Title: Mahou Shoujo Noto-sama Magics
Characters/Pairings: Light Sayaka/Mami, hints of others if you look for it.
Genre: Humor, Parody, Fantasy, Crack
Ratings/Warnings: M for Cracktasticness, Strong Language, General Perverseness, Some Yuri, and Noto-sama hijinx.
Summary: Kyubey offers Noto-sama the opportunity of a lifetime.

Disclaimer: Advance! Kitakou Broadcasting Club Pure, Barjona Bombers, and the Noto-sama games belong to Hidekaz Himaruya. Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magics belongs to Shaft, Aniplex, and way too many people to list.

Notes: Minor spoilers for Madoka Magica (see up to episode 3 and you should be fine. It's really not too bad.) This is a one-shot crossover with Hidekaz Himaruya's Advance! Kitakou Broadcasting Club PURE/Barjona Bombers/the Noto-sama Games. To find out more about these series please visit kitayume .shoutwiki .com

Mahou Shoujo Noto-sama Magica

It all started out as a normal day for Noto Kanazawa. Or as he preferred to be called – Noto-sama.

The boy sighed as he walked out of the school in the school's girls' uniform, a sophomore boy in tow wearing a pair of dog ears and a collar which Noto used to drag him along. Noto had made it a practice to have Sunki Udono leave Barjona Marine High School before the school day was technically over so he could exit St. Modern Kitakou High School with the older boy in this fashion. Mostly it was just to freak out the other students (who have since gotten used to his increasingly strange behavior) and make sure Sunki stayed loyal to him, unlike a certain other person.

Noto glanced to his left where Hinaji Kasukabe and Udonko Sanuki sat on the school steps, and each party quickly averted their eyes. Hinaji had abandoned Noto in favor of his new girlfriend, and Noto still held a grudge that he couldn't seem to act on, as he ended up throwing a temper tantrum every time he tried.

"Heya Noto-sama!"

Noto's train of thought was broken as he looked up to see Yamato Nara, an underclassman at Barjona and his current best friend, waving him over.

"You expect me to come to you dumbass? GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE NOW!" Noto yelled. If he didn't already have Sunki on a leash it would have garnered him strange looks from those passing by.

Yamato just continued to wear his goofy expression and wave the other boys over, which pissed off Noto to no end. Who the hell did that guy think he was?

In his anger, he didn't notice the truck come barreling towards him until he heard the screeching of the truck's breaks. Pulling Sunki in front of him to use as a shield, he looked up and instead of seeing his subordinate's guts flying everywhere, he saw some girl in a bizarre outfit fly through the air and stop the truck in its tracks.

Remarkably, the entire incident didn't cause a mad rush of spectators to come see if there was a dead body lying in the street. Rather, most seemed unfazed by what had happened and continued on their usual business. Only Yamato ran over, though he seemed much more interested in the company now surrounding Noto than his friend's safety.

"Are you all right?" Asked a petite blonde girl who appeared to be cosplaying something Noto had never seen before. The solemn, dark haired girl who had saved him said nothing, and instead seemed to be trying to process that Sunki was in dog ears and on a leash.

"Er, yeah, I'm fine" Noto mumbled as Yamato arrived.

"He-llo ladies" Yamato stammered, earning him a smack in the back of the head from Noto.

"Shut up you dumb mountain fox, we all know they're not your real targets of affection."

Yamato stared blankly at Noto, who rolled his eyes and turned his attention to the two girls carrying what appeared to be the world's most frightening stuffed rabbit who joined the two cosplayers.

"Mami that was amazing!" One of the girls gushed.

Noto smirked. Lesbian.

"Probably."

Noto jumped as the scary bunny spoke, apparently responding to what he was thinking. "What the FUCK is that thing?" he yelled, employing Sunki as a shield once more.

"My name is Kyubey." The creature replied, jumping out of the other girl's arms and walking towards him, "I grant wishes to chosen girls in exchange for them becoming Puella Magi."

"You turn girls into magical hookers? No thanks." Noto deadpanned. The girls looked offended while Yamato had a stupid grin on his face that indicated he was fantasizing about magical hookers.

"No, magical girls," Kyubey elaborated, unfazed by Noto's jab. "And I sense great power in you, so I would like to offer you the opportunity to make a contract with me. In exchange, I will grant you any wish you desire."

"Wait, any wish?" Noto asked incredulously, peeking behind Sunki who just stood there sleepily. Kyubey nodded. "Hmm, in that case…"

"But Noto-sama can't be a magical girl," Yamato stated snapping out of his trance, "Because- UMPH"

Yamato squealed, and held his stricken area as he fell to the ground in pain. Noto glanced down to make sure he didn't scuff his shoe.

"I'm ready with my wish," Noto announced, sweeping his arm in a grand motion. Bending over, he whispered something in Kyubey's ear, and the creature twitched in interest.

"Ah I see. Interesting. Very well."

Noto felt a sharp pain shoot through his body as he was bathed in light.

Madoka moved her hands from her eyes as the light dissipated, and she was greeted by an extraordinary sight.

Noto-sama was a full Puella Magi. Her soul gem had been implanted in the ribbon she wore in her hair, and her school uniform had been modified, sporting extra frills that made her look like something out of an unholy union between Strawberry Shortcake and a Victoria's secret catalogue.

