AN: Okay, so this is set a few months into the future (I started this before we had any real information on Beckett's new doctor boyfriend, so as far as this story is concerned, he was just some motorcycle-guy she dated a few times). It shouldn't be too long, just a chapter or two, maybe longer if there's a big response and I can make it work. Anyways, enjoy and please review!

Sorry, I've been having issues with my profile and somehow this story got deleted. Just reposting it.

June 2011

Kate sighed unsteadily as she faced the door—his door. It was 4:37 in the morning and they had just gotten off a hellish case. A serial killer with a penchant for young women had taken up residence in New York. It was six long days with practically no rest, but Beckett and the team were finally able to catch him. It took everything in her to break the dirt bag, Marcus Grimes, during interrogation but she got him—she always did. Afterward, Montgomery had given them the weekend off to recuperate and catch up on some much needed sleep—which is where Kate Beckett should be right now. At this exact second, she should be in bed, cuddled up to her boyfriend of six months—an ER doctor whom she had met when she was forced to get checked out—but no, here she was, pounding on the door of Richard Castle, Mystery Novelist Extraordinaire and her pain-in-her-ass-partner.

"Hold on," Castle's voice was muffled by the door. "I'm coming." He called out more forcefully as she rapped on the door again. He yanked it open. "Beckett?" He looked out of sorts, as if she had just pulled him from a deep sleep—which she most likely had considering that he had been with her for every step of the case. Castle quickly moved aside and she stormed into his loft. He scratched his head, trying to find a rational explanation for her presence. "What's going on? Did something happen with Grimes?"

"I can't do it anymore." Kate kept her eyes stubbornly on the ground.

"Do what? I don't understand."

She took a deep breath and finally raised her eyes to meet his. "I try, so hard, and it's good—great even—but it just isn't…right."

Castle took in her appearance. The normally immaculately put together Detective Katherine Beckett was disheveled to say the least. Her clothes were the same ones she had been wearing for the last two days, only now significantly more wrinkled. Her hair was mussed, as if she had been constantly running her hands through it. And her eyes, the most telling parts of her, were red rimmed, only the slightest vestiges of her tears remained. "Beckett, I'm trying to follow you here but I have no idea—"

"You know, James is perfect. He's a pediatrician for God's sake. And a gentleman, and polite and caring and honest and he respects my boundaries. When I don't want to talk about something, he drops it, and when I need space he gives it to me."

Castle shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "Okay," he stretched the syllables out. She's talking about Dr. Perfect, he thought bitterly. Before Dr. Perfect had shown up, Castle and Beckett had been inching closer and closer to something, much the same as they had been before. Castle had finally begun to make a real play for her and Beckett and finally started to take him seriously. They had been in a tenuous place, neither willing to make the first move. Enter Dr. James Whitlock. At first, it had played out much like the Demming incident—Castle was jealous and had started to act out for her attention and Kate simply went on as usual—but Rick soon realized the problem. She was happy—really, honestly happy. And as it turned out, Dr. Whitlock was actually a pretty decent guy. He put up with Beckett's crazy hours, got along well with everyone at the precinct, and he was even okay with the duo's strange relationship—he was actually a fan of Castle's writing. So Rick did the only thing he could, he fell on his proverbial sword and encouraged the relationship—no matter how much it tore at his heart. "Did something happen?" He still didn't understand her presence in his loft at that un-Godly hour.

She looked him square in the eyes and said, "He's not you." Rick swallowed hard. "He tells me that he loves me and that I'm beautiful…and I know he means it. But no matter what he says or what he does, it's not right—it can't be—because it I don't feel the way I do after you call me extraordinary…" She laughed harshly, "Or even when you tell me that I'm tall."

Rick stood dumbstruck. "Kate…" He didn't know where to begin. Every single time that he had imagined this scenario, it had been him to make the first move, to acknowledge the feelings that they shared and start the transition from friends to something more.

"I'm not blind, Castle. You and I are constantly in this…holding pattern. We circle around each other but we just go about our lives, never moving any closer or any further apart. It needs to stop…I need to know."

Rick cleared his throat. "Know what?"

Kate took a deep, steadying breath before speaking. "Can we make this work?"

Rick's breath hitched, this was it—the moment he had been waiting almost three years for. Kate Beckett was no longer pretending to be oblivious. Not only was she acknowledging his feelings but hers as well. While it was never verbalized, anyone with eyes could see the attraction, could see the real feelings that the two shared. Many assumed the problem was that one or both was blind to it, but Castle and Beckett knew.

