Title: Goodness Had Nothing to Do With It

Summary: Damian has an inappropriate boyfriend.

A/N: Recently, I kind of fell out of love with DamianxDick and more into ColinxDamian. I can't help it. They are so cute! However, I really wanted to do a stripper!fic and no one fit the role more than Dick. So, as a favor to me, when Dick comes in, could you please listen to the song "Fever" by Adam Lambert. Because that's the song I imagine to be playing whenever he walks into a room.

Warnings: Minor in a relationship with an older man. Pretty tamed, actually.

Chapter Title: It's better to be looked (than overlooked)

"Father, I'm in love with a stripper."

Silence fills the room at first. Then, it is followed by an extreme fit of coughing.

Bruce stops what he's doing. He succeeds in not looking shocked, before calmly sitting down and looking at his son, who is staring at him with great determination. Next to him, Tim is choking on his water and on the other side, Jason is laughing to the point of tears. Alfred merely raises an eyebrow and returns to the kitchen to fetch the soup.

"And who is the lucky girl?" Bruce asks diplomatically. He doesn't like to upset his son when it comes to trivial matters. People tend to get hurt when that happens. More often than not, it's Tim.

Damian beams, "It's not a girl. Or even a boy. He's a man."

Oh. Oh. Bruce wonders if he should be worried that he did not realize his son's appreciation for the same sex or proud that Damian is so comfortable with his sexuality. After feeling a bit of both, Bruce finds himself concern about the issue of this 'man.'

"And where did you meet this man?" Bruce asks delicately, emphasizing the last word. If he is lucky, the guy is 18, which doesn't change the fact that he's a stripper, but at least makes him age appropriate for his 17 year old son. Bruce acknowledges, however, that he is never that lucky and that Damian loves his cougars.

...Maybe he shouldn't be too surprised.

"I think we can deduce that for ourselves, Bruce," Jason quips once he's finished laughing. Bruce glares at him but Jason pays no heed. "The real question is which club does he work at?"

"The Kinky Cocks Steakhouse," Damian answers shamelessly. "Home of the finest pieces of meat."

"Oh, I know that place," Jason informs Bruce. "One time, I offered this red head there three hundred dollars to let me finger him and he punch me in the face."

Bruce fights the urge to bang his head against the table. "And how is that relevant?"

"It shows that people there have class and a great ass. Double whammy."

Bruce cannot justify that with a response. He turns back to his son. "How did you meet him?"

Damian is pleased. This is going far better than he thought it would. "Remember two months ago, when I stayed over at Jai's with Colin, Chris, and Ceridian?"

Bruce nods, not liking where this is going.

"We decided that, in an effort to bond, as you encouraged me to do, we should go to a strip club and participate in the joint act of voyeurism," Damian explains, as if his logic was based on pure scholarly pursuit.

"And all the female ones were full?" Jason teases.

At least, Bruce notes, Damian had the decency to blush. "We were curious."

"More like bi curious," Tim mutters.

Bruce shoots the his boys a glare to be quiet. "Go on, Damian."

Damian's eyes grew soft, as if recalling a fine memory. "I didn't want to go one of the STD infested hellholes so I found a highly recommended establishment and then paid them off to let us enter. No one turns down a Wayne," Damian says proudly. Bruce has to work on that. "There, I met Dick."

"Who?"

"Dick."

"Is that his stripper name?" Tim asks in disbelief. He is trying desperately not to care and yet he cannot help it.

"No, that's his real name."

"His real name is Dick?" Jason pops in. "His parents really called it! What's his stripper name?"

"Dick Derriere," Damian informs proudly.

"Oh, I see he put in a little French. That means he's sophisticated. He might have graduated high school. I approve," Jason encourages. Bruce almost smacks him.

Damian continues his story, "I asked the manager to send us his best dancers. The other guys were happy with the ones they got, but I had to have the best of the best. Dick made me wait a bit, but he was completely worth it. His show was awesome. Dick was new, but he worked that pole like he was born on it." Bruce cringes at the revelation. "When he finally came to me, he was already sweaty and dripping from head to toe," Damian reminisces. "All of us were kind of just staring but then he took the initiative and offered me a lap dance."

"Did he notice that you were all underage?" Bruce interrogates. He fights the urge to put on his bat suit and inform the club managers that letting a bunch of seventeen to sixteen year old boys into their club is not a good idea.

"He called us little lost lambs looking for some fun...and anyways, age is nothing but a number!" Damian defends quickly, careful to remember his position. "So he was grinding on me, and we began to talk."

Tim raises an eyebrow at this. "You had a conversation with a stripper?"

"Was it dirty?" Jason asks.

Damian snarls at the accusation. "We had many mutual interests. Dick turned out to be a worldly young man who was cultural and free spirited and enjoy the finer things in life. After we returned to Jai's house, I began to look him up and investigate him."

