Disclaimer: Slam Dunk is owned by Takehiko Inoue-sensei. As much as we want to own it-- we can't. Hell, if we can, we wouldn't be writing or editing fanfics... we'll be playing a Gamecube, dammit!

Warning:

Please understand that the following selection was written for the sole purpose of entertainment. If you are offended by yaoi or shounen ai, stop reading now. Also if you do not find the concept of character perversions amusing, this isn't for you either. An open mind is what this fic demands. Heck we've got crushes on Mitsui, Fujima, Hanamichi, Sendoh and Kiyota so don't fret. Rukawa's really the disgraced one here so sorry to all you Rukawa supporters, this one's not for you. If you want to send us flames- sure! We enjoy flames! It gets us all worked-up. HO! HO! HO!

Attention to all you Filipinos out there, you can read the original Filipino version! It's funnier... we think.

Rukawa and the People of Kanagawa

Story by: Castor and Pollux

English Translation by: Wowie and Akin Sijin

Akira Sendoh, dearest of Ryonan High, was ravished by Kaede Rukawa in the Shohoku locker room. Sendoh cried as he kissed the milkfish he just caught earlier that day which he was planning to give to his girlfriend, Rio. Because of what happened, Taoka-san, coach of Ryonan, sued Rukawa. Unfortunately, the accused had an alibi. Since the crime was committed in the Shohoku Gym, Rukawa claimed that Sendoh went there when it was almost midnight. He was dragged into the locker room and pushed in the shower whose water temperature was almost at the boiling point that was why he wasn't able to resist him. Just like the fish that Akira had caught that came from a tap H2O. But according to Akira, Kaede asked him to have a one-on-one game with him. He was having second thoughts on accepting the challenge because he just caught one milkfish that day. Rukawa insisted that there were many delicious milkfishes there. What he meant with the milkfishes were the girls of Shohoku High. Sendoh agreed to the challenge since he was having a hard time catching fish in his current position. It was too late when he realized where Rukawa's real intentions lie.

We have interviewed the other members of the Shohoku Basketball Club. According to Hisashi Mitsui, former MVP of the Junior High division and shooting guard of Shohoku, "That guy's a maniac. He's always trying to rape one of us. One time, I thought he just wanted to have a one-no-one game with me but it turned out that he wanted to bed me instead." Ryota Miyagi, one of the best point guards of the Kanagawa Prefecture, said, "That guy's always sex-starved. Even though he's still a freshman, it didn't stop him from doing disgusting things. He especially liked to victimize seniors or those who are older than him. I remember one time when he held Kogure's face, his motives were obvious." We also asked their team manager, Ayako. She said, "I don't care. As long as we're winning, it's fine with me! If he's leaving because he raped Ryonan's ace player, we might lose in the Nationals. Why can't he just marry Sendoh so no one would leave? We can even have our practices with Ryonan."

According to Taoka-sensei, he would not allow Rukawa to stay in the team because Akira couldn't concentrate in the game. "He cries all day long, isn't it unfair? But it's fine with me if Rukawa would replace Sendoh. Unfortunately, I'm having a problem convincing Koshino and Ikegami. They threatened to leave the team if I accept Rukawa. They claimed that Rukawa got the hots for them too. They noticed the way Rukawa looked at them during the first practice game with Shohoku. But I offered a 3-way trade because Kainan wanted to kick Nobunaga Kiyota out of their team. Maki told me, 'You can trade whoever you like as long as that idiot goes away, or else I'll leave.' I wanted to trade Kiyota with Hikoichi Aida, but he doesn't want to go to Kainan. He suggested that he should go to Shohoku instead. Kiyota doesn't want to go to our team either so both of them went to Shohoku and no one went to Kainan. Rukawa and Sakuragi should have gone to our team but Sakuragi insisted that he didn't want to be with Rukawa. He said that Rukawa had been sexually harassing him for a long time and his advances stopped only because Rukawa got tired of him. Because of this, Sakuragi went to Kainan. But it's still unfair to my Ryonan so I decided to take Yasuda instead. It's okay since he's not Rukawa's type. As for Koshino and Ikegami, no one could stop them from leaving. They just went with Grander Musashi since Sendoh was also with him."

