A/N: just a note to say sorry for the long wait, I'm easily distracted.
The apparent customer leafed through a large volume absentmindedly while the supernatural creatures just stared; the forthrightness of him was just astonishing. There was a silence that was only punctuated occasionally by the turning of pages or small nostalgic giggles from the Doctor.
"That Nostradamus, what a joker" he muttered to himself.
"Can I help you?" an innocent question in theory but applied to Aziraphale's book hoarding sensibilities was almost a threat.
The man slowly looked up from the crackling pages and over his glasses at other man (well man shaped thing) with a look of innocence that any am-dram actor would be proud of(1).
"No thank you, I'm quite alright, although if you have a cup of tea(2) that would be brilliant" he said benignly.
"I thought you were in a hurry" Crowley pointed out, devils advocate as always.
"Yes. In a hurry to check out this book shop" was the bright response, as if it was obvious to anyone with an ounce of sense.
A sigh escaped the angel's lips as he headed for the back room, forcibly accommodating; this rare book dealer act was not an act any more. He didn't want this strange man touching his precious books.
"Milk, no sugar" came a shout from the other room. Aziraphale's eye twitched but he carried on with the tea regardless, love for all god's creatures he repeated over and over in his head.
Crowley stood near the shop door a little uncomfortably whilst the Doctor read idly, this man had an intensity that made the demons skin crawl(3). He excused himself and snaked his way to the back room too.
As soon as he was alone, the Doctor pulled out his trusty sonic screwdriver and bent down just where the two had been standing and scanned "Aha, gotcha'" he smirked.
Meanwhile in a somewhat cramped back room, Aziraphale was dithering whilst making tea and Crowley was just watching him over the top of his sunglasses.
"He's licking his finger and using it to turn the page!" the look of complete horror would have been hilarious if it wasn't completely serious even so Crowley stifled a sly snigger.
"Calm down, Angel. Just sell him a book and we can get back to things" he suggested. If at all possible Aziraphale's face became more anguished.
"Sell a book? Don't joke with me Crowley" the words were soft and low, almost dangerous(4).
Crowley became suddenly very wary so he changed the subject. "There is something... well spooky about him, not my kind of spooky but something different, he seems ageless, his eyes are too old for his face. Like yours but not so angelic. nor mine, he has good intentions. Somewhere in between. Is it possible there's someone else meddling that's not Above or Below?"
The angel pinned Crowley with an ice blue stare. He picked up the tray with the assorted tea things and took it back into the front of the shop. Crowley followed a little behind holding a small jug of milk that Aziraphale had missed.
"Cheers" said the Doctor putting the book down "Your bookshop is brilliant! Now let's get down to business, shall we?"
"What are you?" all three asked at the same time.
Silence.
"Right, spill the beans" Crowley put on his most intimidating, flames of hell voice. The man just raised a single eyebrow in amusement.
"I'm inspector Smith, revenue and custom" the lie rolled of his tongue as it always did, he whipped out the psychic paper and showed it to them.
"It's blank" Aziraphale observed as if he wasn't certain if it was just him "is it supposed to be?"
"Oh er... yes" improvisation yet another strong suit of the Doctor's.
"No it wasn't, the jig is up(5)" Crowley was going for bad cop.
Aziraphale looked puzzled but nodded in agreement "I'm not sure what that meant but stop lying, erm it's a sin" Duty taking over here.
"I'm not the only one lying" the Doctor muttered darkly over the lip of his cup "are you going to tell me what you are and where you're from? Not Slitheen are you?"
"I beg your pardon? That's a bit personal" Aziraphale's blue eyes widened in absolute horror "No. we're..." what was going to say? Hi, were just your friendly neighbourhood supernatural beings, I was the angel of the eastern gate, flaming sword and everything and that's my counterpart, he introduced original sin into the world. Maybe not.
"We represent two organisations that have distinct standing in moral respects" Crowley was getting the hang of this corporate jargon thing: saying as little as possible in so much; obscure, complicated and above all official sounding language.
The Doctor nodded in the way that little insurance dog named after a notable 20th century prime minister does that makes people want to punch things "okay, I believe we have a problem"
"I'll tell you what, let's make a deal" said Crowley with a serpentine sly smile "I'll give you 20 questions that we will answer honestly and if you guess who we are then we'll fill in the gaps, if you guess wrong then you tell us who you are"
"I'm not making a deal with the devil am I?" the Doctor joked but the Angel shot the demon a fleeting glance that said tell me he didn't just say that, I hope you know what you're doing "Okay, question one, why do you radiate so much power?"
