I had this on my mind for a very long time, I hope you will like it.
PS: The beginning is confusing, but it's the purpose. Just keep reading, you'll understand ;)
Between The Lines Of Blame
"Still there?"
"Why? Could it be that you want me to leave"
Misaki chuckled, amused that their usual roles had changed. Usui remained quiet, annoyed by her. But his face tensed up.
Of course, he didn't want her to leave.
"So, are you still angry at me?" She asked lightly, like she was pleased to tease him.
His head tilt in her direction, a edge of frustration distinct in his eyes.
"You have been selfish, Misaki" He simply replied.
She sat down on the first brick step and stared at him, totally unaffected by what he had just said.
"Is that all?"
Her answer destabilised him, but he didn't show it. Instead, he sat down beside her.
"And weak. I thought you were brave"
She glanced at him, a subtle hint of defiance in her gold eyes.
"I have been brave." She whispered, confidence taking over her doubts.
He turned his head towards her, trying to stay calm because her attitude was seriously getting on his nerves.
"No you haven't. You were scared, I get it. But things didn't have to turn this way. You should have come to me."
His words were slowly articulated, anger filling out the short pauses.
"Oh, and I wonder why it didn't work when I tried" She replied with sarcasm.
He briefly looked at her, his lips pressed into a hard line. That was it. She was infuriating him.
He stood up and walked a few steps away from her, his back facing her. But her sudden answer froze his leg's muscles.
"Maybe because you weren't there" She answered loudly, her words echoing in his head.
He felt her move, taking a step closer to him between each of her sentences.
"You weren't there when my mother passed away"
He turned around, speechless…shameless…He didn't know….
"You weren't there when I found a second job to help my sister and I, economically. When, as a striper, I became slowly hopeless because my dignity vanished the minute I've walked in the building"
He clenched his jaw against the visual images that were invading his head. He should have been the one to protect her from all these unworthy gazes. He should have been but he didn't know…
"You weren't there when I've been admitted to the hospital because two jobs was too much for my body but not even enough when it came to money."
He bent his head, choked. He didn't know…
"In brief. You weren't there when I needed you the most"
Her voice lingered in the thick air.
He didn't know. He didn't know because he wasn't in Japan. He didn't know because she hadn't call him, because she wasn't the type of girl to worry people.
But more importantly, because he was the one who didn't call.
Because he thought that she was strong, that she didn't need him during the time he would be gone.
It wasn't supposed to be this long. But weeks turned quickly in months, and not one minute had passed without the thought of seeing her.
He called her during the first weeks, which annoyed her. So, at some point, he stopped because he thought that she would be fine until he returned.
Because he naively thought that she would be waiting for him.
He could never have been so wrong.
He glanced at her, pale. She was simply beautiful, her white dress making her look like an angel.
"From the way I see it, the person you're angry at isn't me but yourself"
Her soft whisper brushed the skin of his ear.
His knees weren't supporting him anymore, it was simply too much. He kneeled on the cold asphalt, his face buried in his palms.
"It's all my fault" He pronounced as the realization crushed him down. He knew it, deep down inside he always knew that it was his fault but it was much easier to blame someone else than himself.
He felt her move and grabbed tightly her whist to prevent her to climb the church's outdoors stairs.
"Don't go" He begged, a discrete madness distorting his face.
She looked at him and softly loosened his hold on her hand.
"You should have told me that, one week ago"
And then she climbed the steps without any looks back.
"But now I'm here. Please don't leave me!" He yelled, but she was already near the church's doors.
"You're too late"
He perfectly knew it, he was just not ready to admit it yet. Some people thinks it's never too late. But for this, there were no rationnal ways that he could make her turn around and look at him for one last time.
He blinked once. But by the time he re-opened his eyes, she was already gone.
He collapsed on the sidewalk, emotionally drained. Tears streaked down his face as his fist collided powerless with the hard floor.
He couldn't take it. He was sinking slowly in the depths of despair.
He raised his gaze to the place where Misaki was and noticed someone who was scrutinizing him, probably wondering who was the imaginary person he was talking with for the last minutes. The person closed one of the big door and just when he was about to close the last he said:
" Boy, the funeral is about to begin"
And then, it wasn't just her own soul that died when she commited suicide.
Step one you say we need to talk
She walks you say sit down it's just a talk
She smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
(How To Save A Life – The Fray)
Be there when someone needs you because one day it might be too late.
(Between The Lines Of Blame- Sweetweet07)