A Very GLEE Musical
- It's been done. But I'm gonna do it anyway. Glee does not belong to me.-
HINT: BOLD ITALICS are stage directions, ITALICS are singing, regular font is dialogue
Open on BLAINE ANDERSON standing out in front of McKinley High School. He looks around, and pulls out some hair gel
Blaine: Here beside these stairs
Oh I hope nobody glares
At my clothes, my hair, or my eyes
When is Kurt gonna get here?
'Cause I'm getting kind of scared
And I don't anyone besides him
Ok sure, I know Mercedes
And a couple other ladies
Here at McKinley High
And Finn and Kurt are brothers
But besides them, and the others
No one says hi
I'm scared of what they're gonna think about me
Even though Kurt says that I'll be ok
Hey it's no mystery, I'm freaking out over this
I just transferred to McKinley
I just up and changed schools
I left Dalton for McKinley,and no one here knows I'm cool
Time for slushies, no solos, and crazy Coach Sue. For bullies, and lockers, and tater tots too
New Directions will hopefully help me get through. Life at McKinley, McKinley. Oh gosh, I'm really scared
I'll see my boyfriend, gonna hold his hand
And talk to Mr. Schue, see if he'll let me in
To the glee-club I could help them win
And yeah, I'm kind of scared here
I'll take French class and I know I'll do well
Try out for football, that'd be really swell
Oh crud,did i just rhyme well with swell, what the hell? Did I mention I'm really scared here?
FINN HUDSON enters
Finn: Hey Blaine calm down, it's Ok to be scared here. Oh wow, are those pink sunglasses?
Blaine: Um, yeah.. Finn what are you doing here?
Finn: Well Kurt's kinda busy getting ready to see you, he'll be here later, so I have the job of showing you around. So come on, get your bag, let's get going!
Blaine: Where are we going?
Finn: To Principal Figgins' office of course!
Blaine: Cool!
Finn: GLEE CLUB KID POWER! GLEE CLUB KID POWER! GLEE CLUB KID POWER!
They run inside the building
Finn: It's been so cool, that you're going here
And dude don't let Puckerman give you beer
Rachel says hi, and Mercedes does too
Blaine: I'm gonna see them later
Finn: Dude, that's so true!
Both: I'll admit I'm kind of scared here!
We're both just trying to get through the year
And I guess we'll figure it out as it comes near
RACHEL BERRY walks up to them
Rachel: But let's not forget that we need to steer clear of the drama, if we want to get to Nationals!
Finn: Oh, hey babe. What's up?
Rachel: Not much, Finn. Just super excited for senior year!
I know that I'm gonna rule this school
I'm gonna own it, yeah I'll be so cool
And everyone is gonna drool
No I'm not at all scared here
This year I plan, to solo a lot
Finn: That is so cool, babe your totally hot
Blaine: Hey Finn, come on! Your the only guy friend I've got
Finn: That's not true
Blaine: Hey I'm kind of scared here
All3: Yeah we'll admit, that we're kind of scared here
We're all in glee club, and it's bringing us down
We're even worse than the lost and found
Don't take no JewFro freak
To let them know how we sound
Time for slushies, some solos, and crazy Coach Sue. For bullies and lockers, and tater tots too
New Directions will hopefully get us through. At McKinley, McKinley. Oh gosh we're super scared
KURT HUMMEL runs up to them
Kurt: FIIINNNN! You promised to text me as soon as Blaine got here!
Blaine: Um, hi Kurt
Kurt: Oh! It's Blaine Anderson! My dapper boyfriend!
Blaine: And it's Kurt my adorable boyfriend
Kurt: You know I'm sexy
Blaine: Yeah, I'll just stick with adorable
Finn: Ugh, Kurt! Don't get all clingy with Blaine
Rachel: Do you guys hear cheering or something?
Finn: Yeah, someone's coming
QUINN FABRAY, SANTANA LOPEZ, and BRITTANY S. PIERCE enter
Cheerios: Quinn Fabray. You know that you love her
Quinn Fabray
Vote Quinn for Prom Queen
You know that you want to. Quinn Fabray!
Kurt: Ugh, she's doing that again?
Blaine: She lost last year
Finn: Yeah, and Kurt won
Rachel: Yeah, but it was all a cruel joke
Finn: Well, yeah, but it was all Ok in the end
Kurt: (walks up to Santana) So, what are you gonna do to win votes?
Santana: Bitch, I ain't running for Prom Queen!
Finn: Why would Santana go through that again! Think Kurt!
