Hello fans of Sasunaru.

This particular plot bunny decided to bite me in the ass around six o'clock in the morning. I suddenly woke up and began narrating to myself. It was really weird.

On another note, this is a new story I've concocted. As you will see it's written in first person (which is something I rarely do so it's like a little challenge for me). Let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: Let it be known to all those who think that this college girl owns Naruto that that is sadly not the case. If you did think so then I laugh at you *insert laugh here*

Warning: boyxboy if you don't like then what the hell are you doing here? Go away.

Also, every chapter following this one (if I continue this story) will be beta'd by me so please excuse any grammatical nonsense you may see. As I am only human, I can't catch everything.

Chapter 1: Dobe and Teme

Why does everyone always think that popular kids know what they're doing? I mean c'mon, we're just kids like everyone else! We're not heavenly beings with the book of knowledge resting conveniently in our laps. We're fucking seventeen year old teenagers who have no idea what life is like outside the classroom.

I don't know why every student at Konoha High agrees with what I say.

Heck, I don't even agree with everything I say. I just say it so people will leave me the hell alone.

At least Sasuke has an answer for almost everything when people ask him shit…though I know he pulls it straight from his ass. He has no clue either.

Wait, scratch that.

He knows more than me.

I know diddly squat.

"Sasuke!" Ino Yamanaka squealed from two feet away inside the cafeteria. Beside me Sasuke instantly winces and his grip on the milk carton in his hand tightens. I cough in effort to hide the snort erupting from my mouth, hoping to god Sasuke doesn't hear it.

'OOMPH!'

Eyes widening I grip the left side of my chest and wince. Pain flares through my rib cage like a desert cat.

Sasuke's elbows of steel were no laughing matter.

Damn, that was going to leave a mark.

Cursing under my breath, I grab my fork and begin shoveling this week's lunch special into my mouth. It tastes like tuna fish…though the sign said chicken a la carte.

Shrugging to myself I continue to eat. Maybe chicken a la carte was supposed to take like tuna fish. I wouldn't know.

I don't even know what a la carte means!

"Sasuke," Ino said again as she placed her tray down on the table, "You know the year end dance is coming up, right?"

I could see the gears within his head turning as Sasuke nodded. It was obvious he was trying to figure out exactly what Ino wanted before she asked. This way he could have a proper answer that would entail Ino to leave him alone.

He would always do that to me too…it was kind of annoying.

He'd look at you with those stormy black eyes...eyes that pretended they could see everything to the tiniest detail. Who did he think he was? Some mind reader or something? Trust me, when he looked at you that way it felt like he was trying to look straight down into your soul.

I shuddered at the thought.

He was looking at Ino like that now.

Calm and calculating, that's my best friend Sasuke for you.

We've been best friends since the age of diapers. My mother loved to tell me the story of when before I was born, how she and Mikoto (Sasuke's mom) would sit in the park while Itachi (Sasuke's evil older brother) played on the slide discussing how they would marry their children to each other and thus become related for real. After mom had gone to get an ultra sound, they apparently told her I was a girl.

And here is where all the penis jokes come in to play. Hardy har har. No, I do not have a little dick. It's actually quite big thanks for asking.

The stupid sonogram lady read the damned thing wrong! Of course she got Sasuke's right, figures.

Anyway, this led to six months of Kushina Uzumaki and Mikoto Uchiha planning a futuristic wedding for their unborn offspring. Then surprise surprise! I pop out of the womb with an extra appendage. My dad was fucking ecstatic; he was going to have a son.

My mom…not so much.

She had been slightly disappointed that she wouldn't be braiding my hair to school.

Sasuke and I grew up pretty much side by side. He was always over my place and I over his. We shared everything together. Toys, friends, vacations, clothes and just about anything else you could possibly imagine.

"Well I'm in charge of the decorating committee," Ino's voice sounded loudly after taking a long drink from her Snapple bottle. "And I was wondering what theme you'd like to have this year?"