After the endless trade, it was Shohoku's turn to have bad luck. Miyagi went insane because Kiyota raped Ayako, their beautiful manager. Mitsui and the others can't believe what happened so they kicked Kiyota's sorry ass. Shinichi Maki and Hanamichi Sakuragi also joined in the rumble. This event made Kiyota decide to transfer to Shoyo. And in the process got cozy with Kenji Fujima, the coach/captain of the team. Rumours have it that their locker could get pretty hot-- if you know what I mean-- after every practice session. Because of the growing relationship between the beautiful coach/captain and the wild monkey, Toru Hanagata, the comely center, got jealous. He tried hitting on Fujima's ex-lover, the formidable point guard, Shinichi Maki. This incensed Morohoshi of Aiwa, number two best player in Japan who was currently dating Maki. He let Hanagata dangle upside-down from the supports of the basketball ring and threatened to kill him if he didn't stop coming on to his lover. The news reached Fujima who readily turned away from the saru's (monkey) arms to get back together with his TRUE love.

Meanwhile, Kiyota cried all day long and attempted suicide. Unfortunately, it didn't work and he ended up in the hospital. Maki heard of Kiyota's predicament and dumped Morohoshi. He wanted to ask for Kiyota's forgiveness and explain why he had done what he did. Maki visited an emotionally and physically battered Kiyota. He said that he was hurt when he witnessed the increasingly close relationship between Kiyota and Soichiro Jin, their shooting guard. He had seen them riding on one bike several times. We were not able to get further details of Maki's visit but we're pretty sure you already have a clue, ne? But there was one thing we were able to find out, they were laughing afterwards as if nothing had happened. At the same time, Jin was pestering the gorilla coach of Kainan-dai, Takatoh-sensei, to trade Maki for Mitsui. The reason being his long time and ever increasing desire for Hisashi Mitsui of Shohoku High. Takatoh's irritated reply was, "Every person here is a pervert! Damn! I'm going to resign from Slam Dunk!"

On Shohoku's side, the whole Rukawa army offered their support to Sakuragi. They are currently handling some paperwork to transfer to Kainandai. One of them was kind enough to give us her opinion. "I'm so disgusted with myself for having a crush on that fag. We thought Sakuragi was the pest when in truth, he was the victim." Ryota Miyagi who was still traumatized by Kiyota's latest act borne of madness. The monkey had raped the beautiful Ayako. The following statement is the only one Miyagi was capable to say as of press time. "I'm going to skin that wild monkey alive and sun-dry him like nori!!!" He was referring to no one else but Kiyota and there's no telling if he's going to live through Miyagi's wrath who's also a Kung-fu master. Yare yare, Maki's there to support him all the way. Jin was still depressed because Takatoh wouldn't agree to his requests. However, Takatoh offered to buy Mitsui because he had NO intentions of letting go of Maki (Who would?). Mitsui wanted to transfer to Kainan but a certain face always resurfaces in his mind-- Anzai-sensei. He cursed the gorilla coach for thinking that he could buy him out of Shohoku.

In Sendoh's exploits-- Koshino and Ikegami were there too—and something heinous took place. Ikegami and Koshino initially thought that Sendoh was just going to kiss a bass Musashi had caught. Their notions however were proven wrong when Sendoh's sizable mouth landed on the youngster's cheek. Musashi thought that a bass was kissing him because it felt wet, slimy, and foul smelling. Heedless of all these, he wanted to return the kiss and was about to when his eyes met Sendoh's. In his fright, he jumped to the river filled with piranhas (are there piranhas in Japan?). This caused another bout of depression for Sendoh. He knew it was nearly impossible to find another person as cute and as talented as Musashi. Sendoh was in a fix. First, his purity and dignity were stolen. Now, his only source of happiness was taken away. He moped in the dark for several days and chose not to show himself to anyone.

Meanwhile, in Shoyo's locker room, Fujima and Hanagata's public display of affection grew to the point of being intolerable. Kiyota was still with Shoyo even if he and Maki got back together. Hasegawa (Sendoh and Fukuda's son. Can you find the similarities?) envied the two so he grabbed Kiyota's neck and gave him a kiss that was very... French. In Kiyota's longing for someone to hold him like that, he succumbed to Hasegawa's demands (Maki wasn't there). Now we see that instead of setting a good example to his teammates, the coach/captain propagated the disgusting locker room activities.

