Disclaimer: I don't and won't own Kuroshitsuji, ever. It belongs to Yana Toboso, and that's good, because I doubt I will ever be as good as her.

Summary: She sees everything, of course. She just refused to admit it. Elizabeth-centric, one sided ElizabethxCiel, SebastianxCiel

Pairings : Sebastian x Ciel, one sided ElizabethxCiel

Notes : This is my take on the most recent chapter of Kuroshitsuji, the manga, the one where Elizabeth reveals her sword wielding abilities. That chapter greatly increased my respect for that young lady. This fic is about how Elizabeth feels like during and about in the battle, big focus on when she reveals her sword fighting abilities. This fic also assumes that there is something going on between Sebastian and Ciel.

She had always lived in an illusion. After all, she is a very creative young lady with very big and happy dreams for the future. She hopes to live in a nice house, married to Ciel and have lots of children. Then, they will all live happily until they are old, have grandchildren, then die with no regrets.

Yes, that would be an ideal life indeed.

...But no matter how much she tried to hide, she could still see.

As much as she would love it to be, she knew the world isn't a fine and dandy place as she tried to believe. It's a harsh, unforgiving world out there, and she knew.

So her illusion world is better. It has to be.

And it's so comfortable that she refuses, never want, absolutely not go out at all...so she puts all her energy into perfecting the puzzle she had so carefully, painstakingly crafted out, piece by piece.

Each tiny fragment staying in their place and never showing anything else other than what she wants to see.

The first piece,she used it to cover her eyes and close her ears.

Her eyes are forced shut, for she never wants to see what the world really is. To her, everything out there is beautiful, sweet and innocent, and good drenches the world from top to bottom. If she hears nothing and sees nothing, maybe the world is really a good place?

After all, when you see no evil, hear no evil...

The second piece, she build her walls.

She's the cutest, prettiest girl out there, no? She brightens people's days when she's there, and there's absolutely nothing bad she would do for she's a good, sweet girl whose only job is to exist and be happy, for others and for herself.

Nothing would bring her down because she refuses to admit there's something that would bring her down, and if there isn't any, she could stay cute and innocent and cheerful with no worries...

The third piece, she covers her heart.

She sees a future where one day, Ciel would bend down on one knee and proposes to her willingly, eyes shining with love, a smile just for her. And she would say yes, then they would get married in a large, beautiful church. They would kiss, and laugh with the audience, and there would be party for three days straight with no rest. The marriage bells will toll and announce their happiness to the rest of the world, and the earth would sing their congratulations.

He would dance with her, her in that magnificent, white dress...

And the pieces gradually formed bigger segments, becoming her reality.

She should have expected that one day, her reality would break down with a deafening 'crack!', and evils will flood into her world, tainting every colorful fragment into black, dragging her back to the bleak world she lives in. No matter how careful she had sealed the cracks with cute stuff, flowery languages and sweet thoughts, it just weren't enough.

Nothing had ever been enough.

Now death is approaching, and finally, a fatal rip appeared in her world, effectively sending those harmful, heinous, foul, malicious...

She snapped, drawing her swords out, and in a flash, killed those mindless corpses.

The first of many fractures appear.

Her first fragment drowned in in the black waters, bringing tears in her eyes. The sound of her illusion's requiem rang in her ears and it stabbed her from the inside and the outside in a way no physical object could ever do. Her heart clenches and regrets and laments of a desperate choice.

She knew it would hurt, but it still hurts.

She could hear the first piece crack, a dying melody.

The world is cruel. There is no way to deny that.

Not when crime and corruption rule the hearts of people around her, whether they are from the high society or from the filthy streets of London. Not when money makes the world goes round and she knew that he is involved in it, the underground society, the rulings, the power, the greed and all the sins, dirty and revolting.

No matter how long or how hard she tries to hide away the bleak fact will catch up some time later and when it does...

It hurts.

The second pieces crumbled, falling and collapsing, burying her in the truths she had pushed away.

She will never be cute or innocent forever. Even now, as she slashed and hacked and rip those zombies apart, she knew she had never been innocent. Not when she knew what had been happening all along. Everything.

She could kill without flinching...and smile after that.

And her heart shattered when the third piece was torn apart, leaving her heart vulnerable.

He didn't like her that way. She knew, she had always knew, but it's still painful and she could not stop her heart from fluttering when he would actually show that he cares about her, even if it was in a more familial way. Every little smile he gave, every tiny love he gave to her, she accepts it wholeheartedly, because really, there's little more she could get.

After all, the rest of what he has, he gave it all to that man who had always stand by him. Even if he didn't know, Ciel had already given his heart away.

But she sees.

She sees too much, and she can't do anything about it.

The illusion she had been living in was finally smashed apart.

And now she's forced to pick up the tainted pieces one by one, carefully finding a way to put them back together. Anything, as long as they are back and they will be her shield once more, from the cruel, painful world out there...

Anything, anything, to keep her happy and allows her the numbness of putting her mask back on...

So she closes her eyes to the intimate touches that is exchanged frequently between him and his butler. She couldn't see it happening, so it didn't happen, right?

One fragment found, millions to go.

After this massacre, she would put away her swords, and in her life, this would be an event that never happened, because really, how could the sweet, innocent fiance of his knows the art of killing others?

Another piece, sticking it together.

She would be back home, planning for the next party in which she would invite Ciel, and dress him up in that cute outfit she saw in London two weeks ago. It would suit him so well, and bring the color of his eyes out, and as his fiance, she would dress similarly to him, to complement him of course. And everyone would dance the night away and laughter and smiles and...

Sealing the cracks, making it infallible again...

She took a deep breath, her grip on her sword tightening to the point her knuckles turn white. With confidence she knew that was a lie, she declared, "I am the daughter of the leader of the British Knights, Marquis Alexis Middleford, Elizabeth!"

Faintly, she could feel tears running down her cheeks, mourning for the shattered innocence that she had desperately clung on yet to lose it anyway...

Some pieces, despite tainted, could still stick to each other...and that was enough, for now.

"...The wife of the Queen's Watchdog!"

And her illusion sprung to life once more.

Latias 24 :: So how did I do? I never really disliked Elizabeth from the beginning of the story, so I was rather delighted when Yana showed that Lizzy had another side to her. It makes her so much more interesting after all.