Oh, and she had an extremely phallic-looking staff now.

"Worship me bitches!" Noto cackled, and fired her ray once before taking flight and zooming off towards her school. Madoka felt her face redden when she realized that Mami was no longer in her Puella Magi outfit.

Or anything else, really.

Mami screamed and tried to cover herself up as Yamato and Sayaka began gawking, and subsequently fighting over the visage of her bosom.

"I refuse to let you treat Mami like some peace of meat," Sayaka screeched as she began pulling on Yamato's hair.

"I wouldn't mind seeing some girl-on-girl, but I vowed back in New York City that I wouldn't pass up my next chance for boobage!" Yamato proclaimed, attempting to shove Sayaka out of the way.

"Stop it both of you!" Mami yelled, blindly grabbing for something to cover herself up. Unfortunately, the shield she ultimately grabbed on to was Kyubey.

"Mmmm. Warm. I'm sensing powers I've never sensed before." Kyubey stated, burying his face in her cleavage, causing Mami to scream again.

"No fair!" Yamato and Sayaka yelled in unison, forgetting their spat and attacking Kyubey together.

Madoka felt a tap on her shoulder and looked to see the other Puella Magi, Homura, with a disturbed look on her face. "You stay here, I'm going to go stop Noto-sama."

"Be careful!" Madoka yelled as Homura jumped on the roof of a passing car and sped off towards the school.

Sunki, forgotten in the mayhem, stood and watched Sayaka, Yamato, and Kyubey writhe on top of Mami and sighed contently.

"Gather around students! Be sure to take lots of pictures!" Noto yelled, grinning triumphantly. Hinaji and Sanuki were currently dangling upside-down, both very dizzy and very naked.

"Noto, as Student Council President, I order you to get them down at once!" Miyako Owari yelled, attempting to look threatening and calm her nosebleed at the same time. Nearby, the rest of the school's broadcasting club watched with mild interest.

"Sorry Madam President, but I- UMPH" Noto sputtered as he was thrown into a nearby wall. He looked up and spotted the Puella Magi who had saved him earlier standing nearby, holding a rock.

"Noto-sama stand down now and revert everything back to normal, before Mami's chest causes car accidents!" She yelled.

"Not until the world tastes my sweet – and slightly salty – revenge!" Noto screeched, regaining his composure and launching himself at his attacker.

He swung his arms out and grasped at empty air, as the girl appeared behind him and knocked him down with a jab from her elbow.

"Homura!"

Homura looked up to see Madoka racing towards her. "Don't hurt him!"

"But Madoka I- HIM?"

"Yeah," Madoka said, hunched over and gasping for breath, "Those boys back there told us. Noto's actually a boy. Any second now Kyubey will be reversing his wish."

"Reverse it?" Homura inquired hopefully.

"Apparently because Noto's a boy, the process is possible," Madoka stated, straightening her posture. Homura's shoulders sagged.

"No!"

Madoka and Homura turned to see Noto-sama staggering to his feet, "I won't allow my plans to fall to ruin! I wanted to drag this out, but seeing as I don't have much time…"

Noto clasped his hands together around his phallic staff and began chanting. Immediately, all of his surroundings were enveloped in white light.

"Eeek! Where did my clothes go!"

"I feel so violated!"

"Suzuka, stop staring at my chest!" Miyako yelled incredulously.

"Only if you stop staring at my waist!" Suzuka Akafuku yelled back in ninja-speak, attempting to cover himself.

"What's happening?" Madoka screeched, desperately trying to find something to hide behind.

"My Wish" Noto said, grinning evilly even as his costume began to revert back to the school uniform, "I wanted to have the ability to strip anyone and anything by any means necessary. And seeing as I had a ticking clock, what you just experienced was very much necessary."

"Fun party Noto-sama!"

Noto turned and spotted Yamato walking towards them, naked and apparently comfortable, with the others from earlier in tow.

"This is so embarrassing." Mami whimpered.

"Shush. It'll be okay." Sayaka said, pressing her finger against her lips in a way that enabled her to quickly cop a feel.

"You forgot one thing Noto." Kyubey said, jumping down from Yamato's head and walking towards the former Puella Magi.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" Noto asked smugly.

"You no longer have powers, and you're surrounded by angry naked people."

Noto felt the color drain from his face. "Oh Fuck."

"Get him!"

"Hang him by the thong!"

Noto ran as fast as his legs would take him towards the school gate as a hoard of angry students pursued him in search of vengeance.

"Thank god that's over," Homura sighed, crossing her arms.

"You're all still naked though." Kyubey pointed out.

"Um, can someone get us down from here?" Sanuki yelled, a frightened Hinaji clinging to her out of embarrassment and getting to second base simultaneously.

"Noto-sama sure makes every day interesting." Yamato summed up enthusiastically, surrounded by naked girls.

"Yes he does." Sunki agreed, speaking up for the first time. "Can I go home now? I'm getting cold."

Author's Note: I had originally intended Homura and Noto-sama's standoff to involve jello-wrestling, but I couldn't figure out exactly how to initiate that and resolve the plot at the same time.