DISCLAIMER: Nakamura Shungiku's not mine

"It's disgusting!"

My chest starts to squeeze at the words I've dreaded the most. I didn't know what to do or what to say to him.

"I..." I try to push words out of my mouth, squeezing my arm, trying to keep the tears from flowing.

"I'm sorry."

The next thing after that, I can't remember much of it but I do remember running away, trying to catch my breath at every lap, tears that I can't seem to control anymore just kept on flowing down my face.

Disgusting.

Disgusting.

Disgusting.

Disgusting.

The word just keeps on echoing inside my head. My chest starts to weigh me down and I suddenly realize that I'm still lying on my bed. I open my eyes and with an outmost struggle trying to lift myself up. What a horrible thing to be reminded of. Thinking of it now, I would've found myself disgusting as well. He probably found out I stalked him, that's why there's no way I'm going to believe anything he says now. Somewhere deep in my heart I wish I could really forget, forget everything. If I could change the past, I would skip the time when we first met at the library. Instead of going to school, I would've just stayed home just for that very day. Skip that day when I innocently entered a place where there was neither an exit nor a pathway back.

I mentally reprimand myself. Because of that dream I didn't notice I woke up so late. I look at my wrist and try to catch my breath while running towards the elevator that's about to close. I instantly dive in the middle and carelessly bump my shoulder on the elevator wall.

Ouch.

Damnit.

What a way to start my day.

"Oy."

I jerk up recognizing the voice.

"You must've had another of those dreams of yours to be this late."

I try to compose myself, while avoiding eye contact. It's was about you. Damn jerk. It's your fault.

"Takano-san, since you're here, aren't you also late?" I say with an apparent annoyance.

"Don't lump me with you, I went to buy coffee." With that said, he drinks his coffee and looks at me as if to make his point further.

We reach our floor and I hastily leave the elevator walking as fast as I can. I see Kisa-san sitting on his desk looking livid.

"Kisa-san, is something the matter?"

He turns his head mechanically to face me. Looking very depressed indeed. "One of the authors I'm in charge of decided to take a vacation to Switzerland."

Oh, no wonder. "Ah, well her work must've piled up some stress. A vacation would do her good."

I must've said something obvious for he looked at me with a "Duh" written on his face. He turned around and fell onto a slump on his desk. "I wish we could have vacations too."

"Ah, now that you guys mention it," says a different voice coming across us, "the chief said something about going to an onsen for the weekend."

"Eh, Hatori-san what are you talking about?" I asked half excited.

"It's a gift from the company. They said we could use some time off."

"What kind of gift is that?" interrupted Kisa-san. "People are supposed to rest on weekends."

I start to think the same thing but it's been a long time since I went to the onsen. "Are we all going?"

"You guys over there!" a voice shouted, "start working or there won't be anyone going to that trip."

"Takano-san, you know about the trip?" I asked.

"Of course, the tickets are with me." He says as a matter of fact.

"Are you going too?" I asked nervously.

"Ha? Is there any reason why I shouldn't?" He replies looking straight at my face.

I turn my head around, not giving any chance for our eyes to meet. I start to focus on my work.

By the time I finished, I noticed that I was the only one left at the office again. My stomach growled so loud it surprised me. I remember not having eaten lunch yet. I stand up and start to stretch my legs. I've been sitting for way too long. I gather my things, preparing to leave, thinking if I should just buy a bento at the convenience store. I kept walking towards the elevator until I felt a hand suddenly grab me. I quickly turned around from surprise.

"How cold, I waited for you yet you go and leave by yourself," says the man who grabbed me.

"Takano-san, I didn't see you at all," surely if I did I would've pretended not to see him but I'm certain I was alone.

"I was in the restroom." Well, that explains it.

He then grabbed my hand and pulled me into the elevator. My skin felt hot against his. Without thinking, I pulled my hand away and kept it in my pocket. I know from the corner of my eye that he's looking at me with that fixed gaze he always has and as usual I try to avoid it. I can't stand to be near him even for a second. I want to get the hell out of this elevator. Relief dawned upon me once the elevator doors opened. I took a step forward and to my dismay, my stomach growled so loudly that even the ladies from the reception area turned around to look.

I kept walking out heading towards the station. I could still feel the heat rush to my cheeks. This is certainly embarrassing. I heard Takano-san chuckle from behind me.

"When you said you'd work hard I didn't expect you'd go as far as to neglect your meals."

I felt the sarcasm in his tone. "Shut up," I said gritting my teeth, "I didn't notice anything until the time I was done editing."

From the corner of my eye I could see that he was still looking at me.

"Come to my house, I'll cook something for you."

"What? N-no, it's fine," I stutteringly utter. There's no way I'm spending anymore time near him.

I heard him sigh and saw him grab my arm.

