Shiki-san! Good afternoon." I didn't expect him to respond, so I slipped off the couch and strolled over to his desk.

Another glance was sent as I leaned over. I saw him grimace at my close proximity, and it almost made me laugh. Getting under his skin was a fun little hobby for me, so long as I didn't irritate him too much.

"Orihara-kun, do you mind?"

"No, not at all. You can keep working."

He groaned and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. After a pause he pushed the laptop to the side, and glared over at me. I continued smiling.

"What do you want?"

"Oh, nothing... just a little advice."

I settled myself on the desk, pointedly ignoring the glare I receive because of it. Sure, it's chilling. Frightening, maybe. But I had an idea of how far I could push him. He wasn't going to shoot at me for sitting on his desk, and I had no intention of moving.

A part of me did fear Shiki. How could I not? The man was powerful, more so than you could imagine. But there was something, and I didn't know what that something was, that kept him from kicking me out. Probably the same thing that made him take me in the first place.

4 Years ago

The funeral was held around the time me and Psyche came out of the hospital, and were fully recovered. I hadn't spoken to him since before the accident. I didn't want to. I didn't think I deserved to. I guess it kind of hurt, knowing that he held no anger at me for what happened. After all, out of everyone, he should have been pissed. But no, Psyche never had it in him to hate anyone.

So I went on avoiding him, even after we returned home. I often heard him sobbing behind the locked door of my room, but I never opened it. I believe he fell asleep behind there a few times, but I never saw him there when I went on my nightly expeditions to the kitchen for food. Cutting myself off from everyone else was my way of coping. Keep my heart hidden, my feelings locked, and no one could hurt me further. They all thought I didn't care, and I didn't want to give them reasons to know that I did.

I had a lot of nightmares back then as well. It was all trauma from the accident. I try not to think about those dreams now. Seeing Psyche's bloodied face wasn't a pleasant thing, let alone mom's eyes, which were open but lifeless. I had a hard time waking up from those horrible dreams, but at least I didn't have a hard time sleeping. Surprisingly. It was hard to do anything else when I was locked in my room for indefinite amounts of time.

Not too long after we came back, the funeral had been all planned out and taken care of. Many of our distant relatives, people I had never even seen, suddenly came from all over the world just to pay their respects to our mother. This was just a small taste of the unfamiliar crowd I'd be forced to face during that time.

So the funeral came on a Saturday afternoon, and I'll never forget my initial confusion. Everyone couldn't have been relatives. There were just too many, and some of the men who looked more serious didn't seem to be there to grieve. Something about the way they stood and the way they dressed just didn't fit.

I kept wondering if maybe they were friends of my mother, and I probably wouldn't have been too far off. They were all men, rich looking men, and some of them did go to view the casket. They could be co-workers as well. We never really found out what my mother did for a living, but she often went out in fancy dresses when she left for 'business.' It was shocking. I thought I was seeing a side to her life that I've never noticed before.

It was hard to think about any of that, though. Because out of respect and necessity, I was forced to walk with Psyche the whole time. It was awkward and silent. He didn't say a thing at first, which was strange, since he had been trying to contact me since we'd gotten back. Maybe it was the circumstances. Why bother speaking to me when we're surrounded by listening ears? People that didn't understand our bond, or how the other boy in the accident forgave his deceitful brother. Maybe he didn't speak to me because of tact. Maybe he didn't because he had nothing to say. I don't know.

I was somewhat thankful for it, but as the women began to whisper, pointing their fingers in my direction, and the men began to shake their heads in disapproval, I wanted him to say something. Anything, because avoiding people for so many days didn't prepare me for being back in the dark spotlight. Like the introduction of the antagonist during a play, all eyes on the one who's to blame for the hero's turmoil.

Before long, it was our turn to walk up to our mother's casket. They had dressed her in one of her most stunning black gowns, her hair and make up done as if they weren't just going to rot off within a few months of being underground. She was beautiful, and dead. No one could hide that. They cleaned her up well, but her stillness was still obvious. No sign of breathing, none of the usual little twitches that came with sleep. She was dead.

I felt something, then. It might have been guilt, or anger, or sadness. Whatever it was, all warning signs in my head started flashing like police lights. I took a deep breathe, doing everything to numb it down. I almost succeeded too, but then Psyche held my hand and I just broke.

No tear was shed, but the twisting in my chest and stomach didn't stop throughout the whole event. I didn't try to hide it either, because no one was looking for despair. They wouldn't catch it on my features. Psyche might have, but if he did he didn't show it. I wouldn't mind him anyway.

