Yes I know I know, it has been Months since my last update and I am sorry. been mega busy and havent had time to write as much as I would like, but im here now :) carry on reading and I will see you at the bottom.

Bella's POV

We drove away from the house without having any idea about where we were going. It wasn't like we could go very far because of the twins, but we needed to get far away enough from the family that their presents would not affect us.

I knew I needed to call Charlotte, because if she went back to the house and Jasper and I were no longer there, she would be worried. Peter and Charlotte had recently moved into my house, which I was adiment that Jasper and I would be moving back into as soon as we got back from this little trip. The babies were older now, and we didn't need Carlisle around us every waking moment, and even if they did need him he was close enough.

"So do you have any idea about where we are going?" I asked Jasper, who was driving the car.

"We have a small log cabin not far from here. Its right on the lake, and it is big enough for four people, but as it is only going to be the two of us that should be plenty of room." Jasper said.

"Four you mean." I told him, looking in the back seat at my two children who were wide awake and looking intently out of the car window.

"Yes, but those two don't take up much room do they?" Jasper asked me smirking.

"Ok. How long will it take us to get to this place?" I asked my husband.

"Not long, another 40 minutes maybe." He said.

I pulled out my phone from my bag and dialled Charlottes number.

My conversation with my eldest wasn't very long. I told her that Jasper and I had gone away for a few days, so that we could have some alone time and talk about a few things. I didn't need to upset her with the reasons we needed to talk about stuff. She declined my offer to come and stay because she didn't want to get in between Jasper and I, but she said she might visit for a few hours one day to see the twins, and give Jasper and I a chance to go hunting.

By the time I finished my conversation with Charlotte, Jasper was pulling up to the cabin. It really was lovely. Nice, quite, small, and right onto a small lake. Maybe we could take the babies swimming while we were here. They had never been in water, unless of course we were giving them a bath. It would be a nice experience for them.

We got the babies out of the car and headed into the cabin. It really was small, but we didn't need a lot. As long as we had a little kitchen so sort out the babies food and somewhere for them to sleep, then we didn't need much else really.

We got everyone into the house, before picking the babies up out of their car seats.

"Come on my handsome boy, lets go look around." I cooed at Jackson as I picked him up from his car seat.

"Where are you taking him? You can practically see all that is in this place from where we are standing." Jasper laughed from somewhere behind me.

"I'm going to take him outside to look at the lake. I want to take them swimming while we are here, and it is a private cabin isn't it? No one is going to see us. It will be nice for them to be out in the sun for a while." I told Jasper as I walked out onto the deck, which looked onto the lake. The sun was shining brightly today so, as soon as it hit my skin, it began to glisten. Jackson had never seen me out in the sun like this so he looked slightly confused when he looked at my skin. His expression, however, when he saw his own skin was hilarious. His eyes went wide, and a little squeak came out of him mouth. I couldn't help but laugh. He was just too cute. I kissed him on the cheek several times and took him back inside. I don't think his little system could take.

"You weren't out there long." Jasper stated when we came back inside.

"I know. It is sunny out there, and I don't think Jackson realised that his skin changes in the sun. It was very funny to watch." I said as I put him back into his car seat.

The rest of the day we just carried on as if it was a normal day. We played with the babies, fed them, bathed them, everything that we would normally do. When we put them to bed later, I knew that Jasper and I had to talk. That was the whole reason we were here. And to be perfectly honest, I wasn't looking forward to this conversation.

It didn't take long for the babies to ware themselves out. And they were asleep on cuddled up on the bed, by 7 in the evening.

As soon as I was happy that they were down for the night, I left them to sleep ad went down stairs where Jasper was playing his guitar.

"Are the twins sleeping?" he asked, while he strums the strings on his guitar.

"Yep. They went down quite easily tonight. They have had a busy day though." I said as I sat on the sofa next to him, and settled into his side.

He put his guitar down so that he could wrap one of his arms around me.

"So, do you think now would be a good time to have that conversation?" Jasper asked me, running his hands up and down my arm.

"That's the reason we are here isn't it? Not the moment I was looking forward too though." I said, as I leaned into his side, so I was able to kiss the side of his neck.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Jasper asked, as I continued my exploration of his neck.

"I believe I am kissing you." I said, as my hand snaked up his chest and around his neck.

"No no, you are not distracting me. We need to talk about this." Jasper said firmly, while grabbing my hand that was moving up his chest.

"Bella, this is the reason we have come out here. To talk." Jasper said, bringing the hand that he had in his hand up to his lips and kissed my knuckles lightly.

"I know we need to talk, I just don't know where to start with it all." I told him, curling up even more.

"Just start from the beginning." Jasper said, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close to his side.

"Things started with Demetri soon after I arrivied…" I began before Jasper interrupted me.

"Demetri?" Jasper asked, shocked.

"Yes, I didn't mention his name before because you were upset anyway. This information has pushed you over the edge now, and you are relatively calm." I told him.

I heard Jasper growl low in his chest. I knew that this piece of information would upset him, but there was no way to tell this story without naming the bastard!

"As I was saying. Things started pretty much as soon as I arrived there. I was not naive to the ways of men. I knew that they think with only one part of their body, but still. This did happen over a hundred years ago so men were a little less subtle than they are today. If they wanted to get a women into bed, they were going to do it. Anyway they could." I told Jasper. I could tell that this was hard for him to hear. I can guarantee it was hard for me to tell.

Jasper wrapped his arms closer around me so that I was practically moulded to his side.

"Anyway, Demetri was charming at first. He flirted with me, charmed me, made me feel like I was special. Italy was one of the first places I went when I was turned so when I got there, So I still really hadn't gotten over the fact that I had been killed and needed to feed from blood. Demetri took advantage of that fact. He use to take me out hunting, and before you give me a disapproving look, it wasn't the animal diet. I needed to kill if I wanted to eat." I told Jasper, I could tell that he was giving me a look over my shoulder. Which was a very hypocritical of him.