"Oh, I knew there would be some stalking. Go on," Tim comments with a tone of faux sarcasm. Damian glares. He was always his least favorite brother.

"So I arrange for some meetings, and we began to pursue a genuinely relationship built on mutual trust and understand. Last week, I realize we were in love. I've even arrange for him to come to dinner to meet you all. Tonight."

"What?" Bruce demands, outrage by the sudden turn of events. "What do you mean he's coming here tonight?"

"That he's coming here. Tonight. He is very important to me, father, and I want you all to get to know him as have. Well, I want you and Alfred. I could care less about Drake and Todd."

"Oh, this will be good. Why not invite Talia and your granddaddy along the ride? It'll be fun!" Jason suggests, much to chagrin of Bruce and Tim.

"That's for next week."

Of course it was.

Alfred, who had just begin to serve the soup (while majestically setting up another spot at the table without any of them noticing) turns to Damian. "When will your guest arrive, Master Damian? It would be distasteful if he were to come to a cold meal."

Damian actually looks a bit nervous. "I told him to come at seven...maybe there's traffic."

"Or maybe he decided that meeting his underage sugar daddy's real daddy was not a good idea," Tim suggests dryly. Damian's comeback is cut short by the sound of a doorbell.

Damian's head snaps at the sound like a dog. Bruce makes a motion to get up, but Alfred stops him. "Nonsense, Master Bruce. I will get it. Just make yourself comfortable."

Damian glowers at his entire family. "Be nice. I will not have you chase away the love of my life."

"Well you know what they say! If he can't handle us at our worst, then he doesn't deserve us at our best," Jason jokes flamboyantly.

"Go get beaten by a crowbar."

Jason flares up. "You little shit-!"

"I present you Master Dick."

When they first saw Damian's crush, their jaws drop.

"That's it, I'm dating a stripper next!" Jason declares loudly, earning a thrown knife from Damian and three glares from Alfred, Bruce, and Tim.

Dick did not take offense. If anything, his perfect features shows amusement. Good lord, it is a good look on him. Though, Tim is sure any look would be a good look on him. The man is a god. Tim has met real gods before, and he's pretty sure that Dick would have smoke them all in the sexy department. His skin is flawless. There is not a mark on him. His body is lean, cut like an experience ballerino and his eyes-his eyes were like the pools in paradise. The older man threw a smile at him, and Tim felt his heart skip. Shit.

"May I take your coat, Master Dick?" Alfred asks habitually.

Dick grins, a leisurely, cat-like smile. "Thank you...I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

"Alfred," he replies curtly. Dick hands him his jacket, but not before giving him a peck on the lips causing the old man to blush. "It is an honor to meet you Alfred. And I was joking about not knowing your name. Damian's told me all about you," he explains with a giggle.

Damian goes up to greet him and they share a deep, passionate kiss, unaware of the world around them. Tim notices that Damian is a few inches shorter than Dick, but the young vigilante took full advantage of his lack of height and proceeds to grope Dick's butt. Bruce clears his throat, and the two separate reluctantly.

"I miss you," Dick whispers sensually, causing Damian to flush a deep red.

"Me, too," Damian mutters shyly.

Dick smirks at Damian's behavior and turns to greet his family. Fuck that, he doesn't turn, he struts. No one could resist staring at those swaying hips.

"I apologize for my lack of punctuality. I was a bit nervous and got pulled over by a cop for speeding," Dick informs them honestly. "It took me awhile to get out of it."

"I'm sure it did," Tim agrees, hypnotize by the motion of those fabulous hips. Jason practically launches at him.

"I'm Jason. Let me say that I've been dying to meet you. Tell me, do you speak French? Cause I heard what your stripper name was and you sure as hell live up to the promise," Jason tells him.

Damian wants to hide under a rock. He hastily looks around for some objects to bludgeon Jason with.

Dick walks forward until they are an inch apart. He leans in against Jason's ear, "Que est-ce que je devrais dire? J'ai parié vous voulez que je te parle sale. Jason?"

Jason stills. He feels the blood rushing to his nether regions.

"I am so turned on right now."

Damian almost tackles him.

"Jason," Bruce warns, his voice lace with a clear threat, "Sit down. Now."

Jason pouts, "Don't I get a kiss first? Alfred got one!"

Dick laughs and gives him a peck on his cheeks.

"That's not a real kiss!"

Dick becomes reacquainted with Jason's ear. "I only give kisses to good boys. And you were a really, really bad boy, Jason."