Cue the brow furrowing the lip thinning and the hand folding.

Sasuke folded his hands together and furrowed his brow as his lips thinned in thought. He trained his gaze on the plastic spoon resting neatly on his crisp white napkin.

There he goes, brain whirling at winds going sixty-five miles per hour. Face, unreadable in the traditional Uchiha fashion. There was only one person in this whole school who could read that blank look.

Me, Naruto Uzumaki, and you better believe it.

"Dobe," Sasuke suddenly said as he turned to look at me, lips drawn into a smirk. "What theme would you like?"

I drop the fork in my hand like a bag of flaming dog shit.

Fuck.

He did not just do that.

No! We talked about this! No transferring hard questions!

I glare at him, hoping that my eyes of icy blue would pierce through that smug look on his face.

Of course it didn't. That's just wishful thinking.

"I don't know, Sasuke," I said thinly, "You know I'm more of a sports guy. You pick."

I love it when that smug look suddenly turns into one of desperation.

Hehe, Sucker. I won this round.

"Well," he cleared his throat after turning back to look at Ino, "What did they do last year?"

"They had it themed for Halloween."

"Why don't we do that then?"

Ino frowned, "Because they did it last year."

Out of nowhere a burst of fuchsia pink jumps at me from behind and all but throws my body against Sasuke hard. He hisses as his elbow connects with the corner of the table.

"Naruto!" Sakura grabs the collar of my shirt in her fist as she looks at me fiercely through mint green eyes.

I swear somewhere behind those forest green orbs resides the devil.

"Hey, Sakura," I greet her nervously. Already the little men inside my head are running through their files trying to figure out what I could have possibly forgotten that made Sakura turn from docile cheerleader into the wicked witch of the west. My little office men come up empty handed, their little hands wringing the tiny blonde hairs on their heads.

Man, I have a really overactive imagination.

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" She face palms then gives me a dirty look, "What am I?"

I pause. Maybe this is a trick question.

"A cheerleader?"

"Yes but that's not what I meant."

Great. I hate this game. Why can't girls just come out and say what they want? Really, it would make living on this planet oh so much easier.

"A pretty girl?"

"She's your girlfriend, dumbass." Karin rolls her eyes as she sits down beside Sasuke.

Did I mention that Sasuke and I are dating two of Konoha High's most sought after girls?

No?

Well now I did.

Karin flicked her bright red hair to the side as she smiled sweetly at Sasuke. He nodded at her politely and turned back to Ino who was now getting slightly annoyed.

"What's up, Ino?" Sakura sat down beside me and grabbed the fruit cup from my tray. I watched her pull the plastic off with a sobering sigh.

I had been saving that.

"I'm trying to pick a theme for the year end dance," she said.

"Hm," Sakura picked up my spoon, dunked it into the fruit cup and began to stir, "Why don't we have a masquerade theme?"

"Yeah," Karin joined in, "Everyone will have to wear a mask and stuff! It will be so cool!"

"I like it," Sasuke hurriedly agreed, not wanting to waste any more time on what he deemed as nonsense.

Ino squealed to high heaven before running off to tell the planning committee.

I was just about to get back to my chicken a la carte/tuna fish when Sakura jabbed me in the chest. It wasn't as hard as Sasuke's thrust but, c'mon! Now I'm going to have matching bruises. I rubbed the spot she poked stealthily as I turn toward her. "What?"

"I'm waiting." She raises one manicured eyebrow at me.

As if that was going to help me read her mind. I stared at her blankly. Maybe if I concentrated hard enough…

"Karin," I hear Sasuke say beside me, "Want to go to the dance with me?"

There was a quick giggle before the redhead jumped Sasuke and squeezed him to her chest. "Yes, Sasuke! I'd love to go with you! Gosh, this is going to be so much fun!"

Then it hit me.