"Anyway. One time he took me out, and after we had finished hunting he came onto me, and kissed. Well, things got heated, and he ended up pushing me up against a wall. I'm going to spare you the gory details, but I can tell you that that was the first time it happened." I told him, pulling myself closer into my husbands' side.

Jasper kissed the side of my head, and held me closer to him.

"You don't have to carry on if you don't want to. As long as you tell me at some point." He said.

"No, if I am going to do this, I have to do it in one go, not in dribs and drabs. After that, we went back to the castle and I went to my room. I locked myself away and didn't see anyone for days. As the days went on, I became thirstier and thirstier, until I had to go out and hunt. I refused to go out at night, in fear that I would have to face Demetri again, so I went out in the day. Thankfully it was a rainy day, but it was still a huge risk on my part, but I needed to feed and that was the only time that I could do it. This soon became my routine for months. People came and left the castle without me even knowing who they were. Carlisle was one of them, but he was with the Volturi for years so I did meet him eventually. When I knew I couldn't leave the castle because of the sun, I killed some of the people who lived in the castle. There weren't many, a few servants, but they would be easily replaced if one of us became thirsty suddenly. Anyway, this went on for a few months. My time in seclusion had caused me to become very jumpy, and I tended to snap at anyone who came into contact with me. Jane decided she was bored one day, and come to agitate me. I snapped a little, and had her against the wall by her throat. I wouldn't have killed her, just broken a few bones. She called for Demetri when my grip became to tight. He came and pulled me off her and dragged me back to my room. There he tried to assault me again, but I was to angry and scared to let him hurt me again, so I bit him. Hard. He let me go and left." As I finished speaking I sat up, moving away from Jaspers side.

"What happened after you bit him?" Jasper asked.

"He stopped again, for a while, but he attacked me again a few days later. The first time didn't hurt me really, just totalled me emotionally. I didn't sustain any physical injury. But the time after I had bitten him hurt. He grabbed me while I was walking down a corridor and pressed my front against a wall so hard I thought my ribs were going to break. That was just to top half of me that hurt." I explained. I could see by Jaspers face that this was hard for him to hear, but, as hard as it was for me to tell him this stuff, I knew that we both needed this. I needed to get everything out into the open, and Jasper needed to know a little more about my past. Jasper leaned down and kissed me hard on the lips.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that my love. But I promise you that you will never have to go through that again." He told me.

"I know. You will never let him hurt me." I said, as I curled myself back against his side.

We stayed as we were for a while, before I heard Jackson crying. I left my husband's side to go to my son. He didn't take long to put back to sleep. He just woke up and didn't know where he was, but as soon as he knew that I was there he calmed down and went straight back to sleep. I checked on Lexi, but she hadn't even moved.

I went back into the room where Jasper and I had situated ourselves for the evening.

I noticed that when I walked in, My husband looked slightly puzzled.

"What the matter?" I asked as I sat back next to him.

"Nothing, just thinking." He said, running his hands up and down my arms.

"Well can you think aloud? I don't like the look on your face." I told him, sitting up.

"You said, you bit him to stop him from hurting you. Is that the same reason you bite me?" he asked.

I could suddenly see where he would have a issue understanding this.

"No! No, I know that you could never hurt me. That isn't the reason why I bite you. You know that when we bite each other it is meant as a dominance thing. We bite to let our partner know who is in charge. With Demetri it wasn't like that. I had to let him know that I wasn't weak. That he couldn't take advantage of me. He got the message for a while, but he always found a way of getting me off my guard. You my love are a complexity in this theory. I never bit you because I wanted you to stop, I always wanted you me. And have you noticed that after I have bitten you, the next time we have sex you are a lot…rougher with me." I told him, as I straddled his lap.

"I do it to you because I like to see you let go. I know you say you don't hold back with me, but I can tell that you do. And sometimes I need you to really let go and be wild." I said as I kissed him.

He kissed me back and ran his hands up and down my back until they stop at my hips, and he pulled me closer.

"As long as it isn't you wanting me to stop because I am hurting you. I never want to hurt you. In anyway." He said as he kissed my neck.

"No, its nothing like that. Well, it might be the strength thing as well, but never intentionally. That part is probably because that was my way in thinking for so long before I met you. I never want to seem weak to anyone. Not even you. That has always ended badly with me."

"But you should never have to be like that with me. We all have moments of weakness, but that does not mean that we are weak all the time. And even if that was the case, which it isn't, I love you. No matter how strong you are emotionally, or physically. It doesn't matter to me." Jasper told me. I knew that what he was saying was the truth, but it was hard to rewrite a way of thinking that I had had for over 100 years.

I rested my head on my husband's shoulder and wrapped my arms around him. I must have looked like a monkey holding onto a tree, but I didn't care. I needed him to be with me. After I had spilt all of my dark secrets I was exhausted, and I had no doubt that Jasper was feeling everything that I was.

Now that I had told him everything about myself, I think we deserved time to chill out. I stood up, holding my hand out to my husband once he took it, I led him to the bedroom next to where the babies were sleeping and lay down on the bed. I know we couldn't sleep, but we still needed time to be quite and absorb what we had spoken about.

Tomorrow would be a new day, and I had the feeling we would need all our strength for it.

Thoughts? I have had this in mind for Bella since MSG but haven never really found the time to put it in here. hopefully you dont think it is too bad. Did you think it was too much? do you think there could have been more? let me know.

Anyway you know the ritual by now. leave reviews to let me know what you think, and I will try and update as soon as i can :)