Author's Note: This fic is loosely based off of the video series The DysFUNctionals by TheComputerNerd01. I reccomend that you look it up on Youtube, since it's really, really funny.
By the way, you don't need to read One Piece: Parallel Works to understand this fic. Just go along with it and have fun. ^_^
Disclaimer: Eichiiro Oda owns One Piece. I just own my OCs and the Hyperion, the ship of my OCs.
It was a sunny day on board the Hyperion as the Capricorns ate ice cream. Sorry, Kingdom Hearts fans, it wasn't sea salt ice cream.
"Donquixote Doflamingo's pants intrigue me," Hana said as she looked over a picture of the Shichibukai in a magazine.
"Yeah, well, Moria has such lovely horns," Z.G. argued.
"Screw you, man! Mihawk will always have a smexy hat!" Sadie yelled as she hit Z.G. really hard with the newspaper.
"OWWWWW! MOMMY!" Z.G. sobbed as he glomped Mina. Everyone else just facepalmed.
"That's it, nobody's getting a Samsung phone!" Ageha yelled. Down in the galley, Daisuke's "adoptive parents" (Mikuri and Blaise) were talking to him.
"Son, your mother and I are going on our annual Greek Orthodox Honeymoon," Blaise explained.
"Where?" Daisuke asked his "parents" as he drank the strawberry-flavored cookie water Sanji made for him.
"We're going to Candy Mountain!" Mikuri and Blaise announced.
"By the way, betch, you're not going," Blaise stated to Daisuke.
"What? Don't tell me Yulia is going to babysit me!" Daisuke yelled, causing Mikuri and Blaise to give each other understanding looks. Outside of the room, Sayuki was watching the whole thing as she carried a plastic leg she stole from Gareth's room.
"I have got to stop giving Mikuri the salon conditioner. His silky locks are so not worth L'Oreal," Sayuki thought to herself as she hit Showtarou in the face with the leg, all with a smile on her face. The next day, Aki – being the only responsible person on board the ship at the time – took Daisuke to his Uncle Lester, who was actually Sengoku. Aki was wearing a cheongsam with the image of Vince the Shamwow guy on it and Daisuke was dressed as the Taco Bell logo.
"Daisuke, this is your Uncle Lester," Aki introduced Daisuke to "Uncle Lester".
"Hey, kid, cheer up. I got the 2000 Kids' Choice Awards on DVD and we can get Burger King. We're gonna have a great time," Sengoku re-assured the green-haired nineteen year-old who was contemplating on whether or not to run.
"No! I don't want Burger King! I don't want to watch the Kids' Choice Awards! Let me go back to everyone else!" Daisuke pleaded.
"I've got Spongebob coloring books and Pokémon episodes on demand," Sengoku bribed Daisuke.
"Why can't I stay with you, Sengoku?" Wolfgang asked off-camera. All Wolfgang got was a banana cream pie to the face courtesy of Lafitte.
"Can I go home now?" Daisuke asked Aki. Then, Sengoku shot Daisuke, causing him to wake up from what we now know was a dream.
"Mommy!" Daisuke yelled. Then, Mikuri entered.
"Yes, son?" Mikuri asked before he shot Daisuke. Then, Daisuke woke up from that dream. Kazuma exited from Daisuke's closet.
"What the hell is this? Inception?" Kazuma asked the very confused thief. Daisuke flipped his hair.
"I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy," Daisuke stated. Then, he realized that he and his bed ended up in the galley, where everyone else watched the whole thing as they ate egg salad sandwiches.
"Well… This is awkward," Daisuke said before he walked off with a globe.
"Crap! There go my books about llamas listening to iPods and eating bacon cheeseburgers in Weimar Germany!" Soren cried before he ran after Daisuke. Yuki-Rin just sighed.
"And so, the saga begins," Yuki-Rin said before she put her drink down on the Mumford and Sons vs. Ke$ha, Florence + The Machine, Gogol Bordello, The Pogues, and Paris Hilton CD they illegally bought from Garp, Kaku, and Makino.
Author's Note: I know some of the stuff mentioned doesn't exist in One Piece (such as Ke$ha and the Kid's Choice Awards), but it's a crack fic, so, there you go.
Want to see Kizaru become a bachelor straight out of the 1970's? Have you been hoping you could find a fic where Bepo and Law perform internet memes? Have you ever wondered what it would looked like if Nami did the dance from Napoleon Dynamite? This is when you should review and request these things. I need tons of cracky ideas!