"Sakura," I clear my throat and offer her one of my dazzling smiles, "Would you like to go to the dance with me?"

Finally she smiled, "I'd love too."

Slowly she leaned over towards me and kissed me on the cheek.

Score! No fist in face today!

Grinning back at her, I touched my nose to hers affectionately. I've seen guys do it in movies millions of times and girls seem to just eat it right up. So does Sakura. She turns bubblegum pink whenever I do it. She smiled again and started to lean in. I stared at her for a second, watching as her eyes closed.

Was she going to kiss my cheek again? I frowned as her lips moved closer. They started to pucker and not in the way they did when she was going to kiss my cheek. These were those kind of lips.

Crap.

She wanted me to kiss her. I gulped and moved my head away, clearing my throat as I did so. She opened her eyes and frowned, her shoulders drooping.

"Why won't you kiss me?" She asked.

I stared at her with unblinking eyes.

Remember how I said people expect popular kids to know everything? Well here's another shocking bit of information. No one ever teaches us shit.

Kissing?

I have no idea how to do it.

And neither does Sasuke.

Of course everyone thinks we've kissed a bunch of girls. Hell, there are even rumors going around that we've slept with some.

Apparently, Sasuke has a girlfriend in another country and I have kid. Who knew?

"Naruto," she looked at me with a hint of irritation, "We've been going out for a year and you still haven't kissed me."

Lies! I kissed her on the cheek. That counts!

"You know I like you a lot, Sakura," And here is where I start pulling things out of my ass. A technique I learned courtesy of one Sasuke Uchiha. "I want to take things slow because you're special to me. You're not like other girls…and when we kiss, I want it to be the most amazing thing you've ever experienced."

She blushed crimson and lowered her gaze. A lock of pink hair falling into her eyes.

Good. Sappy words worked!

I'm out of the lion's den. Daniel would be proud.

"Sakura," Karin called, interrupting our moment, "Anko wants us to run the pyramid again, remember? We're supposed to meet her in the gym in like, five minutes!"

Sakura's eyes widened, "Crap, I forgot." She jumped from her seat swiftly and grabbed my fruit cup, "Hurry, lets gather the rest of the girls."

I watched as the two of them rushed out of the cafeteria side by side, their uniquely colored hair bouncing in step to their stride.

Oh, you got to love girls who experiment with dying their hair. You just got to.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted three of our friends heading towards the table, each carrying a brown lunch tray.

"What the fuck is this shit?" Kiba slams his tray down as he sits across from me. I sneak a glance at his tray and grunt.

Chicken a la carte.

Shikamaru and Gaara joined as well with somber looks on their faces. Apparently they too didn't appreciate this week's lunch special.

"It tastes like tuna fish," I informed them as they picked up their forks.

Gaara growled and picked up his fruit cup, "I really need to start packing my own lunch." He glanced at Choji, our other companion who was sitting at the end of the plastic table gorging on food that no doubt tasted better than ours. It was an unspoken rule that no one was to disturb Choji Akimichi during lunchtime. It was very important to him and we as friends respected that.

Also, we recognized the fact that if we ever called him fat, we'd get sat on. It was just one of those things.

"You're right," Kiba grumbled after tasting his lunch, "It does taste like tuna fish."

"Sasuke," Shikamaru drawled, "Asuma wants us on the pitch right after the bell rings. He said he wanted to have a brief meeting before practice starts."

Oh yeah I forgot to mention. Sasuke is captain of the baseball team as well as co-captain alongside me of the basketball team. I'm captain of the soccer team thank you very much, and this year we're definitely going to place on the list to play in the championship. I can feel it in my toes.

"Hn."

Kiba looked at me, "Translation please?"

I roll my eyes.

They've all been friends almost as long as Sasuke and I. Why the ask me to translate for him is beyond me. They should have learned to speak 'grunt' by now.

"He'll be there just make sure you're not late, Shikamaru."

Sasuke smirked.