Afterward, we made our way to our seats beside the rest of our immediate family. I was almost thankful for the distraction of the funeral itself, because none of them looked at me. My sister's and father's eyes were all locked to the front of the cathedral, glassy and shimmering in tears.

I watched as others came up to the casket to pay their respects. Flowers were laid, and people whispered to the corpse as if it was listening. One man, I recognized as Shinra's father, shocked me. He laid a hand on her cheek, as if caressing a lover, and whispered something only she could hear, assuming she could.

I relaxed against the back of the stand, allowing myself to lean into Psyche just a bit. I felt his hand tighten around mine, and I closed my eyes.

I didn't listen to the eulogy, or any of the speakers really. They all thought they knew her, but I didn't think anyone actually did, not even dad. Hard to tell when living with her warm hugs and smiles, but she was a secretive woman. She always kept work and her home life separate.

But she was still a good mother through and through. That's something I'm not afraid of admitting to have missed. Even if, for the days prior to the crash, she wasn't very motherly towards me, she was still the light of my life growing up. Other than Psyche, anyway.

The rest of the event passed in a daze. The casket was laid in the ground while mourners sniffled and sobbed into handkerchiefs that, honestly, seemed a little outdated. Dad was straight faced and still, but tears were obviously streaming down his face despite the proud demeanor. The girls, my sisters, clutched onto each other like life-lines. Kururi's normally solid gaze could not be summed up that day, and no one was surprised to see her crying as loudly and as hard as her sister.

Psyche didn't cry, which may have been a surprise to me. He stood still, hand in mine, and shook. Maybe he was holding it in, with great effort on his part. Maybe he was just trying to act like me, play the part of the twin. Part of me wanted to tell him that it was already. No one would judge you for crying. Not like the words they'd spout if I did. How dare the devil cry for the angel, what a sin, what a disgrace!

I broke away from the crowd, from Psyche, once it was all over. They were gathered around each other discussing dinner, which would be held at my father's. Food was already made, and everyone was bringing a dish. Because, for some odd reason, the only thing to do after something like this is to eat and talk about it.

I waited, off to the side and watched as my brother and family were flocked. No need to try and listen in on the conversations. Only meaningless apologies and encouragements would be said. I waited, in hopes of soon escaping it all.

My dad was talking to one of those men, those that must be there by acquaintanceship, not because they particularly knew my mother, or because they wanted to mourn. I could tell, because his eyes weren't red like the rest of our family and friends. This man was all business, cold and calculating. There were a few others surrounding him, like bodyguards, though it was hard to notice as they were spread out among everyone else. They stared at the man and my father, like hawks.

A few more words were spoken, and then the man and my father turned towards me. I stiffened, and watched without moving, as they strode in my direction. I didn't let myself show suspicion. In fact, I only gave the image of the utmost confidence. I smiled. Possibly the only one there to pull such a stunt. I smiled, ruthlessly, unlike the child that I was. Show no weakness, I thought. There would be no solace in him knowing that I am weak.

"Izaya." My father said, all hints of former turmoil gone from his own features. He gestures towards the man. "This gentlemen, right here, is the man your mother hired to be your shrink." My smile fell then. Well fuck. "His name is Shiki. Treat him with respect." He says the last word like a threat, an empty one to me.

He didn't say anymore than that, but walked away to leave me alone with the mysterious man. I gave no hints of malice on my face, but neither did I show any form of acceptance. His own features were expressionless, and it's a staring match for all of three seconds.

"It's good meeting you Orihara-san." He said simply, sternly. I didn't answer, or show that I found the formality strange. "Come with me. There's much to discuss."

He turned and started walking towards the car park. I hesitated, unsure of following a strange man that I knew nothing about into an area where no one has yet to return. But then, it's not like I couldn't defend myself. I looked back, briefly scanning over Psyche. He glanced at me, obviously worried, but I payed him no heed and instead began trailing the other man.

When I got there, he was already leaning against a sleek black car, with heavily tinted windows. The make had to be illegal, but who really cared about such things in this day and age?

"You'll be coming to my office three times a week. Which days, we'll decide later." He began."What you do during that time, I could care less. I'm not going to play psychologist even if that's what I'm being paid for."

"What?" I blinked at him, and then stared in suspicion. What did he mean not a psychologist? Didn't dad just say...

"Your mother hired me to get your father off your back for however long it would take for you to be deemed 'cured' in his eyes. There's nothing wrong with you, kid. Of that she was sure."

I let that sink in as much as it could. Mom didn't hire a shrink. She hired a guy to act like one. For my sake. I'm not surprised often, but at that moment I couldn't even make sense of what the man was saying. Here I was, thinking that my parents thought me crazy and I might even be put into an asylum. And bam, out of nowhere I find out that it wasn't going to be the case at all.