Jason finally sits down after that. Tim suspects it has something to do with his rising erection. He realizes from the look on Bruce's face that he is next. Dick grins and Tim feels like he might be eaten any moment. He also feels like he might not mind so much. "You must be Tim," Dick purrs. Or hisses, like a snake. Dick, Tim realizes, is a snake. He wants to eat him, Tim, the mouse. And Tim might just let him.

"I must be," Tim responds quickly, eyes on the floor. Don't look in his eyes. Don't look at his legs. Don't look at his perfect body. Oh! Look at his feet. Those are really sexy feet. Agh! Don't look at him, Tim warns himself.

"Is there something wrong, Tim?" Dick asks him, his tone is a mixture of concern and sexual connotation.

Tim winces and forces himself to look at Dick.

Shit. Still sexy. Not a good move.

He reluctantly holds out his hand for a handshake. "It's nice to meet you, Dick."

Dick agrees and when he leans in for a kiss, Tim is shaking. Then, he does it. It lasts only for a split second and Tim is able to acknowledge that Dick has the prettiest, softest, most kissable lips in the universe. Damian, for some reason, isn't jealous over Dick's European-style greetings, but glares at the older boys on principle.

Finally, it is Bruce's turn.

Bruce tries to be intimidating. He is using his bat-stance and his bat-glare, but they have no affect on Dick, who seems to sparkle in adversity. Later that night, Tim will state his suspicions that the sparkles are related to body glitter but Jason and Damian will deny it, as they believe it to be natural.

"I'm Bruce, Damian's father," he emphasizes the 'father' part, as if hoping it will help Dick realize that he is far too old Damian.

"So I heard!" Dick exclaims happily, "You are a truly wonderful parent. Your son looks up to you so much."

Bruce seems surprise by that knowledge, though neither Jason, nor Tim are. Tim is surprise that Damian has told his boyfriend so much about them. He hopes, though, that Tim recognizes the importance of secrecy.

Alfred finally comes in, "If you do not mind the interruption, sir, the soup is getting cold."

Bruce nods, not taking his eyes off Dick, who isn't the least bit affected. "Thank you, Alfred."

Dick beams and before Bruce can stop him, Dick gives him a peck on the lips and Bruce swears he feels a tingle. Dick takes a seat next to his lover, and proceeds to enjoy the meal.

"What soup is this?" Dick asks curiously, taking a sip and making the most inappropriate moan in the existence of soup sipping. "Hmm...It's so good."

Tim eats his soup a little faster.

"Avgolemono," Alfred replies expressionlessly, though he took a bit longer than normal to respond.

"Oh! This is so thick! I love it!"

Jason squeaks.

"And the taste! It's tangy and creamy and oh!"

"Alfred, get him the damn recipe!" Jason orders.

As Dick proceeds to enjoy his dish, the other men at the table lost their shame and began to stare blatantly. Jason forcibly drops his napkin. He pulls Damian down, and as an afterthought, brings Tim to the ground.

"Why the hell is your boyfriend such a...sexpot?" Jason grills.

Damian scowls. "I don't know!"

"Liar! You know!" Jason accuses.

Tim wants to bury his head in the sand, though he refuses to admit he was a bit grateful for Jason pulling him down instead subjecting him to watch that torturous display of erotica.

Damian looks around, as if expecting someone to join them on the floor. "He's..."

"What?"

"He's...He's Russian," Damian discloses in a hiss.

Tim scoffs, "What does that have to do with-?"

"I knew it!" Jason proclaims, as if it explained everything. "But I didn't hear an accent?"

"Raised in America. In the circus," Damian reveals.

Jason gasps scandalously.

Tim groans. Why the hell does he put up with these two?

"He might as well be French!"

From above, Bruce is a myriad of emotions. Shame and embarrassment, mostly. After years of training and patrol, how the hell do none of them remember how to keep their voices down? They are underneath the table! Of course he and Dick can hear them!

"I'm sorry for their behavior," Bruce apologizes. Dick looks at him through his long lashes, in a sultry gaze. If anything, he is entertained.

Dick shakes his head. "There is nothing to apologize for. Boys will be boys."

"You would know," Bruce comments distastefully. He regrets it once he says it, especially since Alfred is looking at him disapprovingly.

Insults do not work on Dick, however, and the younger man laughs mirthfully. "I work in a strip club full of sleazy men with big wallets. If you want to hurt my feelings, you have to try harder than that."

Bruce hopes he doesn't look as ashamed as he feels. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know," Dick reassures. "I am a twenty-two year old stripper whose going out with your seventeen year old son. You have a right to be angry at me. In fact, I say that your behavior tonight has been downright saintly given the circumstances."

Bruce is taken back by the compliment. He realizes that Dick probably does understand. "It's not that I don't like you. But...you are a beautiful young man. Intelligent, if I am right to assume that French isn't the only other language you know."

Dick nods his yes.