The truth was that they were both scared. They feared that the relationship would fail…they feared that the relationship would succeed. Neither was willing 'upturn the applecart', so they had silently agreed that things would stay as they were: partners and very close friends.

"I think I need a drink." Castle closed the door softly and made his way into the kitchen, Beckett a few paces behind him. He took a bottle of scotch and two glasses down from the liquor cabinet. Becket made herself comfortable on one of the barstools while he leaned against the counter opposite her. They were silent for a long moment, both unused to being in such rough, uncharted waters.

"All jokes and pithy remarks and deflections aside, I need to know Rick. You flirt and you tease…I never know if I should take you seriously. Can I? Do you seriously want me?"

He ran his hands through the week of stubble that graced his face and then opened the bottle. He poured some of the amber liquid into each glass, handing one to her and taking a healthy sip of his own. "I love you—I'm in love with you." Castle's eyes ventured up from his drink as he spoke so Kate could see the sincerity in his expression.

She rolled her eyes slightly. He never could seem to follow directions. "That wasn't my question. Do you want me?"

He took another sip of scotch. "You don't deserve me." Her brows shot up in confusion, "You deserve someone better—someone good. He should be serious and real and he shouldn't have two failed marriages and a grown daughter."

"And yet, I want you." She took a sip of her own drink, relishing the slight burn as it slid down her throat. She shook her head softly, "It's not even a matter of what I want or what I deserve—I need you, Rick."

"I want you, Kate, more than I have ever wanted anything. It's not just that though—I need you, too. I would break you out of prison, innocent or not, because I couldn't stand to be without you." She smiled softly but it soon turned into a long yawn. "You haven't slept in the last like thirty-six hours." He moved to put his glass in the sink.

Kate slid off the barstool. "Neither have you. I should get going." She moved towards the door when he stopped her.

"Stay," it came out as a gentle command, "Please?"

"I don't think—"

"This is important, Kate. I don't want the time or space to psych ourselves out, you know? Please stay. No funny business, I promise. Just some sleep and then we can continue this when we wake up." He held his hand out to her. She nodded softly and put her hand in his, following down the hall to his bedroom.

Consciousness slowly descended upon Rick Castle. He took a deep breath as he cleared the mental cobwebs. The first thing that really registered to him was warmth. Against his chest was something warm and solid. He opened his eyes slowly, smiling when prior events played through his mind. He would never have accused her of being a cuddler for fear of death, but finding out the truth first hand was so much better. The Kate Beckett, the no-nonsense, hard-nosed Homicide Detective, was currently cuddled into his side, her nose brushing up against his chest and her fingers loosely gripping his shirt. Castle smiled brightly, he could definitely get used to this. He looked over to his nightstand to check the time, 6:51pm. They had slept for almost fourteen hours. He stretched as best as he could without jostling her awake and then proceeded to extricate himself from her grasp.

"Mmm," she moaned softly at the loss of contact. Castle smiled as he made his way into the bathroom as stealthily as possible. Seconds after the door to the bathroom closed, the sharp trill of a cell phone filled the bedroom. Kate shot up in bed immediately, groping around the nightstand for the offending device, trying to clear the fog in her mind. She hit a button and brought the phone to her mouth, "Beckett."

"Detective Beckett? Why are you answering Dad's phone? Is everything alright?"

That sobered Kate quickly. "Alexis, hey," she shook her head in an effort to wake herself up fully. "No, he's fine. I just… grabbed his phone on accident."

"Oh, okay. Is he available?"

Kate looked around the room, grasping for a believable excuse. "He just…stepped out for coffee." Kate held her breath, hoping the girl would find it plausible. It wasn't uncommon for Castle to make coffee runs several times throughout the day but he never forgot his phone, especially not when his daughter was out of town.

"Alright, can you have him call me when he gets back?"

"Of course. I'll let him know as soon as I see him."

"Thanks. Bye, Detective Beckett."

"Bye." She hung up the phone and threw herself back down onto the bed, letting out a huge sigh of relief.

"Everything alright?" Castle finally exited the bathroom.

Kate let out a mirthless laugh and said, "I answered your phone on accident. It was Alexis." He nodded and took a seat at the foot of the bed. She sat back up on the bed and handed his phone over to him.

"Was something wrong?" he asked.

Kate shook her head. "No, she just wanted to talk to you."

Castle gave her a confused look. "Then what's got you so flustered?" Kate stared down at the sheets, finding them suddenly interesting. "You didn't want Alexis to know you were here," he concluded.