He thinks it's hilarious. I throw him one of my 'you're weird' looks and he lifts an eyebrow. I furrow mine and he moves his mouth to the side.

"Great," Kiba grumbled, one hand playing with his straw. "Now they're having one of their silent little conversations."

Both Sasuke and I look at the disheveled teen and glower.

I turned back to my lunch and began poking it with the end of my fork. Chicken a la carte wasn't sitting very well with me. In fact, I think I could feel it moving inside me.

Probably mutating into some horrid bacteria.

"Here," Sasuke hands me his fruit cup before taking a sip of his juice.

Gladly I take the offering. Peeling back the plastic, I tilt the little carton into my mouth and let the sweet syrup run down my throat. After polishing it off I sling my arm over Sasuke's shoulder and grin like there is no tomorrow.

He smirks, "Dobe."

:::

"Naruto, pass!" Kiba yells from left field. I see him out of the corner of my eye and swivel out of Shino's charging path. With one perfectly aimed kick, I aim the ball towards Kiba who jumps and head butts the ball into the goal. It skims right over Choji's hands and hits the net.

I swear, sometimes I think Kiba is not human. He must have some werewolf blood in him or something. It's like, impossible to jump that high. I've tried.

"Hell yeah!" Kiba yells and pulls off his jersey, giving it a swing in the air as he howls like a wolf.

"Good work, boys!" Genma spits a toothpick out of his mouth and blows the whistle, signaling for us to huddle. The whole team runs up to him, cleats ripping through the crisp green grass like Jack the Ripper. "Shino, good defense but make sure Naruto doesn't get past you again. We've got a big game coming up this week against Mist High. Make sure to get plenty of rest and for god's sake no one fail Shizune's exam. We need the whole team here, understood?"

Everyone nodded, though there were a few anxious faces in the group, namely Kiba. He sucked at bio and everyone and their mother knew it.

With that said we were dismissed. Immediately I started pulling off my shin guards. Those things always made me itchy.

After ripping them off I ran to the locker room, ready to hit the showers and go home. Sasuke was already changing inside with the rest of the baseball team. Gaara had just pulled off his cleats when I walked in. He gave me an ominous look and I stopped short. Great, Sasuke was pissed about something...that didn't bode well for us –well me. Tentatively I walked to the locker I shared with the black haired raven. Sasuke was just pulling off a dirt stained shirt when I cleared my throat. He glanced at me before pulling the shirt the rest of the way off and flinging it into his open gym bag.

"What's up?" I asked carefully.

"Hn."

Okay. Talk later. I get it, geez. No need to get all touchy.

I began undressing beside him, first undoing the laces of my cleats then pulling my jersey over my head. The coolness of the locker room felt good against my sweaty back. Sasuke's movements by my side created a slight breeze, cooling the sweat droplets on the back of my neck. Pushing past me, Sasuke strode purposefully towards the showers with a towel wrapped around his waist. Sighing, I quickly pulled off my pants, grabbed a towel out of my own bag, and headed to join him.

Most of the guys were fooling around when I stepped under the shower head. A block of soap hit my ass and I turned to give the thrower a dirty look. I kicked the green bar of soap with the heel of my foot and sent it sliding across the tiled floor. Grabbing a bottle of shampoo I had brought with me, I squeezed a generous amount into my hand and began to scrub at the hair plastered to my face.

After washing the shampoo and conditioner out of my hair I searched for my soap. The washcloth was there but I detected no white block of foaming goodliness. Damn it, I must have left it in my bag. Grumbling, I grabbed my washcloth and marched over to Sasuke's shower cubicle. He was just standing under the spray with his eyes closed, a serene expression on his face.

Well, that look was going to change in about ten seconds.

I bumped him lightly out of the way so I could reach for his soap. He gives me a murderous glare but shifting to the side, "Just needed to borrow some soap. Forgot mine in my bag."