"Let's go," he said while forcefully pulling me along with him.

I hesitantly just let him pull me along. Our ride in the station together made me nervous. Why do things like this happen to me? I tell myself I don't want to be near him but can't find the strength to refuse all the way. Thinking about it, why does he keep on treating me this way? Shouldn't I be a memory he'd want to erase? I just don't understand him. After our ride to the station together we headed towards our building. When we reached our floor, I walked faster in hopes of reaching my door so I wouldn't have to go to his. Unfortunately, like all my other attempts of escape he beat me to it. Noticing my intention, he pushed me inside his apartment. I figured I'll just let it slide this time, I was hungry anyways. I patiently waited in his living while he cooked in the kitchen, I could smell the food and it made me even hungrier. From time to time I'd glance at his back. I didn't know he knew how to cook. Thinking about it, there are a lot of things I don't know about him. He was right back then, how could I possibly love someone whom I knew nothing of. I then saw him putting the food on the table. I walked over and looked at all of it.

"Amazing," I utter in a tone of surprise, half drooling. They all look delicious. He hands me a pair of chopsticks and we sit across each other. "Itadakimasu!" I unconsciously gobbled up as much food. I felt hungrier with every bite. I then noticed him staring at me. I paused, "what?" still looking at my food.

"Nothing," he said, "it just feels like I'm feeding a pet."

What? Now he even he sees me as a pet. "Aren't you going to eat too?"

"No, there's something else I plan to eat," and looking at his mouth, I saw the corner curve upward, not having a clue as to what he meant.

"You cooked this much food just for one person," I say nervously, "it'd be great if I ate food like this every day."

Crap. I just blurted out something that might give him the wrong message. I tried to eat faster. The faster I finish the sooner I'll be able to leave.

I saw him scoot closer to the table. "If you lived with me I could cook for you all the time," he said with a surprisingly honest tone. This can't be, he must be joking.

When I finished, I stood up immediately. "Thanks for the meal!" I said and walked towards the door.

When I heard his chair screech, I walked faster. I have a bad feeling about this. Before I could turn the knob of the door I felt his hand grab my arm and turned me towards him. I could see a blatant smirk on his face.

"How rude," he hissed, "here I go out of my way to cook for you and you just leave like that."

I turn my face away and try to compose myself. He's way too close. "I... I thanked you for the food didn't I."

"Too bad I expected something else for a reward."

He then dragged me to his bedroom and pinned down on the bed. "Wait, s-stop," I tried to struggle, "I just ate, I could vomit on you," I said half expecting he'd let me go. For a moment I thought he did for he removed his hands off me. Instead, I saw him remove his shirt and inched closer. He started by kissing my neck completely disregarding what I just said. "Ah, s-stop," I stutter unconvincingly. Trying to resist, I felt his kisses slowly moving up. Gentle, strong, I didn't know which. Then he kissed me on the lips and every nerve inside me lit up. I felt his tongue enter my mouth and I felt like I'd be completely engulfed by him. He started to unzip my pants and his hands slowly moved inside. I felt my whole body tingle at his touch.

"Takano-san, s-stop!" I attempted for the last time. But he started to stroke my member and I knew I couldn't resist him anymore.

"A-ah," I felt my body shudder at every stroke he gave.

"Ritsu," he said in a low coarse voice. I felt my cheeks burning and tried to hide my face. He noticed and pushed my hand away. "Look at me, Ritsu." He grabbed my face and turned it towards his. I stared into his eyes and felt all my senses disappear. He started to put his finger into my hole, followed by another finger. I felt his fingers roam inside me. I trembled with pleasure, felt my insides burn.

"Ahh," I breathe. My body wants more.

He must've sensed this for he removed his fingers and unzipped his pants. I didn't know what I was feeling anymore. The next thing I know, I felt his member inside me. It hurt as it entered but once he started to move, the pleasure I felt, I can't explain. He kept thrusting, slowly but harder each time.

"Ritsu," he leaned in and whispered on my ear. I didn't try to resist anymore. I heard us panting but didn't know whose was louder. At times like this, all I can think of is how great it would be if being with him was this easy. I wouldn't have to think or analyze everything or worry at the words I'd have to say. We could just melt into each other's bodies without any care for the world. Somewhere inside me, I really wished we could just trap ourselves in a world where only the two of us lived. But this is reality, what he did to me, I'd never forget. I'm not that innocent 17-year-old boy anymore. I know better. Once I wake up, I have to act as if nothing of this matter at all.

A/N: I don't have an editor and it's like past 12am so I'm really too tired to edit myself. If you see any spelling mistakes, present tence made into past bla bla do tell me. I wont be offended. On the contrary, it'd make my editing easier. Well, hope you guys like it. I have a whole plan for this so I hope you stick with me!