"I just…It caught me off guard. Everything is still so up in the air right now, I didn't really know the protocol here."

Castle nodded. "Don't worry. While you've never actually answered my phone before, I doubt Alexis found it unusual considering the amount of time you and I spend together."

Kate glanced around the room uncomfortably, her eyes falling on the alarm clock. "Wow, fourteen hours of sleep and I still feel tired."

Castle laughed. "Apparently too much sleep has a similar effect as too little sleep. I was actually just going to suggest we move this out to the kitchen. We can make some coffee or maybe order some dinner." Kate nodded thoughtfully and moved to get out of the bed. She had slept in her clothes, making them even more uncomfortable than they had been the night before. "You can freshen up in my bathroom. I've got pajama pants and a t-shirt if you're interested."

"That would be great actually. I didn't really have the chance to change before I came over here."

He nodded and pulled the clothes from his dresser, handing them to her on his way out of the room. "Remy's?" he asked from the doorway.

"They don't deliver." And neither of them really wanted to leave his loft right now.

Castle gave her one of his trademark smirks. "I'll figure something out."

Kate rolled her eyes and went into the bathroom to change.

Fifteen minutes later, Kate was just entering the living room as Castle was tipping the delivery boy, who was actually one of the dishwashers from the restaurant.

"Thanks, and tell Tommy I owe him—big time." The kid nodded happily and left just as quickly as he had arrived.

"And how exactly did you get delivery from a place that doesn't deliver?"

Castle shrugged and gestured to the kitchen. "Considering how much business we've given them over the last few years, Tommy was happy to help," she quirked a disbelieving brow at him. "There might have been a promise of Yankees tickets as well."

She shook her head at his comment and followed him into the kitchen. "And that poor kid, he probably had to ride his bike all the way over here."

"Well I'm not all that concerned, considering the tip I gave him."

"So what did you get?"

Castle put the brown paper bags down on the counter while he rummaged through the cabinets for plates and utensils. He separated the plates and then opened one of the bags up. "Cheeseburger, no onions, extra tomatoes," he put the burger on her plate, "Bacon cheeseburger, no lettuce, extra barbecue sauce," he added it to his own plate, "And an order of fried zucchini to split. The ranch dressing is in the fridge."

She moved behind him to retrieve it and a handful of napkins. "You thought of almost everything."

He smirked at her and opened up the other bag. "Two triple chocolate shakes." Kate smiled brightly at him, "Come on, this is a no-brainer, even for me." They took their plates out to the living room and sat down on the couch. "TV?" He held up the remote.

"I'm good with the present company."

Castle laughed lightly and settled into his spot. "So—" His cell phone rang again. "Sorry, it's Alexis. She didn't answer when I called earlier—"

"No please, go ahead."

"Hey pumpkin. How's it going?"

"Great. San Francisco is amazing and Gram is showing me all around the city. We've been on the cable cars practically every day." Martha had been offered a lead role in a musical. It was a huge deal for her—the only problems were that it was in San Francisco and that the schedule left no time for her to fly between the two cities. When Martha had packed up and moved out to the west coast, even though it was only temporary, Alexis had been devastated. Despite the initial qualms about having her eccentric grandmother come to live with them, the young girl had grown to depend on Martha. Alexis had felt her absence profoundly, especially when her father's advice about boys and dating had been somewhat lacking. So, for a graduation present, Rick had decided to send Alexis out to stay with her grandmother until the musical ran its course. In just eight days, both his mother and his daughter would be back in Manhattan where they belonged.

"That's good to hear. I hope you're taking lots of pictures. Is Gram treating you alright?"

Alexis laughed. "Of course she is. It's amazing here."

"That's good; although I have a feeling you aren't calling to regale me with details of your trip."

His daughter sighed heavily. "Have you spoken to mom recently?"

The question caught him off-guard. "No I haven't. Is she okay?" Meredith hadn't been in his orbit for a long time but he still carried a certain amount of affection for her, if only as Alexis' mother.

"She's fine. She's uh…getting married next week actually…to her co-star." The sentence hung in the air.

"The one who plays—"

"Yup."

"But he's, what, seven years—"

"Yup." Rick paused to think.

"Are you alright with this?"

"Well, I mean, it's weird obviously, but I met him when I was visiting over spring break. He seems alright. I didn't really think it was serious but I guess I was wrong."

"Well as long as you're alright with it. It's okay not to be, you know."