Quinn: Oh, that's all right! I'm running for Prom Queen!
Blaine: When did she get so nice?
Finn: After she got a hair cut in New York
Blaine: Seriously? She changed her hair, and she became nice?
Finn: Well that, and I think she and Artie hooked up or-
ARTIE ABRAMS comes in
Artie: Oh Quinn Fabray! I am so in love
With Quinn Fabray
Sex with her is so great
I'll never be the same
Since sleeping with Quinn Fabray! (CHEERIOS and ARTIE run off)
Blaine: Ok, that was awkward
Finn: Come on, let's go talk to Figgins about your class schedule
Kurt: Yeah, let's go!
Finn: Calm down.
MIKE CHANG comes in, and is stopped by AZIMIO
Azimio: Present your arm nerd! Indian burn!
Mike: Owww!
Azimio: Ha ha ha ha!
Blaine: Hey, isn't that Azimio? Didn't Santana tell you to stop bullying people?
Azimio: Oh look, it's a fancy-pants Prep schooler. You think because you're all rich, you can boss everyone around!
Blaine: First off, I go here now, and second, I don't think you should be bullying people like Mike.
Azimio: Oh yeah? Well you know what I think? I think hair gel is for gays! I hate gays, and glee-kids!
Takes BLAINE'S hair gel, and squeezes out what's left of it
Blaine: Ah, my hair gel!
Finn: Oh, now you've done it! You don't mess with Blaine Anderson! He was in the Warblers as lead soloist!
Rachel: Everyone just calm down. Blaine, truthfully you look better without hair gel.
Blaine: Oh, cool
Rachel: Now come on, let's leave this clearly closeted gay alone
KAROFSKY enters
Karofsky: Did some one say Dave Karofsky?
Blaine: Ugh, Karofsky what do you want?
Karofsky: Azimio, get out of here! So, Warbler! Heard you just transferred to McKinley! Maybe you'll be smart, and join the BullyWhips!
Blaine: Karofsky, truthfully I think I'm just gonna stick to being in glee-club if that's ok with you
Karofsky: Have it your way. Wait, is that you Kurt? Damn, have you been styling your hair differently?
Finn: Whoa, back off Karofsky. He has a boyfriend.
Karofsky: Hey, I know that. Geez, can't a guy be interested? (Klaine and Finchel exit) McKinley has really become a hell-hole. Luckily next semester, I'll be transferring to Dalton!
This year you bet, gonna get out of the closet
My gay intentions we'll finally be honest
I'll have a boyfriend who is gonna be gorgeous
I'll admit, I'm slightly scared here
Look out homos for the dawn of the day
When everything I do. I do it as gay!
And Anderson won't be in my way
And yes I admit, that I'm freaking scared here!
Azimio: Hey fairy calm down. No need to be scared here!
Rachel: Come on guys, we're gonna miss first period!
AllWMHSstudents: Who knows how great, this years gonna be. Too bad it's still lame to be in glee!
Blaine: Maybe this year, I'll vote for Quinn Fabray!
Music stops. All turn to look at BLAINE
Finn: Dude. No. Just, just no. (Music starts up again) Oh no, that'll make me scared here!
WMHSstudents: We're back to do everything that we can
To show those glee kids they're really bad
And here they are
And holy crap! There they go
Oh gosh we're scared here!
Come on and slushy them with lots of force
We're gonna make them feel even worse!
Mike: I think we're ready for: Will Schuester!
WMHSstudents: Aaaaaaaaaah!
Will: Welcooooooooooooooooooooommme! All of you to McKinley
I welcome all of you to school!
Did you know that here at McKinley
We don't have a swimming pool!
Welcome, welcome, welcome McKinley!
Welcome hotties nerds and tools!
Now that I've got you here at McKinley
I'd like to go over just a couple of rules... My name is Will Schuester, and I'm the glee-club supervisor! You can all call me: Mr. Schue! I suppose you could call me Will, if you wanted detention. No, I'm just kidding! I'll expel you if you call me Will!
New Directions members: Back to slushies, and solos, and crazy Coach Sue!. To bullies and lockers and tater tots too!
New Directions will hopefully get us through. At McKinley, McKinley!
Back to math and English, science and history! To football, and Cheerios, and even hockey.
It's all that I've learned how to do, and all that I'll be. At McKinley McKinley!
Will: I'm sorry what's its name?
New Directions members: McKinley, McKinley!
Will: I didn't hear you kids!
New Directions members: McKinley, McKinley!
Blaine: Yeah I'm kind of scared!