Dying, killing, staying..
...
I'd die for you...
Okay... so far so good...
Nah... that means nothing... Not. A. Damn. Thing...
Well... no... it means something... it's a good way to tell somebody that you love him. It's terrible to say those three words... "I love you" And even though it's the truth... saying "I'd die for you..." is much simpler.
Dean looks at his little brother. Sam is smiling at him, looking up from the newspaper in his hands.
Both of them have told Cas that they'd die for him... and Dean would have died for the angel for sure... but that same angel has hurt Sam... badly.
I'd die for you...
They're hunters... dying for someone is part of their job... they would die for total strangers... Dean had risked his life a thousand times for people he barley knows.
"You're okay?" Sam asks, sensing his brother's pondering.
"I'm fine Sammy." Dean fakes an encouraging smile.
"Okay." Sam nods and reads further.
I'd kill for you.
Okay... killing someone is harder than dying for someone. Killing another human being... of course. Killing a monster for a victim is simple... for a hunter, but killing another human is hard. You really need to care for someone to do it.
"Dean... I'm not stupid. What's up?" Sam suddenly crouches down in front of his brother. "I'm okay right now... you know... with the wall thing."
"Personal space dude." Dean pats Sam's shoulder, causing the younger Winchester to loose balance.
"All right..." Sam shrugs, but sits down closer to Dean.
Dean shakes his head.
Killing for someone is still not enough.
There were many people he'd die for... and some people he'd kill a human for.
He'd kill anybody for Bobby...
Nah... not anybody...
Not Sam.
Never Sam.
Not dad.
Not mom...
But they're dead... He doesn't need to consider them.
He'd give up the Impala for Bobby.
Yeah... he'd to that.
"Dean?" Sam snaps Dean out of it.
"Yeah?"
"Coffee?"
"Ah... no thanks... Still have some."
"I know that, dork..." Sam laughs. "Hand me the can... I want some."
"Oh" Dean nods. "No... no... You've got to sleep tonight... it's late."
"Dean... come on." Sam whines. And it's so awesome to Dean to hear is brother whine.
"Nah... " Dean shakes his head. He couldn't cave.
"Bossy."
"Princess."
Sam blows a raspberry at his brother, but lays his feet up on the table, touching his brothers feet with his own socked ones.
Dean glances briefly at their touching toes, before he looks at his brother's red rimmed eyes. "You've gotta sleep, dude. Is it about the nightmares?"
Sam says nothing, bowing his head.
"It's okay, man." Dean presses his toes under his brother's feet, unmistakably there.
I'd let you go if you want to go.
It's hard. It's so fucking hard.
Giving someone roots to grow and wings to fly is unbearable sometimes. But they fly back. Sam has always come back. So it's okay. It's... it's a wonderful feeling to know that you are the port the one you let go is coming back to.
It's kinda selfish, too.
So not the pure proof of love.
And... he's let other people go. Lisa... and Ben.
Letting Lisa and Ben go has been hard, too. Although that was different. They won't come back. But that's okay.
He has everything he needs.
Right here.
"Dean..." Sam's voice is quiet, terrified. "How could you bear the memories of hell..."
"Sammy... I haven't been in the pit with Michael and Lucifer...It's a whole different issue."
"Well yeah... you're here for me... You're gonna help me through it... I haven't been there for you... I'm sorry. I'm sorry Dean." Sam looks up with puppy dogs eyes.
Dean smiles at him, fondly.
I'd live for you...
Even in the darkest hour... I'd live for you.
Okay... yes... that's it...
He'd only live for his little brother.
He hasn't said yes to Michael because his brother has needed him.
Dean has given up by then. He has lost the will to fight... the trust in his brother and anything else that has been important to him.
Everything... but Sammy...
Everything but his little brother... so he's stayed.
Sam's eyes are finally closed, the tenseness leaving his body.
Yeah...
'I'd live for you' it is.
Dean has lost his will to live after Sam has jumped into the pit. But Sam has asked him to go on... to go to Lisa and even though Dean has seen no sense in that plan, he's done it.
Yeah... damn it.
That's it.
He'd live for Sammy.
Dean smiles, gripping the newspaper that was sprawled over his brother's lap.
"'ey... I'm re-ding th't." Sam slurs.
"With you're eyes closed... I'd love to learn that skill, geek-boy."
"You're a jerk." Sam scoots down a little, moving his feet against Dean's feet, not breaking that physical bond and Dean doesn't bother to do so.
"Yeah... yeah... I've heard so." Dean closes his tired eyes, too, smiling.
"Bitch"
Yeah... "bitch" sums it up.