"I know Dad, but he seems to make her happy. That's all that really matters."

"Yeah."

"Well the wedding is the day after I'm supposed to fly home. I figured that we'd just stay in California until the wedding instead of flying all the way back to New York for a day and then having to fly all the way back out."

"Well that would definitely make things easier for you and Gram."

"Plus, you can come meet us in LA for the weekend and then go the wedding with me."

"I'm sorry, what was that last part?"

"I was kind of hoping you'd be my date to the wedding—I know Gram won't want to go anywhere near it. I figured she could stay with me in LA until you got there. Please, daddy, I don't want to go without you."

He could practically see her doing her best puppy-dog face over the phone. "I'll think about it, alright Pumpkin. Although I doubt I'll be welcomed with open arms."

"Please? Please? Please? Please? I really don't want to go by myself."

Castle rolled his eyes. "Listen sweetie, I've got company right now so we'll continue this negotiation later, okay?"

"Okay, Dad. I love you."

"Love you too. And remember, you're grandmother's Amex may have a limit but yours does not. Have some fun out there." She laughed and wished him a goodnight before hanging up the phone. "Sorry, I got a little caught up in the conversation."

Kate waved him off. "I understand. You've been mooning over her since she left and it's only been six days."

Castle laughed. "Yeah, it's been tough. This is her last summer with me before college and I'm giving up two weeks of it to my mother."

Kate nodded sympathetically. "Well at least she's only going to Colombia—that's infinitely closer than Oxford."

He picked up the remains of his burger and dug in. "Thank God. I don't think I could have taken it if she'd moved to another country."

"So has she decided whether or not she's going to move into the dorms?"

Castle shook his head no. "I know I would feel more comfortable if she stayed at home—plus she won't have to deal with some annoying roommate and the loud parties on her floor. On the other hand, the parties and the annoying roommates and the communal bathrooms are a big part of the experience. She's so grown up already in so many ways…I just want her to have more life experience, you know."

Kate smiled at Castle's obvious concern for his daughter. "I lived at home while I went to college—it was only a ten minute subway ride to NYU. It was easier than moving…and a lot less intimidating."

He smiled. "Do you regret not having the typical college experience? Stepping out of your comfort zone, trying something new…"

Kate shook her head. "On Fridays, my mom and I would ride the subway together, stop for coffee and a bagel at her favorite bakery near campus…some of the best times she and I had, just having breakfast in her office before one of us had to go to class."

Castle knew he was staring, but he honestly didn't care. Moments like these, moments where Kate would talk about her mother with something other than sadness on her face, were rare and he cherished every memory she shared with him. "Meredith is getting married…to someone who is sixteen years her junior," he said after a moment of silence.

"I didn't ask."

He chuckled, remembering their previous conversations like that. "You're very good at 'not asking' questions, detective."

Kate shifted in her seat. "How do you feel about that?"

He shrugged. "I'm really only concerned with how it's going to affect Alexis. He's only seven years older than her."

"So it doesn't affect you at all?"

Castle caught the silent question in her tone: Does it bother you that your ex-wife is getting married? "I'm happy for her, I suppose," he answered carefully. "She's Alexis' mother—I want her to find love and have a good life."

"But that's it?" she pressed.

Castle sighed, knowing that this was a conversation they really needed to have. His exes had only ever been spoken about in passing. If the issue would come up, Castle would make some pithy remark or redirect the conversation somehow. Kate knew that his relationships had failed but she had never really found out why. "I guess it's time for that conversation, huh?"

Kate shrugged as casually as she could manage. "I just need to know where we stand. Where I stand," she amended.

Rick put his empty plate down on the coffee table and used a napkin to wipe the remains of his burger from his face. "I've been in three serious relationships, all of whom you've met at some point. With Kyra, we were so young. It was too much too soon but we were naïve enough to believe that it would be effortless. It was great for a while but when the big issues settled in, we just weren't ready to deal with them. She left and I was heartbroken."

"Why didn't you go after her?"

He shrugged. "I was scared. I got hurt, more than I ever had been at the time. I knew that going after her would mean opening myself up to that possibility again."

"So she's the one who got away," Kate supplied.

"I thought that way for awhile but it's not true. Kyra was a choice, a fork in the road. My life would be completely different if I had gone after her. I like my life, the people in it. I wouldn't change it for the world." He reached over and grasped her hand in his.

Kate sighed. "I guess we should go quid pro quo. It's only fair."

Castle smiled lecherously at her. "Really?"