Because of Mitsui's choice to decline Kainan's offer, Jin decided to just join Shohoku and be with the love-of-his-life that was none other than Hisashi Mitsui. When Jin introduced himself with quivering lips, Mitsui was mesmerized with Soichiro's thick eyelashes. It's been three years since Mitchi's ex-girlfriend, Ria, dumped him. So when Jin went to the locker room to change, Mitsui followed him where they both took advantage of each other. Hisashi pushed Jin on one of the lockers, kissed him on the forehead and... you know. After that, they had a practice game, which was between the 2nd years and the 3rd years. They both threw lustful glances at each other while in the game, not that anyone noticed. They both showed their talents; with Mitsui having 10/10 3-point shots while Jin had 8/8. Their captain, Takenori Akagi, was so happy with this that he treated them to Jun Uozumi's restaurant. The two of them sat on a different table, with an excuse that they were going to talk about their plan to conduct a 3-point shot lesson to freshmen. Even though Akagi was not fully convinced, he told them it was OK since they were both really good. On the other hand, Uozumi noticed that the two were flirting with each other while feeding each other. He thought about it for a while then asked Akagi if the two were in love with each other. Akagi got angry with this and told Uozumi that the two had just met each other and that he's thinking of senseless things. "Why don't you just go back on cooking and feed them both."

On the other side, in Kainandai, a player known in all of Japan made an appearance. It was none other than Dai Morohoshi. He wanted to get back with Maki but then he saw the naive Sakuragi. This made him decide to transfer to the said school. Takatoh-sensei was overjoyed and made him sub-captain. Maki was planning to explain he and Kiyota were very much in love with each other despite of the distance. However, Morohoshi ignored him and went straight to Sakuragi. He challenged him to a one-on-one. Morohoshi proposed a win-win agreement for himself. He told Sakuragi that if he (Morohoshi) wins, they'll take a shower together-- in the same cubicle mind you. If he loses, Sakuragi gets laid. He was so disgusted with the first condition that he didn't hear the second one. In his fright, he won. They argued because Sakuragi claimed that he didn't hear the second condition. But he didn't stand a chance because the whole Kainan team heard their agreement. Hanamichi was crying when he said, "Have mercy on me! I already have a GF! Hannah will kill me if I don't show up on our date today!" Morohoshi just answered, "Then you can do it afterwards." Finally, Hanamichi relented to Morohoshi's incessant demands.

Back to Shohoku, the sub-captain Kiminobu Kogure returned from the Hospital (he was injured when they roughed up Kiyota because of raping Ayako). The first thing he saw when he entered the gym was Soichiro and Hisashi flirting with each other. He was really hurt and couldn't believe what he saw that it felt like the world fell down on his chest. He called for Mitsui and asked him, "Hisashi, can we have a little talk?"

"Sure, but we mustn't make Soichiro wait"

Kiminobu almost cried when he continued, "Stop whatever it is that's going with the two of you, you're hurting a lot of people."

Mitsui was irritated when he said, "I don't care if you don't like seeing us together. We're through, Kiminobu. You've hurt me before, whatever was between us no longer exist."

He returned to waiting Jin who asked him, "Who's that guy?" "That was Kogure, our sub-captain and my ex. It seems that he wanted us to get back together..." Mitsui said a lot of other things and he didn't notice that Jin's eyes were resting on Kogure's profile. Miyagi was about as loony as Sendoh who was just staring at whatever was in front of him, the same goes for Sakuragi after his forced one-night-stand with Morohoshi.

Since many were affected with Rukawa's crime against Sendoh, he was sentenced 10 years in Correctional Center without basketball. And there he lost his mind. Shohoku strived to fix things without Ayako to defend them. Ryonan did the same but Rukawa's punishment was the only consolation for them. Kainan lost to Takezato with a 50-point difference and this was the last game for Maki and Morohoshi (They were too prissy, most especially the one from Aiwa. Thus, Aiwa became the number one team in the Nationals when he left). No one was left in Shohoku because Mitsui lost his mind when he found out that Jin and Kogure eloped (Kiminobu did it to hurt Hisashi). Shoyo was the second in the Nationals because of the teamwork of their perverted players. Maki was so proud (he didn't know that his freshman was two timing him) with what his beloved Kiyota achieved. Four players from Shoyo were drafted for the All-Japan Team.

-Owari-

Please check out the sequel of this fic entitled:

Kiyota and the People of Kanagawa