I was so mad at the idea of being thought insane. There was nothing to be pissed about. Mom died for nothing. For a moment, I want to cry. Just break down right there in front of this strange man in frustration and anger. It doesn't happen, but I stood there frozen. Unable to speak or think. I was so tired.

I let the silence set for a while before I smiled up at him, all fake relief and pride. He didn't buy it, but I smiled anyway.

"It's nice meeting you, Shiki-san." I said politely, ignoring the pounding in my head.

He didn't respond. He just turned to go back to the funeral, leaving me without anyway of knowing what was actually in store for me. It would be some time before Shiki began using my services. Even at the time the story is taking place, he still hasn't asked me to preform any tasks for him. After all, I am only a teenager, and what could I offer a yakuza boss?

I waited a long time before I returned to Psyche's side. No one expected him to smile or embrace me, not even myself, but I wasn't surprised. I was so used to Psyche's misplaces forms of affection that I hardly took notice. Neither of us spoke, but I knew that he wanted to. Maybe later. For now, I wanted to go home and lock myself in my room for as long as I could. I was tired of everything, most of my irritation because of the information I had found out about my mother. Of course she loved me, I kept thinking. She didn't think me a monster at all.

When we went home, and everyone followed us, I allowed myself to drop the mask as soon as I closed my door. I didn't have any energy to keep it up. I laid on my bed, face down, and just thought about everything. About mom, about Psyche, and Shizuo. The Heiwajimas weren't able to make the funeral. I was relieved when I found out, and at the same time disappointed. Coping with everything might have been easier of I could let off some steam by fighting with him.

I began drifting off into sleep, and I would have if I hadn't heard my door squeal as it was opened. My eyes snapped wide, and I silently cursed myself for not locking the door. Because of how I was facing, the intruder could not see that I was awake. I kept still, kept my breathe even, and hoped they'd assume me asleep.

But I heard footsteps coming towards the bed, and they were quiet and hesitant. They stopped just a few inches away.

"Iza-nii." Psyche's voice peeked up from the silence. "You're awake, aren't you?"

I still didn't move, but I relax because Psyche is safe. I moved over slightly, allowing enough room on the bed for him to crawl in. I knew he would, and for once, I could use the comfort. Maybe I was tired of ignoring him and dealing with things alone. Even if I refused to confide in him my thoughts.

He took the invitation without hesitance, and soon I could feel thin arms wrapping around my waist. I closed my eyes, and allowed myself to breathe. I fell asleep soon after.

The following days saw a huge improvement in both Psyche and I. We were talking again, though it took a while for us to get back to normal. I was no longer acting like a little ass to him in sudden appreciation over the fact that he trusted me, and always has. He harbored no ill feelings towards me for what happened, and he was the only one who felt that way. We fell back into our same pattern of being the close and inseparable team that we once were, to the annoyance of everyone else. I reveled in it, because no matter what happened, I knew that Psyche would never be closer to anyone than he was to me.

The jealousy never left, though. When we returned to school, that much had became obvious. Shizuo and Tsugaru still treated Psyche like he was the most precious thing on this earth. I once again attempted to try and get over this, but I never could. I've learned to live with it over the past years, allowing it to simmer in the back of my mind.

The only real change, though, were my so called therapy sessions. Shiki took shit from no one, not even me, so at first I just spent the time watching his TV and sometimes messing with his guards. Most of them tried to ignore me, but soon I had more information than needed about each one. It came in handy whenever I wanted to blackmail them into listening to me during my visits.

A few weeks in, I also met Akabayashi. The man was a vibrant contrast to Shiki, and unlike the him, talked and joked around as if I was a familiar friend. It was another person who I was surprised to find myself in good standing with. He was friendly and confident, and taught me a lot about how to deal with Shiki. It was him that revealed to me, once they were sure I could be somewhat trusted, about what it was they actually did. It's not like that mattered, as it was kind of easy to pin point over the time I was spending there. Shady business wasn't so shady when you can eavesdrop on meetings from two rooms down the hall.

But even with Akabayashi's zeal, I didn't really feel at home with the group until a year or so had passed in me going there. I was still unstable emotionally, and sometimes everything just became too much. The hate, the envy, the heart-ache... A hormonal teenager can only take so much before they completely lose it and start proverbially flipping tables. It was one of those days, when it happened. I'm not sure what came over me. I just broke. Of course, I didn't cry. I never did. In fact, I think I was smiling through the entirety of my little public mental break down. And Shiki, surprisingly enough, listened.