"Because, we are such; charismatic, interesting people, what? It's the truth. I said it's my job" quipped Crowley; the last was because of an ineffably righteous look from Aziraphale.
The questions carried on, covering most areas of the universe and quite a large amount of science fiction literature that does, did or should exist(6). Crowley tried to take each question and twist it so that he would reveal nothing. Aziraphale said very little as he was bound to tell no lies yet was not anxious to tell anything either.
"Question twenty, oh god, I'm running out of ideas. Wait, Your not gods are you? Of course you're not, look at you. Wait that wasn't my question! Erm..." a contemplative look crossed the Doctors face then it brightened into a clear ear to ear grin "will you take off your sunglasses please?"
"Oh, shit, shit, blessing shit, shit" Crowley muttered. The angel at his side sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose "really? You're serious? People tend not to put too much on it. They just think I'm trying to be stylish, succeeding too"
The Demon leant back and gently slid his sunglasses onto the top of his head revealing a pair of luminescent yellow eyes with black slits similar to a snake's. The Doctor leant forward, seemingly unperturbed, bringing a large magnifying glass out of his seemingly bottomless pockets and examined Crowley's eyes.
"Some kind of Anguis of the neidr quadrant" shot in the dark cleverly disguised with enough confidence to fill an Olympic sized swimming pool.
"Not even close" the sly smile was back with a vengeance "now, who are you?"
"I'm the Doctor, nice to meet you, time travelling alien at your service" courteous in defeat.
"You're not with that flying saucer with the pepper pot and frog thing are you, dear boy?" Strange things had started happening, Aziraphale had consulted his massive collection of books of prophecy and had deduced that these must be signs and portents of the coming end.
"What? No, I have this little blue box, quite dinky but surprisingly spacious, anything else? I'm an open book" a puckish smile pulled at his lips.
"Do you know the antichrist" asked Aziraphale without preamble.
"Pardon" The Doctor had been relishing the mystery until this point but now seemed so speechless that he nearly slid of his chair. The conversation had just slid between the hands of his knowledge which consisted mainly of battling aliens and saving the human race. Religion wasn't his thing, not his style.
"You know The Adversary?" Crowley supplied. The Doctors brow creased.
"Destroyer of kings?" the Doctors confusion deepened.
"Angel of the bottomless pit" Aziraphale supplied.
"Great beast that is called Dragon?" Crowley provided a little desperately.
Aziraphale picked it up again "Prince of this word?"
"Father of lies?" it was becoming like ping pong.
"Spawn of satan?"
"Lord of Darkness"
"Sorry not my area of expertise I'm afraid, who is it?" The Doctor apologised.
"Well put simply, he is going to end the world, soon, sometime in the next week" Aziraphale as blunt as usual "oh and we can't find him because someone has misplaced him"
"Ngk" replies Crowley distractedly "well nice to meet you Mr Alien but we have things to be doing, not that it wasn't interesting of course but… oh go-sa-somebody I can't be polite much longer, could you just bugger off"
"Crowley! Don't be so rude" Aziraphale looks affronted even though just underneath there was relief "I'm so sorry for him, dear, but if you wouldn't mind going, there is the end of the world to stop you understand"
"That's more like it" the Doctor said enthusiastically "I'm a pro at stopping them, we'd best be off then"
He jumped to his feet almost breaking the delicate cup on the saucer as he slammed it down with glee. An adventure was afoot and the Doctor was going to make the most of it. He began to almost skip around the precarious piles of books towards the shopfront.
"Are you coming or not?" He called from the door "I've never worked with an angel and a demon before"
"How the…" the Angel began.
"…Fuck did he know that?" the Demon finished.
By the time they looked back to where the Doctor had been just moments ago he had gone, leaving the door to swing shut and a small bell to tinkle.
(1)Amateur Dramatics is a dog eat dog business, thus the over the top effort for joy and hilarity. One must always see them after a performance to understand, a look of paranoid misery is a default setting. It's a depressing hobby in truth
(2)Okay I like tea (panad) and I think its under-represented in fanfic and life in general
(3)Pun definitely intended
(4)Hard to imagine, I know, but at least you'll know for sure when he's pissed off
(5) Although most TV is infernally tainted (mostly by Crowley's hand), no shows are worse than the cop shows for the cheesy clichés that most right minded people physically cringe at. This phrase is estimated to be about a Stilton on the cheese scale
(6) He alas didn't delve into the fanfic of such literature as that would most probably have traumatised everyone in earshot.