"I don't see why you can't find someone more...age appropriate. You don't seem like the type to like younger men."

Dick chuckles, and he looks at his bowl of soup. "I've been all around the world, with countless men and women. All of them were shallow, sexual, and not at all fulfilling. You are right, though, I don't normally date younger than me. But older men are...boring. And only interested in fucking my brains out. They usually don't succeed," Dick muses cynically. Bruce feels a little hot at Dick's expression and feels more than a bit dirty. "But Damian was...different. When I saw him that night, I swear, I was going to give him a lap dance, take his money, and call his parents, well that means you," Dick corrects himself, "But he was so...cute. He put on this brave facade for his friends, and then demanded that I take him to a private room when I was done. I was going to refuse him, but he simply kept me on his lap until I agree. I normally call security in these cases, by the way," Dick informs Bruce.

Bruce stares, "Why didn't you?"

Dick thinks about that night, "I'm an experience fighter and a seventeen year old boy was able to hold me down. I guess I was curious."

Bruce makes a note to educate his son on how to keep a secret identity.

"So I brought him to a private room and he kisses me right off the bat," Dick smiles fondly at the memory, so much so, that Bruce cannot help but feel for him. "He was very forceful. I thought we were going to do it. Right then and there," Dick gossips shamelessly.

Bruce choose not to comment on that.

"But as we were kissing, he asks me what my name was. My real name. Against my better judgment, I told him. We talked for a bit, and before I knew it, I was giving him enough information for him to look me up and stalk me. Really, you people have too much money."

Bruce really hoped he wouldn't find out about that.

Dick continues, "So we started going on dates...and it was so nice to be with someone whose smart, and generous, and so sure of himself. That's why, even if you threaten me or ask me to break up with him, I can't. I'm happy, and I think Damian is, too," Dick persuades Bruce, who seems more than a bit shocked at the revelation.

Bruce stares at Dick for what seems to be forever, before sighing in defeat. "Damian has been a lot happier since he's been seeing you," Bruce admits. He isn't lying. Damian's has not gotten into trouble in forever, he's listening to directions more, and his training is at it's best. And he's smiling.

Bruce face becomes serious, "I'm still not comfortable with your profession, though."

Dick shrugs carelessly, "Most people wouldn't be. But I like stripping. It keeps my body tight."

Bruce choose that exact moment to drink his water. He refrains from talking to avoid choking.

"Of course, I could be convinced to choose a different career. I'm very flexible."

"You sure are!" Jason voice pops up from underneath the table. He is kicked by Bruce, whose conversation with Dick seems to prevent the three boys from taking their places on the table. Alfred, once again, has manage to take all their plates, finish or not, and present their main dish.

"Damian, Jason, Tim, you can come out now."

Damian looks nervously between his father and his boyfriend. Bruce gives him a nod, which allows Damian to let out a breath he hadn't realize he had been holding. Dick kisses him and Damian immediately returns at full force.

The dinner lasts peacefully until dessert. For some reason, everyone but Dick and Damian has to excuse themselves immediately, in which Dick just licks his spoon in faux innocence and Damian glares. He says his goodnight early, and when everything is set and done, Damian walks Dick to his bike.

"Sorry about my family," Damian confesses.

Dick refuses to accept his apology. "Your family was amazing. I'm happy you have so many people who care about you. You are perfect, Damian."

Damian smiles, because Dick always knows the best things to say. He pulls the man down for a kiss. "I wish I was taller."

"You're still young. You will be."

"I wish I was taller now."

"But then how will you fit into your Robin costume?" Dick jokes.

"I won't be Robin for long. One day, I'm going to be the next Batman."

Dick laughs, "Of course...maybe I should be your Talia."

Damian groans. "Please don't, I really don't want to think about my mother when I kiss you."

Dick agrees and kisses him again. They pull away when they finally needed to breath. "When will you tell them that I know about your little secret?"

"One step at a time," Damian instructs him. "Father nearly had a heart attack when I told him I was dating a stripper."

"Ex-stripper," Dick corrects, "When are you going to tell him I quit a year ago and am now a cop?"

"When he finds out that we've been together for two years instead of two months," Damian replies as he pulls Dick into another kiss.

"What if he never finds out?"

"Dick?"

"Yeah?"

"He's Batman."

I really love Dick.

See I can't say that anywhere but a comic con. People start to stare, otherwise.

I don't speak French so I used a translator. He's basically saying "What should I say? I suppose you want me to talk dirty. Jason?" I don't think it matters honestly, because anything in French sounds sexy. And if it is spoken by Dick Grayson, it is 10x the sexy. And if you're wondering why Damian doesn't just tell Bruce Dick is a cop, it's probably because he'll find out anyway and he feels it's best to get it out in the open. Also, he likes to fuck around.