He rolls his eyes at me, "You're such a moron."

"Yeah, yeah," I mutter, lathering up my washcloth, "Love you too."

I quickly soaped up and rinsed myself off. Sasuke had gone and taken my shower, leaving me to take my time enjoying the warm water all by myself. The bastard always managed to set the temperature just exactly right.

After wrinkling up like a prune, I turned the water off and grabbed all of Sasuke's things. Walking back to my locker I found him nearly dressed and ready to go.

"Hurry up," he grumbles, "Your mom called and told me we're having beef stew for dinner today. Oh, and Itachi's also coming for dinner."

I tossed him his things before rummaging through my bag for a set of clean underwear, "Great. We're going to have to pee carefully."

Itachi developed this prankster streak after heading to college. On his weekend visits home, he'd taken to testing pranks out on me and Sasuke. Last week he had put saran wrap over the toilet he shared with Sasuke while I was sleeping over.

We should have known something strange was up when Itachi kept bringing us cans of soda from them fridge. Needless to say, it was quite an interesting night.

Getting dressed in record speed, we were out in the parking lot five minutes later. Sasuke pulled out his car keys and pressed a small button. In the distance we saw the lights flash on his sleek black car. Running towards it, I opened the passenger door and got inside. Sasuke took his sweet time, first going to put his gym bag in the trunk then walking to sit inside.

"We have to stop at my place first," Sasuke said, "My dad said a letter came to me from Sound University. He wants me to check it out and send an application."

I grunted, "Sound is far away."

"Never said I wanted to go there."

"So why bother checking it out?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. Promised I would."

Ah. Promises.

Nasty little buggers.

"Remember we promised to go to the same college," I reminded, "And there is no way my mother would ever let me go to Sound. It's too far away."

Sasuke nods, "I know. But I have to look at the letter."

Quietly we drove to Sasuke's house. Upon arriving his mother smothered him in a hug then jumped at me and nearly broke all the bones in my body. For some reason, all the women in my life are abnormally strong. It's quite strange.

"Hello, Naruto!" She smiled as I watched Sasuke disappear down the hall, "Tell your mother I got the address to that laser hair removal place she wanted. Have her call me when you get home."

I shudder. Laser hair removal.

"Will do," I gave her that winning Uzumaki smile. She of course pinched my cheek like I was five years old and handed me a cookie.

No raisins. Just the way I like them.

Sasuke reappeared and grabbed me by the shoulder, thus leading me out the door. We both said our goodbyes before Sasuke's mom waved us off. She stood in the doorway, no doubt watching us closely to make sure we put on our seat belts. Moms. After settling inside the car, I waited for Sasuke to start the engine before bombarding him with my questions.

"So," I start, "What did you want to talk to me later about when we were in the locker room?"

I saw the wince form on his face and that instantly made my stomach drop. Sasuke rarely winced like that, and when he did…things didn't bode so well for us mortals.

"Karin brought up why I haven't kissed her yet," he said quietly. "She and Sakura have been talking."

Girls talking=bad omen.

"Shit."

"Hn."

"This is why life should come with an instruction manual!" I hit my head against the window hard. "Sakura tried to kiss me today and I chickened out. What now? I don't want her thinking I'm a bad kisser. Especially since all the rumors make me out to be some kissing god."

Sasuke's grip tightened on the wheel as he made a left turn. The car came to a stop as we hit a red light.

"Google."

"What?" I cast a look in his direction.

He had that determined look on his face again.

"We're going to Google it."

I give him the 'you-can't-be-serious' look as the light turned green and he hit the gas pedal. "We're going to learn how to kiss through Google? That's your brilliant plan?"

He throws me dirty look, "You rather me ask Itachi?"

"Google it is."

And that my friend, was the catalyst that turned my life upside down.

Well what do you think?

Should I never write in first person again?

Let me know if you want me to continue with this story or yell at me for being disloyal to LTBL, whichever you prefer…