I had just started talking about my school day. That's it, just something to combat the silence. I thought he wouldn't listen, anyway, but I wanted to get my frustrations off my chest. I didn't want to reveal anything. I kept calling Shizuo out for the bastard he was, I kept telling on how oblivious my brother was, and how stupid I thought the rest of the school could be.

Somehow, in the middle of it all, I confessed. I'm not sure if it was Shiki's unamused gaze that made me do it, or the fact that I trusted him more than I trusted almost any other adult in my life. Which is stupid, but keep in mind the amount of adults to rely on was rather miniscule back then.

I told him how much I wanted Shizuo, and how much I hated him for making me like him. I told him about the fights, about my dad and my sisters. Everything was out there in the open, but as a teenager, watching my words was no longer an option in my mind. I began to yell it all, and laugh at how stupid it was. That it was all some ridiculous high school drama fueled by misguided lust and misplaced emotions. I kept repeating how I shouldn't feel this much, I should get over it all, I was being stupid, I needed to stop.

It wasn't until the end that I noticed his gaze had changed. What was once bored indifference was then something closer to cold amusement. I considered running, because wow, I really just told all my secrets to the freaking Yakuza. Just like that. I wondered if maybe Psyche's stupidity had rubbed off on me, or maybe I really had become suicidal or something because who even does that? My thoughts were a mess, I wanted to scream, but I just stood there frozen.

He didn't really react at first. He just straightened the papers on his desk and closed his laptop. I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but it was not the offer of him to teach me how to keep my mouth shut. Or in essence, that's what it was. He began rattling on about how irrational I was, even with my age. About how idiotic it was to show, so plainly, the things going on through my head to someone who amounted as a complete stranger.

He told me that having emotions isn't the crime, it's letting them take control of you that was destructive. He said my mother should have taught me that, for she was a master at such things. She handled her problems calmly, only summoning up such reactions when it would benefit her to do so.

It was the most I ever heard him talk, and the only time I can recall him showing even the slightest hint of affection, if that's what you would call it. It was suddenly like he had become my father, an actual one, and he was lecturing me.

He then gave me advice on the matter. He said that I shouldn't let my feelings towards Shizuo run my life, and that I shouldn't let my brother outshine me so easily. He kept telling me how I was a talented kid with too much potential to be wasting away in shitty teen drama.

Those words were more inspiring then I knew, and soon that's how I began to live. Everything was a lot easier then, and I became a much happier, and smarter, human being. Sure, I still fought pointlessly with Shizuo, and I still yearned to take my brother's place in his affections, but I became a little bit stronger as I spent more and more time with both Shiki and Akabayashi, because, as cliché as it sounds, it was a lot better getting advice from adults for once, who even I know have lived through those situations at least once in their lives.

Shiki stared at me after revealing the events for the day. He shook his head and tapped away at his laptop.

"I thought you were smarter then that, kid." He said calmly. "Did you ever consider that your dim-witted brother might have some sort of romantic attraction to you? The child is strange, and obsessive. I wouldn't put it past him."

He didn't say anything after that, and I continued to lounge around and think. Of course the option has been running through my head all afternoon, but I wanted a second opinion. And not that I had it, I wasn't completely sure what to do with the situation.

I knew that I would probably have to bring it up with Psyche. I also knew that I could use such feelings as an advantage on my own part. After all, what better way of getting under Shizuo's skin then to take what was most precious to him? I smiled slowly at the idea. Of course, that was the only way to handle things.

Without a word, I walked out of Shiki's office. The guards barely glanced at me on my way out, and as I opened the door, I was only a little surprised to see that it was so late. The sun was setting, And the streets were being crowded with even more of Ikebukuro's filth. I began making my way home, when I felt a slight vibration coming from my pocket.

I took out my phone and stared at the screen. It was just another message from the Dollars. I opened the file, saw that it was a picture, and then decided that it couldn't hurt to give it a look.

So I viewed the picture, and I felt half the city doing the same. There was a woman across the street who had noticed me after staring at her own phone, her eyes wide as they bore into mine. She wasn't the only one. Psyche and I were legends, and anyone who is a member of the Dollars must have been wondering what was going on. I smiled, then, because this new development was maybe what I was looking for. Sure, let everyone in this city know about our little thing, whatever that thing was. It made things interesting, and maybe pushed my own intentions to the side of fucking with everyone's heads. I'd take their little angel away, and watch as they squirm when I did it.

I was about to go home when I heard it. An enraged yell coming from just down the street. My grin widened. Shizuo would find me soon, so I better get running.